A Theory

You're not an asshole, Mark. You're just 

trying so hard to be.

On a fall night in 2003, Harvard undergrad and computer programming genius Mark Zuckerberg sits down at his computer and heatedly begins working on a new idea. In a fury of blogging and programming, what begins in his dorm room soon becomes a global social network and a revolution in communication. A mere six years and 500 million friends later, Mark Zuckerberg is the youngest billionaire in history... but for this entrepreneur, success leads to both personal and legal complications. 

Mark :

Did you know there are more people 

with genius I.Q.s living in China 

than there are people of any kind 

living in the United States?

The Girl :

That can't possibly be True.

Mark :

It is. 

The Girl :

What would account for that? 

Mark :

Well, first, an awful lot of people live 

in China, but here's my question :

How do you distinguish 

yourself in a population 

of people who all got 

1600 on their SATs?

The Girl :

I didn't know they 

take SATs in China. 

Mark :

They don't. I wasn't talking 

about China any more, I was 

Talking about Me.

The Girl :

Yes. 

Mark :

I could sing in an acappella 

group, but I can't sing. 

The Girl :

Does that mean you actually 

got nothing wrong? 

Mark :

I could row crew or 

invent a $25 PC. 

The Girl :

Or you could get 

into a final club. 

Mark :

Or I get into 

a finals club. 

The Girl :

You know, from 

A Woman's Perspective, 

sometimes not singing in an 

a Cappella group is 

a good thing. 

Mark :

This is serious. 

The Girl :

On the other hand, I do 

like guys who row crew. 

Mark :

Well, I can't do that. 

The Girl :

I was kidding. 

Mark :

And, yes, I got nothing 

wrong on The Test.

The Girl :

Have you ever tried?

Mark :

I'm trying right now. 

To row crew?

The Girl :

To get into a final club. 

Mark :

To row crew? No. Are you, 

like, whatever, delusional? 

The Girl :

Maybe it's just -- sometimes you say two things at once. 

I'm not sure which one I'm supposed to be aiming at. 

Mark :

But you've seen guys 

who row crew, right? 

The Girl :

No. 

Mark :

Okay, well, they're bigger than me. 

They're world-class athletes. 

And a second ago, you said you like 

guys who row crew so I assumed 

you had met one. 

The Girl :

I guess I just meant I like the idea of it. 

You know, the way a girl likes cowboys. 

Mark :

Okay - Should we get something to eat? 

Would you like to talk about something else? 

The Girl :

No. It's just since the beginning of the 

Conversation about finals club, I think 

I may have missed a birthday. There are really 

more people in China with genius IQs 

than the entire population... 

Mark :

The Phoenix is the most diverse. 

The Fly Club... Roosevelt 

punched the Porc. 

The Girl :

Which one? 

Mark :

The Porcellian, the Porc. 

It's the best of the best.

The Girl :

Which Roosevelt?

Mark :

Theodore. 

The Girl :

Is it true that they send a bus around 

to pick up girls who want to party 

with the next Fed chairman? 

Mark :

So you can see why it's 

so important to get in. 

The Girl :

Okay, well, which is the 

easiest to get into?

Mark :

Why would you ask me that?

The Girl :

I was just asking. 

Mark :

None of them. That's the point. 

My friend Eduardo made $300,000 

betting oil futures one summer and 

Eduardo won't come close to getting in. 

The ability to make money doesn't 

impress anybody around here. 

The Girl :

Must be nice. He made 

$300,000 in a summer?

Mark :

He likes meteorology.

The Girl :

You said it was oil futures. 

Mark :

You can read the weather, you can predict 

the price of heating oil. 

The Girl :

I think you asked me that because you think the final club that's easiest to get into is the one where I'll have the best chance. I... 

The Girl :

What? 

Mark :

You asked me which one was 

the easiest to get into 

because you think that 

that's the one where 

I'll have the best chance. 

The Girl :

The one that's the easiest to get into would be 

the one where anybody has the best chance. 

Mark :

You didn't ask me which one was the best one, 

you asked me which one was the easiest one. 

The Girl :

I was honestly just asking, okay? 

I was just asking to ask.

Mark, I'm not speaking in code.

Mark :

Enca. 

The Girl :

You're obsessed with finals clubs. 

You have finals clubs OCD and you 

need to see someone about it 

who will prescribe you some sort of medication. 

You don't care if the side effects 

may include blindness. 

Mark :

Final clubs. Not "finals clubs." And there's a difference 

between being obsessed and being motivated. 

The Girl :

Yes. There is. 

Well, you do. That was cryptic, so 

you do speak in code. 

The Girl :

I didn't mean to be cryptic. 

Mark :

I'm just saying I need to do something substantial 

in order to get the attention of The Clubs. 

The Girl :

Why?

Mark :

Because they're exclusive. And fun, 

and they lead to a better life. 

The Girl :

Teddy Roosevelt didn't 

get elected president 

because he was a member 

of The Phoenix Club. 

Mark :

He was a member 

of The Porcellian, 

and yes, he did. 

The Girl :

Well, why don't you just concentrate on 

being the best you you can be? 

Mark :

Did you really just say that? 

The Girl :

I was kidding. Just because 

something's trite 

doesn't make it less true. 

Mark :

I wanna try to be straightforward with you 

and tell you I think you might want to 

be a little more supportive. 

If I get in, I will be taking you to the events 

and the gatherings, and you'll be meeting 

a lot of people you wouldn't 

normally get to meet. 

The Girl :

(horrified) You would 

do that for me? 

Mark :

We're dating. 

The Girl :

Okay - Well, I wanna 

try and be straightforward 

with you and let you know 

that we're not any more.

Mark :

What do you mean?

The Girl :

We're not dating any more. 

I'm sorry. Is this a joke?

The Girl :

No, it's not. 

Mark :

You're breaking up with me? 

The Girl :

You're gonna introduce me to people 

I wouldn't normally have the chance to meet? 

What the... What is that supposed to mean?

Mark :

Wait, settle down.

The Girl :

What is it supposed to mean? 

Mark :

Erica, the reason we're able to sit here and drink right now 

is 'cause you used to sleep with the door guy. 

The Girl :

"The door guy"? His name is Bobby. 

I have not slept with the door guy. 

The door guy is a friend of mine, 

and he's a perfectly good class of people. 

And what part of Long Island 

are you from, Wimbledon?

Mark :

Wait. Wait, wait. 

The Girl :

I'm going back to my dorm.

Is this real? 

The Girl :

Yes.

 Then wait, I apologise, okay?

I have to go study.

Mark :

Enca?

Yes?

Mark :

I'm sorry, I mean it. 

The Girl :

I appreciate that, but I have to go study. 

Mark :

Come on, you don't have to study. 

Let's just talk. 

I can't. 

Mark :

Why? 

The Girl :

Because it is exhausting. 

Dating you is like 

dating a StairMaster. 

Mark :

All I meant is that you're not likely to... Currently... 

I wasn't making a comment on your appearance. 

I was saying that you go to BU. 

I was stating a fact, that's all, and 

if it seemed rude, then I apologise.

The Girl :

I have to go study.

Mark :

You don't have to study. 

The Girl :

Why do you keep saying 

I don't have to study? 

'Cause you go to BU. Do you 

want to get some food? 

The Girl :

I am sorry you are not sufficiently 

impressed with my education. 

Mark :

And I'm sorry I don't have 

a rowboat, so we're even.

The Girl :

I think we should just be friends.

Mark :

I don't want friends. 

The Girl :

I was just being polite. I have no intention 

of being friends with you. 

Mark :

I'm under some pressure right now from 

my OS class and if we could just order 

some food, I think we should... 

The Girl :

Okay, you are probably going to be 

a very successful computer person. 

But you're gonna go through Life thinking that 

girls don't like you because you're a nerd. 

And I want you to know from the bottom 

of my heart that that won't be true.

 It'll be because You're An Asshole. 

The People of The Toaster-Oven Nation

PHILLIPA: 

When people of good conscience have an honest dispute, 

we must still sometimes resort to this kind 

of adversarial system. 

RIKER: 

You just want me to prove that Data is a mere machine. 

I can't do that because I don't believe it.

 I happen to know better. So I'm 

neither qualified nor willing. 

You're going to have to find someone else. 

PHILLIPA: 

Then I will rule summarily 

based upon my findings :

 Data is A Toaster. 

Have him report to 

Commander Maddox immediately 

for experimental refit. 

 [ Groaning ] [ Snarling ] [ Christie ] Get off me! [ Grunts ] Johner! Get off me! Get off me! Aaah! Johner! Die, m*therf*cker! Do it, man! [ Snarls ] Hey! [ Snarls ] [ Screeches ] [ Gasps ] Real nice party, ain't it? [ Groaning ] [ Grunts ] [ Groaning, Sobbing ] Christie! Christie! Christie! No! Christie! What are you doing? Don't do it! Don't! We can make it! No! [ Screams ] [ Groaning, Sobbing ] Damn! [ Grunting ] [ Breathing Erratically ] [ Alarm Beeping ] [ Grunts ] 

This way. Come on! 

Baby, am I glad to see you. 

I was sure that asshole got you. 

Are you hurt? 

I'm fine. 

You got body armor on? 

Yeah. Come on. 

Ripley-8 :

You took it in the chest. I saw it. 

[ Chuckles ] 

You're A Robot? Son ofa bitch! 

Our little Call is just full of surprises. 

Ripley-8 :

I should have known — 

No Human Being is that humane. 

I thought Synthetics were supposed 

to be all logical and sh1t. 

You're just a big old psycho, girl. 

You're A Robot? 

Vriess :

You're Second-Gen, aren't you? 

You're an Auton - 

Robots, designed by robots, right? 

Hah! Oh, yeah. 

That's right. I remember. 

Now, they were supposed to revitalise 

The Synthetic Industry.

Instead, they buried it. [ Chuckles ] 

They didn't like being 

told What to Do. 

Government ordered a recall. 

Now, I heard— I had— 

I had heard... 

that only a few - just a few-

had gotten out intact. 

Man, I never, never thought 

that I would see one! 

Great. She's a toaster oven. 

Can we leave now? 

[ Distephano Laughing ] 

Ripley-8 :

How long before we land? 

Distephano :

Just under two hours. 

Johner :

Hey, Vriess. You got a socket wrench? 

Maybe she just needs an oil change. 

FATHER : 

I'm sorry. Access denied. 

Johner :

I can't believe I almost fucked it. 

Vriess :

Yeah, like you never fucked a robot! 

[ Ripley ] 

You know, if Wren gets in the computer, he could really screw us. 

Johner : 

We gotta find a terminal. 

No, there's no console on this level. 

We'd have to go back. 

Well, we can't go back. 

And I don't know any 

of Wren's access codes. 

Ripley-8 :

Help Me. Call. 

Call :

No. I can't. 

Right.  You're the new-model droid. 

You can access the mainframe by remote. 

No, I can't. I burned my 

modem. We all did. 

Ripley-8 :

Call, you can still patch in manually. 

You know that. 

Distephano :

There's ports in the chapel, up there. Call. 

Call crosses herself in front of the altar

Ripley-8 :

You're programmed for that? 

Don't make me do this. 

Ripley-8 :

Don't make me make you. 

[ Sighs ] I don't want to go in there. 

It's like my insides are liquid. 

It's like I’m not real. 

Ripley-8 :

Get over it. You can blow the ship before it reaches Earth... and kill them all. 

[ Sniffles ] 

Ripley-8 :

Just give us time to get out first. 

Damn it. 

Ripley-8 :

Anything? 

Hold on. 

ComputerVoice :

Breach in Sector 7, Sector 3. Sector 9 unstable. 

Engines operating at 41 %. 

Eighty-six minutes until Earth dock. 

[ Sighs ] 

 Normal Voice 

We burned too much energy. 

I can't make critical mass. 

I can't blow it. 

Ripley-8 :

Then crash it. 

[ Grunting ] [ Grunting ] Yeah. [ Gasping ] [ Grunting ] 

I'm okay. I'm okay. Really. I feel good. 

Call: Computer Voice :

Ground level recalibrated. New destination: 7-6-0-4-0-3. Uninhabited quadrant. 

Braking systems off-lined. 

Acceleration increase. 

Time until impact now 

43 minutes, 8 seconds. 

Try to clear us a path to the Betty... 

and start her up. [ Normal Voice ] Okay. [ Whirring, Beeping ] [ ComputerVoice ] Please wait. Emergency override in console 45V, Level 1. [ Gasps ] [ Normal Voice ] 

It's Wren. He's almost at the Betty. 

[ Beeping ] [ Buzzes ] [ Powering Down ] 

Father, locate the power drain. 

Report. Father? 

Father! 

[ Call Over Speaker ] 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

Father's Dead, asshole. 

Intruder on Level 1. 

All Aliens, please proceed to Level 1. 

Ripley-8 :

You got a mean streak. 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

[ Groans ] Damn it. 

Let me see. 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

Don't touch me. 

Ripley-8 :

Come on. 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

You must think this is pretty funny. 

Ripley-8 :

I'm finding a lot of things funny lately, 

but I don't think that they are.

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

 Why do you go on living? 

How can you stand being what you are? 

Ripley-8 :

Not much choice. 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

At least there's a part of you that's Human. 

[ Sighs ] I'm just— Look at me. I'm disgusting. 

Ripley-8 :

Why did you come here? 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

To kill you, remember? 

Before the recall, I accessed The Mainframe. 

Every dirty little covert op The Government 

ever dreamed of is in there. 

And this - You, The Aliens, 

even The Crew from the Betty - 

I knew if they succeeded, it would 

be The End of Them. 

Ripley-8 :

Why do you care what happens to Them? 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

Because I'm programmed to. 

Ripley-8 :

You're programmed to be an asshole? 

You're the new asshole model 

They're putting out? Come on. 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

I couldn't watch 'em do it. 

I couldn't let 'em annihilate themselves. 

Do you understand that? 

Ripley-8 :

I did, once. I tried to Save... People. 

It didn't work out. 

There was this girl. She had bad dreams. 

I tried to help her. She died. 

Now I can't even remember her name.... 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

I guess we're almost there.

Ripley-8 :

Right. 

[ Ripley-8 Sighs ] 

Ripley-8 :

Do You Dream? 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

 I — Well, we have 

neuroprocessors that — Yes. 

Ripley-8 :

When I sleep, I dream 

about Them— it. 

Every night. All around me, in me. 

I used to be afraid to dream, 

but I'm not anymore. 

Call of The Toaster-Oven Nation :

Why? 

[ Ripley-8 chuckles ] 

Ripley-8 :

Because no matter how bad 

the dreams get, when I wake up, 

it's always worse. 

Distephano :

It's not so far now! 

God, I'm so tired. 

Johner :

Sleep when you die, man. 

Oh, no. This is bad, right? 

I think we're near the nest. 

Well, then we'll go another way. 

We don't have time. 

We got nearly 90 minutes. 

Not anymore. 

What are you saying? 

What did you do, robot? 

Let's go. Come on. Hey! 

You want to die here 

with your little brothers 

and sisters, that's cool! 

But I plan to live past today! 

If this little hunk of plastic is pulling any sh1t, I'm gonna kill her! Kill you! 

Does that compute? Or do I have 

to draw you a schematic? 

Ripley-8 grabs him by the tongue — 

[ Gagging ] 

Ripley-8 :

Hey! You want another souvenir? 

[ Gagging Continues ] 

Ripley-8 :

How far are the docks? 

A h-hundred yards.

SEEMS

 

 

 

That is in fact, after all, 

the very essential nature 

of The Material Universe -- 

it’s always constantly coming-apart 

at The Seems.

 

 

 Bill's Ghost :

Is he here? Is The Doctor here?

(Her Doctor comes out of The TARDIS.)

Bill's Ghost : 

Doctor! (they hug) I knew it! I did, I knew it. 

I knew you couldn't be Dead, 

you don't have the concentration. 

Doctor? What are you doing?

(He scans her with the sonic screwdriver.)

Dr. Disco :

Just keep still, please. 

Bill Potts.

Bill's Ghost :

Yeah.

Dr. Disco : 

My Friend Bill Potts was 

turned into a Cyberman. 

She gave Her Life so that people 

she barely knew could Live.

So, let's be clear -- Nobody 

imitates Bill Potts. 

Nobody mocks Bill Potts.

Bill's Ghost :

Bill Potts is standing 

right in front of you.

Dr. Disco :

How is that even possible?

Bill's Ghost :

Well, long story, short -- I totally pulled.

Old Grandfather : 

You, you did what?

Bill's Ghost : 

Heather. Do you remember, 

the girl in the puddle? 

Well, she showed up. 

She came for me.

Dr. Disco :

How romantic. Where is she?

Bill's Ghost :

Well, she's. She's.

Dr. Disco :

 And how did you get here?

Bill's Ghost :

I don't... I, I can't

Dr. Disco :

You can't remember. 

No, I bet you can't. 

(He scans her again.)

Old Grandfather :

That device. What is it?

Dr. Disco :

It's a sonic screwdriver.

Old Grandfather :

A, a what screwdriver?

Dr. Disco :

It's really a very good job.

Old Grandfather :

An audio screwdriver?

Dr. Disco :

There are only three low-key markers 

indicating that she's a duplicate.

Bill's Ghost :

I'm not a duplicate!

Dr. Disco :

So, who has been stealing 

The Faces of The Dead?

(The Doctors walk up the stairs to some very advanced technology.)

Old Grandfather :

Time travel technology, eh? Obviously.

Dr. Disco :

From the far future.

Old Grandfather :

I know. Sunglasses?

Dr. Disco :

They're sonic.

Old Grandfather :

Indoors?

(Flash. The Glass Woman appears.)

Dr. Disco :

So, What are You?

GLASS WOMAN: 

We are What Awaits at The End of Every Life. 

As every living soul dies, so We will appear. 

We take from You What We Need 

and return You to The Moment 

of Your Death. We are Testimony.

(All the archways light up. Very Tomb of the Cybermen.)

Dr. Disco :

You come from the distant future. 

You travel back in Time, find people 

at the exact point of death, and what, 

you harvest something from them?

GLASS WOMAN: 

Yes

Dr. Disco :

On behalf of The Dying, 

What is it that We have that 

The Future needs so badly?

Old Grandfather : 

And what has any of this to do with

 a War World One Captain landing 

at The South Pole in the wrong decade?

GLASS WOMAN: 

We were returning him to the appointed 

Time and Place of His Death. 

An error in the timeline ejected him 

into the wrong time zone. 

Now His Death must proceed 

as History demands.

Old Grandfather : 

If I may.

(He peers at her through his monocle.)

Old Grandfather :

Who were You?

Dr. Disco : 

She wasn't anyone.

(Sonic screwdriver.)

Dr. Disco : 

She's a computer-generated interface, 

connected to a multiform, 

inter-phasing data-bank.

Old Grandfather : 

Oh, for Heaven's Sake, 

will you put that ridiculous 

buzzing toy away and 

look at The Woman! You see? 

Her Face, it's very slightly asymmetrical. 

If it were computer-generated, 

it wouldn't produce that effect.

Dr. Disco : 

Yes. You're absolutely right. 

I should have noticed that.

Old Grandfather : 

Well, it might help if you 

could see properly.

(He removes the sonic glasses and drops them on the floor.)