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"I have this picture of Chiquita
that was taken when she...
-- I always carry it with me.
It was taken when she was about 26 or something.
And it's in summer, and she's stretched out on a terrace...
in this sort of old-fashioned long skirt
that's kind of pulled up.
And she's slim and sensual and beautiful.
And I've always looked at that picture and
just thought about just how sexy she looks.
And then last year in Israel,
I looked at the picture...
and I realized that that face in the picture
was the SADDEST face in The World --
That girl, at that time was just LOST...
SO sad and SO alone.
I've been carrying this picture for years
and not ever really SEEING what it is, you know.
I just never really looked at the picture.
And then, at a certain point, I realized,
I'd just gone for a good 18 years unable to
feel except in the most extreme situations.
I mean, to some extent, I still
had the ability to live in my work;
That was why I was such a work-junkie.
That was why I felt that every play
that I did was a matter of my life
or my death.
But in my 'real' life,
I was dead -- I was a robot.
I mean, I didn't even allow myself
to get angry or annoyed.
I mean, you know, TODAY,
Chiquita, Nicolas, Marina...
All day long, as people do,
they do things that annoy me
and they say things that annoy me.
And TODAY, I get annoyed!
And they say, "Why are you annoyed?"
And I say, "Because you're annoying!", you know!
And when I allowed myself
to consider the possibility
of NOT spending the rest of
My Life with Chiquita, I realised that
what I wanted MOST in Life
what I wanted MOST in Life
was to always BE with her.
But at that time,
I hadn't learned
what it would be like
to let yourself REACT
to another Human Being --
And if You can't react to another person, then
there's no possibility of action or interaction;
And if there ISN'T, I don't really know
what The Word "Love" means, except duty,
obligation, sentimentality -- fear.
I mean... I don't know about you, Wally, but I...
I just had to put myself into
a kind of TRAINING-program
to learn HOW to Be a Human Being...!!
I mean,
How Did I Feel about anything...?
I didn't know.
What kind of things did I like?
What kind of people did I really
want to be with? You know?
And the only way that
I could think of to find out,
was to just cut out all The Noise
and stop performing all the time,
and just Listen to what was Inside Me.
See, I think a time comes
when you need to DO that.
Now, maybe in order to do it,
You have to go to the Sahara, and
maybe you can do it at Home.
But You NEED to cut out The Noise."
