Roberts

 








BOB :

 Rest, Highness. 

The Princess Bride :

I know Who You Are. 

Your Cruelty reveals everything. 

You're The Dread Pirate Roberts. Admit it. 

BOB :

With pride. 

What can I do for you? 

The Princess Bride :

You can die slowly,

cut into a thousand pieces.

BOB :

 Hardly complimentary, Your Highness. 

Why loose your venom on me? 

The Princess Bride :

You killed My Love.

BOB :

It's possible. I kill a lot of people. 

Who was this love of yours? 

Another prince like this one? 

Ugly, rich and scabby? 

The Princess Bride :

No, a farm boy. Poor. 
Poor and perfect. 

With eyes like the sea 

after a storm. 

On the high seas Your Ship attacked, and 

The Dread Pirate Roberts 

never takes prisoners. 

BOB :

I can't afford to make exceptions. 

I mean, once word leaks out that 

A Pirate has gone soft, 

people begin to disobey you, 

and then it's nothing but work, 

work, work, all the time. 

The Princess Bride :

You mock my pain! 

BOB :

Life is Pain, Highness. 

Anyone who says differently 

is selling something. 

I remember this farm boy of yours, I think. 

This would be what? Five years ago? 

Does it bother you to hear? 

The Princess Bride :

Nothing you can say 

will upset me. 

BOB :

He died well. That should please you. 

No bribe attempts or blubbering. 

He simply said, "Please.

Please, I need to live." 

It was the "please" 

that caught My Memory. 

I asked him what was 

so important for him. 

"True Love," he replied. 

And then he spoke of a girl 

of surpassing Beauty... 

and Faithfulness. 

I can only assume 

he meant you.

You should bless me for destroying him 

before he found out what you really are. 

The Princess Bride :

And what am I? 

BOB :

Faithfulness he talked of, madam. 

Your enduring faithfulness. 

Now tell me truly. 

When you found out he was gone, 

did you get engaged to your prince 

that same hour, or did you wait 

a whole week out of 

respect for The Dead? 

The Princess Bride :

You mocked me once. 

Never do it again! 

I died that day! 

You can die, too, for all I care! 

As you wish! 

The Princess Bride :

Oh, my sweet Westley! 

What have I done? 

They've disappeared. 

He must have seen us closing in. 

Which might account for his panicking into error. 

Unless I'm wrong, 

and I'm never wrong, 

they are headed dead 

into the Fire Swamp. 

The Princess Bride :

Can you move at all? 

BOB :

Move? 

The Princess Bride :

You're alive. 

BOB :

If you want, I can fly. 

I told you I would always 

come for you. 

Why didn't you wait for me? 

The Princess Bride :

Well, you were dead. 

BOB :

Death cannot stop True Love. 

All it can do is delay it for a while. 

The Princess Bride :

I will never doubt again. 

BOB :

There will never be a need. 

Oh, no, no, please. 

What is it? What's the matter? 

They're kissing again. 

Do we have to hear the kissing part? 

Someday, you may 

not mind so much. 

Skip on to the Fire Swamp. 

That sounded good. 

You're sick. I'll humor you. 

So, now, where were we here? 

Oh, okay. "Westley and Buttercup 

raced along the ravine floor." 

BOB :

Your pig fiancé is too late. 

A few more steps 

and we'll be safe in the Fire Swamp. 

The Princess Bride :

We'll never survive. 

BOB :

Nonsense. You're only 

saying that because 

no one ever has. 

The Princess Bride :

It's not that bad. 

I'm not saying I'd like 

to build a summer home here, 

but the trees are actually 

quite lovely. 

BOB :

Well, now, that was an adventure. 

Singed a bit, were you? 

The Princess Bride :

You? 

BOB :

Well, one thing I will say, 

The Fire Swamp certainly does 

keep you on your toes. 

This will all soon be 

but a happy memory, 

because Roberts' Ship, 

'Revenge', 

is anchored at the far end, and 

I, as you know, 

am Roberts. 

The Princess Bride :

But how is that possible, since 

he's been marauding 20 years, 

and you only left me 

five years ago? 

BOB :

I, myself, am often surprised 

at Life's little quirks. 

See, what I told you before about 

saying "please" was True. 

It intrigued Roberts, as did 

my description of your beauty. 

Finally Roberts decided something. 

He said, "All right, Westley. 

I've never had A Valet. 

You can try it for tonight. 

I'll most likely kill you 

in the morning." 

Three years, he said that. 

"Good night, Westley. 

Good work. Sleep well.

 I'll most likely 

kill you in the morning." 

It was a fine time for me. 

I was learning to fence, to fight, 

anything anyone would teach me. 

And Roberts and I eventually 

became friends. 

And Then it Happened.

The Princess Bride :

What? Go on. 

BOB :

Roberts had grown so rich 

he wanted to retire, so 

he took me to his cabin...  

and told me A Secret.

 

"I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts," he said. 

"My Name is Ryan. 

I inherited The Ship 

from the previous 

Dread Pirate Roberts,

just as you will 

inherit it from me.

The Man I inherited it from 

was not the real Dread Pirate Roberts either.

His Name was 

'Cummerbund'. 

The real Roberts has 

been retired 15 years 

and living like 

A King in Patagonia." 

Thank You. Then he explained 

The Name was the important thing 

for inspiring the necessary fear. 

You see, no one would surrender 

to the Dread Pirate Westley. 

So, we sailed ashore, took on
an entirely new crew, and he 

stayed aboard for a while, as First Mate, 

all the time calling me 'Roberts'. 

Once The Crew believed, he left The Ship, 

and I have been Roberts ever since. 

Except, now that we're together, 

I shall retire and hand The Name 

over to someone else. 

Is everything clear to you?