Gerald

Gremlins - Deleted Scenes Part 2

Morning, Billy. 

Get in there and be quiet.

You just made it.

Again. 

Will you sign this petition?

Sure. What's it for? 

To declare Dorry's pub a landmark. 

Mrs. Deagle's trying to take his lease away. 

His too? 

Yeah, she says it's a dive, 

a public nuisance. 

That's where my dad 

proposed to My Mom. 

That's where everybody's dad 

proposed to their mom. 

Cross your "t." 

Thanks. 

Good morning, Mrs. Deagle. 

What's good about it? Klutz! 

Watch it, watch it!

Mrs. Deagle?

What? 

I just wanted you to know that 

Joe got another job. 

My husband, Joe Harris. 

And I've taken up some sewing. 

Ruby Deagle :

Mrs Harris, what are 

you trying to tell me?

Mrs. Joe Harris : 

I'm afraid none of us can pay for two weeks. Couldn't you just get Mr. Corben 

to just give us a little more time?

Ruby Deagle: 

Mrs Harris, The Bank and I have 

the same purpose in Life - 

to make money. 

Not to support a lot of... 

deadbeats!

Mrs. Joe Harris: 

Mrs Deagle! It's Christmas!

Ruby Deagle: 

Well, now you know what 

to ask Santa for, don't you?

Mommy, I'm hungry. Yes, honey. So am I. 

This is what's left of my imported Bavarian snowman. Your dog broke it this morning! 

I'm terribly sorry. Tell me 

how much I owe you -- 

Ruby Deagle: 

I don't want money — 

I want your dog.

Billy Peltzer: 

Barney?

Ruby Deagle: 

Give him to me. I'll take him to the kennel, 

they'll put him to sleep. It will be quick and 

painless compared to what I would do to him.

Billy Peltzer: 

What could you do?

Ruby Deagle: 

I'll catch the beast myself. 

He'll get what he deserves, 

a slow painful death....

Maybe I'll put him in my 

spin-drier on high heat.

Mr. Anderson: 

That would do it all right!

[Barney then jumps from the bank counter and smashes Mrs Deagle's snowman head and starts barking at her]

Barney, will you get off of her? 

My dear lady, are you all right? 

I have a very weak heart. 

I can't stand a shock like that! 

Mr. Corben: 

What is that dog doing in here?

Gerald Hopkins: 

Peltzer, this is a bank, 

not a pet-store.

Mr. Corben: 

Very good, Gerald.

Gerald Hopkins: 

Thank you, Mr. Corben.

He wouldn't hurt you. 

Excuses, excuses. You're just like your father. 

I've listened to his excuses for 10 years, the loser! 

As for you, you mangy cur... ...I'll get you... ...when you least expect it! 

Oh, my heart! 

I must apologise for this most unusual.... 

You putz. The old bat never looked better. 

It's great. You're doing fine. 

Thanks. Hello, Gerald. 

Gerald Hopkins: 

If it isn't Captain Clip-On. Guess who almost signed for unemployment today?

Billy Peltzer: 

I give up.

Gerald Hopkins: 

You... But Mr. Corben had second thoughts. 

He gets so sentimental around the holidays.

Billy Peltzer: 

Imagine that.

Gerald Hopkins: 

If it was up to me, I would have 

fired you in a second.

Billy Peltzer: 

Well, a Merry Christmas to you too.

Excuse me, Mr. Jones. 

Hey, Peltzer. Look, I'm a junior 

vice president at 23. 

By the time I'm 25, I'm gonna 

have Mr. Corben's job. 

By the time I'm 30, 

I'll be a millionaire — Look at you. 

You're practically supporting your whole family. 

The world's changing. You gotta change with it. 

You gotta be tough. 

Tough? And no one's tougher than you, Jack? 

Don't call me that. 

My Name's Gerald. 

Can I get you a drink? 

Give me a vodka martini. 

Shake, don't stir. 

You work here? 

Weeknights, so Dorry doesn't have 

to pay an extra waitress. 

That's great. 

Yeah, that's swell, if you 

like working for nothing. 

Two more rounds for 

the pool table, on the house. 

You haven't seen my new apartment. 

I haven't seen your old apartment. 

We're talking cable.

 Can we have dinner 

tomorrow night? 

I'm working. 

Why don't you tell Dorry you're sick? 

He can't dock your pay.

All I could get for it was $36! 

If there's anything I can do.... 

But it's completely out of 

my hands. I'll be delighted --

Hello, Gerald. 

I'm under such terrible pressure. 

Why don't you just speak to Mrs. Deagle about it? 

Speak to Mrs. Deagle? 

Mrs. Deagle!

Mrs. Deagle: 

Deposit this to my account. 

Where's that psychotic canine, 

still hiding under the counter?

Billy: 

No, I'm afraid he's on vacation.

Mrs. Deagle: 

You better keep him behind locked doors, 

because if I catch him, he's in for a slow death.

[deleted scene]

Kate Beringer: 

[whispers, from Corben's office] 

Billy! Billy, come here.

[Billy does so]

Kate Beringer: 

Close the door.

Billy Peltzer: [does so] 

Kate what are you doing?

Kate Beringer: 

[shows him a schematic map on Corben's desk] 

Look at this.

Billy Peltzer: [looks at it] 

Kingston Falls? Right, I've been there.

Kate Beringer: No, but look at the places in red.

Billy Peltzer: Yeah?

Kate Beringer: 

Those are homes of people 

who are out of work. 

Most of them lost their jobs 

because Mrs. Deagle closed 

down the factory. 

They can't afford to make their house payments, 

so Mrs. Deagle is taking advantage of that.

Billy Peltzer: What do you mean?

Kate Beringer: 

She's forcing the bank to foreclose 

in all of their mortgages.

Billy Peltzer: 

That's over half the town, Kate!

Kate Beringer: 

No kidding.

[Kate turns to another map showing 

many red X-marks on houses]

Kate Beringer: 

Look, your house is in red and 

so is mine. I heard them talking.

Mrs. Deagle had a meeting with 

the Hitox Chemical company. 

I think she's going to 

sell them the land.

Billy Peltzer: 

What are they going to do. 

Build a plant, a factory, or what?

Kate Beringer: 

I don't know, but we got to do something.

Ruby Deagle: [DELETED SCENE: Mrs. Deagle enters the bank and shoves her way through a long line to Kate's teller-cage] 

I want this check deposited immediately. 

Also, I know everything about that little 

petition you've been sending around town.

Kate Beringer: 

Mrs. Deagle, are you sure this is the time or the place for...?

Ruby Deagle: 

Of course it is. I always mix business with pleasure. 

And it gives me *great* pleasure to inform you 

that said petition has failed. Moreover, as a direct result 

of your efforts, I'm foreclosing your home as well. 

I'm sure that really shocks you doesn't it? Good.

Kate Beringer: 

On the contrary, Mrs. Deagle, it doesn't surprise me at all. Actually, it's just the sort of Christmas present 

I can see you giving.

Ruby Deagle: 

I'll thank you not to be impertinent, young lady.

Kate Beringer: 

And *I'll* thank YOU, in the name of the Holiday Season, 

to show an ounce of decency to these families you're ruining.

 Most of them can't afford to move, and even the ones who can really don't have anywhere to go. 

Isn't there anything at all I can say or do to change 

your mind about destroying all those good people?

Ruby Deagle: [smiling wickedly] You've got three chances of making me reconsider this Hitox deal: none, less than none, and much less than none. Now, if you'll kindly deposit this check, I'll be on my way.

Billy Peltzer: [Sickened by all of this, Billy produces a broom from underneath his own teller-cage. He passes it to the miserly lady] Merry Christmas, Mrs. Deagle.

Ruby Deagle: What's this?

Billy Peltzer: It's your Holiday present from me.

Ruby Deagle: 

This crummy old broom? 

What am I supposed to do with it?

Billy Peltzer: 

I thought you might need a ride home.

[Mrs. Deagle gasps in outrage, as the other customers behind her chuckle. She whirls and glares at them, then whirls back and glares at Billy again]

Billy Peltzer: 

We could have asked that you move to the back of the line 

and wait your turn like everyone else, 

but we didn't want to be rude...

[He glances at the other, relatively-patient 

clientele; his tone becomes surreptitious]

Billy Peltzer: 

... or worse.

Gerald: [rushing up with Mr. Corben close behind] 

What's going on here?

[doesn't wait for an answer]

Shut up, Peltzer; I'm asking her, not you. 

Is there a problem, Mrs. Deagle?

Ruby Deagle: 

This young man just asked that I move to the back of the line and wait my turn like everybody else! Of all the...!

Gerald: [Mr. Corben and Gerald both turn pale] 

Peltzer, how dare you! You're...!

Mr. Corben: 

Gerald! This is official.

Gerald: 

But I wanted to...!

Mr. Corben: [sternly cutting him off] 

Gerald. I'm not going to tell you again.

[turns back to Billy]

Mr. Corben: 

Peltzer, how dare you! 

You're fired!

Billy Peltzer: 

[removing his name tag] 

Thanks, Roland.

Mr. Corben: [furious] Roland?

Billy Peltzer: 

That's the best present you and Ger have ever given me.

[drops the name tag on the floor, then spins on his heel and walks out cheerfully]

Mr. Corben: ...Well, what are you standing around for? 

Pick that up!

Gerald: [to Kate] 

You heard him. Pick it up. Now.

[Instead, she removes her own name 

tag and drops it on the floor as well]

Kate Beringer: 

Pick them up yourself, Ger. I quit.

[walks out after Billy]

Mr. Corben: 

...You heard her, Hopkins. Pick those off the floor. Immediately.

Gerald: 

Me? Since when do I get 

other people's dirty work?

Mr. Corben: [cold and deadly] When nobody else is there to do the dirty work, as you call it, the JVP becomes JAL - that is, Just Another Lackey. Now start earning that salary I'm paying you, before I *really* blow my top and demonstrate just how rotten I *can* be. If you thought I was a schmuck with those other two...!

[Very unwillingly, Gerald picks both name tags off the floor. Then he goes to assist the long line of customers - all by himself - while Corben strolls whistling back to his office]

foreclose (v.)

late 13c., from Old French forclos, past participle of forclore "exclude, shut out; shun; drive away" (12c.), from fors "out" (Modern French hors; from Latin foris "outside;" see foreign) + clore "to shut" (see close (v.)). Senses in English influenced by words in for- (which is partly synonymous with the Latin word) and spelling by a mistaken association with native fore-. Specific mortgage law sense is first attested 1728. Other Middle English for- words in which the same prefix figures include forjuggen "condemn, convict, banish;" forloinen "forsake, stray from," and forfeit. Related: Foreclosed; foreclosing.

foreclosure (n.)

1728, from foreclose + -ure.

 

forfeit (n.)

late 14c., forfet, "misdeed, offense against established authority," also "something to which the right is lost through a misdeed," from Old French forfet, forfait "crime, punishable offense" (12c.), originally past participle of forfaire "transgress," from for- "outside, beyond" (from Latin foris; see foreign) + faire "to do" (from Latin facere "to make, do," from PIE root *dhe- "to set, put"). A French version of Medieval Latin foris factum; the notion perhaps is to "do too much, go beyond (what is right)." As an adjective from late 14c., from Old French forfait. Compare foreclose.

 

*dhwer- 

Proto-Indo-European root meaning "door, doorway." The base form is frequently in dual or plural, leading to speculation that houses of the original Indo-Europeans had doors with two swinging halves.

It forms all or part of: afforest; deforest; door; faubourg; foreclose; foreign; forensic; forest; forfeit; forum; hors d'oeuvre; thyroid.

It is the hypothetical source of/evidence for its existence is provided by: Sanskrit duárah "door, gate;" Old Persian duvara- "door;" Lithuanian dùrys (plural); Greek thyra "door;" Latin foris "out-of-doors, outside;" Gaulish doro "mouth;" Old Prussian dwaris "gate;" Russian dver' "a door;" Old English dor, German Tür "door," Gothic dauro "gate."

 

*klau- 

also *kleu-, klēu-, Proto-Indo-European root meaning "hook, crook," also "crooked or forked branch" (used as a bar or bolt in primitive structures). 

It forms all or part of: anschluss; autoclave; clause;  claustrophobia; claves; clavichord; clavicle; clavier; claviger; clechy; clef; cloison; cloisonne; cloister; close (v.); close (adj.); closet; closure; cloture; clove (n.1) "dried flowerbud of a certain tropical tree, used as a spice;" cloy; conclave; conclude; disclose; enclave; enclose; exclude; foreclose; include; occlude; preclude; recluse; seclude; slot (n.2) "bar or bolt used to fasten a door, window, etc." 

It is the hypothetical source of/evidence for its existence is provided by: Greek kleis "bar, bolt, key; collarbone," klobos "cage;" Latin clavis "key," clavus "nail," claudere "to shut, close;" Lithuanian kliūti "to catch, be caught on," kliaudžiu, kliausti "to check, hinder," kliūvu, kliūti "to clasp, hang;" Old Church Slavonic ključi "hook, key," ključiti "shut;" Old Irish clo "nail," Middle Irish clithar "hedge, fence;" Old High German sliozan "shut," German schließen "to shut," Schlüssel "key." 

Daphne Dwarman

“Any Rational Society 

would either Kill Me

or at least put me 

to some Use….”

— Lecter.

“There is a problem in that 

Feminist Movement, isn’t there? 

From its inception in America 

there has always been 

a racial component —

When Susan B. Anthony 

was having that meeting 

and Sojourner Truth’s 

Black ass showed up. 

Read your history books. 

All the White women asked 

Sojourner Truth not to speak. 

They didn’t conflate the issues of 

Women’s Rights and Slavery. 

But you know how Black bitches are, 

so Sojourner Truth went up there anyway.

[laughter]

[applause and cheering]

She did a famous speech, she said 

“Ain’t I a woman?” 

“Ain’t I a woman?” That’s right. 

And listen, listen, listen. 

I supported the “Me Too” movement, 

but the whole time, the whole time I thought 

that the way they handled it was stupid. 

Loyalty means everything 

to The Clones.

Amanda Waller :

I wanna Build a Team of 

some very BAD people 

who I think can do some Good. 

Like Fight The Next War, 

Defeat The Next Superman. 

General Lane :

Not on My Watch. 

You're not putting 

those monsters 

back out on The Street 

in Our Name. 

Amanda Waller :

General, we run them covertly, 

non-attributed. Strictly 

need-to-know.

And if They get caught, 

We throw them 

under The Bus. 

“Before I go, I want to share this story with you because it is important to this point. I want your community to know that one of the coolest people I ever met was a transgender woman. And this is not A Man that I knew that became 'A Woman', This Woman was Trans when I met her. Lived in San Francisco, Daphne Dwarman is the name. I would do 18 shows in the Bay Area sometimes in Oakland and Dirty Hood night club and she would be there, White Trans-Woman, laughing loud and hard, at everything I said. Especially the trans jokes, very puzzling… because she was obviously Trans. And one night after one of the shows I met her. 

And what it was, turns out it was Her Dream to be A Comedian. 

And I was Her Hero. 

It was very moving. I could not dislike somebody that felt that way about me. We became fast friends. 

And when I made that special Sticks and Stones right as it was coming out, I happened to be in San Francisco and I wanted to do a show. But I needed an opening act, and I remembered… that trans woman I had met, so I called her on the phone. And I called her myself, I said, “Hey Daphne, this is Dave Chappelle.” She couldn’t believe it. And I go, “I’m in San Francisco.” And then she started saying a bunch of wild stuff, I was like “Relax now, I don’t want any pussy, I was… [laughter] I’m just calling, because I’m doing a show and I need an opening act. And I was wondering if you’d open the show?” And she was like, “Fuck, yeah.” 

Now… I didn’t know this at the time but this woman had only done stand up comedy eight times in her life. This was little to no experience and now she’s about to open a show for what many call The  GOAT.

[audience cheers]

[applause]

She’s an amateur in stature, but in practice, she was very professional. She showed up early, which is something I appreciate ’cause I like people to be on time. She was dressed to the motherfuckin’ nines, I mean, I’m transphobic and even I was like, “You look nice.”

[laughter]

Went up on the stage with all the swag of a professional comedian, grabbed that mic and walked right down the middle and looked at the crowd like a gangster. Man, you should have seen her work. This bitch bombed for 45 minutes, straight.

[cheers]

And I’m not exaggerating, Young Man. That show was terrible. Stunk. Stunk. And then she brings me on, and you know, I was like a glass of water after a handful of salt. The crowd was happy to see me. I was killing it. But here is what impressed me. Any other comedian I’ve ever seen, if they had bombed as bad as she did, would have snuck out of the back of the theatre and went home and cried or something, but she didn’t do that. Not only did she not leave, she found a seat, right up in front. You know, when a new comedian watches an experienced comedian in comedy we call this “taking class.” And this bitch took my whole class, she sat up there and was laughing as hard as she always laughs as if nothing bad had even happened to her. 

And I saw her show. 

Something bad happened to her.

[audience laughs]

She was drunk. So she starts talking to me, while I’m onstage but the way a person would talk to a television when they were alone. She was talking to me like that. That didn’t bother me ’cause I knew her. 

But the crowd didn’t like that shit at all ’cause she sucked. 

And a guy in the back of the room stood up and Daphne’s hair was dyed blonde at the time and the guy screamed out, and his energy felt Wild as Fuck. 

He said, “Hey Daphne!” and everybody got clamped, they got tense. 

We didn’t know who was a heckler or active shooter, and… [laughter] …he said, “Does the carpet match the drapes?” It was fucked up. The whole crowd kind of groaned, ’cause it was so like, mean. 

Everybody groaned, except for Daphne. She kind of laughed, which was weird. 

And she didn’t even look all the way back. 

She said, “Sir, I don’t have carpets, I have hardwood floors.” Just like that. [laughter] Just like that.

[applause]

Boy, when she said that shit, it blew the roof of the place. Cut through all the tension, with that one joke. She had made up for 45 minutes of a stinker of a show. And after that, she could Do No Wrong. And I kept on rocking, and she kept on talking to me. 

And then The Show became something cooler than A Show. It became like A Conversation between a Black Man and a White Trans-Woman and we started getting to the bottom of shit. 

All of them questions that you think about that you’d be afraid to ask, I was just asking them and she was answering them and her answers were funny as shit. The crowd was falling out of their chairs and at the end of the show, I go, “Well, Daphne”… I said “Well, that was fun.” 

I go, “I love you to death, but I have no fuckin’ idea what you’re talking about.” 

The whole crow laughed except for Daphne. 

Man, she looks at me like I’m not her friend anymore. Like I’m something bigger than me, like I’m the whole world in a guy. 

Then she said, “I don’t need you to understand me.” 

I said, “What?” 

She said, “I just need you to believe…” 

Just like that she goes, “…that I’m having A Human Experience.” 

And when she said it the whole crowd kind of gasped. 

And I gave The Fight Club-look. 

I said, “I believe you, bitch.”

[laughter]

Because she didn’t say anything about pronouns. 

She didn’t say anything about me being in Trouble. 

She said, “Just believe I’m a person and I’m going through it.” 

I know I believe you, because it takes one to know one.

[cheers and applause]

Then I told the crowd “Good night.” 

And they started going crazy and before the applause gets to it’s crescendo I was saying, “Don’t forget my opening act, Daphne.” 

And the crowd stood up. And I looked at her, tears came out of her eyes she couldn’t believe it was happening. 

I couldn’t believe it was happening ’cause her show stunk. [laughter] And it was a great night. And I remember, the late great Paul Mooney was there bunch of flyers, comedy n*ggas was there.

[cheers]

[applause]

And we all went backstage and was just drinking and talking shit and laughing and Daphne stole the room, she had everyone cracking up. 

Spinning the yarn, telling us all these crazy stories about shit, she’d be into. We all laughing real hard, and there she is telling us and everyone is laughing. 

I’m looking around, I’m like, “Oh my God, she is  funny.” 

I pulled her aside, I said, “You’re hilarious. I didn’t know that when you were onstage.” [laughter] 

I said, “You’re doing some things wrong but I can help you.” 

I said, “Anytime I’m in San Francisco why don’t you open the show for me and I’ll just try to give you some pointers and see if you can work this thing out.” 

She said, “Are you serious?” 

I was like, “Yeah.” 

And she grabbed me real tight, hugged me, squeezed me. And I pushed her off violently, ’cause I’m transphobic. 

I said “Boundaries, bitch!”

[audience laughs]

When Sticks and Stones came out… a lot of people in 'The Trans Community' were furious with me and apparently they dragged me on Twitter -- I don’t give a fuck, ’cause Twitter is not a real place.

[audience laughs]

[cheers and applause]

And the hardest thing for a person to do is go against Their Tribe if they disagree with Their Tribe, but Daphne did that for me. She wrote a tweet that was very beautiful and what she said was and it is almost exactly what she said. She said, “Punching down on someone, requires you to think less of them and I know him, and he doesn’t. He doesn’t punch up, he doesn’t punch down he punches lines, and he is a Master at His Craft.” That’s what she said.

[audience cheers]

Beautiful tweet, beautiful friend, it took a lot of heart to defend me like that, and when she did that the trans community dragged that bitch all over Twitter. For days, they was going in on her, and she was holding her own ’cause she’s funny. 

But six days after that wonderful night I described to you, 

My Friend Daphne killed herself. 

Oh yeah, this is a True Story, My Heart was broken. Yeah, it wasn’t the jokes. I don’t know if was them dragging or I don’t know what was going on in her life but I bet dragging her didn’t help. I was very angry at them, I was very angry at her. 

I felt like Daphne lied to me. 

She always said, she identified as A Woman. 

And then one day she goes up to the roof of her building and jumps off and kills herself. 

Clearly… only A Man would do some gangster shit like that. 

Hear me out. As hard as it is to hear a joke like that I’m telling you right now, Daphne would have loved that joke. That is why she was my friend.

[cheers and applause]

I was reading her obituary and I found out, she was survived by A Daughter. And the moment I found that out, and this is true Anderson Cooper from CNN texted me. And all he says, it’s very nice, he said, “I’m sorry to hear about your friend.” And I texted him right back. “New phone, who this?” [laughter] He said, “It’s Anderson Cooper.” 

"Oh," I said, “Anderson, look I need to find Her Family.” 

And he texted me right back with all the phone numbers and all this information. I say this to say, if you ever want to know about anything gay call Anderson Cooper from CNN. This n*gga is faster than Google. [laughter] 

What I did is, I got in touch with Her Family and I started a Trust Fund for Her Daughter ’cause I know that is all she ever really cared about.

[applause]

And I don’t know what the trans community did for her but I don’t care, because I feel like she wasn’t Their Tribe, she was Mine. 

She was A Comedian in Her Soul.

[applause]

The Daughter is very young, but I hope to be alive when she turns 21 ’cause I’m going to give her this money myself. 

And by then, by then, I’ll be ready to have The Conversation that I’m not ready to have today. 

But I’ll tell that little girl, “Young Lady, I knew Your Father… [audience laughs] …and he was a Wonderful Woman.”

[cheers]

[applause]
Empathy is not gay. Empathy is not Black. Empathy is bi-sexual. It must go both ways. It must go both ways.

[applause]

Remember, 

Taking a Man’s livelihood 
is akin to killing him. 

I’m begging you, please do not abort DaBaby.

[laughter]
[applause]

Kevin Hart dreamt his entire life of hosting the Oscars and when he finally got the job They just took it! It’s not fair. 

They didn’t kill him, Kevin is a strong guy. 

But I’m sure it broke old Clifford’s Heart. 

It’s over. LBGTQ, L-M-N-O-P-Q-Y-Z, it is over. I’m not telling another joke about you until we are both sure, that we are laughing together. I’m telling you this is done. I’m done talking about it. 

All I ask from your community, with all humility. 'Will you please stop punching-down on My People?' 

Thank you very much and good night.
[audience cheers]