Time Crash: Children in Need Special - Doctor Who | BBC
The Tenth Doctor and the Fifth Doctor meet for the first time in this special scene for Children in Need.
BBC Children in Need is the BBC's UK corporate charity. Thanks to the support of the public, we're able to make a real difference to the lives of children all across the UK.
Doctor Who | Children in Need Special | BBC
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[TARDIS]
MARTHA:
I'll see you again, Mister.
(Martha leaves. The Doctor pulls a lever on the console. Alarms blare and the TARDIS spins. There are briefly Two Doctors.)
Perfect-10 :
Ah, stop it! What was all that about, eh?
Eh? What's your problem?
The Chorister :
Right, just settle down now.
(They bump into each other as they work their ways around the console.)
The Chorister :
So sorry.
Perfect-10 :
What?
The Chorister :
What?
Perfect-10 :
What!
The Chorister :
Who are you?
Perfect-10 :
Oh, brilliant. I mean, totally wrong.
Big Emergency, Universe goes 'BANG!' in five minutes,
but, brilliant.
The Chorister :
I'm The Doctor. Who are you?
Perfect-10 :
Yes, you are.
You are The Doctor.
The Chorister :
Yes, I am. I'm The Doctor.
Perfect-10 :
Oh, good for you, Doctor.
Good for brilliant old you.
The Chorister :
Is there something wrong with you?
Perfect-10 :
Oh, there it goes -- The Frowny Face!
I remember that one!
Mind you, bit saggier than I ought to be.
Hair's a bit greyer. That's because of me, though.
The two of us together has shorted out the time differential.
Should all snap back in place when we get you Home.
....be able to close That Coat again.
But never mind that :
Look at You!
The Coat, The Crickety Cricket Stuff, The.... Stick of Celery.
Yeah. Brave choice, celery, but Fair Play to you --
Not a lot of Men can carry off a Decorative Vegetable.
The Chorister :
Shut up!
There is something very wrong with My TARDIS,
and I've got to do something about it very, very quickly --
And it would help,
it really would help if there wasn't
Some Skinny Idiot
ranting in my face
about every single thing
That Happens to Be in Front of Him!
Perfect-10 :
Oh. Okay. Sorry. Doctor.
The Chorister :
Thank You.
Perfect-10 :
Oh, The Back of My Head...!
(Someone is growing a bald patch, or tonsure au natural.)
The Chorister :
What?
Perfect-10 :
Sorry, sorry. It's not something you see every day, is it,
The Back of Your Own Head.
Mind you, I can see why you wear a hat --
I don't want to seem vain, but could you keep that on?
The Chorister :
What have you done to My TARDIS?
You've changed The Desktop Theme, haven't you.
What's this one, Coral?
Perfect-10 :
Well....
The Chorister :
It's worse than The Leopard Skin.
(The Fifth Doctor puts on his half moon spectacles.)
Perfect-10 :
Oh, and out They come : The BrainySpeXs.
You don't even need them!
You just think they make you look A Bit Clever.
(An alarm whoops.)
The Chorister :
That's an alert, level five, indicating a temporal collision.
It like two TARDISes have merged,
but there's definitely only one TARDIS present.
It's like two time zones at war in The Heart of The TARDIS.
That's a paradox that could blow a hole in the space time continuum the size of --
Well, actually, the exact size of : Belgium.
That's a bit undramatic, isn't it? Belgium?
(The Doctor offers his sonic screwdriver.)
Perfect-10 :
Need this?
The Chorister :
No, I'm fine.
Perfect-10 :
Oh no, of course, you liked to go hands free, didn't you, like :
'Hey, I'm The Doctor -- I can Save The Universe
using A Kettle and Some String.
And 'Look at me, I'm wearing a vegetable!'
The Chorister :
Who are you?
Perfect-10 :
Take a Look --
The Chorister :
Oh. Oh, No.
Perfect-10 :
Oh, Yes.
The Chorister :
You're. Oh, No.
Perfect-10 :
Here it comes -- Yeah, I am.
The Chorister :
A Fan!
Perfect-10 :
Yeah. ....What?!
The Chorister :
This is Bad -- Two Minutes to Belgium.
Perfect-10 :
What do you mean, 'A Fan'?
I'm not just A Fan, I'm You.
The Chorister :
Okay, you're My Biggest Fan.
Look, its perfectly understandable --
I go zooming around Space and Time,
Saving Planets, Fighting Monsters
and Being, well, let's be honest, Pretty sort of Marvellous,
so naturally now and then people notice me --
Start up their little groups.
That L.I.N.D.A lot -- Are you One of Them?
How did you get in here?
Can't have You Lot knowing where I live.
Perfect-10 :
Listen to me. I'm you, I'm you.
I'm You with A New Face --
Check out This Bone Structure, Doctor, because
one day you're going to be shaving it.
(The cloister bell tolls.)
The Chorister :
The Cloister Bell!
Perfect-10 :
Right on time. That's my cue.
(They both start throwing control levers.)
The Chorister :
In a minute we're going to create a black hole
strong enough to swallow the entire universe!
Perfect-10 :
Yeah, that's my fault, actually.
I was rebuilding the TARDIS, forgot to put the shields back up.
Your TARDIS and my TARDIS, well the same TARDIS
at different points in its own timestream collided and whoo --
There you go, End of The Universe, butterfingers.
But don't worry,
I know exactly how This all works out -- Watch :
Venting the thermobuffer, drawing the Helmic regulator,
and just to finish off, let's fry those Zeiton crystals.
The Chorister : You'll blow up the TARDIS.
Perfect-10 : No, I won't. I haven't.
The Chorister : Who told you that?
Perfect-10 : You told me that.
(Whiteout, then)
The Chorister : Supernova and black hole at the exact same instant.
Perfect-10 : The explosion cancels out the implosion.
The Chorister :
Pressure remains constant.
Perfect-10 :
It's brilliant.
The Chorister :
Far too brilliant.
I've never met anyone else who could fly the TARDIS like that.
Perfect-10 : Sorry, mate, you still haven't.
The Chorister : You didn't have time to work all that out. Even I couldn't do it.
Perfect-10 : I didn't work it out. I didn't have to.
The Chorister : You remembered.
Perfect-10 : Because you will remember.
The Chorister : You remembered being me watching you doing that. You already knew what to do because I saw you do it.
Perfect-10 :
Wibbly wobbly
BOTH:
Timey wimey!
Perfect-10 :
Right, TARDISes are separating.
Sorry, Doctor, time's up.
Back to Long Ago.
Where are you now? Nyssa and Tegan?
Cybermen and Mara and Time Lords in funny hats
and The Master?
Oh, he just showed up again, same as ever.
The Chorister :
Oh no, really?
Does he still have That Rubbish Beard?
Perfect-10 :
No, no Beard this time --
Well, A Wife.
The Chorister :
Oh, I seem to be off.
What can I say?
Thank You, Doctor.
Perfect-10 :
Thank You.
The Chorister :
I'm very welcome.
(The Fifth Doctor vanishes. The Tenth flips some switches and brings him back to return his hat.)
Perfect-10 :
You know, I Loved Being You.
Back when I first started at The Very Beginning,
I was always trying to be old and grumpy and important,
like you do when you're young --
And then I was you, and it was all
dashing about and playing cricket
and My Voice going all squeaky when I shouted --
I still do that! - The Voice Thing.
I got that from you.
Oh, and The Trainers, and -
(He puts his spectacles on.)
Perfect-10 :
Snap. Because you know what, Doctor?
You were My Doctor.
The Chorister :
To Days to Come.
Perfect-10 :
All My Love to Long Ago.
(The Fifth Doctor vanishes.)
The Chorister :
Oh, and Doctor --
Remember to put Your Shields up.
(But just as he presses the button, there is the sound of a ships horn and a prow comes crashing into the console room.)
Perfect-10 :
What? What!
(He picks up a life belt. It says 'Titanic'.)
Perfect-10 :
What?!?
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