This is Your President.
On behalf of my country, and in the name of the other leaders of the world, with whom I have today consulted,
I hereby abdicate all authority and control over this planet...
to General Zod.
Clark Kent:
Zod!
Only by strict compliance with all his directions will the lives of innocent millions be spared.
[desperately]
Superman! Can you hear me?
Superman! Where—?
(The camera pans to Zod as he grabs a microphone)
General Zod:
Who is this "Superman"?!
President:
You'll find out, General, and when you do —
General Zod:
Come to me, Superman!
If you dare..!!
I defy you! Come!
Come and kneel before Zod!
Zod!!!
“ Flash stories were the work of well-adjusted grown-ups who really understood children.
In contrast to the titanic but all too often cruel and cloying sensuality of the Superman and Batman tales, the female leads in Schwartz books brought a brisk self-assurance to the proceedings.
In the graceful hands of Infantino or Kane, women like Iris Allen, Sue Dibny, and Jean Loring were styled in the finest New Look Paris modes. Their hair was cut to keep up with the latest trends.
This was partly a result of fallout from the code, which insisted that female characters be realistically proportioned and modestly attired, but it helped turn the Schwartz heroines into hip and pretty exemplars of the Jackie Kennedy style.
Out of costume, their men wore slacks, blazers, and trilby hats or sported short-back-and-sides establishment haircuts. An aesthetic that would one day be called metrosexual was born here in full bloom.
They all hung out together, these settled young couples with good jobs, positive can-do attitudes, and crime-fighting double lives they still kept secret from their loved ones.
Schwartz was also establishing a shared universe. Flash was friends with Green Lantern, Hal Jordan.
He was also friends with Ivy League physics professor Ray Palmer, aka the Atom, and his lawyer girlfriend, Jean Loring.
He also hung out with the Elongated Man (the Stretchable Sleuth) Ralph Dibny and his wife, Sue.
They didn’t meet to fight one another as the later Marvel heroes would do.
They didn’t overemote.
They enjoyed picnics, which were routinely disrupted by oddly small-scale, almost polite, alien invasions—the kind easily repelled by the deployment of some quirky science fact that rendered the invaders vulnerable to common table salt or H2O.
Their sexuality was never dubious or in doubt. Relaxed, cosmopolitan, they represented the epitome of our Kennedy Man, our postwar Madison Avenue pioneer astronaut American role model.
Hopeful in the clear light of
The Morning of The Sun King.
Poignant in their certainty.
And then,
The President was Dead.
The golden walls of Camelot collapsed, flimsy as any stage set, to reveal the bloody screaming mires of Vietnam beyond, where two million potential astronauts, artists, poets, musicians, and scientists were being lined up to die in the sacrifice of an American generation.”
RIMMER :
Where are we?
KRYTEN :
It says 1966, I must have prodded us forward three years.
RIMMER :
At least it'll give us time to analyse the original error.
crosses to the window and looks out>
CAT :
Hey, there's nobody here, the entire city's deserted...
[-- 17 - OB. Day. A deserted, abandoned street ----------------------------]
[ALL present. They are walking slowly along a wide, pleasant street which is completely devoid of any signs of life. Abandoned vehicles line the side of the road, and a breeze blows old litter around. In the back of one of the cars is an discarded newspaper - it's headline reads:
"Millions flee from American cities".
It's like a scene from The Stand]
LISTER :
I don't understand it, all we did is save Kennedy's life.
CAT :
Is that bad? What kind of a dude was he?
RIMMER :
He was a fine man.
[-- 18 - OB. Day. A deserted, abandoned street ----------------------------]
[Scene cuts to a street further on in the city. All is the same as in the previous street, with one exception:
the dead body of a man lies undisturbed on the pavement]
[ALL enter, CAT : leading]
CAT :
Look!
LISTER :
Can you get anything for us from his scent?
CAT :
Male.
Mid-thirties.
RIMMER :
It looks like he was trampled to death in some kind of stampede.
Kryten sees a newspaper sticking out of the man's suit. He picks it up and begins to scan it
KRYTEN :
Just processing.
I'll re-route the results through my chest monitor:
[As the others gather around, POV switches to a close up of Kryten's monitor]
KRYTEN : [VO]
"President Kennedy was impeached in 1964 for sharing a mistress with Mafia boss, Sam Giancana.
It was the biggest scandal in American history.
Kennedy was sentenced to three years
in an open prison in July, '65.
J. Edgar Hoover became President;
He was forced to run by The Mob,
who had pictures of him
at a transvestite orgy."
LISTER :
So America had a president controlled by The Mafia?
KRYTEN :
[partial VO]
"Soon after The Election,
The USSR were allowed to install
a nuclear base in Cuba
in return for Mafia cocaine trafficking
between Cuba and the States.
With a Soviet nuclear base 90 miles
from the US mainland, people
fled from all the major cities."
CAT :
So am I right in thinking I could get
a major nuclear explosion all over this suit?
Cos I'm telling you guys,
that stuff does not dry clean!
RIMMER :
Back to Starbug.
KRYTEN :
Starbug isn't There.
It Doesn't Exist.
CAT :
What?
RIMMER :
How come?
KRYTEN :
Er, best guess: Kennedy's impeachment in '64 traumatised the American nation,
allowing The USSR to win The Space Race.
In this reality, it was probably
The Russians who were the first
to land on The Moon.
CAT :
So we're marooned.
LISTER :
How was I supposed to know that
a chicken vindaloo
was going to cause all this.
CAT :
But you guys said Kennedy was a great pres!
KRYTEN :
He was!
RIMMER :
He was also an inveterate womaniser;
his affairs were legendary.
They never came out when he was alive.
KRYTEN :
Every man has his weak spot -
his 'Achilles Heel'.
RIMMER :
Kennedy's was just, higher up.
LISTER :
If I'd known this was gonna happen, I'd have had an egg sarnie, and
finished the Cinzano.
Kryten, what've I done, man?
KRYTEN :
Well, you've brought the 20th century to the very brink of extinction,
sir. Gum?
LISTER :
What is wrong with you? Where is your compassion? You've got about as much
warmth as a service station chip! That's right, you've no behaviour
protocols, have you.
RIMMER :
Any you thought causality didn't matter? Every action we take, has
trillions of implications, how come you forgot that?
KRYTEN :
Well, I didn't forget, sir, I just didn't *care*. I've got no guilt.
LISTER :
Ah. I nicked Kryten's body. That's spare head 2; I removed his guilt
chip.
RIMMER :
You, have altered the entire course of Civilisation from the 20th century onwards,
you've brought The World
to the brink of nuclear war, and worst of all --
LISTER :
I know, I know; I still haven't had a curry.
KRYTEN :
No, worst of all, the Time Drive has frozen.
RIMMER :
Let me see --
Do you think its because the sub-space conduits have locked with the transponder calibrations and caused a major tachyon surge that has
overloaded the time matrix?
KRYTEN :
Ah, no, sir; I've just been jabbing it too hard.
CAT :
So what now?
RIMMER :
We need to have time to figure out how to unfreeze it. I suggest we, set up camp here for the night and perhaps Kryten can go and look for
some food?
KRYTEN :
I'm on my way, sir!
[Exit KRYTEN :]
[-- 19 - OB. Night. Aroun--------------]
[LISTER :, KRYTEN :, RIMMER : and CAT : present, sitting around a large open fire.
RIMMER : is fiddling with the Time Drive while LISTER : and CAT :, having ditched
their spacesuits, tuck into hefty chunks of meat]
RIMMER :
It's hopeless, I can't fix it. We're trapped...
CAT :
Chicken's good.
LISTER :
Yeah, really good.
KRYTEN :
That's not chicken, sir.
CAT :
Oh, what is it?
KRYTEN :
It's that man we found.
poison...>
Well, it seemed such a waste to leave him lying there when he'd barbecue
so beautifully.
RIMMER :
KRYTEN :
Did I do wrong? I didn't get any error commands...
Obviously I thought about it, because without my guilt chip or moral
imperatives, I have nothing to guide me. But it seemed to me that if
humanoids eat chicken then obviously they'd eat their own species; otherwise
they'd just be picking on the chicken.
RIMMER :
One minute you're down, the next you're right back up again.
LISTER :
I said I was enjoying that!
CAT :
I knew it didn't smell right! Oh my god...
LISTER :
I'm a cannibal!
fire. It's obviously 'thawed out'>
RIMMER :
Look!
CAT :
Right, lets get out of here! I badly need to floss a piece of roasted
dead person out of my teeth!
RIMMER :
Where to?
KRYTEN :
Hawaii. Let's catch some surf!
LISTER :
No, no, we've got to go back; stop ourselves from interfering with the
assassination.
CAT :
I don't care where we go, just as long as it's before we had dinner!
[-- 20 - Fifth-floor storeroom inside the Texas Book Depository -----------]
[ALL present, sat together around a box of books playing poker. Tense music
plays, and a clock on the wall shows the time as 1:27pm.]
[Enter OSWALD]
head with one hand. Oswald, upon spotting the Dwarfers, uses the long case
he carries on his shoulder to awkwardly cover his face>
CAT :
Decorators. Try up on the sixth floor.
[Exit OSWALD]
KRYTEN :
Stand back, sir, our original selves are about to beam in. When they
realise their mistake they'll beam out again. I propose *we* go down to the
fourth.
[-- 21 - Fourth-floor storeroom inside the Texas Book Depository ----------]
[ALL enter. A room very similar to that up on the fifth.]
LISTER :
First shot!
<...a second and third shot rings out. Again, there is noise and commotion
from the street below>
[Cut POV to outside of building, looking at the Dwarfers at the window]
CAT :
It doesn't smell right, I think he's missed!
RIMMER :
How come?
KRYTEN :
He's right, sir. By sending Oswald up to the sixth, we've made the
trajectory of his shot so steep he's only wounded him.
RIMMER :
Let's start again, and bring him back down to the fifth.
LISTER :
We can't use the fifth: our original selves are destined to beam in there
as he fires his third shot, and this version of us are now on the fourth.
CAT :
We've been copied more times than that poster of the tennis girl
scratching her butt.
LISTER :
If we could arrange, somehow, for a second gunman to fire from just behind
that little hill over there covered in lawn...
KRYTEN :
You mean the, er, the grassy knoll, sir?
LISTER :
That'd solve it, wouldn't it?
CAT :
Shoot the pres?? Who?
RIMMER :
You can count me out.
CAT :
And me.
[Cut to inside of room]
LISTER :
Hang on... maybe, just maybe there's someone who can get us out of this
mess.
RIMMER :
Where are we going?
LISTER :
Idlewild airport, July, '65...
[-- 22 - OB. Day - A runway at Idlewild airport ---------------------------]
into the back of a prison truck. As police lock up tyhe truck, the
Dwarfers beam in, nearby the stationary aircraft.>
[ALL present]
LISTER :
This is right. He's being escorted to Hoover open prison in New York.
Give me *five minutes*.
[-- 23 - Int. JFK's prison truck ------------------------------------------]
[JFK present]
[Enter LISTER :, beamed in by the Time Drive to the bench seat opposite JFK]
LISTER :
Don't be alarmed, sir, but I have a very strange tale to tell.
[FADE. Time passes. Picture returns as Kennedy is speaking]
JOHN F. KENNEDY
I, ah, have had plenty of time to reflect on my deeds in the Whitehouse.
In all important respects I believe I did a good job.
It was right to plan a pull out of Vietnam,
to fight for civil rights, and, ah,
to fight congress, ah, to put a man on the moon.
It was, ah, wrong however, to, ah,
act like an irresponsible jackass with all those women, and allow my enemies
to wreak havoc on Our Nation.
LISTER :
But I can help, man.
I mean, Mr. President, man.
I mean, sir.
KENNEDY
How, ah, can you help?
LISTER :
Well, come with us back to Dallas,
November 1963, be a second gunman.
The gunman behind the grassy knoll.
KENNEDY
You mean, assassinate myself?
LISTER :
Yeah! It'll drive the conspiracy nuts crazy,
but they'll never figure itout.
KENNEDY
But I, ah, still have a future here.
Jackie left me, but, ah, when I get out
I can, ah, still make a contribution to The World.
LISTER :
See this airport, Idlewild airport?
In Our Reality, they renamed it 'JFK', after you.
Where I come from,
You're A Liberal Icon,
and That's The Person You Should Be.
But if you're gonna be That Person --
You're gonna have to
Sacrifice Your Life.
KENNEDY :
And only then will my reputation
be restored in history?
LISTER :
Mm. And I can get a smeggin' curry.
KENNEDY
Ask not what your country can do for you...
ask what you can do for your country.
LISTER :
Hey, that'd make a pretty neat speech, that.
KENNEDY
It did. Heh heh.
[-- 24 - OB. Day. Behind the grassy knoll in Dallas, 1963 -----------------]
All present. JFK present, he and KRYTEN : dressed in policeman's uniforms hands him what looks like an M-16 rifle, and nods towards the street meaningfully
[MONTAGE.]
We see the parade roll through the main street once again; Oswald lining up his shot from the sixth floor of the Texas Book Depository and JFK tracking his own vehicle as it moves slowly down the road.
Oswald fires his first two shots, wounding the president as before.
This time, however, Kennedy himself takes aim from the grassy knoll - firing his shot moments after Oswald's third, and leaving what would turn out to be a nasty mess on Jackie O's suit...
Kennedy lowers the gun and turns away,
clearly disturbed, but unreadable beyond that
KENNEDY
I, ah, thank you all for giving me
the opportunity to, ah, be reborn.
After a short time, he fades from reality.
The Dwarfers turn away, leaning against
The White Picket Fence on The Grassy Knoll
LISTER :
Smeg! I forgot to ask
if there are any curry houses in Dallas!
his head and KRYTEN : nods; after all, there's only so much you can take of
one person... CAT : turns and walks behind LISTER :, whistling innocently.
As RIMMER turns to follow him, he suddenly grabs LISTER and pulls him to the ground - the three of them quickly laying into the curry-deprived one with everything they've got. The nightstick that Kryten carries come in particularly useful...>
