Cosmic Edge-Lords

SCULLY :

No exam has been done?

The Sheriff : 

Uh ... No, Ma'am. Once I 

heard y'all was interested 

I figured we'd best leave it to 

The Experts. (Scully smiles broadly) 

Now, uh ... that can't be 

what it looks like, right?

MULDER: 

That depends on what you think 

it looks like, Sheriff Hartwell. 

Vampires have always been with Us, 

in ancient myths and stories 

passed down from early Man. 

(Scully stands behind Mulder, smiling, eyes wide, 

rocks from side to side, goofing around) 

From the Babylonian Ekimu 

to the Chinese Kuang-Shi 

to Motetz Dam of the 

Hebrews, the Mormo 

of ancient Greece and Rome* 

to the more familiar Nosferatu 

of Transylvania.

The Sheriff :

Mormo.* Yeah.

SCULLY: 

In short, Sheriff, no. This can't be what it looks like. 

I think what we're dealing with here is 

simply a case of some lunatic. (She chuckles) 

Who, uh, has watched too many Bela Lugosi movies. 

He wishes that he could transfigure himself

 into a creature of the night.

The Sheriff :

Yeah. Okay. Uh ... what she said, 

that's what I'm thinking, 

and, uh ... Yeah. 

(Scully loves being right)

MULDER: 

Still, that leaves us in something of a quandary 

because there are as many different 

kinds of vampires as there are 

cultures that fear them. 

(Scully yawns and covers her mouth) 

Some don't even subsist on blood. 

The Bulgarian Ubour, for example, 

eats only manure.

SCULLY: (sarcastically) 

Thank you.

MULDER: 

To The Serbs, a prime indicator 

of vampirism is red hair. 

(raises his hand to Scully's head) 

Some vampires are thought 

to be eternal. 

Others are thought to have 

a Life-span of only 40 days. 

(Scully's pointing at her watch, 

rolling her eyes, carrying on.) 

Sunlight kills certain vampires 

while others come and go 

as they please, Day or night.

(Scully sighs deeply from boredom).

SCULLY: 

If There's A Point, Mulder, 

please feel free to come to it.

MULDER: 

My Point is that We Don't know 

exactly what we're looking for. 

What kind of vampire, or if you prefer, 

what kind of vampire this killer 

wishes himself to be.

(Mulder notices the untied shoes on the corpse 

and stands with his head between his feet)

SCENE 19 

TODAY X FILES OFFICE

SCULLY: 

Now, why is it so important 

that his shoes were untied?

MULDER: 

I'm getting to it.

CEMETERY - DAY

MULDER VOICE OVER: 

So, while You stayed behind to do The Autopsy, 

The Sheriff drove me to the town cemetery.

(Hartwell opens the gate and they walk through. 

This cemetery is certainly not off the beaten path, 

the creepier the better)

The Sheriff :

Agent Mulder, you mind me 

asking you why we're out here?

MULDER: 

Historically, cemeteries were thought to be 

a haven for vampires, as are castles, 

catacombs and swamps, 

but unfortunately, you don't 

have any of those.

The Sheriff :

We used to have swamps only 

The EPA made us take to 

calling them ‘wetlands’.

MULDER: 

Yeah. So, we're out here looking 

for any signs of vampiric activity.

The Sheriff :

Which would be like, uh...?

MULDER: 

Broken or shifted tombstones. 

The absence of birds singing.

The Sheriff :

There you go. Cuz I ain't hearing any birds singing. 

Right? Course, it's winter, and We ain't 

got no birds. Is there anything else?

Mulder : 

A faint groaning coming from under the earth. 

The sound of manducation -- of the creature 

eating its own death shroud.

The Sheriff :

Nope. No manuh... ma-ma...

MULDER: 

Manducation.

The Sheriff :

Manducation. No.

MULDER: 

Now, Sheriff, I know my methods 

may seem a little odd to you, but..

The Sheriff :

Hey, look, y'all work for The Federal 

Guv'mint and that's all I need to know. 

I mean, CIA, Secret Service --

-- y'all run the show, so --

MULDER: 

It's just that my gut instinct tells me 

that The Killer will visit this place. 

That it may well hold some fascination -- 

some kind of siren call for him, you know. 

(A horn honks)

RONNIE: 

Howdy, Sheriff.

(The teen delivery boy is in a red car on the street, a Gremlin)

The Sheriff :

Oh, hey, Ronnie. How's it going?

RONNIE: 

Can't complain.

The Sheriff : 

Well, all right, then. 

(Ronnie drives off)

MULDER: 

Maybe after nightfall, Sheriff, 

but he'll come. Oh, he'll come.

(we watch the car drive off down the road)

SCENE 20 

CEMETERY - NIGHT

(Mulder looking around with his flashlight)

MULDER VOICE OVER: 

So, we staked out the cemetery.

SCENE 21 

TODAY X FILES OFFICE

SCULLY: 

Mulder, shoelaces?

MULDER: 

Hmm?

SCULLY: 

On The Corpse. You were going to tell me 

what was Meaningful about 

finding untied shoelaces.

MULDER: 

I'm getting to it.

SCENE 22 

CEMETERY - NIGHT

(Mulder is spreading sunflower seeds around 

the cemetery, he gets into Sheriff's car)

MULDER: 

Sunflower seed? 

(He accidentally drops some) Sorry.

The Sheriff :

No, thanks. Do you mind ... (he picks up a seed that fell 

from Mulder's bag and tosses it) Do you mind 

me asking you what you were ...

MULDER: 

Historically, certain types of seeds 

were thought to fascinate vampires. 

Chiefly oats and millet, but you 

make-do with what you have —

Remember when I said before 

that we didn't know what type of 

vampire we were looking for?

The Sheriff : 

Yeah.

MULDER: 

Well, oddly enough, there seems 

to be one obscure fact which 

in all the stories told 

by the different cultures 

is exactly the same, and that's 

that vampires are really, 

really obsessive-compulsive. 

Yeah, you toss a handful of seeds 

at one, no matter what he's doing 

he's got to stop and pick it up. 

If he sees a knotted rope, 

he's got to untie it. 

It's in His Nature. 

In fact, that's why,

I'm guessing that our victim's 

shoelaces were untied.

The Sheriff : 

Yeah, obsessive... Like Rain Man. (Mulder nods) 

It's like when that old boy dropped them matchsticks, 

he had to pick them all up. 

Same thing, right?

MULDER: 

Well, he didn't actually 

pick them up. 

He counted them.

The Sheriff : 

Oh, yeah. 247. 

Right off the top of your head.

MULDER: 

Well, if he had picked them up,

he would have been 

The Sheriff :

Yeah. I'll tell you what. 

I know I'm in Law-enforcement, 

but I'd like to take him 

to Vegas myself. 

Am I right?

MULDER: 

Well, that would be illegal, right?

The Sheriff :

He's like a little calculator.

MULDER: 

Yeah.

EndNotes :

* : “Mormu. Yeah.” Is The Sherrif answering The Question implicit in Mulder’s colloray, qualifying his response to The Sherriff own initial Question…? 

This Line of Enquiry, more fully-explored by way 

of being Gamed-out via Free-Play would, 

therefore, run as follows :

I think he's made you His Friend.

The Grandson thought about it for a minute 

and then asked His Grandfather : 

"Which wolf wins?"

The Old Cherokee simply replied, 

"The one you feed."

COUNT DRACULA :

I am afraid I do not possess such a thing.

HARKER :

You don't have any mirrors?

COUNT DRACULA :

SIGHS: 

Baubles of Vanity.

What is The Purpose of a Mirror?

Hm?

One will find no Enlightenment in 

One's Own Gaze.

GLASS TINKLES

HARKER :

Agh!

COUNT DRACULA :

HISSES

Are you all right, Mr Harker?

HARKER :

Oh, I'm fine. It's, er... It's a scratch.

COUNT DRACULA :

Please be careful.

We cannot return you in any way damaged 

to your beautiful Mina.

HARKER :

It's nothing. It's ju...

Did I mention Mina?

COUNT DRACULA :

I think you spoke of her beauty at dinner.

HARKER :

Oh, um...

I don't recall that.

COUNT DRACULA :

Perhaps it was the wine.

HARKER :

No, I barely drank.

HARKER LAUGHS

COUNT DRACULA :

My sympathies.

Please attend to your hand.

HARKER :

It's really fine. It's... 

It's nothing.

COUNT DRACULA :

Blood is not nothing!

Blood... is lives.

Van Helsing :

"Lives"?

You are quite certain he did not say 

"Blood is Life"?

He said 

"Blood is Lives"? 

HARKER :

He... He did.

Yes.

PENCIL SCRATCHES 

It struck me as odd.

Van Helsing :

But there were other oddnesses 

that preoccupied you?

HARKER :

How could he know My Thoughts?

I never mentioned Mina at dinner.

I'm certain of it.

Van Helsing :

A Dog can sniff stories 

on the slightest breeze, while We 

are blind in The Wind.

HARKER :

He could smell My Thoughts in the air?

Van Helsing :

No, Mr Harker. 

That would be ridiculous.

But perhaps in Your Blood.

Perhaps stories flow in our veins,

if you know how to read them.

Blood is Lives...

COUNT DRACULA :

You will not see me till tomorrow evening.

I have... several appointments.

Till then, please treat 

My Home as your own.

I bid you goodnight. 

HARKER :

Good n...

DOOR CREAKS

HIGH-PITCHED SCRAPING

SCRAPING CONTINUES

GASPS

WIND WHISTLES

WIND HOWLS

HARKER :

Is someone...? Agh!

GASPS

Hello?

Hello?

WOLVES HOWL

Van Helsing :

So there was another Guest in The Castle?

Perhaps also A Prisoner?

HARKER: 

I didn't realise I was 

A Prisoner, at the time.

Van Helsing :

That night, then?

HARKER :

I slept.

Van Helsing :

You dreamed.

HARKER :

I woke early.

Van Helsing :

No, wait. Wait. 

You dreamed.

After a day of such 

Incident and Colour, 

how could you not..?

Was it Mina you dreamed of...?

You longed for her.

HARKER :

One longs for 

The Solace of Home.

VAN HELSING : 

One longs, certainly.

Tell me more about Your Dream.

HARKER :

It is private.

SISTER AGATHA: 

Your ache for her. 

You were together 

in Your Dream.

HARKER :

I-I don't...

This is not...

SISTER AGATHA: 

There is no Shame in it.

Dreams are a haven where 

We sin without Consequence.

Believe me, I know.

Some mornings, 

I can hardly look 

Sister Rosa in the face.

HARKER :

What you asked before, if I'd...

Van Helsing :

If you'd ever had sexual intercourse 

with Count Dracula.

HARKER :

Mm. Why did you ask that?

Van Helsing :

Clearly, you have been 

contaminated with something.

Any contact you've had 

with Count Dracula,

sexual or otherwise, 

is therefore relevant.

BREATHES UNSTEADILY

Van Helsing :

Continue.

"Help us."

Van Helsing :

So it struck you as Strange, of course.

HARKER :

Well, clearly, there was someone

 trapped in The Castle.

Van Helsing :

No. No. The Writing.  

"Help Us."

HARKER :

It was upside down.

Van Helsing :

Well, yes, of course, because whoever wrote it 

was obliged to hang that way.

But even that extraordinary physical feat 

is surely not The Point of Interest.

HARKER :

Then what is?

Van Helsing :

What is remarkable, Mr Harker, 

what is convenient, 

is that The Words were in English.

HARKER :

Oh...

I didn't think of that.

Van Helsing :

Of course not.

You are An English...man --

A combination of presumptions 

beyond compare.

Proceed.

HARKER :

Well, I knew I had the day to myself, 

so I determined to find the room above mine 

and see if anyone required my assistance.

Van Helsing :

Tell me, how did you feel?

HARKER: 

Different. Older.

Van Helsing :

But very curious.

HARKER :

At least I knew I was not alone.

The Count hadn't been 

exaggerating about His Castle.

Hello?

Whatever way I turned, 

it never took me 

where I expected.

Every door I opened, 

led to two more

a-and then three.

Every step I took, 

I made The Wrong Choice.

I was lost in 

The Architect's Labyrinth.

Agh!

Ahh!

I wasted most of the day...

...until I found myself too tired to go on.

WOLVES HOWL

CORK POPS

COUNT DRACULA :

Hmm? Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you.

I think you've been working too hard.

HARKER :

Mm... Count...

COUNT DRACULA :

Please - relax.

Have a glass of wine.

HARKER :

Your voice... You sound different.

COUNT DRACULA :

I've been working on my English.

Ah... Do you approve?

HARKER :

It's almost perfect.

COUNT DRACULA :

The Credit is all Yours.

Your presence has invigorated me.

Fresh Blood.

Help us.

Hello?

GIGGLES

Hello?

HARKER :

Hello? Excuse me?

Please! I-I intend you no harm.

However fleeting the sight, 

surely this was proof 

that I wasn't going mad?

WIND HOWLS

THUNDER RUMBLES

HARKER :

Count Dracula.

Are we alone in this castle?

COUNT DRACULA :

Yes.

Except for the servants, of course.

HARKER :

I never see any servants.

COUNT DRACULA :

They aren't here at night.

HARKER :

I don't see them in the daytime...either.

In fact, apart from The Driver...

...I haven't seen anyone working here at all.

DRACULA CHUCKLES

COUNT DRACULA :

Ah, yes --

The Driver.

HARKER :

What I'm asking is, aside from yourself...

..is there anyone living in this castle?

COUNT DRACULA :

No. Jonathan...

...there's no-one living here.

Van Helsing :

So after sundown each day, 

Dracula appeared 

stronger and younger...

..while the opposite 

was true for you.

BELL CHIMES

Did you understand what 

was happening to you?

THUD AND BIRD FLUTTERS

PIGEONS COO OUTSIDE

HARKER :

No. Not then.

I thought I was sick. Just...sick.

Van Helsing :

Turn your head to the side.

Why?

SISTER AGATHA: 

Show me.

You have been very strong, Mr Harker.

In your circumstances,

I don't think I could have been half so brave.

HARKER :

I wasn't brave.

In what way was I brave? 

Van Helsing :

You were trapped 

in that place, 

you were afraid, 

and yet you spent your days 

searching The Castle

because you thought 

someone needed your help.

HARKER :

Well, my help had been requested. It...

It would have been difficult to refuse that.

Van Helsing :

Difficult?

HARKER :

Unacceptable.

Van Helsing : 

So your search continued.

Tell us.

PANTS

HARKER :

My every exploration led me 

deeper and deeper into 

The Labyrinth.

Eventually, I made a remarkable discovery.

STRAINS

HARKER :

What had become of these people?

Were they my predecessors?

GRUNTS

SQUEAKS

FLIES SWARM AND BUZZ

GROANS

LOW GURGLING

GURGLING CONTINUES

GASPS

EXCLAIMS

GURGLING INTENSIFIES

SQUELCHING

HARKER GASPS

SQUELCHING 

Omoara ma!

HARKER GASPS

SCREAMS

GASPS

Omoara ma...

SCREAMS

HARKER PANTS

WHEEZING: 

Omoara ma...

BONES CRUNCH

Omoara ma!

BONES CRUNCH

GASPS WHEEZILY

GASPS

ALL: 

Omoara ma!

Omoara ma!

HARKER SHRIEKS AND GASPS

SHOUTING ECHOES

GASPS

SHOUTING FADES

BAT SQUEAKS AND HE GASPS

GASPS

SCREAMS

GROWLS

HARKER SCREAMS

BELL CHIMES

HARKER :

It's all I remember.

I fear I may have passed out.

Van Helsing :

Quite understandable.

"Omoara ma."

Do you know what that is?

HARKER :

It sounded like a curse.

Van Helsing :

It's Romanian.

It means "Kill Me".

HARKER :

They looked dead already.

Dead and Walking.

Van Helsing :

Undead.

HARKER :

Tell me.

Van Helsing :

There is A Contagion, a Corruption, 

passing through This World 

from one sufferer to The Next.

For those unfortunate to fall victim to it, 

Life becomes incurable.

They lose The Divine 

Ability to DIE.

As their bodies rot, 

their Consciousness persists.

Even as Dust, their pain goes on.

It is a secret every gravedigger keeps.

There are those among us destined 

to scratch at our coffin lids for all Eternity.

If you work among The Dead, 

it's not Death you fear.

It's The Alternative.

HARKER :

Is there any salvation for such creatures?

Van Helsing :

I Don't Know. 

HARKER :

Have Faith!

Van Helsing :

Faith is a sleeping draught 

for Children and Simpletons.

What we must have is a plan.

HARKER :

Dracula's one of them, isn't he?

Van Helsing :

Undead?

Undead certainly but, from your account, 

I think he is much more complicated.

GASPS

GROANS SOFTLY

COUNT DRACULA :

Johnny.

There you are.

Thought we'd lost you. 

HARKER :

Hmm... What am I doing here?

COUNT DRACULA :

I found you downstairs, asleep on the floor.

I could be wrong, but I think 

you were having a nightmare.

You do look rather pale.

HARKER :

You said you didn't drink.

COUNT DRACULA :

....Wine.

Now... CLEARS HIS THROAT: ..listen.

I need you to do something.

Set yourself down. There you go.

That's the ticket.

Now, take this --

I need you to write three letters.

BABY CRIES

HARKER :

What was that?

COUNT DRACULA :

That's nothing. 

HARKER :

Sounded like a baby.

COUNT DRACULA :

LAUGHS: 

No, no, no. There's no baby.

Now, Johnny, Johnny...concentrate.

Three letters.

HARKER :

No-one calls me Johnny.

COUNT DRACULA :

No-one?

HARKER :

No-one.

COUNT DRACULA :

Company for you while you work.

HARKER :

Who is she?

COUNT DRACULA :

Don't you recognise her?

HARKER :

Why would I?

COUNT DRACULA :

I took it from your room. 

It's Mina.

Your Fiancee.

Mina Murray.

RETCHES

HARKER :

How can I not recognise her face?

COUNT DRACULA :

Well, you do look rather... drained.

HARKER :

You look young.

COUNT DRACULA :

And I owe it all to you. Thanks.

Now, it's almost time for you to go.

So, three letters, all to Mina --

The first saying you have 

nearly finished your work here 

and will be leaving within the week. 

The second saying that 

you have now completed your work 

and will be leaving the following day.

And the third saying you have now 

left the castle and have arrived safely in... 

What shall we say?

...Bistritz, hm?

I will send the letters at the appropriate times.

I'll forward the last one to Bistritz 

so it can be sent from there.

HARKER :

Wh-why... Why would I...

Why would I do that?

COUNT DRACULA :

So that Mina will know that 

You're Coming Home.

HARKER :

But why would I write the letters in advance?

COUNT DRACULA :

Because the post here is very erratic.

It's a precaution.

HARKER :

For whom? If...

If something were to happen to me 

and those letters had already been sent...

COUNT DRACULA :

Then Mina wouldn't think to come 

looking for you here.

Do you want her to come here?

BABY CRIES

HARKER :

That's a baby.

I can hear it crying. 

COUNT DRACULA :

There is no baby!

Write the letters 

or 

don't write the letters.

It's up to you.

I'm only thinking about Mina.

SOBS

COUNT DRACULA :

Now, if you don't mind. Things to do. 

See you tomorrow evening.

Leave the letters on the table.

HARKER :

The dates! The dates!

The dates for the letters...

How should I date them?

COUNT DRACULA :

Well, let's see. Er...

The 12th for the first.

For the second, the 19th.

And for the third...

Um...

KICKS CRATE

What shall we say?

29th?

29th?

As good a day as any, Johnny.

Goodnight.

BABY CRIES

HARKER :

What if I leave?

What if I leave this place right now?

COUNT DRACULA :

No-one is stopping you.

HARKER :

I don't have the strength.

COUNT DRACULA :

No. I know.

It's not your fault, Johnny. 

You mustn't blame yourself.

BABY CRIES

HARKER :

Agh!

Please...

Please, please!

The baby!

COUNT DRACULA :

SING-SONG: 

Johnny, there is no baby.

BABY CRIES

HARKER :

I knew in that moment 

that I had A Choice.

I'd been told the span of my life,

the limit of my existence - the 29th.

Now, I could stay here, 

dying piece by piece, 

till I found myself 

nailed into one of 

those boxes.

Van Helsing :

Or...?

Or I could kill Count Dracula.

Van Helsing :

Not an easy task in the circumstances.

HARKER :

No, but I had certain 

advantages.

Van Helsing :

I should be fascinated 

to know what they were.

HARKER :

I was enfeebled and trapped...

Van Helsing :

Well, indeed.

HARKER :

..so Dracula did not consider me a threat.

Van Helsing :

That's True, yes.

But, on the negative side, 

You were enfeebled and trapped.

HARKER :

I had a potential ally.

One who could climb the castle walls.

Van Helsing :

One you couldn't even find?

HARKER :

That was because I was looking 

for the wrong thing --

I should have 

been looking 

for a map.

Van Helsing :

Of The Castle? 

But there wasn't one.

HARKER :

That's what Dracula believed.

But, in telling me that, 

he'd also told me 

where to find it.

Van Helsing :

What did he say?

HARKER :

I told you.

Van Helsing :

I missed it.

HARKER :

You did.

Van Helsing :

Then you're much quicker than me.

HARKER :

I'm not quick. 

I've always been slow.

But the thing is, 

when you're slow, 

You know you need 

to pay attention.

It's the clever ones 

who never listen.

You've read all this.

Already. In my account.

Van Helsing :

It's vague in certain crucial regards.

Continue, please.

HARKER :

It occurred to me that night

that Dracula said more 

than he intended.

And more than he knew.

As he was a Creature of The Night,

I had to wait until morning to test my theory.

GASPS

The Count said there was no map, 

but Petruvio was An Artist,

and artists always wish to be understood.

The Castle was a monument 

to The Architect's lost love 

and The Sunlight 

to which he would never return.

And what else is sunlight...

..but the face of one's beloved?

The Path to The Sunlight.

It was clear from The Castle Maps 

that Petruvio had created 

within His Design 

a System of Shortcuts 

through The Maze.

Hidden passages, 

possibly unknown 

even to Dracula himself.

How many times had I 

looked at that picture 

and not seen it?

Petruvio's Wife was The Sunlight...

..and he stood guard at The Door.

STRAINS

STONES RUMBLE

WIND WHISTLES

SQUEAKING

SQUEAKING CONTINUES

CLAWS SCRATCH

FLIES BUZZ

SCREAMS

GASPS

GASPS

SQUEAKING

CLATTERING

BRIDE OF DRACULA :

He doesn't know I can get out of The Box -- 

Don't tell him.

HARKER :

I won't.

BRIDE OF DRACULA :

Are you His Friend now?

HARKER :

No. I, er...

I-I.. I work for him.

I'm a Lawyer.

From England.

BRIDE OF DRACULA :

I think he's made you His Friend.

HARKER :

Why?

BRIDE OF DRACULA :

What's England?

HARKER :

It's where I'm from.

You know it.

You're...speaking English.

BRIDE OF DRACULA :

I learnt it.

SHE LAUGHS

HARKER :

How? 

 

BRIDE OF DRACULA :

It tasted fun.

HARKER :

Tasted?

BRIDE OF DRACULA :

Once you are The Count's Friend, 

all languages are the same.

I'm hungry.

HARKER :

Was it you at The Window?

You left The Message?

BRIDE OF DRACULA :

I smelt you.

 

HARKER :

You're Trapped Here.

BRIDE OF DRACULA :

You're trapped too. 

 

HARKER :

I want to Help You.

BRIDE OF DRACULA :

Tell him I'm hungry!

He only gives me scraps.

Tiny little things.

Tell him I finished the last one.

I finished it really quickly.

I'm hungry! Agh!

SHE GROWLS

HARKER :

Look at it! Look at it!

It is The Sign of The Cross.

The Symbol of Our Lord.

BRIDE OF DRACULA :

I know.

It's pretty.

SCREAMS ECHO

VAN HELSING :

You assumed, I suppose, 

that The Cross would 

ward off Evil.

HARKER :

Why are you smiling?

VAN HELSING :

Your Faith. 

I think it's touching.

HARKER :

What happened to yours?

VAN HELSING :

I have looked for God 

everywhere in This World 

and never found Him.

HARKER :

Then Why are You Here?

VAN HELSING :

Like many Women of My Age, 

I'm trapped in a Loveless Marriage, 

maintaining appearances 

for The Sake of A Roof Over My Head.

Now then, we proceed to 

your miraculous escape 

from Castle Dracula, 

about which you have been 

so vague.

KNOCKS

HARKER :

Somebody! Please, help!

GASPS

STRAINS

BABY GURGLES

BABY CRIES

CRIES

HARKER PANTS

CRIES

GROANS

WHEEZES

COUNT DRACULA :

Johnny, This is interesting.

I've never seen it work 

with A Baby before. Never.

I think I might keep it on for a while.

I hope this doesn't mean that I'm getting sentimental.

HARKER :

Why did you kill her? 

 

COUNT DRACULA :

Who?

Oh. Um...

Because I wanted to see 

if she would die, I suppose.

Johnny, don't give me that look. 

You were A Child once.

You know The Feeling.

Didn't you break your toys apart 

to see how they worked?

HARKER :

You're a Monster. 

COUNT DRACULA :

And you're a Lawyer!

Nobody's Perfect.

Ah, a stake through The Heart.

You see, sometimes The Legends are right.

This is not one you can test too often, though.

I only ever have three brides at a time.

"Brides"?

COUNT DRACULA :

Brides, yes. I think that's The Right Word for it.

You see, um...

CLEARS HIS THROAT 

....I am trying to reproduce...

CRATE OPENS 

Oh!

SQUISHING

..which, frankly, can be a bit of a challenge 

when there is only One of You.

Agh!

COUNT DRACULA :

Oh, Johnny. You're just about Done, aren't you?

She was a thirsty little thing, 

and to think that she was going to keep you in That Box 

all to herself!

Are you going to kill me?

COUNT DRACULA :

Of course I'm going to kill you.

Why does Death always come as such a shock to mortals?

You took everything from me. 

Of course I did.

You are the high road 

that leads me to England.

HARKER: 

Why? Why England?

COUNT DRACULA :

Ah.

The People.

All those sophisticated and intelligent people.

As I've been trying to tell everyone for centuries --

You are What You Eat.

HARKER WHIMPERS

WIND WHISTLES

Now...

...if you don't mind, I need you to do one last thing for me.

I haven't seen her in hundreds of years.

Describe her to me.

WEAKLY: 

Who?

COUNT DRACULA :

I've had artists paint her,

and poets capture her in words,

and Mozart wrote such a pretty little tune, I-I...

CLEARS HIS THROAT: 

..I really should have spared him, but....

What does a lawyer see?

Johnny, in my memory, she sets behind the second-highest peak at this time of year, and she's quite red.

Is she red, Johnny?

Look for yourself.

COUNT DRACULA :

But that will burn me to dust.

Good.

COUNT DRACULA :

Fair Enough.

Absolutely Fair Enough.

Will you put me in a box?

COUNT DRACULA :

Keep your eyes on The Sun, Johnny.

It'll be the last time you see Her.

There is a box waiting for you, in case you walk, yes, 

but most people I feed off just die.

So you'll probably be fine.

Don't you see? 

An End is a blessing.

Dying gives you size.

It's The Mountaintop from which 

Your Whole Life is at last visible.

From Beginning to End.

Death completes you.