Anyone Who's Not Having Fun Here, Follow Me.

Anyone Who's Not Having Fun Here, 

Follow Me. 

The West Wing: Joey Lucas explains how numbers can lie to Josh

JOEY [KENNY] 

They're just preliminary numbers.

Josh sits down with a sigh and puts his feet on his desk.

JOSH 

They're not gonna change.

JOEY 

No.

JOSH 

Five day waiting period...

JOEY [KENNY] 

It tested well nationwide.

JOSH 

Yeah.

JOEY [KENNY] 

58%.

JOSH 

I didn't need nationwide. I needed those five districts. 

Now we're gonna have to dial down the gun rhetoric in the Midwest.

JOEY 

Why Not Dial it Up?

JOSH 

Because These Numbers just told us that...

JOEY [KENNY] 

You Don't Know What These Numbers Just Told You -- 

I'm an expert --

and I don't know What These Numbers Just Told You.

JOSH 

We know.

JOEY 

Really?

Kenny sits next to Joey.

JOSH 

Numbers Don't Lie.

JOEY [KENNY] 

They Lie All The Time. 

They Lie when 72% of Americans say 

They're Tired of a Sex Scandal, 

while all the while, 

Newspaper Circulation goes through the roof 

for anyone featuring the story. 

If you polled a hundred Donnas and asked them if they think we should go out, you'd get a high positive response. 

But, The Poll wouldn't tell you 

it's because she likes you. 

And she's knows it's beginning to show and she needs to cover herself with misdirection.

Josh stares blankly at Joey.

JOSH 

Believe me when I tell you 

That's Not True.

JOEY [KENNY] 

You say that these numbers mean dial it down. 

I say they mean dial it up. 

You haven't gotten through. 

There are people you haven't persuaded yet. 

These numbers mean dial it up. 

Otherwise you're like the French radical watching the crowd run by and saying 

"There go My People --

I must find out where they are going so I can Lead Them."

Josh sits quietly with a thoughtful look on his face.

JOSH [distracted] 

Yeah.

JOEY [KENNY] 

We'll go through the rest of the numbers in the morning.

Josh looks at her with a confused smile.

JOSH [to Kenny] 

Ok.

Joey smiles and they leae. Josh sits with a bemused expression.

Cut to Family Home. The camera shows a small rectangular pool of what looks like black tar, and pans up from it to Ken and Lily walking into the room. Ken: We come to this station to wash away the past. Go ahead, kneel. He indicates the edge of the pool, and Lily kneels down. Ken squats next to her. Ken: We let the water run over the sin and the pain and the uncertainty. Lily: 

It looks kinda . . . dirty. 

Ken: (smiles)

Yeah. 

Cut to the front door of Family Home. 

A man comes up to the door where another man is already listening to Buffy talk. 

Buffy: 

You know, I just . . . I woke up, and I looked in the mirror, and I thought, "hey, what's with all the sin? I need to change. I'm . . . I'm dirty. I'm, I'm bad with the . . . s*x and the envy and that, that loud music us kids listen to nowadays. W--" (sees that the guy isn't buying it) Oh, I just suck at undercover. Where's Ken? The man tries to slam the door closed, but she kicks it open and it slams into his face instead. She marches in. Cut to Ken and Lily. She reaches down to the black water in the pool. For a moment she hesitates, but then puts her hand in. The liquid is thick and pitch-black, and her hand disappears in it. Buffy swings open the door, banging it loudly into the wall. Ken looks at her and stands up. Ken: This is a private moment. If you could just-- Buffy: How do you make 'em old, Ken? Do you feed on youth? What's the deal? Ken: Do you really wanna know? Lily: (looks back) What's going on? Buffy is surprised to see Lily there. Suddenly something grabs Lily. She screams as she is pulled into the pool and disappears into the black slime. Buffy runs to help, but Ken grabs her and chokes her with his arm around her neck. Buffy grabs his arm and tries to snap her body back to make him release her, but instead they just both fall into the pool as well. Cut to a dimly lit passageway. Buffy and Ken fall out of a black pool in the ceiling. Buffy briefly looks up at the pool, then looks around to see where she is. She sees Lily leaning against the wall holding her head. Buffy: Lily. She rolls over onto her hands and knees and quickly crawls over to Lily. Ken is faring worse, apparently hurt in the fall. Lily: (in pain) Oh . . . Buffy looks up at the pool in the ceiling. The waves from her fall through it are beginning to dissipate. Ken: Oh, my face! Buffy looks over at Ken. Ken: Ow! My face! He turns toward them and begins to pull his face and his hair off. Ken: Do you have any idea how hard it is to glue that thing on?! Beneath his mask Ken's face is red and his head is bald. There appear to be pieces of skin missing from his forehead, revealing the even redder flesh beneath. Lily begins to panic. Buffy starts to get to her feet and tries to pull Lily up with her. Ken stands up. Ken: (yells) Guards! Buffy takes Lily's hand and begins to run, pulling her along. Two guards show up. Their faces are even more mangled and raw-looking than Ken's. One of the guards hands Ken a club. They begin to pursue the girls. Buffy and Lily run through a maze of halls and come out on a ledge that overlooks what looks like a large iron works. There are huge vats of molten metal, sparks are flying through the air from one side, and it is hot and smoky. Buffy looks closer, and in the shadows sees people being used as slave labor, kept in line by more guards with whips. The camera pans through the place showing zombie-like humans pounding the metal on anvils, pushing wheelbarrows from place to place and swinging sledgehammers. Some of them cough hard as they work. The guards watch and crack their whips every so often. Ken comes up behind Lily as she takes in the scene. Ken: Welcome to my world. I hope you like it. Buffy and Lily look back at him. He hits Buffy hard in the face with his club, knocking her out. Ken: (to Lily) You're never leaving. He smiles and licks his lips.

Cut to Ken's world. Buffy is lying on the floor in a cell. Lily is sitting on the floor behind her leaning against a pillar. Buffy regains consciousness, rolls onto her side and feels her head where Ken hit her. No blood, but she is still a bit dazed. Buffy: Oh. Unh . . . (slowly sits up) Lily? Lily: I always knew I would come here . . . sooner or later. I knew I belonged here. Buffy: (looks around) Where? Lily: Hell. Buffy: (turns her head toward Lily) This isn't Hell. Ken: (appears at the bars) Isn't it? Buffy spins her head around to look at Ken, but quickly regrets moving it so fast. Buffy: (in pain) Unh . . . (rubs her forehead) Ken: What is Hell but the total absence of hope? The substance, the tactile proof of despair. You're right, Lily. This is where you've been heading all your life. Just like Rickie. Lily: Rickie? Ken: He forgot you. Well, it took him a long time. He remembered your name years after he'd forgotten his own. But, in the end-- Lily: Years? But-- Ken: Oh. Uh, interesting thing: time moves more quickly here than in your reality. A hundred long years will pass here. On Earth, it's just a day. Buffy: So you just work us till we're too old and spit us back out. Ken: That's the plan. See, Lily, you'll die of old age before anyone wonders where you went. Not that anyone will, that's why we chose you. Buffy: You didn't choose me. 

Ken: 

No. But . . . I know you . . . *Anne*. 

So afraid. So pathetically determined to run away from whatever it is you used to be. 

(Buffy looks away) 

To Disappear. Congratulations. 

(Buffy looks at him again) 

You got Your Wish. 

Cut to a personnel elevator. The huge steel door splits open, the upper half rising, the lower half sinking. A group of young slaves including Buffy and Lily is herded out. Buffy trips and falls to the floor. The other slaves stop walking. 

A guard starts to explain things to the new recruits as Buffy slowly gets back to her feet. 

Guard: 

You Work, and You Live. 

That is all. 

The guard has even less skin on his head than Ken. He's wearing a hood that looks like it's made of human skin sewn together. 

His chin and cheeks are exposed flesh and muscle, and he has no lips covering his teeth. Buffy is standing again, holding her head in pain. 

Guard: 

You Do Not Complain or Laugh or Do Anything besides Work. 

Whatever You Thought, 

Whatever You Were, Does Not Matter. 

You are No-one, now. 

You Mean Nothing. 

The guard walks to one end of the group and faces the boy standing there. 

Behind them the elevator doors close with a slam. 

Guard: 

Who are you? 

Aaron: (afraid) 

Aaron. 

The guard whales hard on him with his club, and the boy grunts in pain and falls to the floor unconscious. 

Buffy immediately sobers, and stares intensely ahead. 

The guard advances to Lily. 

Guard: 

Who are you? 

Lily: (whimpers) 

No-one. 

The guard continues to the next person. 

Guard: 

Who are you? 

Boy#2: (fearfully) 

No-one. 

The guard reaches Buffy. 

Guard: 

Who are you? 

She looks up at him for a moment, 

and then smiles : --

Buffy: 

(friendly) 

I'm Buffy -- The Vampire Slayer. 

And you are? 

The guard is incensed at her insubordination, and roars as he wields back his club to strike her. He swings at Buffy, but she sidesteps him and grabs his arm as he bends over from his follow-through. 

Buffy slams her other forearm down on the guard's, breaking it. 

He falls to the floor in pain. She picks up his club and swings it at another guard, striking him in the head. She swings again the opposite way at a third guard, hitting him in the gut. 

They both fall unconscious. 

Buffy looks over at the group of would-be slaves. 

Buffy:

Anyone Who's NOT Having Fun Here, Follow Me. 

She starts to run, and the group follows her.