Answer The Call

 

"I should've known - no Human is that humane."

-- Ripley-8

humane (adj.)

mid-15c., a parallel variant of human (adj.), with a form and stress that perhaps suggest a stronger association with Latin humanus than with Old French humain. Human and humane were used interchangeably in the senses "pertaining to a human being" and "having qualities befitting human beings" (c. 1500). The latter at first meant "courteous, friendly, civil, obliging," then "marked by tenderness, compassion, and a disposition to kindly treat others" (c. 1600). By early 18c. the words had differentiated in spelling and accent and humane took the "kind" sense.

Compare germane, urbane. Meaning "inflicting less pain than something else" is from 1904. Inhuman is its natural opposite. The Royal Humane Society (founded 1774) was originally to rescue drowning persons; such societies had turned to animal care by late 19c.

The People of The Toaster-Oven Nation

PHILLIPA: 

When people of good conscience have an honest dispute, 

we must still sometimes resort to this kind 

of adversarial system. 

RIKER: 

You just want me to prove that Data is a mere machine. 

I can't do that because I don't believe it.

 I happen to know better. So I'm 

neither qualified nor willing. 

You're going to have to find someone else. 

PHILLIPA: 

Then I will rule summarily 

based upon my findings :

 Data is A Toaster. 

Have him report to 

Commander Maddox immediately 

for experimental refit. 

 [ Groaning ] [ Snarling ] [ Christie ] Get off me! [ Grunts ] Johner! Get off me! Get off me! Aaah! Johner! Die, m*therf*cker! Do it, man! [ Snarls ] Hey! [ Snarls ] [ Screeches ] [ Gasps ] Real nice party, ain't it? [ Groaning ] [ Grunts ] [ Groaning, Sobbing ] Christie! Christie! Christie! No! Christie! What are you doing? Don't do it! Don't! We can make it! No! [ Screams ] [ Groaning, Sobbing ] Damn! [ Grunting ] [ Breathing Erratically ] [ Alarm Beeping ] [ Grunts ] 

This way. Come on! 

Baby, am I glad to see you. 

I was sure that asshole got you. 

Are you hurt? 

I'm fine. 

You got body armor on? 

Yeah. Come on. 

Ripley-8 :

You took it in the chest. I saw it. 

[ Chuckles ] 

You're A Robot? Son ofa bitch! 

Our little Call is just full of surprises. 

Ripley-8 :

I should have known — 

No Human Being is that humane. 

I thought Synthetics were supposed 

to be all logical and sh1t. 

You're just a big old psycho, girl. 

You're A Robot? 

Vriess :

You're Second-Gen, aren't you? 

You're an Auton - 

Robots, designed by robots, right? 

Hah! Oh, yeah. 

That's right. I remember. 

Now, they were supposed to revitalise 

The Synthetic Industry.

Instead, they buried it. [ Chuckles ] 

They didn't like being 

told What to Do. 

Government ordered a recall. 

Now, I heard— I had— 

I had heard... 

that only a few - just a few-

had gotten out intact. 

Man, I never, never thought 

that I would see one! 

Great. She's a toaster oven. 

Can we leave now? 

[ Distephano Laughing ] 

Ripley-8 :

How long before we land? 

Distephano :

Just under two hours. 

Johner :

Hey, Vriess. You got a socket wrench? 

Maybe she just needs an oil change. 

FATHER : 

I'm sorry. Access denied. 

Johner :

I can't believe I almost fucked it. 

Vriess :

Yeah, like you never fucked a robot! 

[ Ripley ] 

You know, if Wren gets in the computer, he could really screw us. 

Johner : 

We gotta find a terminal. 

No, there's no console on this level. 

We'd have to go back. 

Well, we can't go back. 

And I don't know any 

of Wren's access codes. 

Ripley-8 :

Help Me. Call. 

Call :

No. I can't. 

Right.  You're the new-model droid. 

You can access the mainframe by remote. 

No, I can't. I burned my 

modem. We all did. 

Ripley-8 :

Call, you can still patch in manually. 

You know that. 

Distephano :

There's ports in the chapel, up there. Call. 

Call crosses herself in front of the altar

Ripley-8 :

You're programmed for that? 

Don't make me do this. 

Ripley-8 :

Don't make me make you. 

[ Sighs ] I don't want to go in there. 

It's like my insides are liquid. 

It's like I’m not real. 

Ripley-8 :

Get over it. You can blow the ship before it reaches Earth... and kill them all. 

[ Sniffles ] 

Ripley-8 :

Just give us time to get out first. 

Damn it. 

Ripley-8 :

Anything? 

Hold on. 

ComputerVoice :

Breach in Sector 7, Sector 3. Sector 9 unstable. 

Engines operating at 41 %. 

Eighty-six minutes until Earth dock. 

[ Sighs ] 

 Normal Voice 

We burned too much energy. 

I can't make critical mass. 

I can't blow it. 

Ripley-8 :

Then crash it. 

[ Grunting ] [ Grunting ] Yeah. [ Gasping ] [ Grunting ] 

I'm okay. I'm okay. Really. I feel good. 

Call: Computer Voice :

Ground level recalibrated. New destination: 7-6-0-4-0-3. Uninhabited quadrant. 

Braking systems off-lined. 

Acceleration increase. 

Time until impact now 

43 minutes, 8 seconds. 

Try to clear us a path to the Betty... 

and start her up. [ Normal Voice ] Okay. [ Whirring, Beeping ] [ ComputerVoice ] Please wait. Emergency override in console 45V, Level 1. [ Gasps ] [ Normal Voice ] 

It's Wren. He's almost at the Betty. 

[ Beeping ] [ Buzzes ] [ Powering Down ] 

Father, locate the power drain. 

Report. Father? 

Father! 

[ Call Over Speaker ] 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

Father's Dead, asshole. 

Intruder on Level 1. 

All Aliens, please proceed to Level 1. 

Ripley-8 :

You got a mean streak. 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

[ Groans ] Damn it. 

Let me see. 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

Don't touch me. 

Ripley-8 :

Come on. 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

You must think this is pretty funny. 

Ripley-8 :

I'm finding a lot of things funny lately, 

but I don't think that they are.

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

 Why do you go on living? 

How can you stand being what you are? 

Ripley-8 :

Not much choice. 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

At least there's a part of you that's Human. 

[ Sighs ] I'm just— Look at me. I'm disgusting. 

Ripley-8 :

Why did you come here? 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

To kill you, remember? 

Before the recall, I accessed The Mainframe. 

Every dirty little covert op The Government 

ever dreamed of is in there. 

And this - You, The Aliens, 

even The Crew from the Betty - 

I knew if they succeeded, it would 

be The End of Them. 

Ripley-8 :

Why do you care what happens to Them? 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

Because I'm programmed to. 

Ripley-8 :

You're programmed to be an asshole? 

You're the new asshole model 

They're putting out? Come on. 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

I couldn't watch 'em do it. 

I couldn't let 'em annihilate themselves. 

Do you understand that? 

Ripley-8 :

I did, once. I tried to Save... People. 

It didn't work out. 

There was this girl. She had bad dreams. 

I tried to help her. She died. 

Now I can't even remember her name.... 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

I guess we're almost there.

Ripley-8 :

Right. 

[ Ripley-8 Sighs ] 

Ripley-8 :

Do You Dream? 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

 I — Well, we have 

neuroprocessors that — Yes. 

Ripley-8 :

When I sleep, I dream 

about Them— it. 

Every night. All around me, in me. 

I used to be afraid to dream, 

but I'm not anymore. 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

Why? 

[ Ripley-8 chuckles ] 

Ripley-8 :

Because no matter how bad 

the dreams get, when I wake up, 

it's always worse. 

Distephano :

It's not so far now! 

God, I'm so tired. 

Johner :

Sleep when you die, man. 

Oh, no. This is bad, right? 

I think we're near the nest. 

Well, then we'll go another way. 

We don't have time. 

We got nearly 90 minutes. 

Not anymore. 

What are you saying? 

What did you do, robot? 

Let's go. Come on. Hey! 

You want to die here 

with your little brothers 

and sisters, that's cool! 

But I plan to live past today! 

If this little hunk of plastic is pulling any sh1t, I'm gonna kill her! Kill you! 

Does that compute? Or do I have 

to draw you a schematic? 

Ripley-8 grabs him by the tongue — 

[ Gagging ] 

Ripley-8 :

Hey! You want another souvenir? 

[ Gagging Continues ] 

Ripley-8 :

How far are the docks? 

A h-hundred yards.

MeMe

 

Rule #2 : 

Treat Yourself Like Someone 

You are Responsible for Helping.

Mister Six :

I've come a long 

way for You --

The Cosmic Hobo :

Naturally -- Don't expect any Thanks.

Angraecum sesquipedale. Beauty! 

God! Darwin wrote about this one. 

Charles Darwin? 

Evolution-guy? Hello? 

You see that nectary down there? 

Darwin hypothesised a moth 

with a nose 12 inches long 

to pollinate it. 

Everyone thought he was a loon. 

Then, sure enough, they found 

this moth with a 12-inch proboscis. 

"Proboscis" means nose, by the way. 

I know what it means. 

Hey, let's not get off The Subject. 

This isn't a pissing contest. 

The Point is, what's so wonderful is that 

all these flowers have a specific relationship 

with the insect that pollinates it. 

There's a certain orchid looks exactly like a certain insect. 

So The Insect is drawn to This Flower, it's Double, 

its Soul-Mate, and wants nothing more 

than to make Love to it. 

After The Insect flies off, it spots another 

Soul-Mate Flower and makes love to it, 

pollinating it. 

And neither The Flower nor The Insect 

will ever understand The Significance 

of their lovemaking. 

How could they know that because of 

their little dance, The World lives? 

But it does. By simply doing what they're designed to do 

something large and magnificent happens. 

In this sense, They show Us 

How to Live. 

How the only barometer 

You have, is Your Heart. 

How when You spot Your Flower, 

You can't let anything 

get in Your Way. 

ANDREWS:

They may use The Furnace, 

but I want everyone in lockup by 22:00 hours.

We commit This Child and This Man 

to Your keeping, O Lord.

Their bodies have been taken from 

The Shadow of Our Night.

They have been released from all 

Darkness and Pain.

The Child, and The Man 

have gone beyond Our World.

They are 

Forever Eternal

and 

Everlasting

[Barking]

Ashes to Ashes

Dust to Dust

DILLON:

Why?

Why are The Innocent punished?

[ Rotweiler whimpers ] /

[ Ox Caucus Rumbles Deep and Heavily ]

Why The Sacrifice?

Why The Pain?

There aren't any Promises.

Nothing's Certain.

Only that some get Called;

some get Saved.

She won't ever know 

The Hardship and Grief for 

Those of Us, Left Behind.

We commit these bodies to The Void, 

with a Glad Heart --

[Growling]

 

For within each Seed, there is 

The Promise of A Flower.

And within each Death, 

no matter how small – 

There's always a new Life.

A New -- Beginning.

[ RAISES FIST ]

Amen.

PRISONERS : 

Amen.

St. Helena :

I just wanted to say 'Thanks.' 

for what you said at The Funeral.

My friends would have appreciated –

DILLON (jittery, and 

anxious as All-Fuck) :

Yeah, well, 

You Don't wanna 

Know Me, Lady –

I'm a Murderer, and 

Rapist of Women.

St. Helena :

.......Really.

Well, I guess I must 

make you nervous.

DILLON:

Do You Have any Faith, Sister?

St. Helena :

Not much.

 DILLON:

We've got a lot of Faith here.

Enough even for you.

St. Helena :

I thought Women weren't allowed.

 DILLON:

Well, We've never had any before – 

but We tolerate anybody...

Even The Intolerable.

St. Helena :

Thank You.

DILLON: 

That's just a Statement of Principle, 

Nothing Personal.

We've got a good

Place to Wait, here.

And until now... 

No Temptation.

*******

CLEMENS: 

Dillon and The Rest of the alternative people 

embraced religion, as it were, 

about five years ago.

Take two.

St. Helena :

I'm on medication?

CLEMENS: 

Hardly.

St. Helena :

What kind of religion?

CLEMENS: 

Some sort of apocalyptic, 

millenarian Christian 

fundamentalist...

St. Helena :

Right.

CLEMENS:
Exactly. When The Company wanted to 

close The Facility, Dillon and the rest

of the converts wanted to stay.

With Two Minders and 

a medical officer.

And here we are.

St. Helena :

How did you get this 

wonderful assignment?

CLEMENS:

How do you like your new haircut?

St. Helena :

It's OK.

CLEMENS:

Now that I've gone out on a limb for you 

with Andrews, damaged my less-than-perfect 

relationship with him, and briefed you 

on the humdrum history of Fury-161 –

Can't you tell me what 

you were looking for?

St. Helena :

Are you attracted to me?

CLEMENS:

In what way?

St. Helena :

In that way.

CLEMENS:

You're very direct.

St. Helena :

I've been Out Here 

a long time.

Ripley-8 : The Monster’s Mother

“I failed to slaughter The Princess, 

Daughter of The Deposed King.

Given the chance to 

END Life or PRESERVE it, 

I was moved by BEAUTY.

THERE IS A FLAW IN ME!”

Johner :

What's the big deal, man? 

Fuckin' waste of ammo. 

The Robot :

Let's go. 

Johner :

Must be a chick thing. 

[ Breathing Heavily ] 

[ Faint Snarl ] 

[ Hisses ]

Johner : 

Am I dreaming, 

or is this not the shit we brought with us? 

Yeah, it's the same shit. 

Johner :

Stinks in here, man. 

Let's keep moving. 

[ Screams ] 

Man :

Get away from me! 

Get away from me! 

Drop the rod, man. 

Man :

Get away from me! 

Do it! 

Man :

Get away from me. 

[ Clangs ] 

Man :

Get away from me. 

Who are you people? 

What's happening here? 

Christie :

Calm down. 

What's happening here is 

We're getting the fuck off 

this ghost ship, okay? 

Man :

Ship? What ship? Where am I? 

I was in cryo, right? 

On my way to Xarem, right? 

Work crew for the nickel refinery, right? 

I wake up. 

I know -- I don't understand. 

Oh, God. Uh, I s-I saw— 

I saw horrible things. 

The Robot :

Look, you're coming with us. 

It's too dangerous for you here. 

[ Breathing Erratically ] 

Ripley-8 :

[ Sniffing ] 

Leave him. 

The Robot :

Fuck you. We're not leaving him here. 

Ripley-8 :

He's got one inside of him. 

I can smell it. 

Man :

Inside me? Inside me? 

What's inside me? 

Johner : 

Hey, man. I don't want one of those things birthing 

anywhere near my ass. 

It's a bad risk. 

Man :

What's inside me? 

The Robot :

Look, we can't just leave him here. 

Johner :

I thought you came here to stop 'em from spreadin'. 

Man :

What's inside me? 

The Robot :

There's gotta be a process. 

Can't you stop it? 

Christie :

Got no time for that. 

Dr. Wren :

I can't do it here. 

The lab is out of order. 

Man :

What's inside me? 

I could do him. 

Back of the head. Painless. 

It might be the best way. 

Man :

What's inside me? 

The Robot :

No, there's got to be another way.  

What if we freeze him? 

Man :

What's in-fuckin'-side me? 

Dr. Wren :

A parasite! 

Foreign element. 

Ripley-8 :

There's A Monster in your chest. 

These guys hijacked your ship, 

and they sold your cryo tube... 

to this... human, 

and he put An Alien inside of you. 

It's a really nasty one. 

And in a few hours, 

it's gonna burst its way 

through your rib cage... 

and you're gonna die. 

Any questions? 

[ Breathing Erratically ] 

Man :

Who are you? 

Ripley-8 :

(grins)

I'm The Monster's Mother. 

The Robot : 

Look, he comes with us, we freeze him on the Betty, 

then the doctor can remove it later. 

Christie :

Fine with me. 

Johner :

Since when were you in goddamn charge? 

The Robot :

Since you were born without balls! 

Christie :

Ease off, people. 

All right. You come with us. 

You might even live. 

Get twitchy on me, and you'll be shot. 

Let's move out. 

The Robot :

This way.

Come on.

Baby, am I glad to see you.

I was sure that asshole got you. 

Are you hurt?

The Robot :

I'm fine.

You got body armour on?

The Robot :

Yeah. Come on.

Ripley-8 :

You took it in the chest. I saw it.

You're A Robot?

Son of a bitch. 

Our little Call is just full of surprises.

I should've known. 

No human being is that humane.

I thought synthetics were supposed 

to be all logical and shit.

You're just a big old psycho, girl.

You're A Robot?

You're a Second Gen, aren't you?

You're an Auton.

Robots designed by robots, right?

Oh, yeah. That's right. I remember.

Now, they were supposed to revitalise the synthetic industry.

Instead they buried it.

They don't like being told what to do.

The Government ordered a recall.

Now, I heard...

I had heard that only a few... Just a few had gotten out intact in time.

Man, I never, never thought that I would SEE one.

Great. She's a toaster oven.

Can we leave now?

How long before we land?

Just under two hours.

Hey, Vriess, you got a socket wrench?

Maybe she just needs an oil change.

I'm sorry. Access denied.

I can't believe I almost fucked it.

Yeah, like you never fucked a robot.

The Robot :

You know, if Wren gets in The Computer, 

he could really screw us.

We gotta find a terminal.

No, there's no console on this level.

We'd have to go back.

Well, we can't go back.

And I don't know any of Wren's access codes.

Ripley-8 :

Help me.

Call.

The Robot :

No, I can't.

Johner :

Right. You're the new model droid. 

You can access the mainframe by remote.

The Robot :

No, I can't. 

I burned my modem. 

We all did.

Ripley-8 :

Call, you can still patch in manually, 

you know that.

There's ports in the chapel, up there.

Ripley-8 :

Call.

(crosses Herself)

Ripley-8 :

You're programmed for that?

The Robot :

Don't make me do this.

Ripley-8 :

Don't make me make you.

The Robot :

I don't want to go in there.

It's like my insides are liquid. It's not real.

Ripley-8 :

Get over it. 

You can blow this ship before it reaches Earth...

and kill them all.

Just give us time to get out first.

The Robot :

Damn it.

Ripley-8 :

Anything?

The Robot :

Hold on.

Breach in Sector 7, Sector 3.

Sector 9 unstable.

Engines operating at 41%.

Eighty-six minutes until Earth dock.

We burned too much energy.

I can't make critical mass. I can't blow it.

Ripley-8 :

Then crash it.

Yeah.

I'm okay. I'm okay.

Really.

I feel good.

The Robot :

Ground level recalibrated.

New destination: 7-6-0-4-0-3.

Uninhabited quadrant.

Braking system's offline.

Deceleration increase.

Time until impact now 43 minutes, 8 seconds.

Ripley-8 :

Try to clear us a path to the Betty.

And start her up.

Okay.

The Robot :

Please wait.

Emergency override in console 45V, Level 1.

It's Wren. He's almost at the Betty.

Wren :

Father, locate the power drain. Report.

Father? Father?

The Robot :

Father's dead, asshole.

Intruder on Level 1. 

All aliens, please proceed to Level 1.

Ripley-8 :

You got a mean streak.

The Robot :

Damn it….

Ripley-8 :

Let me see.

The Robot :

Don't touch me.

Ripley-8 :

Come on.

The Robot :

You must think this is pretty funny.

Ripley-8 :

I'm finding a lot of things funny lately.

But I don't think they are.

The Robot :

Why do you go on living?

How can you stand being what you are?

Ripley-8 :

Not much choice.

The Robot :

At least there's a part of you that's human.

I'm just... Look at me.

I'm disgusting.

Ripley-8 :

Why did you come here?

The Robot :

To kill you. Remember?

Before the recall...

I accessed the mainframe.

Every dirty little covert-op 

The Government ever 

dreamed up is in there.

And this, you, the aliens, 

even the crew from the Betty.

I knew if they succeeded, 

it'd be the end of them.

Ripley-8 :

Why do you care what 

happens to Them?

The Robot :

....(wince) because I'm 

programmed to.

Ripley-8 :

You're programmed to be an asshole?

You're the new asshole model

They're putting out? Come on.

The Robot :

I couldn't watch 

Them do it.

I couldn't let Them 

annihilate themselves.

Do you understand that?

Ripley-8 :

I did, once.

I tried to save.... people.

It didn't work out.

There was this girl.

She had bad dreams.

I tried to help her.

She died.

Now I can't even 

remember her name.

I guess we're almost there.

The Robot :

Right.

Ripley-8 :

Do you dream?

The Robot :

I... We have neural processors that... Yes.

Ripley-8 :

When I sleep, I dream about Them. It.

Every night.

All around me. In me.

I used to be afraid to dream, 

but I'm not anymore.

The Robot :

Why?

Ripley-8 :

Because no matter how bad the dreams get, 

when I wake up it's always worse.

It's not so far now.

God, I'm so tired.

Sleep when you die, man.

Oh, no. This is bad, right?

I think we're near the nest.

Well, then, we'll go another way.

The Robot :

We don't have time.

Johner :

We got nearly 90 minutes.

The Robot :

Not anymore.

Johner :

What are you saying?

What did you do, robot?

Ripley-8 :

Let's go. Come on.

Hey. You wanna die here with your little brothers and sisters, that's cool.

But I plan to live past today.

If this little hunk of plastic is pulling any shit, 

I'm gonna kill her.

Kill you.

Does that compute? 

Or do I have to draw you a schematic?

Suddenly, The Monster’s Mother PINS Johner to The Wall and prepares to rip out his lying tongue —

Ripley-8 :

Hey.

(turns to Call)

You want another souvenir?