I didn’t know what to do,
because I could act like
I could fight good.
I’m an actor,
I ain’t no fighter.
You put me in a movie where I’m the star,
I’ll kick your ass.
This is real shit.
He’s going,
“Come on.”
I was frozen, man.
I was standing there,
My Ego jumped out of my body
and said,
“Punch him in the face, Ed.”
I said,
“I ain’t punching nobody.”
My Ego said,
“Well, give me your hand.”
Clocked that boy in his eye.
Boy fell on the deck holding his eye,
he was all fucked up.
I looked at my ego, I said:
“What the fuck you do that for?”
Ego said,
“Because you’ve got an image to uphold.
You kicked the dude’s ass. Relax.”
The dude was laying there, holding his eye.
My ego said,
“Now talk some shit so people know not to mess with you.”
And I was like,
“Yeah…!
I’m tired of people messing with me.”
“Now tell them if somebody else move, you gonna kick their ass.”
“If somebody else move,
I’m gonna kick their ass?”
“Do some rhyme with your name.
That always scares white people.”
“Because I’m Ed
and if you mess with Ed,
you be dead.”
“That’s all right.
Just worry about… Shit, you doing fine.
You just relax, don’t worry. Just be cool.
Ain’t nobody gonna move after they seen you kick this dude’s ass.
Just relax and cool out.”
I start cooling out.
My ego said:
“Every now and then
you gotta whip somebody’s ass,
let them know
where you stand.”
I said,
“Yeah, yeah, yeah!”
I ain’t see this dude’s brother standing behind me.
And he has seen Rocky too.
And he swung around my back and punched me in the mouth…
…real, real hard.
Because the punch said:
And my ego said,
“What was that?!”
I said,
“I don’t know.”
And my lip said,
“Hey, fellas!”
So I’m standing there with my lips hanging down, looking like J.J. from Good Times and shit.
And I ain’t know what to do,
so I scream for security.
I said,
“Security!”
And that’s when
one of my boys jumped over the table
like Linc Hayes from the Mod Squad
and grabbed that boy and started going:
Boy hit the deck.
My boy jumps up
and starts fucking this boy up
and his brother woke up,
jump on top of my boy
and started kicking his ass.
Then somebody says,
“Fight in the back!”
And all the people, the bouncers, came and saw two n i g g e r s fighting two white guys.
They jump on the n i g g e r s.
“You n i g g e r s have to learn
to stop fucking up our club.
Didn’t we let you in here, n i g g e r?
“We saw you laughing
while we were dancing.
We saw you.”
Then all the brothers saw 40 white guys beating up two black guys,
“Hey, you can’t beat up the brothers.”
They jump in the fight.
Then it looked like 40 white guys
fighting 40 black guys,
it was a big race war
and suntan lotion
and Jheri-curl juices
shooting all over.
And at the end of the fight,
everybody sued me.
Everybody claimed
I whipped their ass.
I’m 5’10”.
I weigh 165 pounds.
I can’t whip a disco’s ass by myself.
Even people that didn’t fight sued me.
People that watched
the fight was in court.
“No, I didn’t actually fight,
but I was there watching.
And it was a discotheque
and a strobe light fell off the ceiling,
creating a weird effect
with the mirror
and I saw this
and my eyes were sprained,
the eyes, and I need 12 million
for my sprained eyes.”
Brothers sued me.
Yo, man, the brothers
came out and sued.
I was like,
“Ain’t no brothers gonna sue me.”
Brothers sued Ed.
The brothers went to get paid.
I was, “Brothers don’t sue brothers.”
They was like, “Fuck that.
I’m getting paid, motherfucker.”
