Unforgivable Blackness

Loki is very handsome. 

He is plausible, convincing, likeable, 

and far and away the most wily, subtle and shrewd 

of all the inhabitants of Asgard. 

It is a pity, then, that 

there is so much DARKNESS inside him : 

so much ANGER, 

so much ENVY, 

so much LUST. 

Loki is the son of Laufey, 

who was also known as Nal, or needle, 

because she was slim and beautiful and sharp. 

His father was said to be Farbauti, a giant; 

His Name means “He who strikes dangerous blows”, 

and Farbauti was as dangerous as his name. 

Loki walks in the sky with shoes that fly, 

and he can transform his shape 

so he looks like other people, 

or change into animal form, 

but his real weapon is his MIND. 

He is more cunning, subtler, trickier than any god or giant. 

Not even Odin is as cunning as Loki. 

Loki is Odin’s blood brother. 

The other gods do not know WHEN 

Loki came to Asgard, or HOW. 

He is Thor’s friend 

and Thor’s betrayer. 

He is tolerated by the gods, 

perhaps because his stratagems and plans save them 

as often as they get them into Trouble. 

Loki makes The World more interesting 

but Less SAFE. 

He is the Father of Monsters, 

the Author of Woes, The Sly God. 

Loki drinks too much, 

and he cannot guard his words 

or his thoughts or his deeds 

when he drinks. 

Loki and His Children 

will be there for Ragnarok, 

The End of Everything,

 and it will not be on the side 

of the gods of Asgard 

that they will fight.

BOASTFUL LOKI :

So, after I vanquished Captain America and Iron Man, 

I claimed my prize, 

all six Infinity Stones.

ALLIGATOR LOKI :

(GROWLS)

CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI : 

That’s alligator for growling and saying “liar” at the same time.

BOASTFUL LOKI :

At least my nexus event wasn’t eating the wrong neighbor’s cat.

(SNARLS)

(GROANING)

Alligator Loki ATTACKS..!!

BOASTFUL LOKI :

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Hey, hey, hey.

KID LOKI :

Tell them Your Story, Loki.

CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI : 

Me?Nobody wants to hear about that.

Loki :

Er, I would, actually.

CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI : 

Um…

Loki :

It’s just I’ve been wondering, because I’m…

Well, we’re supposed to die, right?

Thanos kills us after Ragnarok.

CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI : 

Thanos…. (drinks bitter dregs)

In my timeline, everything proceeded correctly, my entire life, 

until Thanos attacked our ship.

Loki :

So, you didn’t try to stab him, then?

CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI : 

(CHUCKLES) 

Certainly not.

Take no offense, my friends, 

but blades are worthless in the face of a Loki’s sorcery.

They stunt our magical potential.

KID LOKI :

But they LOOK awesome.

CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI : 

Oh, yes. Especially when they clatter to the ground 

just before your neck is snapped.

I cast a projection of myself so real, even The Mad Titan believed it.

Then hid as inanimate debris.

After I faked my death, I simply drifted in space.

Away from Thor, away from everything.

Thought about The Universe and my place in it, 

and it occurred to me that 

everywhere I went, 

only Pain followed.

So I removed myself from The Equation, 

landed on a remote planet 

and stayed there in isolation, 

in solitude for a long, long time.

Loki :

How did the TVA find you?

CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI : 

I got lonely.

(CHUCKLES)

To tell you The Truth, 

I missed My Brother, 

and I wondered if he missed me, 

if anybody else did.

But as soon as I took my first steps 

to getting off The Planet, the TVA arrived.

Because we, my friends, 

have but one part to play : 

The God of Outcasts.

Nothing more. 

ALL TOAST :

The God of Outcasts.

Loki :

I’m going.

KID LOKI :

Going where?

Loki :

Out of this place, out of The Void, back to the TVA.

We’re as good at escaping as we are at surviving.

That gives me a decent chance.

CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI : 

You won’t do either, 

you’ll be murdered.

Loki :

Well, so be it.

That was My Destiny to begin with.

KID LOKI :

You’re different.

Why?

Loki :

No, I’m not, you see?

I’m the same, really. 

I’m the same as all of you.

Have any of you met a woman Variant of us?

CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI : 

Sounds terrifying.

Loki :

Oh, she is.

But that’s kind of what’s great about her.

She’s different.

She’s not trying to take over the TVA, she’s trying to take it down.

And She Needs Me.

Now, you said Alioth is what keeps Us here.

You said it’s a living thing. 

You said it’s a shark.

Well, if it lives, it dies.

So I’m gonna kill The Shark.

I’m gonna kill Alioth, and I could use all the help I can get.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

BOASTFUL LOKI :

Yeah, baby. Yeah.

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

Loki :

Monsters…..