Showing posts with label Lois Lane. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lois Lane. Show all posts

Saturday, 21 June 2025

Mort







"Still big sellers, having weathered the storms of the witch-hunt years by adhering closely to the central tenets of the Comics Code and aping the formula of the popular TV show. After Mortimer Weisinger occupied the editorial chair that year, Superman sales overtook even the Disney titles, making him the most popular comic character in the world
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  Famously described by comics writer Roy Thomas as “a malevolent toad,Mort Weisinger had worked as a story editor on TV’s Adventures of Superman before returning to New York to revamp the comic book. While other comics strove to connect with an older audience, Weisinger aimed his books at the gigantic audience of children from the postwar population boom. To keep the bright, active kids of the 1950s engaged, Weisinger and his writers exchanged the pedestrian realism of the TV series and the comic stories it had inspired for the kind of science-fantasy spectacle that couldn’t be duplicated on film or TV. No other popular form existed where spectacular scenes of men tossing planets at one another could be created with any degree of believability. Under Weisinger, a sci-fi fan, Superman reached levels of power previously enjoyed only by Hindu gods.

  Even the covers became more exciting, transformed into compelling poster-like advertisements for the stories within. In the forties and early fifties, a typical Superman cover portrayed him in iconic pose: lifting a car, towing a liner, or waving the Stars and Stripes. But Weisinger favored sensational “situation” covers with word balloons and unlikely setups that could only be resolved by purchasing the issue. Oddly, while this cosmic inflation was taking place, Superman stories were becoming more intimate and more universal in their appeal. In tune with the psychoanalytic movement (and to evade the code), Weisinger developed an uncanny ability to transform every dirty nugget from the collective unconscious into curiously compelling narratives for kids.

  Superman was now a grown-up, a mature patriarch, drawn in the clean fifties lines of an artist with the unfortunate name of Wayne Boring.

  Boring brought us classic Superman. Static. Conservative. Reserved. Gone was the restless, antiestablishment futurist; Boring’s drawings shared the airless qualities of Roman frescoes. Where Joe Shuster had tried to capture the velocity of passing time, Boring slowed it all down, crystallizing single moments into myth. There was a weird formal remove, a proscenium arch, that maintained an even distance between the reader and the action. Wayne Boring’s entire cosmos could be reduced to a two-by-two-inch square. His smooth, polished little planets floated like billiard balls in a compressed, flattened universe where outer space was neither vast nor intimidating but enclosed and teeming with life and color. Using the same, endlessly repeated, running-on-air pose, Boring’s Man of Steel casually jogged across light-years of unfathomable distance in the space between one picture and the next, with the same stoic absence of expression. Centuries of epic time could pass in a single caption. Dynasties fell between balloons, and the sun could grow old and die on the turn of a page.
  It was a toy world, too, observed through the wrong end of a telescope. Boring made eternity tiny, capable of being held in two small hands. He reduced the infinite to fit in a cameo, and he did this in service to the great insight of the Weisinger era: that human emotions can grow to overwhelm the vastnesses of space and endless time. Wayne Boring’s tight, repressed lines were necessary to contain and shape the thunderous outpouring of Dionysian Sturm und Drang that animated the pages.
  These stories were all about emotion. Fifties Superman plunged into great surging tides of feelings so big and unashamed that they could break a young heart or blind the stars. The socialist power fantasies, the jingoistic propaganda and gimmick adventures that had defined the previous twenty years of Superman adventures, gave way to cataclysmic tales of love and loss, guilt, grief, friendship, judgment, terror, and redemption, biblical in their scale and primal purity. And always, Weisinger’s godlike Superman became more like us than ever before. He was fifties America with its atom-powered fist, its deadly archenemy, its brave allies. Like America, he was a flawed colossus, protector of Earth from the iron-walled forces of tyranny and yet, somehow, riven from within by a gnawing guilt, a growing uncertainty, a fear of change, and a terror of conformity.
  Weisinger was in therapy, and he used the material from his sessions as raw plot ore for his writers to process into story material. The editor’s entire psychology was stretched naked on the dissecting table via some of the most outlandish and unashamed deployments of pure symbolic content that the comics had ever seen. Its like would not be truly viewed again, in fact, until the drug-inspired cosmic comics of the early seventies.
  For example, there was the bottle city of Kandor. Kandor had been the capital city of Superman’s home world Krypton, thought destroyed. Shrunken and preserved by the villain Brainiac, Kandor was now a tiny city in a bell jar. This living diorama, this ant colony of real people, had great appeal for children, adding to the childlike nature of this era’s Superman. In Kandor, lost memories were preserved under glass, and Superman could go there, in private, to experience a world he left behind. Kandor was every snow globe and music box that stood for every bittersweet memory in every movie there would ever be. Kandor was the tinkling voice of a lost world, a past that might have been, unreachable. Kandor was survivor’s guilt endowed with new meaning.
  Fifties Superman found himself domesticated at the heart of a strange nuclear family of friends, foes, and relatives. Weisinger had taken his lessons from Captain Marvel and his Family. Many of his favorite writers, like Otto Binder and Edmond Hamilton, had contributed to the Captain Marvel mythos and were able to adapt that style to suit a new kind of dream world that was more pointed, angular, and paranoid. This was the nuclear family glowing in the dark. No longer the last survivor of a lost alien civilization, Superman was joined by an entire photo album’s worth of new supercompanions. He’d already gained his own superdog, named Krypto, and now discovered that he had a pretty blond cousin named Kara Zor-El, who’d also managed to survive the destruction of Krypton, along with a supermonkey, Beppo. There were stories of Superman as a boy (Superboy) and as a comically superpowered infant (Superbaby). Lois Lane was popular enough to graduate to her own monthly comic book. So too did Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen.
  The young Olsen had no sooner installed himself within the pages of his own title than he began to experience a series of fantastic physical contortions typical of the Silver Age. A sampling of stories from Olsen’s solo title showed the results as he metamorphosed into a porcupine boy, a giant turtle, a wolfman, Elastic Lad, and a “human skyscraper,” with no pause for reflection. These transformations never produced any lasting ill effects or neuroses.
  So great was the intrusion of the fantastic into the everyday that even Superboy’s small-town sweetheart, red-haired Lana Lang, the hometown girl deluxe, began her own dual career as Insect Lass, using an “alien ring” to reorganize the slim-legged, petite figure of a Kansas homecoming queen into the bulbous abdomen and crawling feelers of a giant wasp or monster moth, with a shapely human torso and head that made it ten times more disturbing. Like Jimmy, Lana experienced no body horror or psychological trauma when she inflated her trim teenage stomach into a monstrous spider belly, clacked her chitinous forelegs together, and played out superhard silk from spinnerets where her normal midwestern buttocks should be. Had Franz Kafka’s mild-mannered accountant Gregor Samsa been born to the sunshine of the emergent DC universe, he might have pressed his incredible new cockroach powers into action in the fight against crime and injustice. Before too long, he would have been invited to join the Justice League. Kafka never once paused to consider that his outcasts could be heroic like the X-Men, freakishly glamorous like Jimmy Olsen, or as gorgeous as trendsetting Pulitzer Prize winner Lois Lane.
  When not under alien influence, Jimmy Olsen could barely stand to be himself for more than five pages and maintained a much-resorted-to “disguise kit” in times of emergency. Prefiguring David Bowie or Madonna, his life became a shifting parade of costume changes and reinventions of identity. And long before those two performers were challenging the boundaries of masculine and feminine, Olsen was deconstructing the macho stereotype in a sequence of soft-core gender-blending adventures for children that beggar belief when read today.
  The three unforgettable transvestite Olsen tales, including “Miss Jimmy Olsen,” can be summed up by the following heart-fluttering caption that opens the lead story in Jimmy Olsen no. 95:
  IF YOU EVER WONDERED TO WHAT EXTREME LENGTHS JIMMY OLSEN WOULD GO TO GET A NEWSPAPER SCOOP, WAIT TILL YOU SEE JIMMY IN OPERATION AS A MEMBER OF THE FAIR SEX! YES, READERS. SUPERMAN’S YOUNG PAL UNDERGOES A DRASTIC CHANGE OF IDENTITY AND PUTS HIS HIGH-HEELED FEET INTO A HUGE MESS OF TROUBLE WHEN HE BECOMES THE SWEETHEART OF GANGLAND.
  These words accompany a picture of Jimmy mincing past a mailbox in a green dress while a group of admiring men whoop and check out his ass.
  “HA! HA! THOSE WOLVES WOULD DROP DEAD IF THEY KNEW THAT UNDER THIS FEMALE DISGUISE BEATS THE VERY MASCULINE HEART OF PLANET REPORTER JIMMY OLSEN!” read the smirking, transvestite Olsen’s thought balloon.
  The salacious, winking quality of the phrasing suggested an immaculate deconstruction of the masculine adventure genre into the arena of showbiz, shifting identities, and anything-goes sexuality.
  Jimmy became a mobster’s moll, even joining a chorus line and proving that he could high-kick with the best of the showgirls. Bestiality reared its shaggy head when Jimmy was forced to substitute the lips of a slobbering chimp named Dora for his own during a tense romantic moment in a dimly lit apartment. Believing the mouth of the ape in question to be the fragrant glossy red lips of Jimmy Olsen, racketeer Big Monte McGraw melted into the simian’s lewd embrace while Jimmy made a hasty getaway. The level of derangement was high. These were stories that could never happen in the real world, even if there was a Superman. This was now a world all its own, living inside our own, growing, getting smarter and more elaborate.
  Artist Curt Swan drew the cub reporter as outrageously attractive in his makeup and a red wig. In heels and stockings, Olsen looked like he’d wandered in off a Pussycat Dolls video shoot. And there were a few gloriously disorienting panels where, sans wig, he was seen talking to Superman while still casually dressed in a pink dressing gown, fluffy slippers, and movie star makeup.
  And yet, if it was okay for Olsen, wasn’t it okay? I grew up with this idea of the disguise kit and the performance, the idea of both body and identity as canvas. When I adopted as a role model the shape-shifting, bisexual assassin Jerry Cornelius from Michael Moorcock’s novels, I was following in the footsteps of Jimmy Olsen. Olsen played in bands, and so did I. Olsen was freewheeling and nonjudgmental, even in the fifties, and so was I. If it was cool with Superman’s pal, it was A-OK with me. Clearly these stories were written by perverts with an intent to pervert the young. They were entirely successful.
  The transvestite Olsen stories seem deeply rooted in the underground world of mimeographed porn mags and the bondage comics of Eric Stanton, whose studio also employed a certain Joe Shuster, Superman creator. The language used recalls stories like Panty Raid (discussed at length by Robert J. Stoller, M.D., in his 1985 book Observing the Erotic Imagination) and other 1950s transgender tales in which hunky young jocks got more than they bargained for when a trip to the sorority house turned into a forced initiation into the pleasures of female underwear and makeup. The difference being that Olsen was fully in control of his transformations and could hardly wait more than a couple of pages to get them under way.
  At the same time, Superman’s treatment of Lois became more cruel and misogynistic, while she became more shrewish and snoopy. It was hard to match this often boorish, devious brute of a man to any popular conception of Superman, and yet here he was lying, deceiving, and thwarting her dreams of matrimony over and over again while Lois fumed and plotted.
(illustration credit 5.1)
Superman’s fear of commitment was a significant, perhaps dominant, feature of his Silver Age adventures. It was as if all the sublimated resentment of fifties men, home from the excitement of the war to the nine-to-five and to ticky-tacky houses in suburbia, seethed between the covers.
  Those echoes were never louder than in Superman’s Girl Friend, Lois Lane no. 73, which allowed into this fragile world of sanity an image so peculiar that words alone are not capable of doing justice to it. The story inside was tame fare by comparison, but Weisinger’s trademark self-searching ability to transform every dirty subconscious coal into the gem of an idea was never more evident than here. This was a Jungian bowel movement rendered as a story for children. The kind of behavior this primed young boys to expect from their own future girlfriends was more obscene than the blow jobs, boob jobs, and anal entry they now expect as a result of boring old Internet porn. Superman was educating a generation of sadomasochistic swingers with tastes trending beyond the outré.
  As we look again in disbelief or amusement at this outlandish image, stop to consider how ten years previously, the portrayal of Lois Lane had been one of a fairly convincing hard-nosed lady reporter in a man’s world, while Jimmy Olsen had been portrayed as a somewhat believable cub photographer making his way on a big-city paper. In that context these images ripped bleeding from the fantastic nightside of the American imagination become even more provocative and outrageous.
  Was the hostility Weisinger’s or that of his writers? He was, after all, a notoriously mean-spirited man. Was fifties Superman a product of his age, a backlash against emancipation and a postwar desire to get the working gals of WWII back into the kitchen and the bedroom before they got too serious about building aircraft, voting, or even making comics?
  Or was this less an adult approach to sexual politics than an attempt to depict Superman’s attitude toward women in ways—“Ugh! Girls!”—a ten-year-old boy might relate to? Superman and his cast could be all of these. They were in flux, slippery and eager to adapt in order to ensure their own continued survival. As ideas they could change shape to speak to the fears and fantasies of a postwar generation and its armies of children.
  There is, of course, a third reason for the viciousness of male-female power relationships in fifties superhero comics. As the Comics Code explicitly states:
  Passion or romantic interest shall never be treated in such a way as to stimulate the lower and base emotions.
  The treatment of love-romance stories shall emphasize the value of the home and the sanctity of marriage.
  The young men and women who wrote and drew these stories were no fools—they were artists on the fringes, marginalized and despised. Perhaps the rejected outsiders who created these comics were taking their revenge on society by exposing the curdled power politics that lay beneath the clipped lawns, starched shirts, and baking aprons of 1950s America. Maybe the distorted lives of Silver Age superheroes were a deliberate, scabrous attempt to sneak social commentary and satire under the noses of the censors. The creators of post–Comics Code superhero comics followed the diktat of the CMA to the letter, while at the same time exposing postwar relationships as hotbeds of abnormality, where women were ring-chasing harridans and men were quivering puer aeternae terrified of responsibility.
  On a particular favorite cover of mine, Superman watched, helplessly emasculated, as his girlfriends Lois and Lana paraded past him, each with a different historical strongman on her arm.
  “LOIS! LANA!” Superman exclaimed meekly. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH HERCULES AND SAMSON?”
  “WE’RE ON THE WAY TO THE MARRIAGE LICENSE BUREAU!” Lois chirped proudly. “I’M GOING TO BE MRS. HERCULES!”
  “AND I’M GOING TO BE MRS. SAMSON!” tittered Lana. It was a bold and unforgettable lesson for young male readers: This was what happened when you couldn’t make decisions or offer any lasting commitment. Samson pounced on your best girl. And for Superman, it was a horrific challenge to his modernity. Was he really no better than these archaic toughs? Or could he prove himself stronger, faster than any previous man-god?
  As a further irony, girls still read these comics too; for all the stories’ undercurrents of fear, of commitment, and of women as predators intent on robbing men of their independence, the energy that drives them can also be read as essentially feminine, favoring stories about relationships and strong emotions. This made them popular with children of both sexes. These stories liquefied the armored hard body of the wartime supersoldiers and patriotic strongmen. This was Superman on the analyst’s couch after almost twenty years of unconscious adventuring, finally letting the freakishness, the alien-ness, all hang out. America was in therapy too, and along with all the insights and the wonders of the interior, poison was being squeezed out. Fears were being lanced like boils, expressed in the art, music, and popular culture of the time.
  Outsider culture, in the form of Lenny Bruce, the Beats, and the bohos, was developing a new bardic language to express things that had until now haunted the echoing four-in-the-morning thoughts of men and women in a world they could barely make sense of from cradle to grave. They said things everyone had felt but never dared articulate because it was forbidden by consensus. A new willingness—an especially American willingness—not to mock but to learn from the fringes was opening up the country to its sexuality, its fears and fantasies of freedom and slavery, emancipation and mind control, man and machine. It was time for new dreams to replace the derelict, bombed-out, and vacant shells of the old. The future would not be denied.
  Fifties Superman cheerfully embodied every human terror on our behalf: In a succession of early Silver Age adventures, he became monstrously obese, insect headed, a Frankenstein’s monster, a lion-faced outcast, a dome-headed, emotionless “future man,” and a senile, doddering granddad flying with the aid of a knobbly cane.
  In each case, the perfect man was made finally to experience all the horrors of being different, growing old, or mutating into any of the many ugly distortions of normality that haunted buttoned-down Normalville, USA, in those days of monster films and fears of mutation. It often seemed as though the most awful thing one could be in Superman’s world was not a monster or an evil genius but old, fat, and bald. Each new transformation inflicted on him some fundamental human suffering. The strongman went soft at the edge and could no longer contain his own shape. To survive, he had to endure, wait for the story’s inevitable cycle to return him to normality within the new hierarchical structure of the Daily Planet office and Superman’s superlife of pets and fortresses, time machines and alien relatives.
  And it wasn’t only Superman: His entire supporting cast of reporters and grocery store owners was subject to inhuman forces of transformation on a monthly basis. Lois Lane became Lois Lane the Witch of Metropolis—a hag on a broomstick casting ghastly vaporous spells in Superman’s direction—or Phantom Lois, Baby Lois, even Super Lois. The familiar faces of Superman cast stalwarts became grotesque, unloved, undergoing cyclical trials that tested their foundational concepts to the outermost limits, in the way that children would stretch an elastic band: so far, not too far, but nearly. The heroes learned their lessons and forgot them in time for the next issue, in order to present those lessons in a new form. This was the world of dreams, complexes, the twilight territory of Dr. Freud’s unconscious, where the body was formless and metamorphic. Adolescent themes prevailed and formed the basis for perfect superhero stories.
  Weisinger-era Superman was a remarkable feat of imagination and reinvention. Jerry Siegel himself rose to the challenge, taking his original concept further than ever before. In beautiful stories such as “Superman’s Return to Krypton,” he reached a stylistic peak he would find hard to surpass. As the title suggested, time travel allowed Superman to return to the world of his birth before its destruction. There, powerless under the red sun of Krypton, he met his own parents as a young couple and found his eternal soul mate in the ravishing Lyla Lerrol, a Kryptonian actress whose life was ultimately as doomed as all the others on that ill-starred orb.
  “BUT THE FLAMES WITHIN THE PLANET ARE LIKE COLD GLACIERS COMPARED TO THE MIGHTY LOVE BLAZING BETWEEN SUPERMAN OF EARTH AND LYLA LERROL OF KRYPTON.”
  The scenes of young Jor-El, Lara, Lyla, and Kal-El toasting the future, “NO MATTER WHAT TOMORROW BRINGS!” had the genuine bittersweetness of school photographs discovered in middle age. When Superman was forced to leave a weeping Lyla behind to die and return to his own time, a new kind of Superman story had been born. These were no longer political fantasies or propaganda, and they were not, as later superhero comic books would become, scoreboards of cross-referenced continuities. These stories had the simple universal appeal of folktales. They never talked down to their intended audience of children or pulled punches on dark matters of mortality, grief, jealousy, and love.
  Then there were the so-called imaginary stories that deviated from the official Superman canon (described as “real life” by the comics themselves). In imaginary stories, intriguing what-if? scenarios could play out to comic or tragic effect: What if Superman married Lana Lang? What if Luthor had raised Superboy as his own son? What if Superman had been raised by Batman’s parents and Bruce Wayne was Clark Kent’s adopted brother? Happy endings were rarely guaranteed, which made many of these speculative tragedies more powerful and memorable than the “real” adventures.
  The superhero had turned to face the interior with spectacularly inventive results. By turning his back on the political or social realities of the material world, by stealing where it counted from Captain Marvel (both in content and in talent), Weisinger and his team had opened the doors onto a new frontier where the superheroes could soar free. No longer shackled to the rules of social realism, the stories themselves were liberated to become what a generation of young readers demanded: allegorical super–science fiction about how it felt to be twelve. Fifties Superman proudly inhabited and brought order, humor, and meaning to the primary-colored, Jackson Pollock–spattered protocontinent of the great American unconscious. Weisinger had admitted a protean, Dionysian spirit into Superman’s world, and he left that world supercharged, reinvigorated with new ideas and fresh spins on old ones, wide open and reborn into the lysergic dawn of the 1960s.
  Before moving on, I have a pet story from this period that I’d like to share, on the grounds that it perfectly sums up this era and Weisinger’s approach to the American drama. The title is “Superman’s New Power.” You might presume the promised new power will fit within the basically scientific range of Superman’s abilities. Maybe he could develop electrical powers or telepathy. No. Writer Jerry Coleman, operating under Weisinger’s instruction, and artist Curt Swan had something quite different in mind.
  Superman’s new power was this: He found he could manifest from the palm of his right hand a mute, six-inch-high Superman duplicate, in full costume. Emerging without explanation from Superman’s hand, the mini-Superman rocketed off to thwart injustice and save innocent lives in Superman’s stead. Of course, it did its job even better than Superman could do it, in its weird, mini-me way. What’s worse, when the imp set forth, Superman lost all his powers and was left impotent, only able to watch as his palmtop doppelgänger saved the day again and again and was rewarded with all the kudos and love that Superman thought he deserved.
  Feel free to analyze.


  Samson’s hair. Achilles’ heel. The oddly elaborate gymnastic contortions that exposed the vulnerable spots of Celtic superwarriors. Even the greatest heroes needed a weakness, or there would be no drama, no fall or redemption.
  If nothing could hurt Superman, what could hurt him?
  In fact, Weisinger and his writers understood the most important thing about Superman: that his heart was vulnerable, and his self-esteem could be fragile. The Super was the icing on the cake, the sugar coating: These were stories about Man and his role in a new world.
  But now that the Man of Tomorrow had achieved near-divine heights of omnipotence, the need for some kind of convincing physical vulnerability was becoming greater. Or so goes the prevailing opinion. The glowing green killer mineral kryptonite had been introduced in the 1943 Superman radio series. The contaminated remains of Superman’s home planet fell to Earth in meteor form—much more often than the debris of a distant world might reasonably be expected to fall, and in sufficient quantities to threaten Superman’s life on a regular basis. As a weapon, it had a certain symbolic resonance: The notion that radioactive fragments of Superman’s birth world had become toxic to him spoke of the old country, the old ways, the threat of the failure to assimilate. Superman was a naturalized American. The last thing he needed were these lethal reminders of where he’d come from; that he, the son of lordly scientists, had been reduced to toiling in a farmer’s field or minding the general store.
  Weisinger knew how his young readers’ minds worked and stretched the idea a little further: If there was green kryptonite, couldn’t there be other colors too? The prismatic splintering began with the invention of Red K, the cool kryptonite, possibly because it made literal the master Silver Age theme of bodily transformation. It was mineral LSD for Superman, affecting not just his mind but also reshaping his body into a playground of fleshly hallucination.
  No two trips on Red K were the same, in-story logic promised. Red K would affect Superman in a different way every time and theoretically might never become boring. So, under its influence, Superman might develop the head of an ant, scaling the Daily Planet building as the commander of a nightmarish army of giant insects—“BZZ-BZZZ … WE MUST CAPTURE LOIS LANE … SHE WILL BE OUR QUEEN!”—or split into good Clark, bad Superman, or even become goofy for forty-eight hours.
  Red K and the Silver Age are inextricable. Red K was LSD for superheroes, and under its influence Superman could unclench his entire being and walk the razor’s edge of joyous self-abandonment and ego-annihilating terror—an American pioneer. Red K served equally as a handy metaphor for the adolescent hormonal shifts, physical changes, and weird moods of elation and despair that were being experienced by its readers.
  Other kryptonite variants were created as plot mechanics demanded rather than with any eye to longevity. That’s why gold kryptonite removes Superman’s powers permanently, blue kryptonite affects only Bizarros, and white kryptonite is deadly to plants, which makes it about as interesting as matches, DDT, or a stout spade.
  But, of course, Superman’s ultimate weakness was his secret identity. Why wouldn’t shy Clark Kent choose to tear open his shirt and reveal to his unrequited love the potent god-man behind the buttons? Instead he hid the truth from Lois Lane, devising deceptions that became so elaborate as to be cruel: the ghastly tricks of semantics a man-boy might play on a child-woman, all in the guise of “teaching her a lesson.”
  A story like “The Two Faces of Superman” showed the hero promising to marry Lois Lane but only if she met him at a particular time outside the church. When she met his conditions, he contrived to seal her car door with his heat vision so that she couldn’t get out. Unable to marry him at precisely the correct hour meant that Lois forfeited her chance. A relieved, chortling Superman took to the skies, having hoodwinked the predator once more.
  Like Rumpelstiltskin, Tom Tit Tot, and the other creatures of folklore who knew that names held power and kept theirs secret, Superman maintained his distance from Clark and vice versa. Their paths rarely crossed. He hid his heart in a plain suit, behind glasses. For Lois, a girl, to know who he was would be the end. She’d only pressure him into exchanging his gaudy suit and life of adventure for something less embarrassing, more domestic. She would expect him to be home for dinner, when there were stricken ocean liners to rescue. In the end, his self-deceiving fantasies of one day carrying Lois up the aisle were just that, and if he married Lois, he’d be Clark forever. It wouldn’t matter how strong or fast he was, he’d be Clark racing around the globe to pick up groceries.


  Robin the Boy Wonder first appeared in Detective Comics in 1940. Introduced as “THE LAUGHING YOUNG DAREDEVIL .…” and “THE CHARACTER FIND OF 1940,” he burst through a circus ringmaster’s hoop held by a grinning Batman. It was an explosion of exuberance that signaled the arrival of a plucky can-do spirit to comics born of the Depression.
  Dick Grayson was introduced to readers as a typical Boys Town character; a feisty urchin scrapper; the orphaned son of murdered circus aerialists. Robin was a carny kid, as far from Batman’s class and social milieu as one could get, but he had a stout heart and was as brave as any boy Batman had ever met. So it made sense to team up and share the crime-fighting life.
  Robin’s upbeat, enthusiastic charisma obliged the uptight, millionaire Protestant Wayne to loosen up a little. The kid brought a big-top splash of joie de vivre to the mean streets of the urban avenger. The introduction of Robin turned Batman’s story from a shady crime-and-revenge narrative into the thrilling adventures of two swashbuckling friends who were so rich that they could do anything.
  After 1940, the formerly dour Batman rarely lost his smile. The Batcave filled with trophies, as outlandish mementoes of his adventures with Robin began to accumulate; there was a Lincoln penny as big as a Ferris wheel, a robot tyrannosaur, several deadly umbrellas from the arsenal of the Penguin, and a collection of remarkable Bat vehicles. The cave became part museum, part mega toy box, part theme park. Seen through Robin’s eyes, the Batman’s harsh, lawless world of shadows, blood, and poisonous chemicals became a Disneyland of crime. Even the attitude of the law changed toward the crime fighters: The Bat-Man of 1939 was a fearsome vigilante, hunted across rooftops by the Gotham City Police Department, but Batman and Robin were proud citizens and sworn GCPD deputies who worked alongside their uniformed, sanctioned counterparts to protect the city they loved.
  There was the sense that the young Bruce Wayne, who died emotionally along with his parents in Crime Alley, had finally met a friend with whom to share his strange, exciting secret life. The emotionally stunted Batman found a perfect pal in the ten-year-old orphaned acrobat. Batman was forced to grow up and develop responsibility as soon as Robin came on the scene, and the savage young Dark Knight of the original pulp-tinged adventures was replaced by a very different kind of hero: a dashing big brother, the best friend any kid could have. The outlaw gangbuster became a detective, a man we could trust, even with our children.
  Then came the insinuations of Wertham in an atmosphere of paranoia and self-analysis. Only a few superheroes remained in the darkness that had fallen over the face of DC Comics during the era of congressional hearings and public denunciations, turning freakish with the lights out. And it was as if their skeletons had begun to glow sickly green right through their flesh, as radioactive nightside selves came out to play. Not even Robin was immune to the scalding return of the repressed. All the creepiness, the curdled ink, the whispered innuendo floated to the surface as the Boy Wonder gave in, emasculated by the judgment of the sinister Doctor W.
  Robin began to show evidence of a fundamental lack of confidence about his permanent role in Batman’s life. In stories such as “Batman’s New Partner,” the Boy Wonder skulked, sulked, and sweated nervously as suspicions grew that he was being phased out in favor of Wingman, an adult who dressed like a pigeon spray-painted by hippies. As this primary threat of being relegated to the sidelines became more frequent, Robin’s reactions became increasingly flustered and teary.
  Lacking music and sound effects to punch up emotional scenes, comic books relied on pouring tears and melodrama. Characters really had to blubber to get the point that they were quite upset across to young readers.
  Expecting these masklike, often masked faces to convey understatement was like expecting stained glass to act. Emotions were broadcast at maximum volume. With a ban on crime, no room for good old-fashioned brawling, and a desperate need to survive, the superheroes surrendered their dignity to the zeitgeist and began to talk about their needs, their fears, and their [choke!] hopes.
  And so, in the fifties, the Boy Wonder transformed from a bounding paragon of vigilante boy justice to a weeping, petulant nervous wreck who lived in fear of losing his beloved Batman to fresher, more accomplished boy partners—or, worse, to the charms of Batwoman. With lower lip set in a permanent sullen pout courtesy of artist Sheldon Moldoff, his world became a schizoid cold war hell where Batman was secretly conniving to betray and dump him any time his guard was down. If he found the Caped Crusader drinking tea, Robin would instantly assume the flask was next in line to replace him at Batman’s side, then burst into tears. Covers show the boy reaching the church only to find Batman and Batwoman exchanging vows at the altar, in full costume, with the dreamlike touch of veil and tux to intensify the surreal indecency of the image. He was shown over and over opening a door only to find Batman and Batwoman with patronizing looks on their faces that suggested he was interrupting something only grown-ups could hope to understand.
  “Choke!” was usually all he could manage before hanging on for dear life until the story resolved itself in the usual welter of misconceptions and misread scenarios.
  This new image of the crying boy haunted the fascinating and demented stories of this period. Wertham had made innocent comic superheroes aware of their own sexual potential, and like Adam and Eve blinking in the garden, there was embarrassment, denial, and overwhelming eruptions of feelings so new they could only be represented by outlandish monstrosities of a kind that were entirely original. Space aliens, with designs and planetary environments inspired by the spiky murals on the walls of futurist jazz clubs or Village beatnik cellars, began to outnumber the criminals in Gotham City. Robin was besieged by a delirium of fractured shapes and grotesque creatures. The code ruled out realistic depictions of crime, so Batman was maneuvered awkwardly into ever more outlandish confrontations with monsters, spacemen, and … women. With Doc Wertham’s seedy denunciations still ringing in their ears, DC’s editors were keen to validate Batman’s hetero credentials with an injection of estrogen into the book; elderly Aunt Harriet soon replaced the ever-attentive Alfred, but the biggest feminine intrusion came with the arrival of the shapely Batwoman and her partner, Batgirl.
  Kathy Kane, Batwoman, made her debut as a plainly obvious beard for a Batman who had (let’s remind ourselves) no real need to prove his heterosexuality, on the grounds that he was a creation of pen and ink made to entertain children and had no sex life on the page or off it. What made this era of kissy-kissy Batman-and-Batwoman-at-the-altar story lines even more bizarre than the alien worlds and jagged modernist design aesthetic was Kathy Kane’s mannish civilian identity as a circus-owning daredevil who wore jodhpurs and rode a motorcycle. Kathy Kane was Marlon Brando in drag, Honor Blackman’s Pussy Galore from Goldfinger ten years before the movie. And just like Pussy with James Bond, Kathy had fallen head over heels for Batman.
  Smitten or not, Kathy was hard as nails. Batwoman detourned the image of the atom age housewife by packing her handbag with laser lipsticks and dainty cologne sprays that could chemically castrate you there on the spot. Kathy Kane was the weaponization of the Stepford Wife, the Avon lady as a Special Forces commando: pixie boots, fringed leather gloves, high-gloss lipstick so red it was jet black and reflective. If Bettie Page were the scourge of the underworld, she would look a little like this. No wonder Batman fell in love and the Boy Wonder’s stuttering tongue kept snagging on the same expletive:
  [Choke!]
  Kathy’s niece was a fluffy blonde named Betty Kane, who later gave up crime fighting to become a tennis pro, and yes, it’s easy to imagine Wertham’s inventive neurons hastily reconfiguring to provide this new and potentially more perverse tangle of relationships with a thrilling porno twist. Far from replacing the troubling Bruce-Dick-Alfred bachelor three-way with a respectable family unit, including Mom, Dad, Sis, Junior, and Dog (a resourceful and masked German shepherd named Ace joined the cast around this time), the Wayne-Kane era comes across in a welter of mind-warping, emotionally charged psychosexual hysteria. The two adults’ cruel treatment and emotional manipulation of a clearly distressed Robin in stories like “Bat-Mite Meets Bat-Girl” motivated Les Daniels to observe in his book Batman: The Complete History: “If a comic book could actually turn people gay as Doctor Wertham had suggested … this one might have had the power to do it.”
  If rebellion against the Comics Code took the form of these devastating, coded analyses of America’s psychosexual temperature, it was only to be expected. Squeezed down and controlled by conformity cops, comic-book creators chose the Hermetic route. Transforming their insights and rage into fables for children, the debts to the queer underground and the echoes of the narcotic, psychedelic visions of Ginsberg and Burroughs are still hard to miss.

  Imagine the tight-lipped, plausible Batman played by Christian Bale in Christopher Nolan’s twenty-first-century movie series facing some of the adversaries encountered by fifties Batman: a Rainbow Batman, a Zebra Batman, a Creature from Dimension X that resembled a one-eyed testicle on stalk-like legs. With titles including “The Jungle Batman,” “The Merman Batman” (“YES, ROBIN. I’VE BECOME A HUMAN FISH”), “The Valley of Giant Bees” (“ROBIN! HE’S BEEN CAPTURED AND MADE A JESTER IN THE COURT OF THE QUEEN BEE!”), and “Batman Becomes Bat-Baby,” it was an anything-goes atmosphere. And there’s more where they came from: a whole decade’s worth of unfiltered madness as DC writers used every trick in the book to keep Batman away from the crime-haunted streets where he belonged.

  Weisinger’s fluid bodies, his foregrounding of intense emotions, laid the groundwork for the Silver Age of comics and the arrival of a jet-powered, supersonic LSD consciousness that would turn the world’s largest-ever collection of young people into self-proclaimed superhumans overnight.

  But before that, and for the therapy to be successful, the process of miniaturization, compression, and self-annihilation had to be completed. A collapsing star, a black hole, was created, from which only a god could escape, or an idea. Not even light can escape from a black hole. The event horizon marks the limit of human science, not human imagination.

  Along came the Flash, who 
could run faster than the speed of light.

  Things began to melt.
  Things began to stream

Monday, 9 May 2022

Basking in Reflected Glory




“Oh!” exclaimed The Little Prince.
And he was suddenly 
overcome with sadness. 

His Flower had told Him 
that She was The ONLY 
one of her kind in 
The Universe. 

And here were 5000 of them, all alike, in one single garden!

“She would be rather resentful,” 
He thought to himself, 
"if she could see THIS… 

She would cough and cough 
and pretend She was dying 
so as to avoid being 
thought ridiculous

And I would have to 
pretend to nurse her
for otherwise 
she would really 
LET herself die... 
in order to humiliate me.”

Wednesday, 28 July 2021

I Hear Everything



"If Lois is Truly in Love
I won't stand in the way!

Once I'm sure she's safe and happy
I'll step out of her life forever!

But now I must look after her!
She's too impetuous!"


Lois interviews Superman | Superman Returns

Superman :
You know, you really
shouldn't smoke, Miss Lane.

Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you.


Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
No, I'm fine. Really.
I just wasn't expecting — you.

Superman :
With all the press on the plane...
I wasn't sure it was the best time for us to talk.

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
Well, there's no press around now.
Except for me, of course.

Superman :
I know people are asking questions
now that I'm back.
I think it's only fair that I answer those people.

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
So you're here for an interview?
Okay, then.
Where did I put that thing?

Superman :
Right pocket.

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
(now absolutely fuming)
….
Let's start with the big question.

Where'd you go?

Superman :
To Krypton.

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
But you told me it was destroyed.
Ages ago.

Superman :
It was.
But when astronomers
thought they found it...
I had to see for myself.

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
Well, you're back, and everyone
seems to be pretty happy about it.

Superman :
Not everyone.
I read the article, Lois.

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
So did a lot of people.
Tomorrow they're giving me the Pulitzer...

Superman :
Why did you write it?

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
How could you leave us like that?

I moved on
So did the rest of us.
That's why I wrote it.

The World Doesn't Need A Saviour.
And neither do I.

Superman :
Lois.
Will you come with me?

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
Why?

Superman :
There's something I wanna show you.
Please.

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
I can't be gone long.

Superman :
You won't be.

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
Clark said the reason you left without saying goodbye...
is because it was too unbearable for you.

Personally, 
I think that's a load of crap.

Superman :
Clark?

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
He's just a guy I work with.

Superman :
Maybe Clark's right.

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
You know, my...
Richard, he's a pilot.
He takes me up all the time.

Superman :
Not like this.



Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
I forgot how warm you were.

Superman :
Listen.
What do you hear?

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
…..Nothing.


Superman :
I hear everything.
You wrote that 
'The World Doesn't Need A Saviour...'

But Every Day
I hear people crying for one.

I'm sorry I left you, Lois.
I'll take you back now.

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
Richard's A Good Man.
And you've been gone a long time.

Superman :
I know.

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
I...
So will I see you around…?

Superman :
I'm always around.

Lois Lane 
(Not Superman’s Girl friend) :
Good night, Lois.



Thursday, 11 March 2021

Superman Red/Superman Blue





“The Amazing Story of Superman-Red and Superman-Blue!”

The original Superman-Red/Superman-Blue tale is an “Imaginary Story” that first appeared in Superman #162 (July 1963). The script was written by Leo Dorfman, with art by Curt Swan.

In the story, Superman is compelled to finish a list of unaccomplished goals, including the enlargement of the Bottle City of Kandor and eliminating crime and evil from Earth. In order to accomplish these goals, Superman invents a machine, powered by various types of kryptonite, that will increase his intelligence. The machine works, increasing Superman’s intelligence a hundredfold, but with the unexpected side effect of splitting Superman into twin beings, one outfitted in an all-red Superman costume and the other in an all-blue version. The twins name themselves Superman-Red and Superman-Blue.

The Supermen, using their enhanced intellects, first repair Brainiac’s “enlarging ray”. They then create a means to bring all the fragments of Krypton together, creating a “New Krypton” (eliminating all existing kryptonite in the process), and successfully enlarge Kandor on its surface, freeing its citizens from their bottle prison. At the urging of Lori Lemaris, the Supermen create an underwater world for the citizens of Atlantis and arrange an interstellar voyage to transport them to their new home. The two Supermen go on to create an “anti-evil” ray which can cure criminal tendencies in anyone. They place the ray into satellites in orbit around the Earth, curing not only villains such as Lex Luthor and Mr. Mxyzptlk, but reforming Communists such as Nikita Khrushchev and Fidel Castro. The reformed Luthor goes on to invent a serum that cures all known diseases, which the Supermen put into the water supply. Supergirl then releases the Phantom Zone inmates, also reformed by the ray, and they immigrate to New Krypton in a spaceship provided by the Legion of Super-Heroes.

With nearly all of the world’s problems solved, the two Supermen now have the opportunity to deal with personal matters. The split allows them to resolve the love triangle between Superman, Lois Lane, and Lana Lang. Superman-Red proposes to Lois, while Superman-Blue asks Lana to marry him. Each woman claims her own Superman, and they have a triple wedding: Superman-Blue and Lana, Superman-Red and Lois, and Lucy Lane marrying Jimmy Olsen (since Lucy need no longer wait for Lois to marry before she does). Red decides to live on New Krypton with Lois, renouncing his powers and raising a family, while Blue remains on Earth and retires to devote his life to scientific research and starting a Super-family of his own.

Superman-Red and Superman-Blue appeared again in a story written by Bob Rozakis and Paul Kupperberg and illustrated by Adrian Gonzales and Vince Colletta and first published in German in Superman Album No. 1 in West Germany in 1981. The story was published in English in 1982 in the oversized Superman Spectacular (an unnumbered one-shot in the United States but published as No. 1 in a series in The United Kingdom.) In this story, Red Kryptonite causes Superman to be temporarily split into Superman-Red and Superman-Blue and the two Supermen battle Lex Luthor and Terra-Man.

Superman-Red and Superman-Blue appear in a panel in Infinite Crisis #5, when Alexander Luthor, Jr. is trying to fuse the many alternate Supermen.

Superman Red/Superman Blue”

The second incarnation of Superman Red and Superman Blue began in a 1998 storyline. While temporarily deprived of the solar energy required to give him powers, Superman had developed energy-based abilities, which eventually forced him to adopt a blue and white containment suit to prevent the energy dispersing. While retaining most of his abilities, he could now also sense different kinds of energy, including the trail of radioactivity from a passing van, bolts of electricity and magnetic tractor beams rather than his original heat vision. 

He was also able to absorb the radiation, although this was incredibly painful. He also gained the ability to turn his powers “off,” though this took time to control as he inadvertently fried a toaster at home. This switch to Clark Kent also left him as vulnerable as a normal human, which was a bit of a surprise to him when he stubbed his toe while answering the phone. This version of Superman was referred to by some fans as “Electric Blue Superman”.

In the Superman Red/Superman Blue one-shot (February 1998), a trap created by the Cyborg Superman working with Toyman, caused Superman to split into two beings who represented different aspects of his personality, though each believed himself to be the original. Superman Blue was the more cerebral entity, preferring to think his way out of situations and actually solve problems with his mind as well as his powers. Superman Red was more rash, but also more decisive, preferring action over taking the time to think. Over time, these two personalities grew more and more polarized and individual, to the point that neither entity wanted to become one Superman again.

Both Supermen deeply loved Lois Lane; unlike in the earlier Red/Blue story, there was not another love interest for one of the Supermen to pair up with. Instead, they fought over Lois’ affections, each with almost no consideration for her feelings; Lois lost her tolerance for this and essentially kicked them both out of the house until they could figure out how to unite.

Perplexed, both Red and Blue flew to Antarctica to see if Kryptonian technology could solve the issue, but were met by a woman named Obsession, who had previously shown an incredible level of romantic lust for Superman. Then Maxima, another superpowered female admirer of Superman’s (only this one was far more volatile), stepped in. While Obsession liked the idea of two Supermen, Maxima found the existence of two utterly unacceptable. A fight broke out between the women when Obsession offered to share them with the Amazon from Almerac, insulting Maxima’s royal sensibilities. Superman Red and Superman Blue separated and reprimanded the combatants.

Following a battle with the Millennium Giants (Cabraca, Cerne and Sekhmet), the two Supermen merged and Superman returned to his normal powers and original costume.  The explanation is vague; Superman felt he was “rewarded” for Saving The World, although he later claimed that he returned to normal when his electromagnetic energy dispersed.

Although Superman briefly returned to his electric-blue form when facing Brainiac-13 after he was apparently absorbed by Brainiac’s energy conduits while trying to disrupt his power supply, this was revealed to be the result of Brainiac 2.5–Brainiac-13’s past self, hiding in Lena Luthor to avoid being deleted by his future self–creating the electric Superman based on scans taken of Superman in that form, intercepting B-13’s attempt to absorb Superman and uploading Superman’s mind into the electric body to keep Brainiac-13 occupied while Superman’s true body was restored in a LexCorp facility.

Superman Red appears in Superman/Batman #25 alongside an army of alternate Supermen and Batmen.

Thursday, 4 March 2021

Oh, and Out They Come : The BrainySpeXs





Time Crash: Children in Need Special - Doctor Who | BBC

The Tenth Doctor and the Fifth Doctor meet for the first time in this special scene for Children in Need.

BBC Children in Need is the BBC's UK corporate charity. Thanks to the support of the public, we're able to make a real difference to the lives of children all across the UK. 

Doctor Who | Children in Need Special | BBC

#BBC​ #ChildrenInNeed​ #DoctorWho


[TARDIS]
MARTHA: 
I'll see you again, Mister. 
(Martha leaves. The Doctor pulls a lever on the console. Alarms blare and the TARDIS spins. There are briefly Two Doctors.) 

Perfect-10 : 
Ah, stop it! What was all that about, eh? 
Eh? What's your problem? 

The Chorister : 
Right, just settle down now. 

(They bump into each other as they work their ways around the console.) 

The Chorister : 
So sorry. 

Perfect-10 : 
What? 

The Chorister : 
What? 

Perfect-10 : 
What! 

The Chorister : 
Who are you?

Perfect-10 : 
Oh, brilliant. I mean, totally wrong

Big Emergency, Universe goes 'BANG!' in five minutes, 
but, brilliant.
 
The Chorister : 
I'm The Doctor. Who are you? 

Perfect-10 : 
Yes, you are
You are The Doctor. 

The Chorister : 
Yes, I am. I'm The Doctor. 

Perfect-10 : 
Oh, good for you, Doctor. 
Good for brilliant old you. 

The Chorister : 
Is there something wrong with you? 

Perfect-10 : 
Oh, there it goes -- The Frowny Face!
I remember that one!

Mind you, bit saggier than I ought to be. 
Hair's a bit greyer. That's because of me, though. 

The two of us together has shorted out the time differential. 
Should all snap back in place when we get you Home. 
....be able to close That Coat again. 

But never mind that : 
Look at You

The Coat, The Crickety Cricket Stuff, The.... Stick of Celery
Yeah. Brave choice, celery, but Fair Play to you --
Not a lot of Men can carry off a Decorative Vegetable. 

The Chorister : 
Shut up! 
There is something very wrong with My TARDIS, 
and I've got to do something about it very, very quickly --

And it would help, 
it really would help if there wasn't 
Some Skinny Idiot 
ranting in my face 
about every single thing 
That Happens to Be in Front of Him

Perfect-10 : 
Oh. Okay. Sorry. Doctor. 

The Chorister : 
Thank You. 

Perfect-10 : 
Oh, The Back of My Head...!

(Someone is growing a bald patch, or tonsure au natural.

The Chorister : 
What? 

Perfect-10 : 
Sorry, sorry. It's not something you see every day, is it, 
The Back of Your Own Head.
 
Mind you, I can see why you wear a hat --
I don't want to seem vain, but could you keep that on? 

The Chorister : 
What have you done to My TARDIS? 
You've changed The Desktop Theme, haven't you. 
What's this one, Coral? 

Perfect-10 : 
Well....

The Chorister : 
It's worse than The Leopard Skin. 

(The Fifth Doctor puts on his half moon spectacles.

Perfect-10 : 
Oh, and out They come : The BrainySpeXs
You don't even need them!
You just think they make you look A Bit Clever. 

(An alarm whoops.

The Chorister : 
That's an alert, level five, indicating a temporal collision. 
It like two TARDISes have merged, 
but there's definitely only one TARDIS present. 

It's like two time zones at war in The Heart of The TARDIS. 

That's a paradox that could blow a hole in the space time continuum the size of -- 
Well, actually, the exact size of : Belgium

That's a bit undramatic, isn't it? Belgium? 

(The Doctor offers his sonic screwdriver.

Perfect-10 : 
Need this? 

The Chorister : 
No, I'm fine. 

Perfect-10 : 
Oh no, of course, you liked to go hands free, didn't you, like :
'Hey, I'm The Doctor -- I can Save The Universe 
using A Kettle and Some String. 
And 'Look at me, I'm wearing a vegetable!' 

The Chorister : 
Who are you? 

Perfect-10 : 
Take a Look --

The Chorister : 
Oh. Oh, No. 

Perfect-10 : 
Oh, Yes. 

The Chorister : 
You're. Oh, No.
 
Perfect-10 : 
Here it comes -- Yeah, I am. 

The Chorister : 
A Fan

Perfect-10 : 
Yeah. ....What?! 

The Chorister : 
This is Bad -- Two Minutes to Belgium. 

Perfect-10 : 
What do you mean, 'A Fan'? 
I'm not just A Fan, I'm You

The Chorister : 
Okay, you're My Biggest Fan. 

Look, its perfectly understandable --
I go zooming around Space and Time, 
Saving Planets, Fighting Monsters 
and Being, well, let's be honest, Pretty sort of Marvellous, 
so naturally now and then people notice me --

Start up their little groups
That L.I.N.D.A lot -- Are you One of Them? 

How did you get in here? 
Can't have You Lot knowing where I live

Perfect-10 : 
Listen to me. I'm you, I'm you
I'm You with A New Face --
Check out This Bone Structure, Doctor, because 
one day you're going to be shaving it. 

(The cloister bell tolls.) 

The Chorister : 
The Cloister Bell! 

Perfect-10 :
 Right on time. That's my cue. 

(They both start throwing control levers.

The Chorister : 
In a minute we're going to create a black hole 
strong enough to swallow the entire universe! 

Perfect-10 : 
Yeah, that's my fault, actually. 

I was rebuilding the TARDIS, forgot to put the shields back up. 
Your TARDIS and my TARDIS, well the same TARDIS 
at different points in its own timestream collided and whoo -- 
There you go, End of The Universe, butterfingers

But don't worry, 
I know exactly how This all works out -- Watch :

Venting the thermobuffer, drawing the Helmic regulator
and just to finish off, let's fry those Zeiton crystals. 

The Chorister : You'll blow up the TARDIS. 
Perfect-10 : No, I won't. I haven't. 
The Chorister : Who told you that? 
Perfect-10 : You told me that. 

(Whiteout, then) 
The Chorister : Supernova and black hole at the exact same instant. 
Perfect-10 : The explosion cancels out the implosion. 
The Chorister : 
Pressure remains constant. 
Perfect-10 : 
It's brilliant. 

The Chorister : 
Far too brilliant. 
I've never met anyone else who could fly the TARDIS like that. 
Perfect-10 : Sorry, mate, you still haven't. 
The Chorister : You didn't have time to work all that out. Even I couldn't do it. 
Perfect-10 : I didn't work it out. I didn't have to. 
The Chorister : You remembered. 
Perfect-10 : Because you will remember. 
The Chorister : You remembered being me watching you doing that. You already knew what to do because I saw you do it. 
Perfect-10 : 
Wibbly wobbly 

BOTH: 
Timey wimey! 

Perfect-10 : 
Right, TARDISes are separating. 
Sorry, Doctor, time's up. 

Back to Long Ago. 
Where are you now? Nyssa and Tegan
Cybermen and Mara and Time Lords in funny hats 
and The Master? 

Oh, he just showed up again, same as ever. 

The Chorister : 
Oh no, really? 
Does he still have That Rubbish Beard

Perfect-10 : 
No, no Beard this time -- 
Well, A Wife. 

The Chorister : 
Oh, I seem to be off. 
What can I say? 
Thank You, Doctor. 

Perfect-10 : 
Thank You. 

The Chorister : 
I'm very welcome. 

(The Fifth Doctor vanishes. The Tenth flips some switches and brings him back to return his hat.

Perfect-10 : 
You know, I Loved Being You. 

Back when I first started at The Very Beginning
I was always trying to be old and grumpy and important
like you do when you're young --

And then I was youand it was all 
dashing about and playing cricket 
and My Voice going all squeaky when I shouted --

I still do that! - The Voice Thing
I got that from you. 

Oh, and The Trainers, and -

(He puts his spectacles on.

Perfect-10 : 
Snap. Because you know what, Doctor? 
You were My Doctor. 

The Chorister : 
To Days to Come. 

Perfect-10 : 
All My Love to Long Ago. 

(The Fifth Doctor vanishes.

The Chorister : 
Oh, and Doctor -- 
Remember to put Your Shields up. 

(But just as he presses the button, there is the sound of a ships horn and a prow comes crashing into the console room.

Perfect-10 : 
What? What! 

(He picks up a life belt. It says 'Titanic'.

Perfect-10 : 
What?!?