Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts

Thursday, 28 November 2019

Profiles in Mentorship : Hold Me

“When Yogananda describes the first sighting of his guru, to a westerner the sincerity of his adulation is almost obscene. 

We only love so wholeheartedly and uncynically in adolescence, or when we revisit that hormonal tundra in juvenile adulthood. 

I was in my own storm of idiocy, my own adolescence beaten thinly almost into middle age, on a trip with a woman who I blindly adored, who I had ill-advisedly appointed as a custodian of my heart – one last throw of the dice. 

We Who Look for God in Romance are Doomed. 
Your idol will fall and you will be too bereft to pick up the pieces.

After a disastrous holiday where the delusion we had impulsively projected shattered and left just the bare bones and broken hearts of us, I ran into Jimmy in an Indian airport. 

I knew Jimmy Mulville already, he works in TV and he doesn’t drink, like me. 
I’d once overheard him say, 
‘I wanted to live an autobiography, not a life,’ 
and instinctively plagiarised it in my own autobiography. 

He was with his wife and three of his four children navigating an airport. 

I was at the carousel with my paramour conducting an introduction with the stink of argument still on us. 

Later on in the flight, Jimmy ambled over and gave me a book he was reading, Robert Johnson’s Inner Gold – a Jungian account of mentorship, how we ‘give another our gold to carry or hold’. 

Gold in this metaphor being, I suppose, a symbol of our highest self, our truest intention, the aspect of us that is so beautiful it is too much for us to hold alone.”

“Asking someone to mentor you, as I have said, is a simultaneous acknowledgement of vulnerability and admiration, and even in the most secular and occidental context bears a trace of Yogananda’s euphoric sincerity. 

No one wants to be rejected by someone they admire and who knows they’re vulnerable

But after my holiday my old method of redemption through love was still giving me a good battering. 

If you’d asked me at the time what the problem was, I would have instantly blamed the woman I was going out with. 
Now I know the problem was my unreasonable, unconscious requirements.

I asked Jimmy for help, he agreed to help me. 

I told him about the melee that was my relationship and he was always able to ‘hold it’. 

Meaning that my problems never fazed him – the last thing you need when opening up your heart is for the person you’ve appointed to blanch or gag. 

He pointedly never offers unsolicited advice, instead meeting my enquiries with his own experience. 

There is a great power in this. 

Some of the things he has said landed as perfectly in my mind as the first maxim of his I plagiarized:
‘Being Human, is a ‘Me Too business, we’re all in the mud together’ 
‘Next time you see the signpost that points in the direction of a destructive relationship, don’t go in that direction.”

“Perhaps Young Men like me go awry because 
nobody can hold them. 

I don’t mean embrace, I mean in a parental sense, like parentheses, to ‘bracket’ them, to stand as a dam either side of the wayward lash and unmovingly emit care. 

The only authority I ever knew was negative. 
Either inefficient or corrupt. 

This is the consequence of living with false ideals in a materialistic society. 

The authority that I give to Jimmy is sacred, I know he is flawed but I am not consulting with the flawed part of him I am consulting with the part of him that is willing in spite of his own numerous obligations, work, and family to provide loving counsel for free. 

I believe this relationship becomes a conduit for truth, divine truth. 

That needn’t mean it’s all chocolates and roses. 

There’s a fair amount of ‘suck it up’ and ‘face your fear’, but it is Truth. 

Perhaps we can take Truth to mean the timeless, the universal. 

Things that will not erode and fade, qualities I need to live the life I have moved into.”

Excerpt From
Russell Brand

Sunday, 27 May 2018

But You Gotta Have Faith

Faith is lying in bed holding the scythe in front of her. Buffy's standing beside the bed.

You feel it too, don't you?

Damn. And damn, that's something.

I know.

It's old. It's strong, and it feels like... like it's mine. (places it on the bed beside her) I guess that means it's yours.

It belongs to The Slayer. (picks up the scythe)

Slayer in charge, which, I'm guessing, is you.

(sits on the edge of the bed) I honestly don't know. Does it matter?

It never mattered to me. Somebody has to lead. 

Let's vote for Chao-Ahn. 

It's harder to lead people into a deathtrap if you don't speak English.

It wasn't your fault. 

(looks away) I'm really not looking for forgiveness.

You're not?

What do you want me to say? 

I blew it.

You didn't blow it.

Tell that to—

People die. You lead them into battle, they're gonna die. 

It doesn't matter how ready you are or how smart you are. 

War is about death. 

Needless, stupid death.

So, here's the laugh riot. 

My whole life I've been a loner. 

That's the funny part? 

Did I miss something?

I'm trying to—

Sorry. Sorry. Go.

No ties, no buddies, no relationships that lasted longer than... 

well, Robin lasted pretty long. (grins) 

Boy's got stamina.

Principal Wood? And you? 

And in my— (stands, paces) 

Don't tell me you two got wriggly.

No. No. No, no.

We're just good friends. Or mortal enemies, depending on which day of the—
was that the funny part?

OK. The Point. 

Me, by myself all the time. I'm looking at you, everything you have, and, I don't know, jealous. 

Then there I am. 

Everybody's looking to me, trusting me to lead them, and I've never felt so alone in my entire life.

Yeah. (swallows, looks down)

And that's you every day, isn't it?

I love my friends. I'm very grateful for them. But that's the price. Being a slayer.

There's only supposed to be one. 

Maybe that's why you and I can never get along. 

We're not supposed to exist together.

Also, you went evil and were killing people.

Good point. Also a factor. (nods)

But you're right. I mean, I... 

I guess everyone's alone. 

But being a slayer? 

There's a burden we can't share.

And no one else can feel it. (beat) Thank God we're hot chicks with superpowers.

Takes the edge off.



Tuesday, 30 January 2018


The Penitent Man Kneels Before God

There are 3 parts to Penitence :

• Confession ("I am at Fault")
• Contrition ("I am Sorry")
• Satisfaction ("You have done What is Required to Make Amends")

Or, alternatively, you could just decide you prefer to sh*t all over everything :

WINTER, 1691


It is Seventy-One years after The Pilgrims landed at Plymouth, and England has not yet signed a formal charter.

The New World, still a wilderness frontier, has no clear governing body.

The Winters are bitterly cold, there is little food or dry wood to burn, and hostile Indians threaten this small outpost of settlers.

The only existing law is provided by the Puritan Church, which demands that individual sins be cleansed through PUBLIC HUMILIATION.

Into This World a handful of girls are about to unleash a terror so great that it will forever curse the town of Salem.

Ann Putnam: 
Who will forgive us... who will forgive us?