In which four characters, in search of a Klingon spy, sit and watch Star Trek -- from The Other Side of The Room.
[K-7 bar]
(Bashir and O'Brien join Worf and Odo at their table.)
BASHIR:
Clearly we've been going about this search business all wrong, Chief.
O'BRIEN:
You're right.
Why bother searching thirty decks, when you can just plonk yourself down at a bar and wait for Darvin to come to you.
ODO:
We have reason to believe that he'll return to this area.
O'BRIEN:
Ah, yes. The raktajino.
BASHIR:
A vital clue that others might've missed.
How fortunate it is that it has kept you stuck at this bar for the past three hours having drinks while we've been crawling through conduits.
(Scott, Chekov, and Freeman enter.)
O'BRIEN:
My God, that's him.
ODO:
Who?
O'BRIEN:
Kirk.
WORF:
Where?
O'BRIEN:
On the left, in the Gold,
just sitting down.
BASHIR:
[ squinting ]
That's Kirk?
WORF:
It would be an honour to meet him.
O'BRIEN:
....let's buy him a drink(!)
ODO:
Gentlemen, no one's buying anyone a drink.
O'BRIEN:
He's right.
We can't risk altering the timeline.
WAITRESS:
What'll it be, boys?
And don't ask for raktajino --
If I have to say we don't carry that one more time....
ODO:
Who ordered raktajino?
WAITRESS:
The Klingons.
ODO:
Klingons?
WAITRESS:
Over there, and over there.
BASHIR:
Those are Klingons?
WAITRESS:
All right. You boys have had enough.
ODO:
.....Mister Worf?
WORF:
[ The Jaw starts going, very quietly... and self-consciously. ]
They are Klingons --
and, it is A Long Story.
O'BRIEN:
What happened?
Some kind genetic engineering?
BASHIR:
A viral mutation?
WORF:
We Do Not Discuss it with Outsiders.
KORAX:
...delusions of Godhood.
SCOTT: Take it easy, lad. Everybody's entitled to an opinion.
KORAX: That's right. And if I think that Kirk is a Denebian slime devil, well that's my opinion too.
SCOTT: Don't do it, mister, and that's an order.
CHEKOV: But you heard what he called the Captain.
O'BRIEN: Look at the way Kirk is ignoring that Klingon. He's letting the security officer handle it.
BASHIR: Chief, are you sure that's Kirk?
O'BRIEN: Absolutely.
BASHIR: Why is he wearing lieutenant's stripes?
ODO: I think we've got bigger problems than a case of mistaken identity.
KORAX:
.....garbage scow.
Half The Quadrant knows it.
That's why they're learning to speak Klingonese.
CHEKOV:
Mister Scott....
SCOTT:
Laddie, don't you think you should --
rephrase that?
KORAX:
You're right, I should.
I didn't mean to say that The Enterprise should be hauling garbage.
I meant to say that it should be hauled away as garbage.
(Scott gets up, punches Korax across a table and the brawl begins. Bashir and O'Brien stand.)
ODO: What are you doing?
(The three are attacked by 'Klingons'. Only Odo stays out of trouble, along with a few bystanders and Jones who helps himself to drinks. Finally security run in and Jones gets his stolen drink taken back by the bartender. Odo spots a familiar face outside the door and helps Worf.)
ODO: It's Darvin!
(O'Brien and Bashir are rounded up by Enterprise redshirts.)
[Captain's office]
DULMUR: Your men could've avoided that fight, Captain.
LUCSLY: Regulation one fifty seven, section three, paragraph eighteen. Starfleet officers shall take all necessary precautions to minimise any participation in historical events.
SISKO: All right. It was a mistake. But there were no lasting repercussions.
DULMUR: How do you know that? For all we know, we could be living in an alternate timeline right now.
SISKO: If my people had caused any changes in the timeline, we would have been the first to notice when we got back.
LUCSLY: Why do they all have to say that?
DULMUR: So, your men were arrested.
{Enterprise briefing room]
SISKO [OC]: That's right, but instead of being taken to the brig, they were brought in for questioning.)
KIRK: I want to know who started it.
(O'Brien and Bashir are merged nicely into the line of crewmen.)
KIRK: I'm waiting.
(Kirk stops in front of O'Brien, who has replaced Freeman from the original.)
KIRK: Who started the fight?
O'BRIEN: I don't know, sir.
KIRK: All right. Chekov, I know you. You started it didn't you?
CHEKOV: No, sir. I didn't.
KIRK: Well who did?
CHEKOV: I don't know, sir.
KIRK: I don't know, sir. I want to know who threw the first punch. All right, you're all confined to quarters until I find out who started it. Dismissed.
[Enterprise corridor]
BASHIR: That was close.
O'BRIEN:
Me. Of all the people in the lineup, he asks me who threw the first punch.
BASHIR:
And you lied to him.
O'BRIEN:
I lied to Captain Kirk.
I wish Keiko could have been here to see it.
?!? WHY ?!?
