Sineya

We enjoin that We may 

inhabit The Vessel --

The Hand... Daughter of Sineya... First of The Ones...

(Fade in on Buffy sleeping on the sofa, covered with a green blanket. We see that she still has the cut on her forehead that she got in "The Yoko Factor.")

ANYA: (whispers offscreen) 

Buffy! Wake up!)

(Buffy opens her eyes. She's lying on her bed in the dorm room, on her side, facing Willow's bed. The cut on her forehead is gone. She frowns.)

(sh*t of Anya lying in Willow's bed, under the covers.)

ANYA: (whispers) Buffy, you have to wake up right away!

BUFFY: I'm not really in charge of these things. (Closes eyes)

ANYA: (anxious) Please wake up. Oh please.

BUFFY: (opens eyes) I need my beauty sleep. So stop it, okay? (Rolls over onto her back)

(The creature is hanging from the ceiling above her. It snarls at her.)

(Cut to Buffy in her bed in Joyce's house, sitting up startled. The covers are rumpled around her. She lies back.)

(Cut to Buffy standing in the doorway of the bedroom, looking at the bed.)

BUFFY: Faith and I just made that bed.

(sh*t of the bed, still rumpled but now without Buffy in it.)

TARA: (offscreen) For who?

(Buffy frowns, looks to her left.)

BUFFY: I thought you were here to tell me.

(sh*t of Tara with her hair up, facing Buffy.)

BUFFY: (looking back at bed) The guys aren't here, are they? We were gonna hang out (looks at Tara) and, watch movies t-

TARA: You lost them.

BUFFY: No. (Looks confused) No. I think they need me to find them.

(sh*t of the digital alarm clock next to the bed, showing 7:30 AM.)

BUFFY: (upset) It's so late.

TARA: Oh ... that clock's completely wrong. Here.

(sh*t of Tara's hands holding out the Tarot card "Manus" (the hands). It has a picture of two hands crossed, one open, the other balled into a fist.)

BUFFY: I'm never gonna use those.

(Buffy's face in profile. Tara's face out of focus in background.)

TARA: You think you know ... what's to come ... what you are. You haven't even g*n.

(sh*t of the bed, now neatly made.)

(Buffy frowns.)

BUFFY: I think I need to go find the others.

(She leaves.)

TARA (softly) Be back before dawn.

(Fade to a school hallway. Can't tell if it's Sunnydale High or the college. It seems to have elements of both. Buffy walks through the halls wearing a flowered dress. She speaks to a random guy walking past.)

BUFFY: Have you seen my friends? (He shakes his head and walks on) They wouldn't just disappear.

(She looks around, walks down the halls. We see a row of lockers. Suddenly 

Buffy notices a hole in the wall. The plaster is torn back, revealing a layer of bricks with a face-sized hole. She walks over to it.)

BUFFY: Mom?

(Joyce's face appears in the hole.)

JOYCE: Oh, hi, honey.

BUFFY: Why are you living in the walls?

JOYCE: Oh, sweetie, no, I'm fine here. Don't worry about me.

(Buffy frowns, tries to see inside the hole.)

BUFFY: It looks dirty.

JOYCE: Well, it seems that way to you. (Smiling) I made some lemonade, and 

I'm learning how to play mah-jongg. You go find your friends.

BUFFY: I, I think they might be in danger.

(Joyce starts to laugh. Buffy looks confused.)

JOYCE: I-I'm sorry, dear. (Giggling) Um, a mouse is playing with my knees.

BUFFY: I, I really don't think you should live in there.

(Suddenly she looks over and sees Xander climbing up some stairs. Looks like the stairs leading to the library in UC Sunnydale.)

JOYCE: Well ... you could ... probably break through the wall. (Buffy walks toward stairs. Joyce watches her go)

(sh*t of Buffy's feet, wearing sandals, walking slowly down a hall.)

(sh*t of two men sitting at a conference table, facing each other, in a room with high ceilings and plain gray walls. On the left wall is a big map of the world. On the right, a row of cabinets. There are two empty chairs. 

In the foreground we still see Buffy's feet.)

(Man on the left speaks. It's Riley.)

RILEY: Hey there, k*ller.

BUFFY: (offscreen) Riley? You're back.

RILEY: I never left.

(Buffy's feet walk closer, as does the camera angle.)

BUFFY: (offscreen) But how did the debriefing go?

RILEY: I told you not to worry about that. It went great. They made me surgeon general.

(sh*t of Buffy looking surprised.)

BUFFY: Why didn't you come and tell me? We could have celebrated.

(sh*t of Riley sitting in the chair, wearing a suit.)

RILEY: Oh. (Looks at the other man ) We're drawing up a plan for world domination. (Looks back at Buffy, pleased.) The key element? Coffeemakers that think.

(Buffy frowns.)

BUFFY: World domination? I-is that a good?

RILEY: Baby, we're the government.

(He swings around in his chair to strike a James Bond-like pose. The camera sh**t him from below, through the glass tabletop. On the table we see a g*n.)

RILEY: It's what we do.

OTHER GUY: She's uncomfortable with certain concepts. (He's wearing a suit too, with no jacket.) It's understandable. Aggression is a natural human tendency. (Looks at Buffy) Though you and me come by it another way.

(sh*t of Buffy with the dark-haired creature behind her.)

BUFFY: We're not demons.

OTHER GUY: Is that a fact?

(sh*t of Buffy. The creature is gone.)

RILEY: 

Buffy, we've got important work here. 

(Same camera angle on Riley, 

the gun prominent in the foreground.) 

A lot of filing, giving things names.

BUFFY: (looks at other guy) 

What was yours?

OTHER GUY: 

Before Adam? (Shakes his head. 

Suddenly the lighting turns blue) 

Not A Man among us can remember.

(Buffy looks around at the blue lighting. In the background we see shadows moving; we hear noises like emergency doors slamming shut.)

COMPUTER VOICE: 

The Demons have escaped. 

Please run for your lives.

ADAM: 

This could be Trouble. (He and Riley stand)

RILEY: 

We better make A Fort.

ADAM: (nodding) 

I'll get some pillows. (Leaves)

(Buffy looks very nervous. Shadowy figures behind her seem to be moving closer. She looks down and sees her w*apon bag lying at her feet. Looks up.)

BUFFY: (gasping anxiously) Wait! I have weapons!

She sits on the floor and opens the bag. It's full of mud. 

Buffy frowns, putting her hands in the mud and moving them around. 

Lifts her hands, covered in mud. Brings them up and smears the mud on her face. Reaches in for more, rubs it all over her face as the colors invert again like a photo-negative.)

(Suddenly the color returns to normal and Buffy looks up 

with her "I'm gonna kick your ass" expression.)

RILEY: (offscreen) 

Thought you were looking for 

your friends. Okay, killer...

(shot of Riley wearing regular civilian clothes)

RILEY: ...if that's the way you want it. 

I guess you're on your own. (Walks off.)

(Buffy's still on the floor in the gray room surrounded by blue light. 

Suddenly a beam of sunshine lights her. She gets up and walks off.)

(Fade to Buffy's feet walking along a hallway, which turns to rippled sand like on a beach. She walks past a palm tree and is in the desert from before: rocks, scraggly bushes, sand. Again we hear the woman humming. 

Buffy walks down a hill. The camera zooms out and we can see more of the same landscape with mountains in the distance. A breeze ruffles her hair and dress.)

BUFFY: 

I'm never gonna find them here.

(She looks up and sees Tara far off, walking toward her. 

Tara has her hair up, wears a long pink skirt 

and matching top that exposes a lot of her stomach.)

TARA VOICEOVER: 

Of course not. That's the reason you came.

(Tara fades out and reappears closer, 

then this repeats. She stops walking.)

(shot of Buffy and Tara standing about thirty feet apart, facing each other with miles of desert stretching out behind them.)

BUFFY VOICEOVER: 

You're not in my dream.

TARA VOICEOVER: 

I was borrowed.

(shot of Tara standing with big rocks behind her. 

She wears a gold necklace.)

TARA: 

Someone has to speak for her.

(shot of Buffy standing with rocks, bushes and mountains behind.)

BUFFY: 

Let her speak for herself. 

(We see the dark-haired creature walking up behind her.) 

That's what's done in polite circles.

(The creature moves around to in front 

of Buffy and we finally get a good look at her. 

It's a dark-skinned woman with dreadlocks and long sharp fingernails.

Her face is painted with white or grayish paint, 

lines of black paint across her eyes, and she wears rags. 

She crouches low and walks around Buffy 

like a wild animal. She looks like a cavewoman.)

BUFFY: 

Why do you follow me?

(The woman shakes her head.)

TARA: (offscreen) 

I don't.

BUFFY: 

Where are my friends?

(Shot of the woman backing away from Buffy, 

still crouching down low.)

TARA: (offscreen) 

You're asking the 

wrong questions.

BUFFY: (firmly) 

Make her speak.

(The woman shakes her head again.)

TARA: (offscreen) I have no speech. No name.

I live in the action of death, the blood cry, the penetrating wound. (The woman straightens up and looks 

Buffy in the eye.)

TARA: 

I am Destruction. 

Absolute ... alone.

(Buffy frowns.)

BUFFY: 

The Slayer.

(The other woman looks at her.)

Tara: (offscreen) The first.

(sh*t of Buffy's hand, holding a bunch of Tarot-shaped cards. In the one on top we see a scene of Giles, Buffy, Willow, and Xander in Joyce's living room watching TV.)

(sh*t of Buffy looking at the card in her hand, with the mountains behind her.)

BUFFY: 

I am not alone.

(sh*t of Tara in the background, the First Slayer in the middle ground, and 

Buffy's back in the foreground.)

TARA: The Slayer does not walk in this world.

BUFFY: I walk.

(Side sh*t of the three of them.)

BUFFY: I talk. I shop, I sneeze. I'm gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back.

(sh*t of the First Slayer lifting her chin in anger.)

BUFFY: (offscreen) There's trees in the desert since you moved out. 

(The First Slayer shakes her head) 

And I don't sleep on 

a bed of bones.

(sh*t of Buffy's face.)

BUFFY: (firmly) Now give me back my friends.

(The First Slayer speaks in a very low, hoarse voice.)

FIRST SLAYER: No ... friends! Just the k*ll.

(sh*t of Buffy watching her.)

FIRST SLAYER: We ... are ... alone!

(The bald guy leans in between Buffy and the First Slayer, holding up two slices of cheese. He grins and shakes the cheese at Buffy, then retreats offscreen.)

BUFFY: 

That's it. I'm waking up.

(The First Slayer att*cks her, pushes her to the ground and tries to bash her head on it. African drum music begins.)

(Buffy rolls the First Slayer off her and kicks at her. They both get up. 

The First Slayer punches her.)

(Long sh*t of Buffy falling backward from the punch, slow-motion. No music.)

(Music resumes and the action returns to real-time. The First Slayer tries to punch down but Buffy rolls to her feet and kicks her in the back. She kicks again but the First Slayer ducks. Buffy punches.)

(Long sh*t of the First Slayer falling backward from the punch, slow-motion. No music. The first Slayer starts to get up.)

(One last drum-b*at as the action returns to real-time. The First Slayer gets up. Faceoff.)

(sh*t of Buffy shaking her head.)

BUFFY: 

It's over. (Woman humming begins again. First Slayer shakes her head) 

We don't do this any more.

(Drums begin again. The First Slayer grabs her again and they roll down a sandy hill, clutching each other and rolling over and over as the drums continue.)

BUFFY VOICEOVER: 

Enough!

(Cut to Buffy waking up on Joyce's floor. She lifts her head and looks around. Pan across Giles, Willow and Xander sleeping in their spots. Buffy groans and starts to get up.)

(Growl.)

(The First Slayer lands atop Buffy and starts stabbing repeatedly at the floor with her stake. sh*t of Buffy lying underneath the First Slayer, rolling her eyes.)

BUFFY: 

Are you quite finished?

(First Slayer pulls her stake out of the floor.)

BUFFY: 

It's over, okay? 

I'm going to ignore you, and 

you're going to go away.

(The First Slayer pulls back and Buffy sits up, then stands.)

BUFFY: 

You're really gonna have 

to get over the whole ... 

primal power thing. 

(walks toward the sofa)

(shot of the First Slayer 

staring at her.)

BUFFY: (over her shoulder) 

You're not The Source of Me.

(She picks up her blanket and sits back down on the sofa next to Willow. 

Another sh*t of the First Slayer staring at her.)

BUFFY: 

Also, in terms of hair-care, 

you really wanna say, 

what kind of impression 

am I making in 

The Workplace? '

Cause-

The Harsh Light of Day

“Parker’s problem 

with Intimacy

turns out to be, that 

He can’t get 

Enough of it…”

“Raising the drinking age in this country from 18 to 21 

has had a direct result in these disasters 

of binge drinking fraternity parties — 

Let college students, the way we could :

Go out as 26 Freshmen, Have a Beer, 

Sit in a protected Adult Environment, 

Learn How to Discourse with The Opposite Sex 

in a safe environment. 

And now Today, 

because of this stupid rule that

Young People can’t even buy a drink 

in a bar until they’re 21, 

We have these fraternity parties 

that are like it’s The Cave Man Era. 

Well of course in this Modern Age 

this advantages Men. 

Men want to hook up. Men want to have sex. 

Women don’t understand What Men Want. 

Women put out because they’re hoping 

The Man will continue to be interested in them;

The Man just wants experience. 

The hormones drive toward. . . 

To Me, I theorise that The Sex Drive in Men 

is intertwined with Hunt and Pursuit. 

This is what Women don’t understand.”

— Paglia

Cut to Buffy and Willow walking through the campus late at night.

Buffy : So what I'm wondering is, does this always happen? 

Sleep with a guy and he goes all evil. God, I'm such a Fool.

Willow : Well maybe you made a mistake. But that's okay. Next time - what?

Buffy : Parker said it's okay to make mistakes. It was sweet.

Willow : No it wasn't. He was saying that so you would 

take a chance and sleep with him. He's a poop head.

Buffy : You're right. He's manipulative and shallow. 

And why doesn't he want me. Am I repulsive? 

If there was something repulsive about me you would tell me, right?

Willow : I'm Your Friend. I would call You repulsive in a second.

Buffy : Maybe Parker and I could still work it out. Do you think we could still work it out?

Willow : I think you're missing something about this whole poop head principal.

Buffy : I think I'm gonna take a walk. You go on ahead.

Willow : You sure?

Buffy : Yeah. 

She heads off leaving Willow behind. She walks along alone, then we see both Anya and Harmony, all looking downtrodden walking along.

BLACK OUT

The Tyrant and The Policeman

Turpin’s First Law :

You wanna Play in MY Backyard,

You Play by MY Rules.

Det. “Dangerous Dan Turpin :

GO ON, Ya Mangey Buzzards —

and DON’T COME BACK…!!

Darkseid : 

Savour Your Victory, Superman…

But remember —

VICTORY, Has it’s PRICE…..

Darkseid Invades Earth

Cut to The Library after school. 

Giles : 

Alright, alright, I-I-I've got something. 

It's Latin, so bear with me. 

Uh, to revive The Vampire, 

they need His Bones, 

(uh... w-which they have), 

and, um, the blood... 

(this is very unclear), 

of the closest person... 

uh, someone connected 

to The Vampire. 

Buffy, The Vampire Slayer : 

That'd be Me. 

Giles : 

Perhaps. 

Buffy, The Vampire Slayer :  

We were close — We killed each other. 

It really promotes 

Togetherness. 

What Makes You Think….

It’s not her — 

it’s Vader.

He’ll Attack, Next.

He Doesn’t Have 

The Paitence for a Siege.

Joyce is serving dinner to Faith. 

Joyce: 

So you're A Slayer, too. 

Isn't that interesting! 

(smiles)

 Do you like it? 

(sets down the bowl) 

Faith: 

God, I love it! 

Buffy: 

(wants the bowl) 

Uh, Mom? 

Joyce: (waves her off) 

Uh, just a second, honey. 

(scoops broccoli onto Faith's plate) 

You know, Buffy never talks that way. Why do you love it? 

Buffy gives up and grabs a pair of tongs to take some fries for herself. 

Faith: 

Well, when I'm fighting, it's like 

The Whole World goes away and 

I only know one thing: 

That I'm gonna win 

and they're gonna lose. 

I like that feelin'. 

(digs into her food) 

Joyce smiles at that and takes her seat. 

Buffy: 

Well, sure. Really beats that dead feeling you get 

when they win and you lose. 

Faith: 

I don't let that kind 

of negative thinking in. 

Joyce: 

(points at Faith) 

Right. (shakes her finger) 

Right. That could get you hurt. 

Buffy can be awfully negative sometimes. (to Buffy) 

See, honey, you 

gotta fight that. 

(smiles) 

Buffy: 

(smiles back weakly) 

I'm workin’ on it. 

(keeps taking fries)

There's no way out, Master. ( Straining ) Admit you are beaten. Roken: What is it? What's wrong? It's over. I'm going back. You can't quit. I fought for too long. You can't just throw that away. It won't make a difference. They want all of us. Vader wants me. If you surrender, she died for nothing. He'll keep coming. That's why I have to stop him. You're going to fight him? He expects me to surrender. He knows I'll do everything I can to protect these people. You'll be on your own. No. Haja, look out for her, will you? You want to tell me how you're gonna fight without a weapon? There are other ways to fight. ( Grunting ) Stormtrooper: Seize him. Come on, where is it? 

Reva: 

Inform Lord Vader, 

Kenobi is ours. 

He's on his way. 

You're gonna die soon. 

Ben :

( Whispering ) 

You're not bringing him to me. 

I'm bringing him to you. 

This isn't over yet —

There are families back there. Children. 

Are you gonna let him do it again, 

what he did to you? 

We could end this together. 

What Makes You THINK 

He Won't SEE it Coming? 

Because ALL He’ll See is ME.

Individuation and Isomorphism

It's not like it'd be cheating. 

They're both Xander. 

Dr Manhattan erotic sex scene. Laurie breaks up with Jon - Watchmen 2009

ScruffyXANDER: 

Let go! I have to kill the demon-bot! 

The g*n falls to the floor. 

SuaveXander grabs it. 

SuaveXANDER: 

Anya ... get out of the way. 

Anya is standing in front of ScruffyXander. 

Buffy and Riley rush in. 

BUFFY:

Xander! Riley closes the door. 

SuaveXANDER: 

(smiling) 

All right, Buffy. 

I have him. 

ScruffyXANDER: 

No! Buffy! I'm me! Help me! 

ANYA: 

My gun! He's got my gun! 

(Pointing to the gun in SuaveXander's hand) 

RILEY: 

You own a gun? 

BUFFY: 

Xander ... gun-holding Xander. 

(Walks quickly over to SuaveXander) 

Give me the gun. 

Both Xanders stare. 

Finally SuaveXander holds the gun up and gives it a quick twist with one hand so that the bullets fall out onto the floor. 

He flips it shut and hands it to Buffy, who looks impressed. 

ANYA: 

Buffy, which one's real? Buffy hands the g*n to Riley. 

ScruffyXANDER: 

I am. 

SuaveXANDER: 

No, I am. 

They try to attack each other but Buffy steps between them. 

She flings ScruffyXander across the room; he lands against the kitchen counter. 

SuaveXANDER: 

Thank you. 

Buffy grabs him and shoves him over 

next to ScruffyXander. 

SuaveXANDER: 

Ow! 

Anya, Riley, and Buffy come up to examine the two Xanders side-by-side. 

RILEY: 

Wild. 

BUFFY: 

Yeah. Okay, Xander ... Xa ... 

(sighs) 

You've been split in Two. 

But you're both Xander. 

And you can't kill each other. 

Um, well, you could, 

but it would be really bad. 

The Xanders look at each other. 

SuaveXANDER: 

No way.

 

ScruffyXANDER: 

He can't be me. 

He's all ... fancy. 

RILEY: 

We can prove that you're both Xander. 

BUFFY: 

Yeah! 

(to Riley) How? 

RILEY: 

Um... 

BUFFY: 

Um... 

RILEY: 

Well, there has to be a way. 

BUFFY: 

Ooh! What number am I thinking of? 

RILEY: 

I don't think that's gonna do it. 

XANDERS: 

(in unison) 

Eleven and a half. 

BUFFY: 

Wrong. Oh! But see? 

The Xanders frown. 

ScruffyXANDER: 

No. We're not the same. 

We're all different. 

RILEY: 

Different properties 

went into each of you, 

but you're both Xander. 

ANYA: 

Different properties? 

ScruffyXANDER: 

What different properties? 

BUFFY: 

Uh, uh, you know, uh, sense of direction. 

Good night vision, stuff like that. 

ScruffyXANDER: 

Oh, but he has a thingie! 

In his pocket! 

(pointing to SuaveXander's pocket) 

A shiny disk that stuns and disorients! 

SuaveXANDER: 

(reaching in pocket, taking out the thing) 

What disk? 

ScruffyXANDER: 

Cover your eyes! (covering eyes with hands) 

SuaveXANDER: 

This? 

ScruffyXANDER: 

It'll melt your brain! 

Buffy takes the thing from SuaveXander. 

Anya and Riley lean in to see. 

BUFFY: 

(to ScruffyXander) 

Look. 

SuaveXANDER: 

(tolerantly) 

It's a nickel someone flattened 

on the railroad track. 

I found it on the construction site 

and I thought it was cool. 

It's not magic. 

ScruffyXander uncovers his eyes to take the thing from Buffy. 

ScruffyXANDER: 

No, I ... huh. It is kinda cool. 

(SuaveXander nods tolerantly)

Washington's still there, 

but he's all smushy. 

(looks more closely) 

And he may be Jefferson. 

ANYA: 

Okay, isn't anyone gonna tell me 

why there are two Xanders?

BUFFY: 

I will on the way to Giles'. Let's go. 

They all turn to leave 

just as the door is smashed in. 

ScruffyXander and Anya hide behind SuaveXander, 

grabbing his shoulders. 

Toth strides in. 

BUFFY: 

Oh great. Rod boy. 

TOTH: 

I will not miss again, Slayer. 

ScruffyXANDER: 

(standing behind SuaveXander, 

clutching him around the shoulders) 

The gun! Pick up the little gun pieces! 

Toth raises his rod. 

Buffy and Riley dive away in opposite directions. 

Toth fires at Buffy and misses, 

tearing a big hole in the floor. 

SuaveXANDER: 

Hey, I just made a small cleaning deposit! 

Riley jumps on Toth from behind, making him drop the rod. 

He throws Riley off. 

Riley punches him a few times, 

then Toth head-butts him 

and flings him aside. 

Buffy comes up and kicks Toth a few times, 

punches him a few times, then he picks her up and body-slams her. 

She kicks up as he approaches, 

catching him on the chin. 

She gets up, lands a few more 

kicks and punches, 

and Toth goes down. 

BUFFY: 

Sword! 

Riley grabs the sword from 

the bag of weapons and throws it to her. 

She catches it and stabs Toth. 

He screams and dies. 

Buffy stands up, panting. 

Anya and ScruffyXander 

let go of SuaveXander. 

They all cluster around the corpse. 

SuaveXANDER:

Oh, yeah. That cleaning deposit's gone. 

ScruffyXANDER: 

(gasps) I was thinking the same thing! 

Hey, do you suppose we're both Xander? 

SuaveXander gives him a big grin. 

Anya stares at them. 

Cut to a shot of the two Xanders side-by-side. Now they're dressed the same, both in yellow T-shirts and identical Hawaiian shirts, 

but ScruffyXander's shirt is all dirty 

whereas SuaveXander's is clean, 

and ScruffyXander's hair is much messier. 

ScruffyXANDER: 

Look and admire, ladies. 

We see that they're in the magic shop. 

Willow, Buffy and Anya are in a row 

staring at the Xanders, fascinated. 

In the background we see Riley watching, 

and Giles on the floor making markings with chalk. 

BUFFY: 

(looking closely) 

Look, there's a scar there, 

(pointing at ScruffyXander's forehead) 

and there's the same one right there. 

(pointing at SuaveXander's forehead) 

WILLOW: 

It's all double. 

(pointing) 

This zit, and this ... 

kinda funny dippy thing. 

A-and this weird little hair 

that grows in the wrong way 

(pointing to ScruffyXander's nose) 

ScruffyXANDER: 

Okay! Back off, ladies. 

RILEY: 

Psychologically, this is fascinating. 

Doesn't it make everyone wanna 

lock them in separate rooms 

and do experiments on them? 

Everyone gives him an odd look. 

RILEY: 

Just me, then. 

ANYA: 

So ... you Xanders really do have 

all the same memories, all the same ... 

(looking downward) 

physical attributes?

(Laughs suggestively) 

SuaveXANDER: 

We're completely identical. 

ScruffyXANDER: 

Yeah, we checked out some stuff 

in the car on the way over. 

(Anya frowns in puzzlement) 

Fingerprints! 

ANYA: 

(turning to the others) 

Well, maybe we shouldn't do 

this reintegration thing right away. 

See, I can take the boys home, and ... 

we can all have sex together, and ... 

you know, just slap 'em back 

together in the morning. 

Giles tries not to look appalled. 

Buffy and Riley grin. 

SuaveXANDER: 

She's joking. 

ScruffyXANDER: 

No she's not! She entirely wants 

to have sex with us together. 

Which is ... wrong and, 

and it would be very confusing.

 

GILES: 

(getting up from the floor) 

Uh, uh, we just need to light the candles. 

Also, we should continue to pretend 

we heard none of the disturbing sex talk. 

WILLOW: 

Check. Candles and pretense. 

Everyone moves around getting stuff ready, except the Xanders. 

ANYA: 

It's not like it'd be cheating. 

They're both Xander. 

ScruffyXANDER: 

Now, hold on a sec --

If you weren't putting 

a whammy on people 

with the shiny thing, 

how'd you do it? 

How'd you get the promotion? 

SuaveXANDER: 

Well, I'm good at that stuff. 

ScruffyXANDER: 

I am? 

SuaveXANDER: 

Yeah. 

ScruffyXANDER: 

And hey, how 'bout that lady, huh? 

The apartment manager. 

SuaveXANDER: 

How weird was it when she called me "mister"? 

The Xanders grin goofily at each other. 

WILLOW: 

We're ready. We should do it now. 

(The Xanders turn their grins toward her) 

ANYA: 

What'll we do if this doesn't work? 

XANDERS: 

(unison) 

Kill us both, Spock! 

(They look at each other and laugh delightedly.) 

BUFFY: 

They're ... kinda the same now. 

GILES: 

Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself. 

ScruffyXANDER: 

Hey, summon The Goddess. 

Chant the chant. Let's do it. 

WILLOW: 

Actually, it's not that hard. 

Your natural state is to be together. 

Toth's spell is doing all the work 

of keeping you apart. 

I just have to break it. 

So you two ... 

(takes them both and positions 

them inside the chalk markings) 

stand right here. Side by side. 

We don't want you to end up 

with two fronts, now do we? 

ScruffyXANDER: 

Are you sure you know how to do this? 

WILLOW: 

(exhales) 

Here we go. Brace yourselves. 

The two Xanders 

close their eyes 

and prepare. 

WILLOW: 

Let the spell be ended.

 Closeup of a single Xander, 

still with eyes closed. 

XANDER: 

You gotta be kidding. 

"Let the spell be ended," 

that's not gonna work. 

He opens his eyes and sees 

there's only one of him. 

XANDER: 

Oh!