Showing posts with label $5. Show all posts
Showing posts with label $5. Show all posts

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

"...And then, I'd be grateful if you could just show me your bawls, Mr So-Called-President...."

Isn't publically offering a $5million dollar personal check to a sitting President with the aim of soliciting special favours or services in kind a serious federal offence..?

Sure, it might be made out to "a charity of your choice", but that's just the same as offering a cop who pulls you over to make a spontaneous donation to the Fraternal Order of Police Benevolent Fund or private fundraising for Central American Contra Death Squads in order to pay for them to have food and adequate medical supplies in the field. And not bazookas.

Didn't he claim to be "totally satisfied" the last time once he saw the long form birth certificate?

What's he going to demand next time? Paternity test? Cheek swab? Skin sample? The Suddentenland?

The real painful truth about Donald Trump is this: he is, in actuality, a TERRIBLE businessman.

And unbelievably, just by sheer virtue of the fact no-one's ever sumouned the will or the patience to tell it to him straight, he actually believes he's a one-man corporate genius, demigod of a tycoon and that his hair and his face look either natural or good. And not like Snooki's delinquent absentee father/deadbeat Dad.

He doesn't have the intellectual or financial prowess to calculate a tip properly.

Check out some of these failed business schemes that have bankrupted other people (never him) about four or five times now... They're just awful, ideas TERRIBLE business pitches with absoulutely no market and no future:-

Of particular note:

"In the early 90s, Trump found himself the owner of a 
personal debt of $900 million. That's not the companies he owns. At the time, his companies were in $3.5 billion of corporate debt. No, he himself owed almost a billion dollars personally after somehow convincing the world he was worth more than NASA's 30-year Voyager missions to Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune and Uranus.

You could offer to buy everyone in the United States a drink and not owe as much money as he did. He could have personally cancelled out the Seychelles' economy by moving there.


While sane men with jobs can't borrow a few grand, a man who's filed more 11's than a fantasy soccer manager was allowed to spend the lifetime income of over five hundred of them before anyone noticed he didn't actually have it. The corporate debts equal the entire education budget of two states, meaning society would actually have seen the exact same fiscal return if they'd invested the money in educating millions of children. And people still lend him money today. Enjoy that thought as you chew dry macaroni to pay off your student loans."


"In 1988 Eastern Air Lines routes were about as profitable as Indian buffalo hunting grounds, and dying out faster. Trump's cunning plan was to buy them and make them more expensive. He justified the increased fares with the sort of pointless bling typically reserved for silver-plated watermelons. The Trump Shuttles featured maple wood veneer floors, chrome seat belt latches, and gold-plated toilet fittings so that the passengers could know how it felt to value money as much as Trump does.
His idea of the Mile High Club is to screw investors up there
The purchase was financed by a $380 million loan from 22 banks and not one of them ever saw a cent. As we'll soon find out, Trump has knocked over more banks than the Joker, who at least leaves once he's taken the money. Trump tends not to be satisfied with ruining mere days.
For instance, after he defaulted on the loans the banks were forced to repossess the airline's assets, which it turns out were worth approximately as much as the Hindenburg's spare gas tank. They couldn't sell them, they couldn't use them, and they had to negotiate a settlement to force the company to even try to turn a profit. Since then it's been repeatedly re-merged with other divisions in the world's only financial application of homeopathy. They seem to be attempting to dilute it with enough other companies that Trump's presence will stop mattering quite as much."

Read more: 10 Stories About Donald Trump You Won't Believe Are True |

Oh, I can't resist it any longer....

Just one last time, for old time's sake...