Alan Turing Tells a Joke

DENNISTON: 

There is a spy in Bletchley Park.

The Navy thinks that One of Us 

is a Soviet double-agent, Alan.

Alan Turing :

Uh... why?

DENNISTON:

Our boys intercepted this 

on its way to Moscow.

Look familiar? It's a Beale cipher.

Encrypted with a phrase 

from a book or a poem or...

Alan Turing :

You don't seriously think 

I did this, do you?

DENNISTON:

Double agents are such bastards.

Isolated loners. No attachments 

to friends or family. Arrogant.

Know anybody like that?

Alan Turing :

I... Hm, I know you don't like me,

but that does not make me a Soviet spy.

POLICEMAN: 

Nothing out of the ordinary, sir.

DENNISTON:

Really. Mm, all right.

The Home Office may be protecting you now,

but sooner or later you will make a mistake.

And I needn't bother firing you.

They will hang you for Treason.

The Imitation Game (HD CLIP) | Apples

After Alan has been accused 

of being a Soviet spy, 

Joan attempts to cheer him up 

with a drink and a chat.

Joan :

Hello. I heard about What Happened.

It's all the girls in Hut-3 can talk about.

...I have an idea of what might cheer you up.

-♪ ♪ -(indistinct chatter)

Joan :

So because no letter can be encoded as itself, 

there's already a handful of settings 

that can be rejected at the outset.

( she glances behind her across a. newly arrived trio getting themselves seated at a table over on the far side of the public bar of the Bletchley Park local. ) 

….is that Your Team?

Alan Turing :

Y-Yes. 

Joan :

Shall we say ‘Hello’?

Alan Turing :

No. 

Joan :

Hello.

Alan Turing :

I-I told you not t-to do that.

Alan. 

Alan Turing :

Uh, Hugh, h-hello.

Didn't know you drank. 

Joan :

He doesn't, really.

He just sort of sips at the foam.

Well, I'll let you into a little secret, Miss...?

Joan :

Clarke.

Miss Clarke. 

Joan :

Please.

Foam's my favorite part, too.

Joan :

Is it really?

Come and join us for a drink?

Joan :

We'll be there in a moment.

Miss Clarke.

♪ ♪

Alan Turing :

Well, he likes you.

Joan :

Yes

Alan Turing :

You...g-got him to like you.

Joan :

Yes.

Alan Turing :

Why?

Joan :

Because I'm a woman in a man's job,

and I don't have the luxury of being an arse.

Alan... it doesn't matter how smart you are,

Enigma is always smarter.

If you really want to solve Your Puzzle,

then you're going to need all the help you can get;

and They are not going to help you, 

if They do not like you.

What are those? 

Alan Turing :

Apples.

No. 

Alan Turing :

Oh, they really are.

Um, I... well, Miss Clarke, 

Joan actually, um...

said that it would be... 

(clears throat) nice 

if I was to, uh, bring 

you all something.

So here we are. I...

The Soviet Spy :

Thank You.

I Like Apples!

My best to Miss Clarke.

Alan Turing :

Uh, There are Two People in A Wood,

and, um, they run into A Bear.

The first person gets down on his knees to pray.

The Second person 

starts lacing up his boots.

The First Person asks The Second Person,

"My dear friend, what are you doing?

You-you-you can't outrun a bear."

Uh, to which The Second Person responds,

"I don't have to --

I only have to outrun you."

.....I'll be w-with Christopher, 

if anyone needs me.

No… No, You Ate Yours.

Great Meals fade in reflection. 

Everything else gains. 

Do you know why? 

'Cause it's only Food. 

This shit we put in us, 

keeps us going, 

it's only Food.

Shrink :

Who's gonna tell me about it, then?

You or The Boil?

Richard E. Grant :

No, no. I think we should start again.

There's no 'side' to any of this.

There is Me. There is a Boil.

The Boil happens to be Abel to Speak, 

but that doesn't qualify it 

to give an opinion.

It was Me that decided

to come here, not it.

Shrink :

You don't think the inclusion

of The Boil could perhaps help us?

No. I'm not interested in its opinions.

Shrink :

Even if it says something

that might be of relevance?

Shrink :

I'm not interested in it,

no matter what it says.

In my opinion, it should 

be lanced instantly.

It was the only reason

I agreed to come off the garage roof.

If it wants to join in,

it can pay its own bill.

Come and Lie Down.

Please.

Tell me about advertising.

Now, You Resigned 

from an important firm 

with a very highly paid job.

I'd like to know Your Reasons.

Well, at least try and 

give me an example 

of even one of those reasons.

All right. Reason one.

Advertising conspires 

with Big Brother.

And you're afraid of Big Brother?

Someone or Something 

Coming into Your Life and 

Telling You What to Do?

No. I'm not afraid of Him. 

I'm one of the few who 

really understands Him.

Oh?

The man who conceived of Big Brother never knew what was coming down the line.

Thought his filthy creation

was gonna be Watching Us.

But it is Us who Watch it.

There's one in every living room.

The monstrous injustice of it is,

We stare at it of our own Free Will.

So we could say, principally,

that it's Television that you blame?

We can say entirely it is The Crooks

who've infiltrated it that I blame.

They've moved in on 

The Greatest Means of Communication 

since The Wheel.

And now They've done it,

Their Greed is Insatiable.

They're cutting down jungles

to breed hamburgers,

turning the whole world 

into a car park.

They'd sell off The Sea to satisfy

the needs of their great god Greed.

They won't be satisfied, not till 

we're all squatting in one 

of its fucking hatchbacks

on a motorway.

There isn't going to be

anywhere left to go

except in slow revolutions 

towards the crest 

of the next slag heap.

Do you have trouble

in getting an erection?

- What?

- Can you get an erection?

- Yes!

- Masturbating much?

Constantly! I've got

a talking boil on my neck!

What would you do?

What does this mean to you —

"Are you ashamed of your false teeth?

Put an end to the miseries of dentures.

You could smile again with confidence.

Just ask Barbara Simmons."

The boil said it a few nights ago.

Sounds like a particularly 

crude voiceover.

Voiceover?

The Voice That Sells.

If you're selling perfume,

it sounds like A Lover.

If you're selling 

something inedible 

you want people to eat,

it'll sound as stupid 

as they'll have to be 

to buy it.

In this case, it would sound

like A Dentist, someone in the know.

I see. So one could say that it's,

erm, The Voice of Authority?

Like, erm...Well, like 

a parent's voice, almost?

If You Like.

Has The Boil spoken this morning?

Yes, I had a row with it, and it got

very heated when I refused to shave.

Tell me about your parents.

Not part of The Plot.

As far as I know, they 

were completely normal.

I come from a completely 

normal family.

Tell him about your grandfather.

That was the boil. Ignore it.

I don't think we should do that.

It's the first time it's spoken in front

of me, and it might be important.

It has nothing important to say. 

It is destructive, self-satisfied 

and abusive.

You cun...

You see? 

Don't Listen.

Come on. Fair's fair.

You've had your say. Now I'll have mine.

Don't listen to it! Don't listen to it!

Why don't you tell me

about your grandfather?

If you tell me, the boil might be quiet.

My grandfather was caught molesting

a wallaby in a private zoo in 1919.

- A wallaby?

- May have been a kangaroo. I'm not sure.

- You mean sexually?

- Suppose so. He had his hand in its pouch.

- Fucked it, didn't he?

- He did not fuck it!

Just... just lie back.

- What happened to him?

- He pleaded insanity and got three months.

Does the authoritarian attitude

they took with him upset you?

- No. He died before I was born.

- Do you sympathise with him?

If I had been stuck in a trench

for three years,

- I might do something stupid myself.

- Like showing affection for an animal?

- He'd fuck one.

- Shut up!

Ask Barbara Simmons.

He'd fuck her as well.

Oh, my God. How could the boil have

possibly known about my grandfather?

That means it can read my mind.

No, Mr Bagley, it does not.

We'll speak about that in a moment,

when we've had a look at this boil.

What you mean is you want

me to have a look at it. No.

What would you say if I said

that you don't want to look at it

because you're frightened

of what you might see?

I'd say you'd be absolutely right.

Isn't that trying to pretend

it doesn't exist?

Isn't that exactly what you're accusing

everyone else of doing?

Now, we must reduce

this guilt in two ways.

First, it must be physically

reduced with surgery.

And secondly, we must reduce

your punishing conscience

by refusing to allow it to hide.

Once we get it out into the open,

it'll be easier to fight.

And I'm certain that

by the time your neck's healed,

you'll be smiling at this problem

and be back at work.

Never. No matter what you reduce,

I will never go back to advertising.

Perhaps. But now, let's have a look

at this bully on your neck.

Just look at it in The Mirror...

and tell me What You See.

Oh, God in Heaven!

It's grown a moustache!

Oh, My God!

Oh, My God.

Yes.

Yes?

The Bastard looks just like Me!

What you must understand

is that it's not The Boil

that can read You.

It is you, Mr Bagley,

that can read the boil.

You can read it because it is you.

At least, a part of you.

The Boil knows 

What You're Thinking

because you've projected

Some of You into it.

You've given it the side

that you find intolerable,

the bullying, aggressive,

dictatorial side.

The side that sells 

Toothpaste and Soap.

You've decided that 

Selling These Things is a 

Bad Thing for You to Do,

and you are unable 

to accept The Guilt for 

what you feel you've done.

Therefore, you've transmitted

these qualities into The Boil.

Perhaps, by doing this, you hope 

to escape Your Guilt.

But you've created a symbol of 

Foul-Mouthed Authority instead.

Your Very Own 

Big Brother.