The Fives are Always Outliers

FADE IN: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - NIGHT

Opening shot of a clock on the wall: 7:05. The camera pans down to Donna

and Josh walking through.

DONNA

They got to start the poll, Josh. It's 7:05.

JOSH

It's ten to seven.

DONNA

No, it's really not.

JOSH

It's 7:05?

DONNA

Yeah.

JOSH

That's ridiculous.

DONNA

I'm not making it up.

JOSH

My watch says ten to seven.

DONNA

That's 'cause your watch sucks.

JOSH

My watch is fine.

DONNA

Your watch says ten to seven.

JOSH

How do I know it isn't ten to seven?

DONNA

'Cause those large clocks on the wall that are run by the U.S. Navy, say your watch sucks. In fact, they say your watch sucks in four different time zones.

Josh and Donna pass by C.J.'S OFFICE. 

Toby is razzing C.J.

TOBY

Question six is asymmetrical.

C.J.

Question six is fine.

TOBY

"Would you say things in this country are going in the right direction or do you think they've gotten off on the wrong track?"

Josh and Donna double back to C.J.'S office and stand at the door.

JOSH

He's got a good point about this.

C.J.

No, he doesn't.

DONNA

Guys, you know it's five after seven.

TOBY

Should be right direction or wrong direction.

C.J.

Toby.

TOBY

Direction and track are two different words!

C.J.

Thank you, Funk and Wagnall's.

They all leave C.J.'s office. 

Bonnie and Ginger are with them.

TOBY

What'd she call me?

GINGER

Funk and Wagnall's. 

They make the dictionary.

TOBY

I know who Funk and Wagnall's are.

BONNIE

They why'd you ask her?

Everyone starts heading out into the HALLWAY.

DONNA

Guys, it's five after seven.

TOBY

The question is asymmetrical.

C.J.

That may be so, but the question originated 2 decades ago and has proven to

be a consistent predictor of a voter's potential behavior. So it stays the way

it is.

JOSH

I have a problem with fourteen.

C.J.

What's your problem?

JOSH

"When making policy decisions, do you think that President Bartlet puts the needs of average people first?" 

"Average people" is a pejorative phrase and occurs about six times in the polling model.

C.J.

This may come as a shock to you, but 80% of the people in this country would use the word "average" to describe themselves. 

They do not find the term deprecating. 

Indeed, being considered an "average American" is something they find to be positive and comforting.

They all walk into THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. Leo, Larry, Ed and several other staffers are inside. Leo is reading a piece of paper. Toby sits next to him.

LEO

C.J.

C.J.

Yes.

LEO

[reads] 

"Jed Bartlet cares about people like me."

C.J.

Leo, we went over this.

TOBY

We need to talk about the asymmetry of question six.

C.J.

We really don't.

TOBY

Since when are you an expert on language?

C.J.

In polling models?

TOBY

Okay.

C.J.

1993. Since when are you an uptight pain in the ass?

TOBY

Since long before that.

LEO

"Jed Bartlet cares about people like me. Agree or disagree?"

C.J.

Again, we went over this.

LEO

Can't "people like me", when read off the script, be taken to mean people

like the

interviewer?

ED

When we ask that question, we usually say, "People like yourself."

LARRY

Or "people like you."

ED

I've seen it both ways.

LEO

Fellas.

LARRY

"Yourself" is a little softer.

ED

And softer is bad?

LARRY

Softer is better.

LEO

But the point is....

C.J.

The respondent isn't confused by the question and separating the respondent

from the

interviewer with "people like yourself" is pejorative. So, Ed, Larry, you

can take this

up with Josh. Leo, Eastern Standard Time is sitting down to dinner. The poll

is fine.

JOSH

It's an important poll, C.J.

C.J.

I'm aware of its importance. I'm also aware that if we don't start the phone

banks

right now, I might not have enough time to leak the internals to media

outlets before

we hit the weekend.

TOBY

There's still the matter...

C.J.

So, it turns out that over the last 3 weeks we managed to climb out of the

hole, only

we can't tell anybody about it 'til Monday, cause we stood here all night

arguing about

asymmetry! [sighs] It's time.

LEO

Anybody want to make a prediction?

ED

We'll hold at 42% job approval.

LARRY

We'll hold steady.

JOSH

I'll be happy if we hold steady.

TOBY

We'll drop a few points, but it'll be inside the plus or minus.

LEO

C.J.?

C.J.

We're going to go up five points.

LEO

The President thinks we're going to hold steady.

C.J.

The President is wrong.

LEO

You think?

C.J.

Yes.

LEO

Let's find out. Toby, tell Sam to start the banks.

Toby picks up the phone and pushes a button.

CUT TO: INT. PHONE BANKS - NIGHT

Sam and Mandy are standing wait. Sam's cell phone rings.

SAM

[into phone] Sam Seaborn... Okay. [to Mandy] Let's get our report card.

Mandy walks inside the phone bank area.

MANDY

Okay! Here we go!

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.

END TEASER

* * *

CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT

Leo is on his couch working. Margaret enters and shuts the door.

MARGARET

Leo.

LEO

Yeah?

MARGARET

C.J.'s here.

LEO

Okay.

MARGARET

Want to hear a joke?

LEO

[looks up] Uh... Okay.

MARGARET

You know why they only eat one egg for breakfast in France?

LEO

Why?

MARGARET

'Cause in France, one egg is an 'oeuf.' 

[beat] 

Okay, C.J.'s here.

LEO

Okay.

Leo looks warily puzzled at Margaret as she leaves. C.J. comes in.

C.J.

Hi.

LEO

Hey.

C.J.

The lid is on.

LEO

You told me.

C.J.

Hmm?

LEO

You called me an hour ago and told me it was a full lid.

C.J.

Yeah... I'm going to the phone banks to check in with the poll.

LEO

Okay.

C.J.

Leo, this is a small thing and I hate to bring it up.

LEO

What?

C.J.

I was in with the President this morning, AND he mentioned that you told him that when you asked for predictions, everyone said we'd hold steady at 42.

LEO

Yeah?

C.J.

But, I didn't say that. 

I said we'd go up five points.

LEO

I meant in general, on average.

C.J.

Yeah.

LEO

C.J., like lopping off the score from the East German judge.

C.J.

Leo, it wasn't woman's intuition. 

I think it's strange....

LEO

Don't read too much into it.

C.J.

I'm saying its strange my take wasn't...

LEO

I'm saying don't read too much into it.

[beat] 

All right?

C.J.

Okay.

LEO

Anything else?

C.J.

No, I'm going to check the phone banks

***

Another long silence.

BARTLET

What kind of briefcase did you get her, Sam?

SAM

Sir?

BARTLET

What kind of briefcase?

SAM

Coach Beekman in British tan with brass hardware.

BARTLET

That's nice.

SAM

Yes, sir.

BARTLET

Andare makes a nice model. 

Comes in black or brown, hand stained, fit a laptop, notebooks, the works.

TOBY

This conversation is surreal.

BARTLET

Trieste in Milan makes a nice briefcase.

C.J. quietly enters with an envelope in her hands and makes her way across the room to

Bartlet.

C.J.

Good evening, Mr. President. The full polling book is 400 pages long and it's still being put together. I have the top sheet results.

LEO

What does it say?

C.J.

I was wrong. 

We went up nine points.

C.J. smiles. Leo smiles and starts to laugh, but catches himself. There are

smiles all around.

BARTLET

Okay, what's next?

FIVES

Our Lady :
Poor Tim Shaw.

The Wannabe Leader Who Has to Cheat Because He Knows He's Unworthy.

See, that's why I know you won't detonate.
Although, you could prove me wrong cos we're all capable of the most incredible change.

We can evolve while still staying true to who we are.
We can honour who we've been and choose who we want to be next. 

Now's your chance. 

How about it?

TZIM-SHA:
Who are you?

Our Lady :
Yes. I'm glad you asked that again.
Bit of adrenaline, dash of outrage,
and a hint of panic knitted my brain back together.

I know exactly who I am.
I'm The Doctor.

Sorting out Fair Play throughout The Universe.
Now please, get off This Planet while you still have a choice.

TZIM-SHA:
I Choose to Win.

(Tzim-Sha presses an activation button, and a few moments later drops his faceplate and starts to scream in pain.)

Our Lady :
Sorry. I removed those nasty little things from my friends - 

Swiss Army sonic, now with added Sheffield Steel 

- And I implanted them back in your creature.
Your transference wasn't just data, it was physical.

You got everything transferred to you, including FIVE tiny bombs.

You had a choice.
You did this to yourself.
Go Home.




Our Lady :
They'll be writing operas about our pointless deaths if we don't take drastic action right now.

The Damsel :
We're about to die?

Our Lady :
Oh, sorry, Yaz, I forgot you were there.
All going to be fine.
FIVE systems down, six minutes left on life support.
Are we doing this or what?


Our Lady :
Electromagnetic pulse. Basically fried their systems.
I reckon we've got about FIVE minutes before they reboot and recover.
See? Brains beat bullets. Come on.




Our Lady : 

How long did it take you to build this hotel?

ROBERTSON: 

FIVE years. 

We have FIFTEEN [ 5 +5 + 5 ] of these hotels throughout The World now.

ASTOS:
Two life-pods, portside and starboard.
Maximum FIVE per pod.
We're just within our occupancy limit.


UMBREEN:
Mum's Right.
This is Our Home.
We Stay.

Our Lady :
If you stay, you'll die.

PREM:
Go to the house.
Get anything essential, and get back here.

The Damsel :
I'll help you.

(Manish walks out to meet The FIVE Horsemen.)



The Damsel :
Hmm. Antique lamp.
Section triple nine double FIVE slash seven. [ #57 ]

CHARLIE:
Ten percent? 

They want us to be grateful that ten percent of people get to work?
What about the other ninety percent?
What about our futures?

Because without action, 

next time it will be seven percent, then FIVE, then one. [ #57 ]

BECKA:
Who dares interfere with this trial?
Thirty FIVE [ 5 X 7 ] witches we have tried,
and still Satan surrounds us.
We shall not be stopped!



The Elder :
Hey, Doc. I've done the old Pendle Witches Walking Trail.
Nobody ever mentioned Bilehurst Cragg.
Never heard of it. 

And she's killed thirty FIVE [ 5 X 7 ] people.


Our Lady :
Quite a blast, that.
Haven't had a hangover like this since the Milk Wars of Keston FIVE.

















The Elder :
I've always fancied the idea of Norway.
What bit's this?

Our Lady :
Don't know.
(eats some soil)
But twenty FIVE miles away, 

[FIVE by FIVE] 

there's an alpaca farm,
and gift-shop with a very low TripAdvisor rating. Soil?

The Elder :
I'll give it a miss, ta.


The Damsel :
You had a grandmother?

Our Lady :
I had seven, but Granny FIVE,
[ 57 ]
my favourite, used to tell me about the Solitract.
Cos in The Beginning 

- pre-Time, pre-Everything - 

all The Laws and elements and nuts and bolts of The Universe were there.

Light, Matter, Maths, and so on.

But they couldn't fit together properly, 

because The Solitract was there.

The Damsel :
So what is the Solitract?

Our Lady :
A consciousness, an energy.
Our Reality cannot work with Solitract energy present.

The most basic ideas of The Universe just get ruined.
 

Think of it like a kid with chicken pox
- nuclear chicken pox -
who wants to join in but always ends up infecting everyone else. 

Our Universe cannot work with The Solitract in it.

The Damsel :
Your gran told you this as a bedtime story?


Our Lady :
Only when I had trouble sleeping.

So, what did Our Universe do? 

It managed to exile The Solitract to a separate, unreachable existence.

The Solitract Plane.

And suddenly, 

Everything Makes Sense.

The Universe could finally work because The Solitract had been removed.

The Damsel :
Hang on.
Are you saying we're now on the Solitract plane?

Our Lady :
I wish I wasn't but I think I am.
I'm scared. Are you scared?
I'm genuinely terrified!

The Damsel :
This is a separate exiled universe that is also a consciousness.




Our Lady :
That's what Granny FIVE said.

A Conscious Universe.

She also said that Granny Two was a secret agent for the Zygons, but she seems bang on with this one.

But why?

Why has the Solitract copied Your World, including Grace and Trine, and built a doorway to Our Universe?

The Damsel :
When you put it like that, it sounds like a trap.





Not-Grace:
No!

The Elder :
What you mean, no?

(Rumble.)

Our Lady :
This World is falling apart because of us still being Here.
You and us are still totally incompatible.
Erik being here may have been manageable, but FIVE of us?

That's a lot more incompatible stuff!
You've gone over capacity.
You need to let us go now.






The Damsel :
More of those mineral samples.

PALTRAKI:
FIVE in total. I remember.





The Damsel :
The objects, why are they shaking?

PALTRAKI:
I remember.

Our Lady :
Yaz, what's happening? Oh. Why are they doing that?

PALTRAKI:
I remember what they did. 

FIVE objects. FIVE planets. 

 One weapon. They stole FIVE planets.

Our Lady :
That's not possible.

Stan “The Legend” Lee

The Legend

First appearance is issue 7. An as-yet-unnamed elderly man who, while not an official member of the Boys, works as their informant.

He is a former comic editor/writer who worked for Vought-American’s Victory Comics subsidiary, writing all the comics based on Vought’s superheroes to “give people supes like they wanted supes to be”. 

His work on superhero comics gives him incredible knowledge of them and Vought-American.  

He hates “that comic-book crap”, though he lives under a comic store surrounded by his work.

The Legend has no family other than his two sons, both of whom are deceased. 

His elder son was killed in Vietnam as a result of faulty rifles produced by Vought-American (which ironically resemble the British Army’s SA80 bullpup rifles). 

His son’s death is the impetus for his association with Vought: to gather information in the hope he could one day assist in their destruction. 

It is also revealed in issue 54 that once Vought-American introduced The Homelander to the world in 1969, The Legend made a strategic move and got himself filmed at a memorial service for the air cav that his first son served in. 

Greg Mallory didn’t buy the fact that a Vought-American man felt guilty about what his company was doing. 

His second son is revealed in issue 22 to be the Teenage Kix member Blarney Cock, from whom he was estranged and was satisfied that Hughie killed him.

He was produced by The Legend and Queen Maeve during a relationship that the two had together, which was confirmed in issue #57 when Hughie discover surveillance photos and transcripts of The Legend having sex with Queen Maeve.

Unlike other heroes, the Legend has shown a certain fondness for Queen Maeve, serving as her confidant at times, and showing an almost fatherly approach during her encounter with the Boys after 9/11 and on Doc Peculiar’s transcripts. 

Butcher has accused The Legend of developing feelings for Queen Maeve, which could set up dire consequences for both The Boys and The Seven. 

 In issue 67, after informing Hughie of the death of Vas, he is confronted by Butcher and dies from a heart attack.