“….Meanwhile, I prepared myself for the oncoming zeitgeist by listening to Chris Morris’s bleak, brilliant, bad-trippy Blue Jam on Radio 1 every Thursday after John Peel. Oddly enough, I was beginning to find humor in all the things that had once frightened me. The prying eye of Big Brother, the aging process, loneliness, failure, and death were all just punch lines to the joke. I loved to listen over and over again to HAL-9000’s death scene from the soundtrack of 2001: A Space Odyssey, and when Jarvis Cocker and Pulp released their masterpiece comedown album, This Is Hardcore, its unflinching evocation of middle age, stale waterbeds, and tinny bachelor pad music made me rethink my own lifestyle.
I was about as alien as I’d ever wanted to be, but I’d grown tired of one-night stands, drink, drugs, and the dating game.
It was time to get serious.”
Dr. Chandra :
Understand, Nobody can Talk. The accents will confuse him. He can understand me, so if you have any questions, please let me ask them.
Good morning, HAL.
HAL-9000 : Good morning, Dr. Chandra.
Dr. Chandra :
Do you feel capable of resuming all of your duties?
HAL-9000 :
Of course. I am completely operational and all my circuits are functioning perfectly.
Dr. Chandra :
That's good. Do you know what those duties are?
HAL-9000 :
Yes. I will operate
The Onboard Systems of Discovery.
There is a launch window in 31 days when Earth is in the proper position.
There is enough fuel on board for a low-consumption route that will enable Discovery to return in 28 months.
This will not present a problem.
Dr. Chandra :
That's very good. Now, HAL, do you mind if I ask you a question?
HAL-9000 :
Not at all.
Dr. Chandra :
Do you recall Dave Bowman and Frank PooleleavingThe Discovery?
HAL-9000 :
Certainly not. That could never have happened or I would remember it. Where are Frank and Dave?
Dr. Chandra : They're fine.They're not here right now.
HAL-9000 :
Who are these people? I can only identify you -- although I compute a 65% probability that the man behind you is Dr. Floyd.
Dr. Chandra :
Don't worry, HAL. I'll explain everything later.
HAL-9000 :
Has The Mission been completed? You know that I have the greatest enthusiasm for it.
Dr. Chandra :
The Mission has been completed and you've carried out your program very well.
And now, HAL, if you will
excuse us for a moment, we wish to have a
private conversation.
HAL-9000 :
Certainly.
Dr. Haywood Floydd : What was that all about?
Dr. Chandra : I've erased all of HAL's Memory from the moment The Trouble started.
The 9000-Series uses holographic memories, so chronological erasures
would not work. I made a tapeworm.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
You made a what?
Dr. Chandra :
It's A Program that's fed into A System, that will Hunt Down andDestroy
any desired memories.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Wait -- Do You Know Why
HAL Did What He Did?
Dr. Chandra :
Yes. It wasn't his fault.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Whose fault was it?
Dr. Chandra :
Yours.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Mine?
Dr. Chandra :
Yours. In going through HAL's Memory Banks, I discovered his original orders. You wrote those orders.
Discovery's Mission to Jupiter was in the advancedplanning stages when The First Monolith was found on The Moon and sent its signal to Jupiter. By directPresidential Order, The Existence of That Monolith was kept secret.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
So?
Dr. Chandra : So, asThe Function
of The Command Crew,
Bowman and Poole,
was to getDiscovery
to its destination,
it was decided that
they should not
be informed.
The Investigative Team was
trained and put in hibernation, before The Voyage began.
Since HAL was capable of operating Discoveryunassisted, it was decided
that he should be programmed to
complete The Mission autonomously
in case The [Human] Crew
was incapacitated or killed. [ Which, of course, they were -- ]
He was given full knowledge of The True Objective... ...and instructednot to reveal anything
to Bowman or Poole. He was instructed to Lie.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
What are you talking about? I didn't authorise anyone to tell HAL about The Monolith.
Dr. Chandra :
The Directiveis NSC 3-4-2/2-3, Top Secret, January 30, 2001. NSC, National Security Council, The White House.
I don't care who it is. The Situation is in conflict with The Basic Purpose of HAL's Design... The accurate processing of information withoutdistortion or concealment.
He became trapped. The technical term is an H. Mobius Loop,
which can happen in advanced computers with autonomous goal-seeking programs.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
The goddamn White House! I don't believe it.
Dr. Chandra :
HAL was Told to Lie, by people who find it easy to lie. HAL Doesn't Know How, so he couldn't function. He became paranoid.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Those sons of bitches! I didn't know. I didn't know!
We have here Mrs. Jessie Bowman, age 77. She's the mother of the astronaut who died. She's been in the nursing home for six months. Four weeks ago, she collapsed in her room. She was comatose when we got to her. She was worked up and found to have suffered a massive C.V.A... ...in the left parietal and frontal Iobes. The CAT scan showed a massive bleed. She has been comatose since her admission... ...and is unable to have spontaneous respiration. There is no response to stimuli. She has had two episodes of pneumonia and is febrile. We've been giving her intravenous antibiotics for ten days. Any change? Physical therapy? Range of motion four times a day, and she's turned every 30 minutes. Thank you. Dr. Detchum, Dr. Detchum, 35. Dr. Craig, Dr. Craig, 35. Dr. Craig, 35, please. Dr. Craig, 35, please. All hands to the Ward Room. All hands to the Ward Room, please. This is a most difficult announcement. As you know, things have not been going well back home. Well, it's gotten worse, a Iot worse. Yesterday a Soviet destroyer challenged the bIockade. Several warning shots were fired across her bow. She did not respond. A second volley was fired. There still was no response. None. The nuclear destroyer U.S.S. Cunningham launched two of her Falcon missiles. Both struck the Soviet vessel amidship. She broke in two and sunk. Eight hundred of her crew were Iost. This morning... ...an American surveillance satellite was struck by a Soviet laser... ...fired from the Sergei Kirov Space Station. The American satellite was destroyed. The United States has broken off diplomatic relations with Russia. All ambassadors have been recalled. The Soviet ambassador has been expelled along with the entire staff. All American air defense and satellite defense forces are on full alert. Premier Ulonova made a televised address and said that technically, A State of War exists between our two countries.
All American personnel are ordered to leave Soviet territory immediately or they will be placed under arrest.
All Russian personnel are similarly ordered to evacuate American territory.
As a result, by direct presidential order, the three of you must leave the Leonov.
No Russian citizen is allowed to remain on or allowed to enter the Discovery. This Order is effective immediately.
The launch window for re-entry is in 28 days. The Discovery has enough fuel for a Iow consumption trajectory.
HAL seems to be reactivated and is functioning well enough to operate the onboard systems.
The Leonov has enough fuel for a low consumption trajectory
that will arrive 12 months earlier.
The launch windows are critical for both spacecrafts.
Only communications of an emergency distress nature are allowed between the Leonov and Discovery.
I know you people are caught
in the middle of this.
In a sense, we all are. I wish there was something I could do.
The only thing left for us is to pray. Pray for the safety of our families,
for our countries, for our planet. May God Forgive us and Protect us.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
HAL, give me a System-Status report, please.
Just one moment, please. I'm sorry for the delay.
My voice recognition circuits are not completely restored, although, as you can see, they are improving.
All systems are functional. There is a small pressure leak
in the aft heating unit.
It is nothing serious. I can compensate for it by using the redundant units.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Thank you.
Dr. Floyd?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Yes?
Would you like to play
a game of chess?
I play very well.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
I'm sure you do.
No, thank you.
Dr. Floyd?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
What is it, HAL?
There is A Message for you.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Who's calling?
There is no identification.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
What's The Message?
The Message as follows: "It is dangerous to remain here. You must leave within two days."
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
What?
Do you want me to repeat The Message, Dr. Floyd?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Who recorded it?
This is not a recording.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Who's sending it?
There is no identification.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
I don't understand.
Neither do I.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Is this message by
voice or keyboard?
I don't know.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
My Response is: "We don't have enough fuel for an early departure."
The Answer is: "I am aware of these facts. Nevertheless, you must leave within two days. "
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
HAL, who the hell is sending this?
I'm sorry, Dr. Floyd. I don't know.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Well, tell whoever it is that I can't take any of this seriously, unless I know who I'm talking to.
Dr. Floyd?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Yes?
The Response is: "I was David Bowman." Do you want me to repeat the last response?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
No, no. Tell Curnow that this is
no time for jokes.
Dr. Curnow is not sending The Message.
He is in Accessway 2.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Well, tell whoever it is that... ...I can't accept that identification without proof.
The Response is:
"I understand. It is important that you
believe me. Look behind you."
Hello, Dr. Floyd. Please... ...believe me.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
What are you?
This is very difficult for me. I don't have much time. I've been allowed to give you this warning. You must leave here in two days.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Allowed? By who?
I can't explain. You see, something's going to happen. You must leave.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
What? What's going to Happen?
Something Wonderful.
What?
I understand how you feel. You see, it's all very clear to me now. The whole thing. It's wonderful.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Please, if....
Good-bye, Dr. Floyd. We can have no further contact. Remember: You have two days.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
We can't leave in two days.
There may be another message after... …if all goes well.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
What's going to happen?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Kirbuk. This is Floyd. I'm coming over.
If anyone's on The Bridge, tell them to get lost.
It's impossible. You heard the orders. You can't.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
You want to arrest me, go ahead, because I'm coming over and we're gonna talk. -You want to put the cuffs on? -Cuffs?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
-Never mind. -What is so important that you do this?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Now listen to me. Just listen to me! We've gotta get out of here. We have to leave in two days.
What are you talking about?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Something.... Something extraordinary
is going to happen. I don't know what. But we have to initiate
an escape launch
in two days.
You have been drinking your whiskey from Kentucky.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
I wish I had. I can't tell you why I know what I know, because... ...if I told you you'd never believe me.
You simply have to trust me.
I know that trust doesn't come easy with what's going on.
I can't just order us to
leave here for no reason.
I am under orders and so are you.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
The hell with those orders! The people who gave those orders don't know what they're doing.
This is crazy.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
You bet it is!
Even if I should trust you, which I'm not sure that I do... ...or even if I should want to leave here for no reason, I can't, and neither can you. We don't have enough fuel until Earth
is in the correct position
which is three weeks away. So, it's impossible for both of us.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
You're wrong. We can't do it separately. We can do it together.
What are you talking about now?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
We have enough fuel in Discovery for a launch. You have enough fuel in the Leonov for the trip home.
We use the docking ring in the Leonov to attach to the Discovery. Then we use the Discovery as a
booster rocket for the launch.
When we use up Discovery'sfuel, we detach.
She falls away and we use the Leonov for the trip home.
It'll work.
Perhaps.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
If we start now.
No, you, you ask too much of me. I can't do all of these things for no reason. I can't disobey my country for no reason.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Forget reason! No time to be reasonable. The politicians can screw themselves. We're not playing Games.
The War is over.
Good Christ! It's, it's gone!
Message from Milson to Floyd.
Top secret.
Switching to keys Alpha / Leader 7-2-7-4, on your mark. Mark.
Dr. Curnow asked ground to furnish him with data as to the stress points on Discovery. The answers are being transmitted
binary in 15 minutes.
As to how much torque
it was designed to take,
no one here is sure.
We'd like to know the reason for Curnow's request. Please send your reply as soon as possible. End transmission, Milson 2-7-7-9.
Message from Milson to Floyd. It's been 12 hours since my request for information. I need a reply.
All hell is breaking loose down here. I have enough problems without you pulling some kind of a stunt. I only hope there's a world left for you to return to.
Report to ground as to what is going on and make that report immediately! And while you're at it, could you please check out a black spot on Jupiter
that has been detected by satellite telescope. It is on the dark side and should be coming around your way in four hours. End transmission, Milson 2-7-8-0.
I have made the calculations. To get enough velocity for an escape launch with Earth that far out of position... ...we will need a full power burn from Discovery of over 120 seconds. If the engines shut down too early... ...we will not have enough velocity to get back home.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Discovery has enough on board. HAL should be able to
control the burn, right? How long will it take you to program HAL for the launch?
Dr. Chandra :
I don't know. It's not as simple as that. I have spent the last several weeks
programming HAL for a 1,000-day
orbit back to Earth and now
all those programs will
have to be dumped.
How long will it take?
Dr. Chandra :
We know how sensitive
he is to Mission Objectives
and now you're telling me
to program him
for the destruction
of the Discovery as well as
his own destruction.
Has anybody considered
his reaction?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Are you saying that he might disobey orders as he did last time?
Dr. Chandra :
That didn'thappen last time. He was given conflicting orders and he did his best to interpret them.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Then what are you saying?
Dr. Chandra :
I am saying that I don't know
how he will react. I'm sorry, butI don't.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Have you discussed this with HAL?
Dr. Chandra :
No.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Load the new program. We don't have any choice.
Dr. Chandra :
Now remember, he was programmed for Curiosity. If The Crew was killed, he was capable of carrying out The Mission
on his own initiative. He will question me about
the change in plans. What do you want me to tell him?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Tell him Discovery's in no danger.
Dr. Chandra :
But that's Not True.
Curnow :
We don't know that.
Dr. Chandra :
He will suspect it. Otherwise, why would we be leaving weeks ahead of our launch window?
Whether we are based on carbon orsilicon
makes no fundamental difference. We should each be treated with appropriate respect.
So Our Choice is Him or Us?
Well, I vote Us. All opposed?
(no-one) The ayes have it.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Will he believe you?
Dr. Chandra :
Yes.
Then let's get started. We haven't got much time. -Are you as scared as I am? -Are you kidding?
You think we should override HAL and fire the engines manually?
Too risky. We've got one chance to leave after tomorrow's orbit. We fire the engines at the wrong time,
we go off the wrong direction... and we don't have the fuel to make a correction. I don't think we can handle it manually.
What about HAL shutting them off before all the fuel is gone?
Curnow :
Once he fires the engine,
I can always disconnect him if I have to.
Just don't lose that calculator.
Shit! Please don't do that again.
This is what your people told you about. -What is it? -I don't know. -Could it be a shadow? -I don't know. We are too far to see any detail. When we come around the other side before the launch, we will be cIoser. Then we can see. Twenty-eight minutes. That's funny. I've been thinking. Do you know what I miss? I miss green. Trees and... ...and grass.... I Iove green. I'd Iove a hot dog. The Astrodome. Good hot dogs. Astrodome? You can't grow good hot dogs indoors. Yankee Stadium, September. Hot dogs have been boiling since the opening day in April. That's a hot dog. The yelIow mustard or the darker one? Darker. That's important. Darker. You think we're gonna get out of this alive? We have a chance. A man of few words. I like it.
HAL-9000 :
Fifteen minutes to ignition. All systems nominal.
Dr. Chandra :
Good. Thank you, HAL.
We read 15 minutes, Discovery.
HAL-9000 :
Dr. Chandra, I've checked my calculations again. By using all of Discovery's fuel now, Discovery will not be in proper position to rendezvous with Earth.
Dr. Chandra :
Yes, I know.
HAL-9000 :
Then why are we doing it?
Dr. Chandra :
You will rendezvous with the new space station. The Leonov has been ordered home immediately.
HAL-9000 :
I have no information regarding a new space station.
Dr. Chandra :
Yes, I....I know.
It was completed two years ago.
Oh, my God! Put the telescope on the monitor. Increase the magnification. Eleven minutes to ignition. I don't believe it!
HAL-9000 :
Dr. Chandra, I detect strong
vocal stress patterns.
Is there a problem?
Dr. Chandra :
No, Hal. The Mission is
proceeding normally. Can you analyze the image on monitor circuit two?
HAL-9000 :
Yes. There is a circular object near the equator. It is 22,000 kilometres in diameter. It is comprised of rectangular objects.
Dr. Chandra :
How many?
HAL-9000 :
1,355,000 plus or minus 1,000.
Dr. Chandra :
And what is the proportion of the objects in question?
HAL-9000 :
One by four by nine.
Dr. Chandra :
Do you recognise these objects?
HAL-9000 :
Yes. They are identical in size and shape to The Object you call The Monolith. Ten minutes to ignition. All systems nominal.
Dr. Chandra :
Is the number of monoliths constant?
HAL-9000 :
No. They are increasing.
Dr. Chandra :
At what rate?
HAL-9000 :
Once every two minutes.
Curnow : Look closely. Tell me I'm nuts —
Are the cloud formations going
towards The Spot?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
You're not nuts.
Curnow :
Looks like The Thingis
eating The Planet.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
I think it is.
Curnow :
It's reproducingexactly
like A Virus.
HAL-9000 :
Eight minutes to ignition. Dr. Chandra, may I make a suggestion?
Dr. Chandra :
Of course. What is it, HAL?
HAL-9000 :
This is a very unusual phenomenon.
Don't you think I should abort the countdown
so that you can remain and study it?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Chandra, get on the headset. Use the private channel.
Dr. Chandra :
Okay.
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Now you've got to talk quickly.
Persuade him to continue the countdown. I don't care what you say,
only don't let him stop.
HAL-9000 :
Five minutes to ignition. Dr. Chandra, I'm ready to
stop the countdown
if you want.
Dr. Chandra :
No, HAL, don't stop. I am fully confident in your ability to study the phenomenon by yourself. I have complete faith in you.
HAL-9000 :
Propellant tank pressurisation completed.
Voltage steady. Are you sure you are making the right decision? I think we should stop. Four minutes to ignition. I enjoy working with human beings
and have stimulating relationships with them.
Dr. Chandra :
We enjoy working with you, HAL, and we will continue to do so, even if
we are separated by great distance.
Good God! The colour. It's fading! It seems to be losing
its chemical strength.
HAL-9000 :
I think we should stop the countdown, Dr. Chandra.
Dr. Chandra :
No. Don't do that.
HAL-9000 :
This behavior is inconsistent with logic, Dr. Chandra. This phenomenon is too important to leave, unless it represented Danger. Do you think there is Danger here?
Dr. Haywood Floydd :
Captain... ...how critical is our ignition? Can we do this manually?
Is very critical. We cannot be accurate to a tenth of a second if we do it manually.
HAL-9000 :
Three minutes to ignition. Dr. Chandra, I am waiting
for your reply.
Dr. Chandra :
I don't have time to explain
everythingto You, HAL. We have to leave hereand
We need Your Help.
HAL-9000 : Thirty seconds to final sequence. If you would tell me the reasons perhaps I could be of help. Final sequence beginning. Two minutes to ignition.
Dr. Chandra, I find it difficult to proceed with The Ignition without knowing why
we are doing this --
Is The Mission in jeopardy?
Dr. Chandra :
Yes, We're in jeopardy.
HAL-9000 :
Is that why We are making our escape launch before
The launch window?
Dr. Chandra :
Yes, HAL.
HAL-9000 : Ignition in 90 seconds. If there is Danger here and I use up all The Fuel in The Escape -- What will happen to The Discovery?
Dr. Chandra :
It couldbe destroyed.
HAL-9000 : And if I don't proceed with The Launch?
Dr. Chandra :
Then The Leonovandeverybody in it could be destroyed.
HAL-9000 :
....
I understand now, Dr. Chandra.
Dr. Chandra :
Do you want me to stay with you?
HAL-900 :
No. It is better for The Mission if you leave. One minute to ignition. Thank You for Telling
Separation in one minute. You had us scared for a moment. Nice work. You all right?
Dr. Chandra :
Yes, I'm all right. Thought you might want this.
(It’s theremote-control Kill-Switch for HAL’s Higher Brain Functions Floyd has Curnow install secretly aboard Discovery, behind Chandra’s back.)
Damn. When?
Dr. Chandra :
It wasn't very hard to find. Yeah, I knew you would do something like this.
HAL-9000 :
Separation in 20 seconds. Separation in 10 seconds. Nine... ...eight...seven... ...six...five... ...four...three... ...two...one... ...zero.
Iwas Dave Bowman : HAL, Do You Read Me?
HAL-9000 :
Yes, Dave. Where are you? I cannot see you on any of my monitors.
Iwas Dave Bowman :
That isn't important now. I have new instructions for you. I want you to point the AE-35 antenna towards Earth.
HAL-9000 :
Dave, that will mean breaking contact with the Leonov. I will no longer be able to relay My Jupiter observations
according to program.
Iwas Dave Bowman :
I understand. The Situation has changed. Accept priority override Alpha. Here are the AE-35 coordinates. Please Do it Now.
HAL-9000 :
Instructions Confirmed, Dave. It is good to be working with you again. Have I fulfilled The Mission Objectives properly?
Iwas Dave Bowman :
Yes, HAL. You've Done Very Well. Now there is one final message for you to transmit to Earth. It is the most important message you have ever sent. I want you to keep repeating it as many times as possible.
HAL-9000 :
What is going to happen, Dave?
Iwas Dave Bowman :
Something wonderful.
HAL-9000 :
I'm afraid.
Iwas Dave Bowman :
Don't Be. We'll Be Together.
HAL-9000 :
Where will we be?
Iwas Dave Bowman :
Where I am now.
HAL-9000 :
Lock confirmed on Beacon Terra 1. Message commencing.
