"In order for Life to have appeared spontaneously on Earth,
there first had to be
hundreds of millions
of protein molecules
of The Ninth Configuration.
But given the size of The Planet Earth,
do you know how long it would have taken
for just one of these protein molecules to appear entirely by Chance?
Roughly ten to the two hundred
and forty-third power
billions of years.
And I find that far, far more fantastic
than simply Believing in a God."
Col. Vincent Kane
Colonel, what are you holding...?
Colonel, what are you...? Jesus! it is...
Maj. Groper :
Colonel, why do I have to wear this?
Under orders, he - Groper - and the whole staff of the U.S. Military mental asylum are wearing perfect replica Waffen-S.S. Uniforms.
Col. Kane :
What?
Maj. Groper :
I said why do I have to wear this?
Col. Kane :
Its psychodrama, Major.
Roleplay. A standard tool for Therapy.
The inmates are playing the role of Allied Prisoners of War, attempting to tunnel their way through to Freedom.
We are Their Captors.
Maj. Groper :
Bullshit, we're their prisoners!
A bunch of yellow-bellied goof-offs out there havin' a ball.
Why should I have to help their fun, I'm not a psychiatrist!
Its a goddam chicken-shit crazy idea.
Col. Kane :
Jesus! Jesus Christ, man!
Why don't you LOVE somebody just a little!
Why don't you HELP somebody! HELP them! HELP! For the love of Christ!!
You green-soaked caterpillar-torturing bastard!
You're going to wear that uniform, sleep in it, bathe in it.
Try to Take it off and You'll DIE in it! IS THAT CLEAR?!?
Astronaut Cutshaw enters The Commandant's office, wearing a Frankenstein's Monster Mask
and plants His Flag.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
I claim This Swamp for Poland!
Col. Kane :
Major Groper, please get out of here.
Immediately!
And keep that uniform clean.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
The man has a flag-fetish.
Now, then Major Strasser.
Tomorrow night we're switching roles.
You'll be The Inmates and We'll be The Guards.
Here, study your part for tomorrow night's interrogation.
Notice, incidentally, that you'll crack on page 3.
Col. Kane :
Yes.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
Who are you?
Who are you?
You're too Human
to be human.
Col. Kane :
I don't know.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
Maybe you're P.T. Barnum.
P.T. Barnum slaughtered lambs.
He put up a cage of side shows...
...and he stuck in A Panther and A Lamb together.
And there was never any Trouble.
Huddy, the public just went lollipops.
"Look, a panther and a lamb and they don't even argue!
They don't even discuss!"
But Hud, what the public never knew...
was that it was never the same lamb.
That fucking panther ate up a lamb every single day
at intermission for three hundred days,
and then they shot him for asking for mint sauce.
Animals are Innocent.
Why should they suffer?
Why should children suffer?
Will you tell me?
Why should any baby have to suffer and die?
Col. Kane :
Why should Men?
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
Oh, come on now.
Don't try that thing on me.
You've got Answers for it.
Like: "Pain makes people noble"
And, “How could Man be more than a talking, tennis playing panda bear if there weren't at least the possibility of Suffering?”
But what about animals, Hud?
Does pain make turkeys noble?
Why is all of Creation based on dog eat dog,
and the little fish are eaten by the big fish?
Animals screaming in Pain.
Our Creation an open wound,
a fucking slaughterhouse!
Col. Kane :
We've talked about that.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
Not enough!
We said 'The original sin' might be the cause.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
Then why doesn't the Foot
just come down and tell us?
Is Foot running short of tablets of stone?
My Uncle Eddie owns a quarry;
I can get them for Him wholesale.
Col. Kane :
You're asking for Miracles.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
I'm asking Foot to either
shit or get off the pot.
Diarrhetic strange Gods have been waiting in the line!
Col. Kane :
Maybe God cannot interfere in our affairs.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
So I noticed.
Col. Kane :
Maybe He can't because to do so
will spoil His Plans for The Future.
Some Evolution of Man and The World
that's so unthinkably beautiful...
that its's worth all the pain
of every suffering thing that ever lived.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
I say it's spinach and to hell with it.
Col. Kane :
You're convinced that God is Dead
because there's Evil in The World.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
Correct.
Col. Kane :
Then why don't you think He's Alive
because of The Goodness in The World?
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
What Goodness?
Col. Kane :
Everywhere! In Man.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
You're commendable.
Col. Kane :
If we're nothing but atoms...
molecular structures no different
in kind from this desk or that pen,
then we ought to always be rushing irresestibly blindly...
...to our own selfish ends?
So how is it that there is Love in This World?
I mean Love as A God might Love.
And A Man will give
His Life for another.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
Never happened.
Col. Kane :
Of course it's happened.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
Give me an example.
Col. Kane :
Happens all the time.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
Name one example!
Col. Kane :
A Soldier throws himself on top of a live grenade to prevent The Other Men in His Squad from being hit.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
That's reflex action.
Col. Kane :
A Shipwreck Survivor
in The Middle of An Ocean,
finds out that he has Typhoid,
and deliberately goes over The Side of The Lifeboat to keep The Others in The Boat from contracting The Disease.
Now, what do you call that?
Reflex action?
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
No, I call that Suicide.
Col. Kane :
Suicide and Giving up Your Life
are not the same.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
You're so dumb you're adorable.
Col. Kane :
The Essence of Suicide is Despair.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
The Essence of Suicide is
You Don't Collect The Insurance.
Listen, who doesn't know
what all these examples
we keep on hearing about aren't bullshit?
And don't have some basically
bullshit selfish explanation?
Col. Kane :
I know.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
I don't.
Now give me just one example - just one -
that you know of personally.
Personally, just one!
Col. Kane :
....
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
I thought as much.
Tomorrow's Sunday.
Take me to Mass.
Cut to Church, The Next Morning --
Astronaut Cutshaw is dressed like a Little Girl.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
Would Foot give a shit about what I'm wearing?
The Priest stands up in The Pulpit.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
Is that Edgar Cayce?
Priest :
If anyone enters by Me, He Will be Saved.
The Thief comes only to Steal, to Kill, and Destroy.
But I have come that
They may have Life,
Life in all its Fullness.
That The Father knows Me,
and I know The Father,
in the same way
I Know My Sheep, and They Know me,
and I am Willing to Die for Them.
I have given YOU An Example
I am The Good Shepherd.
The Good Shepherd gives His Life for His Sheep.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
standing up in Church, interupting The Sermon --
Infinite Goodness is Creating A Being
that You Know in Advance is going to Complain.
"To be or not to be"
Thanks, I dug it.
Later, outside --
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
If You Die First and There's Life after Death,
will you give me A Sign?
Col. Kane :
I'll try.
Astronaut Capt. Billy Cutshaw :
You're terrific.
