Monday, 30 March 2015

The Control of Diana Mary Fluck

Jason Lake: Our house was a hotbed of drugs and orgies

IF JASON DORS-LAKE'S life story has a moral, it must be that love is not all you need. No child could have been more adored than the son of the legendary Diana Dors, Britain’s own Marilyn Monroe, and her third husband actor Alan Lake. 

Jason Dors Lake reveals truth about childhood in new book Connecting Dors The Legacy Of Diana DorsJason Dors-Lake reveals truth about childhood in new book Connecting Dors: The Legacy Of Diana Dors

Jason ’s bedroom was filled with toys, he was denied almost nothing and was constantly fussed over by his parents’ famous friends – from Hollywood star Gregory Peck to associates of the Kray twins.

After two disastrous marriages to controlling men who were only too willing to live off her fame and considerable income, Diana met the love of her life in her late 30s.

Alan Lake, nine years her junior, was different. He had a flourishing career and she could depend on him to earn enough to support the family. For much of Jason’s childhood his parents managed to make sure one of them was at home with their much-loved son.

The problem was that although Jason had been born in 1969 at the very end of the swinging Sixties, neither of his parents were inclined to curb their party lifestyle. Alan, when left alone with Jason, would often push his pram to the pub and, when the toddler got restless, slip a little champagne into his bottle.

A s for his mother, her fame was built on the full figure and smouldering sexuality that she had been exploiting since she was herself a spoiled only child in Swindon, entering beauty contests with the encouragement of her adoring mother.

Many of the rooms at the Berkshire family home Orchard Manor were fitted with spy cameras and two-way mirrors. Starlets who came to Diana’s legendary parties were encouraged to seduce famous guests and it was said Diana enjoyed reviewing the filmed highlights.

Bob Monkhouse, one of her most enthusiastic regular guests, later commented: “The problem with going to an orgy is that one is never quite sure who to thank.”

Jason can recall waking late one night and finding his father hosting a drugs party with friends, one of whom was Andrew Ray, a close pal of the infamous Krays. “I want a funny candy too,” Jason said as he saw something that looked like a giant white jelly bean being handed round and everyone who put their nose to it laughing like a drain.

“Let the lad have some fun,” shouted Ray. “Here, take a sniff of this,” he said, breaking open the jelly bean to release a white smoke. Jason recalls laughing until his tummy ached. He still isn’t sure what it was but is certain it shouldn’t have been given to a five-year-old.

His parents seemed oblivious to the dangers to which they were exposing their son. On a visit to America to stay with his two teenage half-brothers in the Los Angeles house his mother had rented , he found his father smoking cannabis from a water pipe with Mark, then 19, and Gary, 17, the children from Diana’s marriage to Hogan’s Heroes actor Richard Dawson. Jason had learned from an early age that if he pestered long enough, his parents would eventually give him what he wanted. He demanded to join in and persisted until his father agreed. He was nine.

Diana knew what was going on but was reluctant to rock the boat. Her ex-husband had won custody of the two older boys when she divorced him to be with Alan and since for once she had all her boys together, she wanted no friction.

The cannabis sessions continued whenever Jason was home from boarding school and he became an expert spliff-roller for his father and for Gary who was then living at Orchard Manor . When Diana did voice concerns Alan simply said: “Better he does it among friends rather than strangers.”

In Connecting Dors, the book of Diana’s life and Jason’s childhood, he tells of a celebrity upbringing in which he never doubted he was loved but in which he also came to imagine that hosting a drug-fuelled orgy several times a month was what all parents did. ‘‘I thought it was all fairly normal. I thought everyone behaved like that at parties.”

Quite how things would have worked out had his parents lived to old age, Jason will never know because life at Orchard Manor came to a sudden and tragic halt.

The family’s happiness had already been blighted by Alan’s alcoholism but then his mother became ill. Diana died from ovarian cancer in 1984 at the age of 53. Five months later his grief-stricken father, unable to cope without her, shot himself while Jason was at school.

The only adult relatives Jason had left were his half-brothers now back in America. Within days of burying his father, closely watched by the world’s press and refusing to shed a tear for the cameras, he went to live with Gary, then only 22, and embarked on an aimless journey into adulthood.

He became a father when he was 22 but abandoned the mother and child shortly after . He was overtaken by addiction and alcoholism and even made a drug-fuelled suicide attempt by jumping off a girlfriend’s third-floor balcony.

Now 43 he lives a quiet life on the Kent coast surrounded by a small group of friends. He attends regular Alcoholic Anonymous meetings and is trying to turn his life around.

Jason Dors-Lake, Diana Dors, new book, Marilyn MonroeDiana Dors built her career on smouldering sexuality and privately her parties were equally racy

 I thought it was all fairly normal. I thought everyone behaved like that at parties 

Jason Dors-Lake

He has built a relationship with his daughter and sees her regularly. He has acquired the rights to his mother’s estate and created a small business selling Diana Dors merchandise to her many loyal fans . He is also trying to revive the musical talent his mother once hoped would provide him with a future.

The friend who wrote his story for him, Niema Ash, recalls a rare outburst of grief from him over the death of a pet bird he had raised by hand after it fell out of its nest. “Everything dies on me,” Jason told her. “Everything leaves me. My mother died, my father died.”

She believes it was possibly the first time he had ever been able to mourn the loss of his parents. Even at his father’s funeral, the 14-year-old Jason had only been able to mutter “I love you” into the grave, hoping no one would hear.

It took weeks of mourning for his dead chick before he told Niema: “It’s okay. I’ve stopped crying now.” He was almost 40 years old. It had taken him more than a quarter of a century to cry for his lost parents.

Connecting Dors: The Legacy Of Diana Dors by Niema Ash, Purple Inc Press, £14.99. To buy this book directly from the author with autograph and dedication, visit

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Saturday, 28 March 2015


The Mosaic Pavement

The black and white checkered floor has existed in temples
since the times of ancient Egypt. More than simply
decorative, the mosaic pavement bears a profound esoteric
(special) meaning. Today it is one of Freemasonry’s most
recognizable symbols and is the ritualistic floor of all
Masonic lodges. The pavement is the area on which
initiations occur and is “emblematic of human life,
checkered with good and evil.”
“The mosaic pavement in an old symbol of the Order. It is
met with in the earliest rituals of the last century. It is
classed among the ornaments of the lodge along with the
indented tassel and the blazing star. Its party-colored stones
of black and white have been readily and appropriately
interpreted as symbols of the evil and good of human life.”
In the Entered Apprentice Degree, the mosaic pavement
represents the ground floor of King Solomon’s Temple. In
the account of King Solomon’s Temple in the Bible, the
ground floor is said to be made of pine or fir, depending on
the Bible translation (1 Ki 6:15).“The checkerboard floor upon which the modern
Freemasonic lodge stands is the old tracing board of the
Dionysiac (Greek) Architects, and while the modern
organization is no longer limited to workmen’s guilds it
still preserves its symbols.
When thinking of the idea of Duality and the concept of
good and evil, black and white, sacred and profane, an
image that immediately enters my mind is that of the Ying-
While this symbol has become a sort of pop culture icon in
recent times, its symbolism is deep and its meaning
applicable to this subject. While it has numerous
interpretations the ying-yang demonstrates the concept of
duality and balance. The synonym balance is an important
term because of the position of the checkered carpet, the
floor, where the foundation of the erect human body may
be found. The mason is taught to avoid irregularity and
intemperance and to divide his time equally by the use of
the twenty four inch gauge. These lessons refer to the
importance of balance in a Mason’s life. Therefore the
symbolism of the mosaic pavement could be interpreted to
mean that balance provides the foundation of our Masonic
growth.Maintaining balance allows us to adhere to many Masonic
teachings. By maintaining balance we may be able to stand
upright in our several stations before God or man. The
entered apprentice is charges to keep balance in his life so
that he may ensure public and private esteem. It is also very
interesting that the concept of Justice is represented by a
scale which is balanced and that justice is described as
being the foundation of civil society in the first degree of
“The Floor, or groundwork of the Lodge, a chequer-work
of black and white squares, denotes the dual quality of
everything connected with terrestrial life and the physical
groundwork of human nature – the mortal body and its
appetites and affections. “The web of our life is a mingled
yarn, good and ill together”, wrote Shakespeare. Everything
material is characterized by inextricably interblended good
and evil, light and shade, joy and sorrow, positive and
negative. What is good for me may be evil for you;
pleasure is generated from pain and ultimately degenerates
into pain again; what it is right to do at one moment may be
wrong the next; I am intellectually exalted to-day and to-
morrow correspondingly depressed and benighted: The
dualism of these opposites governs us in everything, and
experience of it is prescribed for us until such time as,
having learned and outgrown its lesson, we are ready for
advancement to a condition where we outgrow the sense of
this chequer-work existence and those opposites cease to be
perceived as opposites, but are realized as a unity or
synthesis. To find that unity or synthesis is to know the
peace which passes understanding i.e. which surpasses ourpresent experience, because in it the darkness and the light
are both alike, and our present concepts of good and evil,
joy and pain, are transcended and found sublimated in a
condition combining both. And this lofty condition is
represented by the indented or tesselated border skirting the
black and white chequer-work, even as the Divine Presence
and Providence surrounds and embraces our temporal
organisms in which those opposites are inherent.”
Furthermore, the checkered floor is representative of earth,
the material world and contrasts the ceiling, which is made
to represent the heavens and the spiritual realm.
“The Covering of the Lodge is shown in sharp contrast to
its black and white flooring and is described as “a celestial
canopy of diverse colours, even the heavens.
If the flooring symbolizes man’s earthy sensuous nature,
the ceiling typifies his ethereal nature, his “heavens” and
the properties resident therein. The one is the reverse and
the opposite pole of the other. His material body is visible
and densely composed. His ethereal surround, or “aura”, is
tenuous and invisible. Its existence will be doubted by
those unprepared to accept what is not physically
demonstrable, but the Masonic student, who will be called
upon to accept many such truths provisionally until he
knows them as certainties, should reflect
(i) that he has entered the Craft with the professed object of
receiving light upon the nature of his own being,(2) that the Order engages to assist him to that light in
regard to matters of which he is admittedly ignorant, and
that its teachings and symbols were devised by wise and
competent instructors in such matters, and
(3) that a humble, docile and receptive mental attitude
towards those symbols and their meanings will better
conduce to his advancement than a critical or hostile one.”
The mosaic pavement is a esoterically-charged space on
which stands the ceremonial altar, the center of most
rituals. The ceremony for the Apprentice Degree
symbolically takes place in that location.
“Why is the chequer floor-work given such prominence in
the Lodge-furniture? Every Mason is intended to be the
High Priest of his own personal temple and to make of it a
place where he and Deity may meet. By the mere fact of
being in this dualistic world every living being, whether a
Mason or not, walks upon the square pavement of mingled
good and evil in every action of his life, so that the floor-
cloth is the symbol of an elementary philosophical truth
common to us all. But, for us, the words “walk upon” imply
much more than that. They mean that he who aspires to be
master of his fate and captain of his soul must walk upon
these opposites in the sense of transcending and dominating
them, of trampling upon his lower sensual nature and
keeping it beneath his feet in subjection and control. He
must become able to rise above the motley of good and
evil, to be superior and indifferent to the ups and downs of
fortune, the attractions and fears governing ordinary men
and swaying their thoughts and actions this way or that. Hisobject is the development of his innate spiritual potencies,
and it is impossible that these should develop so long as he
is over-ruled by his material tendencies and the fluctuating
emotions of pleasure and pain that they give birth to. It is
by rising superior to these and attaining serenity and mental
equilibrium under any circumstances in which for the
moment he may be placed, that a Mason truly “walks
upon” the chequered ground work of existence and the
conflicting tendencies of his more material nature.”
There is a vast variety of symbolism presented to the new
initiate in the first degree. It is easy for the symbol of the
mosaic pavement and its several meanings to be lost in the
sea of information provided upon our first admission to
lodge. A deeper look demonstrates that this symbol serves
to demonstrate the ideals which form the foundation of our
individual Masonic growth, the Masonic fraternity, and
even the entire human society.
Living in balance makes us healthy, happy and just. If our
feet are well balanced, both literally and figuratively, we
may be able to serve the purpose of the Fraternity better.
R.W. Bro. John K. Johnston

Lawrence of Freemasonry : The Seven Pillars of Wisdom

The seven liberal arts were taught in two groups: the trivium and the quadrivium :
Dialectic (logic)


During the Middle Ages, the liberal arts were central to university education. The quadrivium followed the preparatory work of the trivium.

The area and range of the liberal arts evolved in time. Originally, most of the teaching, and all of the text-books, would have been in Latin, the language the students would have learnt at school before they came to college. In the beginning the courses were aimed at educating the elite in the classical works. Eventually, the meaning of "liberal arts" got extended to include both humanities and science. But even today, practical activities as agriculture, business, engineering, pedagogy or pharmacy are excluded from the liberal arts. The liberal professions include only professions which require education at university, mainly law and medicine.

A Stroll Through The Seven Liberal Arts and Sciences
By Richard D. Marcus
George Washington Lodge # 337 F&AM, Whitefish Bay, Wisconsin
Throughout our lives, we have heard of the liberal arts and sciences. But until we were presented with them in The Winding Stair lecture, most of us had only a vague notion of what they consisted. The Fellowcraft Degree commends Freemasons to study the Liberal Arts and Sciences, which are grammar, rhetoric, logic, arithmetic, geometry, music, and astronomy. When we study the historical background for this list, we will uncover layers of Masonic meanings for us in each of the seven areas of knowledge. 

Parts of the original list date back to ancient Greece. By medieval times, the completed list had become central to educators and scholastics. The following remarkable woodblock print symbolically captures the relationship of knowledge to crafts.

This print is German from about AD 1500. It shows a goddess holding a book and a rod. She is called Wisdom or Sophia. The love of wisdom or the "philio of Sophia" is the meaning of the word Philosophy. We see Wisdom’s lifeblood pouring into all of the arts and crafts drawn as young men. All knowledge is united in this illustration. Painters, architects, musicians, and soldiers receive Wisdom. 
Proverbs 9:1 says, "Wisdom hath built herself a house, she hath hewn her out seven pillars." Religious scholars have long speculated upon the seven pillars of Wisdom. Wisdom is poured out to seven vocations or callings. Wisdom also is seen presiding over branches of knowledge.
This leads us to a second woodblock print, which also is German from about the same time. This one includes clear words representing the Seven Liberal Arts and Sciences. Once again a book and rod, symbols of a teacher, are held by a three-headed winged Wisdom. She oversees seven maidens.

In AD 420, Marcianus Capella in Carthage wrote an allegory of the Phoebus-Apollo, God of the Sun, presenting the Seven Liberal Arts as maids to his bride Philology, a lover of words. Thereafter, artists have illustrated the liberal arts and sciences as maids. The maids congregate around Wisdom. Knowledge is drawn within a circle. Above Wisdom are morals and theology. In the bottom corners are Aristotle and possibly Plato. But the central figures are the Seven Liberal Arts and Sciences.
The Winding Stair
Youth, manhood, and age are the three stages of our lives. Likewise, the three degrees of Masonry progress from youth to manhood to maturity. The EA degree builds a foundation of brotherly love, relief, and truth. The FC degree leads us toward successful manhood with an attentive ear, an instructive tongue, and a faithful breast. The MM degree teaches us, among other things, that time and patience will accomplish all things.

We advance in life as if we were climbing a winding stair. We cannot see too far ahead. Our progress requires courage to press on as we grow and mature. We first encounter the three steps in Masonry. Next, we master our five senses as we observe our world. And we climb the steps of the seven liberal arts and sciences. Likewise, education is a process of steps up a winding stair. First grade teaches us to read and write simple ideas. We progress up the steps of schooling to abstract concepts and ideas.
There must be many fields of knowledge that could have been listed: history, chemistry, or literature. Yet this list is commended to our consideration. Why "grammar"? Why "rhetoric"? We may well ask, "Why this list and not others?"
A History of the List
The phrase, the liberal arts, comes from the Latin artes liberales. Liber is translated both as Free and Book. Much of the well-educated in antiquity disliked work. If you were indentured as an apprentice, you were not free to study what you wanted. You had to do what was assigned to you. The artes illiberales were vocational studies aimed for an economic purpose, such as a being a stonemason. So it is intriguing that speculative Masonry encourages us to study the liberal arts and sciences.
The history of the seven liberal arts and sciences is intricate, but chiefly Pythagoras, Plato, and St. Augustine play key roles in framing it.

Pythagoras, illustrated above, was not only a great mathematician and philosopher, he was a master Greek theologian. His students in the Academy looked for connections between Geometry and the Divine. His disciples sought relationships in music, arithmetic, and astronomy. Pythagoras is associated with the last four in the list of the Seven Liberal Arts and Sciences. Pythagoras was at his peak around 520 BC.

 About BC 400, Plato wrote of the importance of education for citizens in The Republic. Plato (illustrated in a statue above) emphasized logic, philosophy, and dialectic. For Plato, logic represented our highest cognitive faculty. To see both sides of an argument, the pro and the con, is to understand it. 

St. Augustine of Hippo left behind 5 million words that still exist today. Though he lived in the third century AD, he was the greatest teacher of rhetoric in the known world. He held that if one wished to defend truth, one must be eloquent to refute falsehood through the power of oratory. He filled out the Seven Liberal Arts and Sciences with his emphasis on grammar and rhetoric.
An Orderly List
There is wisdom in the order of the items in the list. Teachers and scholastics have found these seven and their general order to be of great utility. Home-schoolers today are returning to this list to start with grammar and rhetoric in their education.
As infants, we are unable to speak. We must learn words to describe everything. Words organize our thoughts. Language is essential for learning. As we progress up the winding stairs, we learn to speak with eloquence and grace, which is rhetoric. We learn to use logic to make our arguments persuasive and true.
We advance up the lessons to higher levels of arithmetic, geometry, and music. These require abstract thinking and greater levels of concentration. As we mature in life, we gain perspective and wisdom as we enjoy the glorious works of creation, the stars and planets, astronomy, and the Divine. The order of these topics was developed over a thousand years. They continue to attract our attention today.
The Trivium
The Trivium comes from the Latin for Three Vias or roads. The first three of the Seven Liberal Arts and Sciences represent a crossroads or intersection where the public meets. We could call it the public square, where the public meets to discuss the usual topics of the day: the weather and harvest. 
Those who excel at quickly remembering common experience are good at "trivia." Trivia is at the center of everyday knowledge. The Trivium consists of Grammar, Rhetoric, and Logic.
1. Grammar
In Genesis, the first job given to Adam is to name all things. Adam is told to name them and to have dominion over creation. Knowing the name of things gives a man authority to speak and to understand.
In elementary school or Grammar School we learn to recite the alphabet, numbers, and colors. Grammar involves words and meanings. The earliest lessons in speaking involve repetition and alliteration. We say tongue twisters and recite phrases to learn to speak. We say, "she sells sea shells by the seashore" as an articulation exercise. Children learn their own language as well as foreign languages. To learn another language, grammar and structure are essential.
Grammar can be divided into technical or exegetical grammar. Technical grammar is what most of us associate with the word grammar ― diagramming sentences with subjects and verbs. Grammar involves learning declensions for verbs and nouns. But exegetical grammar involves learning the meaning of words, their nuances, and how they fit in different settings. 
We learn that deferential language is appropriate to use for speaking to those in authority over us. We are told to keep a tongue of good report in the FC Charge. The FC historical lecture directs us to have an instructive tongue so that we become better men. Grammar teaches us to speak clearly and concisely.
2. Rhetoric
A synonym for rhetoric is persuasion. To study rhetoric is to study speaking and writing to persuade others. Too often we think of rhetoric as unimportant, as in the throwaway line, "well that was just a rhetorical comment." Rhetoric is serious business: it has substance. Rhetoric is essential in the study of law and regulations. Roscoe Pound, Albert Mackey, and Allen Roberts were some of the greatest writers on Masonic jurisprudence. They were marvelously persuasive writers as well.
Influential Romans learned to speak in public with fluency and oratory. Newly initiated Entered Apprentices are invited to speak in Lodge on whatever was on their hearts. Public speaking is terrifying to some: but to Freemasons, we learn both to speak to listen to others.
Rhetoric adds force and elegance to our thoughts. As we improve in rhetoric, we captivate the hearer with both the strength of our arguments and the beauty of our expression. Our mastery of rhetoric teaches us to entreat and exhort our brethren to acts of charity. Skillful rhetoric uses tact to admonish our brothers. Rhetoric weaves praise to applaud excellence in conduct or deportment.

Discussion in lodge gives us practice in listening to train the ear. As we climb the winding stairs, we must gain mastery of our five senses. One of the moral principals taught in the FC Degree is to have an attentive ear. Listening teaches us to hear the poetry of language and word order. We know somehow that Faith, Hope, and Charity sounds better than Charity, Faith, and Hope.
Lodge discussions offer opportunities to explore styles of learning. Our oaths and promises are heard and repeated. We prepare them in our posting. We listen to historic lectures, orations, or talks on speculative Masonry. The various tokens and grips in our ritual are lessons in listening. We are asked, will you be off or from? By listening we hear the word and give the proper reply. As we talk and listen to each other in lodge, we grow in appreciation of debate and exhortation. We are brothers speaking to and listening to one another.
3. Logic
Logic is the third step of the Trivium. Logic directs and guides us after truth. It consists of a regular train of argument where we deduce or infer from the facts. Logic leads us to conclusions based on our knowledge.
We use all of our faculties of conceiving, judging, reasoning, and disposing of questions before us. Logic trains the mind to think clearly. We are charged to be good men and true. Sincerity and plain dealing should distinguish any Mason.
Dialectics is the term used to describe critical thinking. We weigh the pros and cons to find the better choice. We observe the world. As we see patterns and relationships, we begin to make predictions using inductive reasoning. Dialectics guides us to make proofs or syllogisms.
Early on, we find that you can disprove assertions easier than prove them. Reductio ad absurdum means to find a contradiction that proves the opposite. It is easy to disprove, "all elephants can fly," simply by finding one that can’t. A single observation proves that, "not all elephants can fly."
The education of our minds includes proofs and deductive reasoning. We start to see actions that help one person may not help all. We learn to avoid arguments that something is true or false simply by who says it, instead of its inherent truth.
As we advance in logic, we begin to think about proofs for the existence of God. We see the beauty of an autumn leave, so intricate and perfect. The teleological proof of God’s existence is that design in nature proves that there must have been a designer, our G.A.O.T.U.
Grammar, rhetoric, and logic are the trivium, or first three, of the Seven Liberal Arts and Sciences. We are charged to polish and adorn the mind by studying them.
The Quadrivium
The Quadrivium is associated with science and learning the mysteries of the universe. Pythagoras is chiefly responsible for these four branches of science: arithmetic, geometry, music, and astronomy.
The Quadrivium means the Four Vias or paths. Where four roads converge is the center of the town or city. We leave the village of three roads and progress to the more advanced level of the city. A robust mind progresses as if upon roads or paths to the secrets of wisdom. A wise man strolls along the paths of science.
4. Arithmetic
Arithmetic involves computation or reckoning with numbers. Ignorance of numbers leaves many things unintelligible. To perceive the world accurately, we need facility with counting and measurement. Mathematics is taught step by step. We first learn to count before we learn to add and subtract. As a science, it is progressive by building skill and familiarity through frequent practice.
We develop abstract operations such as addition and multiplication. A number of Masonic writers have handed down a useful moral lesson: For the Freemason, the application of this science is to:

Add to your knowledge

Never subtract from the character of your neighbor

Multiple your benevolence to your fellow creatures

Divide your means with those in need.

Arithmetic offers a structured system. In has rules, order, and operates in terms of equations. Balance and equality are principles learned in arithmetic that should remind us to act on the level.
There is beauty in arithmetic and mathematics. We discover symmetry and proportion. Numbers fascinates us. Leonardo Fibonacci in AD 1201 discovered that rabbits reproduced in a series of 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, and 13. Ratios of any two successive numbers approach the Golden Mean, which is 1.618. The inverse of 1.618 is .618. The same digits reappear. The Parthenon was built on this same proportion of the length 161.8% of the height.
We feel awe and wonder at the beauty of mathematics. We find fractal patterns in biology, chemistry, and physics that are repeated. The Fibonacci spiral is found in conch shells

Mathematics shows that some propositions are right, and some are wrong. It indirectly teaches us about morality. There is no moral relativity here. 
5. Geometry
Geometry concatenates geo and metric, or earth measurement, within it. Geometry discovers unmeasured areas by comparing them to areas already measured. Geometry is synonymous with self-knowledge, the understanding of the basic substance of our being. Freemasonry places special emphasis on geometry.
The tools of geometry are plumbs, squares, and levels. They are the basic tools of operative Masons. We use them in speculative Masonry to teach lessons of right-behavior, rectitude, and truthfulness. Our conductor in the FC degree leads us much like the apprentice is led by a Master of his trade.

The sense of seeing is developed in Geometry. We grow in perceiving which structures are in order and which ones are not well arranged. We acknowledge that geometric is the foundation of architecture.
6. Music
Music is the sixth of the seven Liberal Arts and Sciences. Pythagoras and his followers were keen on studying music as a science.

Music is part of us. Our heartbeat is the basic pattern, with sounds ranging from the first cry of a newborn baby to our last gasp for breath. The sense of hearing is improved, so that we recognize ditties and rhythms and syncopation. Clapping and singing are part of who were are as humans.
Vibrations cause sounds. Pitch is determined by the frequency of the vibrations. We learn to hear major, minor, and chromatic scales. We attempt to match the pitch of the lead singer. It takes discipline, but we achieve harmony. Many have sought to hear the sounds of the universe in radio frequency. Whole pieces of music have been dedicated to the music of the spheres.
The Senior Warden is sometimes associated with this Science, as the Warden asks for harmony in the Lodge.
7. Astronomy
Astronomy is last in this list of Arts and Sciences as we contemplate the stars and planets, and yes, the G.A.O.T.U.
Time and space seem to dwarf us. We feel tiny as we look at the Milky Way. Often it is said that the Fear of God is the Beginning of Wisdom. Looking at the universe helps to instill both fear and a sense of the glory of the universe.

The globes in the Lodge teach us to understand the rotation of the earth around the sun and the diurnal rotation of the earth. Daylight shrinks in the days before December 22nd, and then begins to lengthen. We observe this. Times and seasons are understood by contemplating astronomy.
A Charge in the Liberal Arts and Sciences
The Seven Liberal Arts & Sciences are branches of Wisdom or Learning. If we are to become better men, we should work on becoming better able to understand our world. These seven are key to learning other areas of knowledge including history and psychology. These branches are like rooms in a magnificent garden in which we should daily stroll.
There is a charge to us in these seven steps. That charge for us is to continue to be learners. Our education doesn't stop in high school or college. We are to continue to read classic literature, the Bible, biographies, history. We should see ourselves as life-long learners.
We should better comprehend the use of music, plays, and art in our lives. We should use math and geometry. We need to continue even with the Trivium to expand our vocabulary and practice writing. As we persevere in learning throughout our lives, we will become better men in Masonry.

Friday, 27 March 2015

Airbus Fly by Wire Technology

"The use of fly-by-wire controls with their optimised side-stick controllers is a primary competitive advantage for Airbus, which has applied this innovation on each jetliner in its product line since the technology’s introduction in the civil air transport sector with its A320.

Fly-by-wire has now become the industry standard, with a large majority of pilots praising the handling qualities of Airbus aircraft and their commonality across the complete range of products, from the company’s smallest aircraft – the A318 – to its double-deck A380 and new-generation A350 XWB.

Years of reliable service around the world have underscored fly-by-wire’s significant benefits through commonality, improved flight safety, reduced pilot workload, a reduction of mechanical parts, and real-time monitoring of all aircraft systems.


A key element of Airbus’ continued innovation is the application of digital fly-by-wire technology – which brings improved handling, enhanced safety and operational commonality to its product line of modern jetliners. 

Introduced into civil aviation with Airbus’ single-aisle A320, fly-by-wire technology has allowed the company to develop a true family of aircraft through the highest degree of operational commonality, featuring nearly identical cockpit designs and handling characteristics.


Overall safety is increased with the use of fly-by-wire, which provides direct input through electrical signals for more precise commands. In addition, the control system monitors pilot commands to ensure the aircraft is kept within a safety margin called the “flight protection envelope.” As a result, pilots always can get the maximum performance out of Airbus aircraft without running the risk of exceeding these limits.

The use of fly-by-wire technology provides a number of operational advantages for Airbus aircraft, including higher precision during flight and lower maintenance costs. 


Operators benefit greatly from this key innovation, which allows for simplified crew training and conversion. In addition, pilots are able to stay current on more than one aircraft type simultaneously without supplementary takeoff/landing requirements, recurrent training and annual checks. 

The weight savings from the replacement of heavy mechanical control cables provides a significant reduction in fuel consumption. As electrical controls are less complex and easier to maintain than mechanical ones, the use of fly-by-wire also translates to lower maintenance costs for operators.

Israel Shamir

"David Irving was sentenced for denial of Jewish superiority. His doom seals the reign of (albeit limited) freedom that began with the fall of Bastille. European history went full circle: from rejecting the rule of Church and embracing free thought, to the new Jewish mind-control on a world scale. Not only is Western Christian civilisation dead, but even its successor, secular European civilisation, has met its demise only a few days after its proud and last celebration by the Danish scribes. It was short-lived: about two hundred years from beginning to the end, the Europeans may once have had the illusion that they can live without an ideological supremacy. Now this illusion is over; and the Jews came in the stead of the old and tired See of St Peter to rule over the minds and souls of Europeans."

Thursday, 26 March 2015


A month after 9/11, a direct-to-consumer print ad for Paxil taps into the national mood. 

A tense-looking woman walks down a city street, surrounded by blurry figures and the words "Irritability," "Sleep problems," "Fatigue," "Anxiety," "Restlessness," "Muscle tension," "Worry." Despite the inevitable associations of the image, the ad doesn't talk about situational stress but about biological imbalance: small print claims that "10 million people" in America suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and that Paxil "works to treat the chemical imbalance" believed to cause it. 

Source: Time; October 15, 2001, Page 55.  

PRESCRIBED DELETION - the truth about antidepressants.

This is a massive subject, and I am living a very difficult life at this time which is interfering with my writing. So, I have to rough this out. This report is based mainly upon information I gathered during a study of antidepressants I did in 2008/09. This was the study that netted the classified documents from GSK
This is the first section of this report.

I will do this report one section at a time, and the steps will be:

1. Testimonies of people destroyed by antidepressants

2. The chemistry of the various antidpressants, and which dangerous substances in everyday life they deliver directly to the brain - Yes, you heard that right, there are several that do nothing more than deliver modeling glue and other nasty aromatic hydrocarbons straight to your brain, and KEEP THEM THERE. Several would be replaced well by a gasoline inhaler attached to a backpack that you carry with you - (pill form is easier though) and others, like Prozac, are derived from fluoride. Antidepressants deliver a very stable but FILTHY high until you fry, and the hydrocarbon based ones cause exactly the same damage you get from working in a paint booth without a respirator. I HAVE PROOF.

3. The visible physical damage antidepressants cause and how and why it occurs, including osteo porosis, calcification of the brain, brain shrinkage, destruction of white matter, corkscrewed axons, liver and other organ damage, and some interesting ancedotes related to this;

4. The motivation for attempting to destroy the entire population of a nation with these substances, and an expose of the corruption in the FDA, the medical community, the Jewish connection, the banker/Rothchild/Rockefeller/facist connection, the future slave state, how the research SSRI's are based on was done in Russia and imported to America in the form of Prozac, and the proposed finalization of the destruction of Western civilization which "antidepressants" will play a central role in.

5. A detailed exposure of why antidepressants destroy bonding relationships, and make it impossible for anyone to fall permanently in love for REAL, with a little side attachment explaining the reasons for why specific brands destroy sex in different ways. - I actually have the line by line answers for EACH BRAND, and which part of the brain they ruin to often permanently destroy sex in different ways. Different brands destroy different pathways, but all are effective in wrecking sex.

6. How they get away with hurting so many people under the supposed cover of doing good, and the methods put in place to avoid being sued, imprisoned, and hung. What WE need to do to forever expose this scam, and make sure they are sued, imprisoned, and hung. I have the answer to EXACTLY how we can blow this open and hang them.

SO, due to the hacks and deletions I am constantly fighting, here is a rather rough start. It's obvious from all that has transpired that this is a stab at the root of the worst evil, this is going to piss them off more than anything.

Prescribed Deletion - testimonies of the destroyed.

These are the words of those who have been destroyed by antidepressants. If you are among them, STOP listening to your P-doc telling you it never happens; the reality is that they ALL know it happens and they are lying to you. View this chart, and READ THE RESULTS THAT FOLLOW.
These are testimonies of people destroyed by antidepressants.

- - - - - -
"Whoever said that they lost most their ability to love; MAN, that is the thing I miss the most. I was a very, very, very passionate person prior to celexa. I was passionate about everything, my marriage, my job, my country. I couldn't hear our national anthem without stopping and feeling the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up. 14 years in the Army National guard, I was very into my career with them too. I was passionate about running, about my relationship with (and this will probably sound wierd) my dog. I miss all of these things. I hope they all come back to me. They were very much the bricks in the foundation of my life and I feel like they are gone. When I say I want the old me back, I mean the person who was passionate, the person who loved and was loved. The driven person who saw what he wanted and went out and got it. That was all taken from me with the introduction of Celexa in my life. I just want it back."
- - - - - -
"I've been in an extremely peculiar state for the past 8 months after stopping Wellbutrin/buproprion. I have literally lost everything inside of me and no longer have a sense of "inner being". My personality has been completely erased, along with the inner psyche I've spent a lifetime building. When I attempt to "look inside", it is impossible because there is literally nothing there. Everything that made up my specific sense of personal being is gone, including including my hopes, fears, dreams, goals, opinions, values, morals, likes/dislikes, and most strikingly, all emotions and feelings.
I have no feelings associated with past events, and no emotional connections with anything in the world. Specific emotions that defined my personal sense of being are no longer there. People, places, things and events that I thought were etched in my soul as having significance no longer mean a thing. Absolutely nothing, I can't stress this enough.
I am unable to look backward or forward, have no sense of past accomplishments and no desire for future ones. The strangest thing is, I cannot feel anything toward being in this state, as that part of me is gone too. It's like a recursive erasure of everything I ever was, am, and will be.
It doesn't feel like life is a conscious experience that I am having anymore, as there is no inner construct within me to absorb an experience on any level. I see, hear, touch, and smell, yet each of these is so devoid of emotional content that they don't coalesce into anything meaningful I can call a human consciousness. My sense of being has been replaced by a constant void of nothingness that is unchanging, 24/7, I feel nothing towards the nothingness. It is not like feeling empty inside, there is no inside to feel empty within.
Getting to this state was a long process that started with gradually losing my emotions. This started when I decided to withdraw from the antidepressant Wellbutrin/Bupropion which I'd been on a high dosage of for 5 years. Strangely, going back on it did not help, but made things worse. When I stopped and started the drug a second time, I experienced one tremendous day of improvement followed by a seizure while sleeping, and woke up in a confused state. After this I regressed and felt completely dead inside.
This waking up in a confused state happened 2 more times, once in May 2010 and once in September 2010. Both of these were preceded by sudden improvements. But upon waking I felt like I had lost a basic part of my self. Not just feelings, but the core of my being. What I felt to be the complete and final destruction of my inner being happened on September 7th, 2010, and there hasn't been a change since (it has now been 8 months).
- - - - - -
"I tell you, I never had a problem before celexa. I just want to be back to me. I want to no longer be the pitiful creature it made me. I want to be me. The old me. I want myself back. Life isn't worth living with this new person holding my thoughts and feelings hostage. I have been off Celexa since last year. I JUST WANT ME BACK."
"I have been on 0 mgs for almost a year, and my emotional state has yet to come back to normal. (normal me). I have been from Psyc doc to Psyc doc (never needed before celexa) to try to figure it out. They point the problem back to me. I found out by reading around the Internet, and buying the book "Prozac: Panacea or Pandora" by doctor Ann Blake Tracy, and I found out that several people, if not all people, who go off these drugs experience exactly what I have experienced. When Natalie wrote what she wrote, you can go back to some of my earlier posts and the withdrawal effects are written down almost verbatim. These are bad for our brains, they change our personalities. I want my life back, and don't want even my worst enemy to experience what I have been through. These people have no love for their fellow man. We need to, no matter how emotionally messed up we are, we need to band together and prevent them (a commercial for Cymbalta just came on the tv, made my blood boil) from prescribing them to ANYONE. Depression hurts said the commercial, I never knew depression till after celexa. I have been through hell, therefore hell exists."
- - - - - -
"What I don't understand is how a drug could completely erase me as a human being. What I'm experiencing is not depression, anhedonia, or flat affect, but a permanent change in my consciousness that literally destroyed my humanity. All the parts that made up my being are literally gone. I don't understand how this is even possible, or what (if anything) I can do to change it."
- - - - - -
"I'm 25 yrs old. I used to be a bodybuilder, avid fisherman, used to drag race, and enjoy the great outdoors. USED TO.
I was on effexor for about 3 yrs, 75mgs. I decided I wanted to stop taking it, I felt fine. Im 25 I said and I can deal with lifes problems.
I told my doc if I may discontinue the drug he said sure, if you want to. Doctor didn't even ask me if I wanted to wean off, I suggested him to give me the 35mgs, but he gave me only a weeks worth.
I have never in life felt so sick. I would not wish this on anyone, not even my enemy. The first 3 months were hell. dizziness, nausea, fatigue, bad memory, brain zaps, you name it I had it. I couldnt even walk sometimes.
I fought and fought and it is now 7 months that I am clean off this horrible so called drug.
To this day, 7 MONTHS later, I am left with weakness, bad memory, and horrible coordination.
I can no longer workout, all my muscles went down, I have no energy to do what I liked to do in my life. I cannot function or remember things at work. I am useless. If it wasn't my cousins place, I would have been fired along time ago.
I am not depressed, I don't have panic attacks.
In my opinion, Effexor has left me permanent damage. I have been through more tests than you can think of. blood tests upon blood tests for every disease known to man.
This drug has changed my life for the worse and everynight i cry, because I feel that this medicine has severly left me damaged. My doctor has no idea what to do."
- - - - - -
"I was prescribed Zoloft 25-50mgs 9 years ago while I was in college.
Before I begin with the nightmare, let me stress I WAS NOT SICK when I started this drug. I had anxiety (situational )and was a little tired. That is it. Other than these issues, I was as healthy as a horse, never been in the hospital, rarely if ever needed to go to the doctor. I was very active and on the go.
Well, Zoloft worked immediately, what can I say. I loved it. Loved it loved it loved it. I thought it was a gift from God, saved me and my college career. I wasn't as shy as I had been. I felt more social.
But then I found I could not get off without severe head pain and brain zaps. So, I stayed on it. Every few months I would think about going off again, but the symptoms I would get kept me on it, and very afraid to come off. So, I stayed on it for 8 long years. (I forgot to mention I gained 25 pounds within the first 3 months on it. That was another reason I wanted off).
After 8 years, I'd had enough. I felt like I no longer needed it, I had been long out of college and the original situations that gave me anxiety were long gone. So, at my doctors advice, I tapered over about 3-4 weeks.
Then my life was shattered. Completely shattered.
I was told the withdrawal would only last a week or two at most, so I rode it out. It never went away and only kept getting worse. So, I gave up and tried to go back on. I couldn't take the symptoms anymore. But my body was having none of that. Strangely, now when I took Zoloft, my body and brain reacted badly, as if it were rejecting it. I got a fever and felt like I was dying. I had no choice but to get off again. I was given other SSRI's, but none of them helped either, and all of them made me worse. I no longer tolerated meds like I did prior to Zoloft.
I kid you not, here I am 3 YEARS later and still very ill, and it all began when getting off Zoloft. Here is what I suffer 24/7.....
severe head pain and pressure 
brain zaps/ electrical zaps shooting through brain down to toes
burning in extremities and brain 
severe fatigue and weakness
severe depression ( never was depressed, ever, until coming off Zoloft ) 
severe anxiety 
panic attacks...BAAAAD 
daily crying jags 
skin eruptions and 
bone and muscle pain 
burning tongue 
digestive pain 
cramping on right side under rib cage 
hair loss 
sensitivities to food and medications previously tolerated well 
extremely sensitive to vitamins and minerals previously tolerated well 
no motivation / severe apathy 
loss of career and income/ on disability 
derealization/ depersonalization 
back and neck spasms 
unable to drive, shop, or eat out 
increased allergies to things once tolerated well ( smoke, dust, cats ) 
suicidal thoughts....pretty regularly and very scary 
jaw pain from clenching teeth ( I guess from severe stress )
agoraphobia...very heartbreaking since I used to be so busy 
ears ringing 
feeling like being hit it the back of the head with a shovel
pressure in chest, like a 100 elephants are sitting on me 
racing pulse, even when resting 
increased blood pressure and cholesterol 
metallic taste 
bladder spasms 
loss of cognition/ mental function ( feels like I lost 50 IQ points ) 
difficulty concentrating and recalling facts 
I wrote a letter to Pfizer, detailing my story and my symptoms. They blew me off and wanted a doctors opinion of what my illness is from. No doctor will admit to Zoloft being the cause of this illness, so Pfizer pretty much told me they take no responsibility. They ruined my life, and take no responsibility. They train their drug reps to educate doctors that these drugs are harmless. They know better, but rake in too much money to do anything about it.
They do not care how many lives they destroy, as long as they continue making their billions off innocent victims."
- - - - - -
"My withdrawal from Seroxat/Paxil (a few years ago, now). I became very aggressive on the stuff (many arrests and court appearances), and on some days I could pop valium like smarties without it making the slightest bit of difference. When I decided it would be a clever move to stop taking it and put up with a few days of flu-like symptoms, I found out what withdrawal was really like.
I slashed at my arms, I rolled around on the floor, screaming, because everything felt raw (my theory is that we 'normally' perceive the world through a comfortable haze of endorphins--which was stripped away) and when the police were called I freaked out completely and brandished a knife at them.
My husband referred to that state as being 'animalistic'.
Needless to say, I escaped jail by a hair's breadth. When I ended up in ER, following a dose of pepper spray in my face, I begged for Seroxat and the doc just laughed in my face and said they weren't running a pharmacy. They did not believe there was such a thing as SSRI/SNRI withdrawal syndrome. I think they still don't.
In the cell, waiting for the court appearance, I had the worst shakes and weird feelings (derealisation, having two heads, having my head swell to the size of a water melon). The junky I shared the cell with said: "Wow, what are you on?"
- - - - - -
I was put on zoloft, and when I stopped taking it I became disoriented didn't remember anything for 3 days. Lost my systems design engineering job I had for 7 years with 21 succesful projects. Lost my income, lost my mind, lost my home, cars, family heirlooms retirement, etc.etc. It all happened after taking ZOLOFT. I was finally diagnosed with a form of epilepsy and put on anti siezure meds..Lamictal. The Zoloft stuff took place In the 3rd world state of recourse..Louisiana SUCKS. I now live in Florida, I'm 100% disabled and doing somewhat better thanks to my wife and my 2 wonderful kids that stood by me during those nightmarish days. By the way..the state of louisiana does not recognize the brain as an organ according to one ambulance chasing Lawyer. It only counts as an organ during a lawsuit right after an accident. If there are problems 10 years later...too bad it is no longer relevent.
- - - - - -
The first time I tried to get off cymbalta, I tapered over two months. Three weeks after the last dose, I was still extremely affected. I almost lost my job (doctor-level position), I almost quit my job.
I had about two months of hell trying to get off it.
So I'd be trying to pick up my clothes to get dressed in the morning and it was like zap zap zap grip wall zap pick up shirt zap zap nausea zap sit back down zap. Then I'd be talking to someone at work and i'd have the zaps and want to say 'oh just dont mind my nystagmus, nothing to worry about'
I don't feel that pissed off about it all right now, I just wonderhow long it will take before the brain zaps go away for good
I think I might donate some money to some organization this year that lobbies for more disclosure to patients about this shit because my dr who first prescribed it to me said 'Really? It causes vertigo in you? I am on it too and I get that too--I wonder what's up with that.'.
Followup: I'm up to about 6 months since I was taking Cymbalta every day and I still have weird effects like those described above. It has gotten to be kind of a joke now and mostly I just get the weird vertigo zaps. I wonder if it is 'permanent' a lot. 
It is a very distinct 'zap' and it feels way more sketchy and scary than the depression that caused me to go looking for an antidepressant. 
- - - - - -
"The worst kind of hell imaginable. I was off of this drug for 4 months without a hint of relief from the withdrawl symptoms. I was scared for my life and at the same time wanted to die..... Furthermore, every doctor I saw told me that Paxil isn't addictive. **FRUSTRATION** Hated it!"
- - - - - -
"Please consider this before commenting on antidepressants in a positive way.
About 10 years ago, the medical school at a major university began to notice a large number of cadavers coming in (for the medical students to work on) which had indented and calcified frontal lobes in their brains.
Puzzled by this, they went through the life history of each cadaver that had this anomaly, and discovered that in every case, the person had been on SSRI antidepressants.
The level of brain damage indicated that each of the cadavers had been lobotomized.
The people who drew the connection between the calcified and collapsed frontal lobes (the part of the brain which contains your soul) and antidepressants received offers of money to keep it secret, and when they chose to go public anyway, received anonymous death threats against their families and children if they ever went public.
I have seen many people get destroyed by antidepressants, all the while they said all was well. Invariably they go down the toilet as they eventually move toward complete and total emotional and personality flatline."
- - - - - -
"I decided I did not want to be ruled by this drug. Under the supervision of my doctor over a two month period, I weened myself from cymbalta forever. Each time I went down to a smaller dose I got sick. I had headaches, brain zaps, nausea, flu-like symptoms, I blacked out, my memory would get worse, until the culmination of taking no Cymbalta at all. Fortunately my mother is retired and was able to stay with me- I was withdrawaling like I assume people do on heavy street drugs! I would go to sleep hoping I would not wake up and be in pain throughout the day. My pain would get worse as the day progressed and by 4:00 I could barely stand the headaches, nausea, the ear ringing, and brain zaps. It has been a year since I have been off of Cymbalta and I continue to have horrible headaches that get worse as the day progresses; my ears ring, and my vision is screwed up. I see little lights at night time. My memory is not what it used to be and when I tell my doctors that I think I was permanatley poisoned by cymbalta they look at me like I am crazy (and isn't that the reason I went on the cymbalta in the first place?)"
- - - - - -
"I am on my 7th day of no Cymbalta after being on it for only 3 weeks. I went from 60mg to 30mg, no problem. Then 30mg to 15mg, by making my own pills from the 30mg. Brain Zaps started. Now since I am clean for 7 days the Brain Zaps are hell, I think I even blink when they hit me. Inside my head the Zaps sound like a chattering angry squirrel. The people that made this drug must have never tested it for withdrawals. I have terrible back pain, have trouble sleeping, and have even cried twice this week. I just took 50mg of benedryl and 1000mg of tylenol hoping I can sleep tonight. I also gained weight on the drug. Has anyone that dealt with the Brain Zaps stopped having them all together? They are so bad, I am afraid to drive, I now understand why some folks kill themselves coming off drugs like this one. If there is a happy ending, I would love to know about it. Almost forgot, Blood Pressure has gone thru the roof coming off this stuff."
- - - - - -
"I will name the countless symptoms and probably unreversable brain damage I am living with after Effexor. There are good days in wich some of the symptoms won't arise for exception of the pain. Those are the days I can be a mother and wife but still the shadow of the energetic person I was. Back in July all the symptoms hit me all at once. Blury vision, dizzy, letargic, high pitch ringing in my ears, exhaustion, pain all over my body, joints and muscles. Muscle twitching, slurred speech, urinary incontinence at times, hair lose in patches. It is impossible for me to normally work at any type of job now. I have states where I would forget what I am doing. I have times in wich I have a hard time controlling voluntary motor functions in my legs and arms (such as not being able to write, open a bottle or carry anything). Every now and then muscles will begin to twitch, then just stop, out of the blue. I became lethargic and have no energy to do anything. Not to mention times or days when I can not drive due to the chance that I would have an accident beacuse of the sudden blury vision or dizzines that make it dificult to see. Not to mention when I suddenly forget where I am going or doing."
- - - - - -
Since I started taking effexor, My memory is going out the window. I am having trouble remembering things from yesterday, granted I haven’t always been the best to remember things. I have noticed that I am forgetting tasks at work, this has never happened. I find myself using an entire pad of sticky notes, and forgetting to complete the notes written.
I’ve been taking Effexor since last November, and I’ve been having memory problems. Even yesterday I can barely remember. It’s so difficult. Usually, I had a good memory but now it has gone down hill.
I’ve been on it for about 9 months, and the SAME thing is happening to me. i forget things daily, lose things often, and my attention span is like a 3 year old boy. my doctor also told me theyre not connected, but i KNOW they are, which is the main reason i’m coming off the drug now. i wishi would have been informed of all this before i got hooked on the stinking drug.
I have been experiencing memory loss for awhie also. I started taking Effexor spring 2005. Before that I had been taking Zoloft, which was not working for my anxiety and depression. I notice about 3-6 months into taking Effexor that my short term memory was playing tricks on me and the more I think about it the more I realize this drug has something to do with that. What should we do now? Does anyone else think we should be contacting the company and find out the truth about this being a side effect???
- - - - - -
"I have been on Celexa for almost three years. the results: lost a job and a marriage due to being so non complacent but gained 20 lbs. I skipped a few doses several weeks ago and decided it was time to wean myself off. I tapered down very quickly and am now dealing with the following withdrawal symptoms:
Blurred vision 
Jolting electric "zaps" (at bedtime) 
Tingling sensations 
Abdominal discomfort 
Flu symptoms and general malaise 
Gait disturbances 
Sleep disturbance and insomnia 
Vivid dreams 
Memory and concentration difficulties 
Crying spells 
The aggression is the scariest part but now that I know almost everyone experiences this I feel better. From reading most of the posts it doesn't seem to matter if you wean yourself or go cold turkey, the withdrawal symptoms appear the same."
- - - - - -
I believe SSRIs "cause" neurogenesis through the brains compensatory mechanisms. By inducing a massive chemical imbalance at the synaptic level, SSRIs force the brain to respond by shutting down these connections and creating new ones (which then get shut down, and the cycle continues). Unfortunately, these new connections (axons) often resemble the type of new axonal growth (swollen/corksrew appearance) seen after recovery from a neurotoxic MDMA regimen. (editor's note - MDMA is Ecstacy) These axons also often grow and/or project into areas where they did not before, and the significance of this is as of yet unknown.
7. The most troubling permanent lasting adverse neurological effects you may experience after prolonged SSRI usage (and consequent STOPPING) are :
a). Word finding troubles
b). Absolute emotional flatness and deadness
c). Permanently reduced sex drive
d). An odd, pervasive social anxiety/awkwardness
e). Trouble with coordination
f). Bad memory
g). Trouble retrieving words
h). Overall paucity of thought and expression
i). Lack of creativity and intellectual fluidity (mental fog)
j). A lack of ability to "steer" or control the tone of your voice
(I've noticed this- that I sound shaky and agitated no matter what my
mood is, and people think I'm upset when I'm really not)
8. After these brain damaging effects have sunken in, you may have great difficulty finding support anywhere. Talking to a p-doc may be an exercise in futility. They will want to protect their own interests and shield themselves from a possible lawsuit, hence you may be told continually to get back on meds/up your dosage. The more you protest, the less credibility you have, thus the more evidence in your p-doc's mind that you need to go back on SSRIs.
9. Once you realize the extent of the damage, and it sinks in beyond the denial you may initially face, it will be hard to explain to others exactly why you are not the same person you used to be. The damage is similar to a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) yet it might be better termed DBI (Diffuse Brain Injury).
- - - - - -
"Oh, how the withdrawal wrecked me. The only thing worse than taking Cymbalta was withdrawal from Cymbalta. Added to all the side effects I was already having, I very much wanted to cut myself, and got as far as sitting down with a blade, but instead I bit myself on the hand as hard as I could stand. I think I also punched myself in the thigh that same day, but it's all sort of hazy. The first day off Cymbalta, I hallucinated, felt like my arms were really far away from the rest of my body, dissociated for most of the day, and in general, thought I was going to have to call for an ambulance. A benzo would've really helped, but I didn't have a pdoc yet at the time; I had to wait three weeks and let me tell you, those were three of the most hellish weeks of my life, including feeling very much like I was having a mixed episode. Out of desperation, I took diphenhydramine because it helped the vertigo and the sleepy feeling sort of passed for "calmer." It took at least three weeks for the withdrawal symptoms to calm down to a dull roar. When I saw my new pdoc, I was still agitated."
- - - - - -
Your doctor is your worst enemy. Welbutrin is an SNRI. It blocks the metabolites in the liver that metablilze seretonin and noepinephrin. Switching to celexa, which is an SNRI is not going to help you. Doctors just have no clue as to what they are doing. You go to them with a problem, they consult ther PDR, and hand out some drugs that the pretty little pharma rep gave to them. They will give you something to destroy your brain, then give you a benzo like xanax, to combat anxiety. You cannot sleep, you are always on edge, you end up with some sort of psycological "disorder" (manufactured by the drug companies), and you are left a buned out shell of what you used to be. They tried to give my mother-in-law prozac because she was sad when her father was dying of cancer, and she was starting to go through menopause. I SCREAMED. This lady didn't need prozac, or any other mind altering drugs. She needed to reduce her stress.
I told her to take topical progesterone, and she turned around just fine.
Fact: Doctors don't know what ssri's do to the brain
Fact: There is no evidence of a lack of neuro transmitters.
Fact: There is no way of measuring the level of seretonin in the brain...
I pray for anyone in distress anywhere, and God bless and help those whose lives were destroyed by doctors who dished out meds that they know nothing about.
did anyone else get tapered off zoloft from a doctor but still having withdrawal?
this is how my doctor did it and I am still trying to understand why it was just down to 50mg and not less after a while: starting with my 100 mg
week 1- 50 mg every day 
week 2 and 3 50 mg every other day 
week 4 50 mg every two days 
week 5 50 mg every three days 
week 6 off (on this week now) 
I took my last on sunday and it's now Wednesday. last night I could not sleep, I felt very cold and I was shivering and had interrupted sleep and then got too hot all over like I was burning. I've had the brain zaps all along on the days I didn't take it and some of the shivering and feeling a little dizzy too , very restless sleep on and off for these last few weeks. also some irritability, and very depressed and hopeless feelings and anger, some crying spells for no reason. I don't want to call the doctor because obviously they don't know what they are doing or I wouldn't have withdrawl symptoms at all.
- - - - - -
My daughter began having petit mal seizures. Coincidentally, she was just recently placed on zoloft. I am sure it was only a coincidence, right? What did zoloft do to you?
- - - - - -
- - - - - -
Zoloft destroyed my life, and my Dr. and therapist stood by and watched it all happen right before their eyes, it was like I was a project for them. I am sorry to those I affected during that time, I regret it everyday.
- - - - - -