Showing posts with label Buffy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Buffy. Show all posts

Sunday 14 January 2024

Sineya

We enjoin that We may 
inhabit The Vessel --
The Hand... Daughter of Sineya... First of The Ones...


(Fade in on Buffy sleeping on the sofa, covered with a green blanket. We see that she still has the cut on her forehead that she got in "The Yoko Factor.")

ANYA: (whispers offscreen) 
Buffy! Wake up!)

(Buffy opens her eyes. She's lying on her bed in the dorm room, on her side, facing Willow's bed. The cut on her forehead is gone. She frowns.)

(sh*t of Anya lying in Willow's bed, under the covers.)

ANYA: (whispers) Buffy, you have to wake up right away!

BUFFY: I'm not really in charge of these things. (Closes eyes)

ANYA: (anxious) Please wake up. Oh please.

BUFFY: (opens eyes) I need my beauty sleep. So stop it, okay? (Rolls over onto her back)

(The creature is hanging from the ceiling above her. It snarls at her.)

(Cut to Buffy in her bed in Joyce's house, sitting up startled. The covers are rumpled around her. She lies back.)

(Cut to Buffy standing in the doorway of the bedroom, looking at the bed.)

BUFFY: Faith and I just made that bed.

(sh*t of the bed, still rumpled but now without Buffy in it.)

TARA: (offscreen) For who?

(Buffy frowns, looks to her left.)

BUFFY: I thought you were here to tell me.

(sh*t of Tara with her hair up, facing Buffy.)

BUFFY: (looking back at bed) The guys aren't here, are they? We were gonna hang out (looks at Tara) and, watch movies t-

TARA: You lost them.

BUFFY: No. (Looks confused) No. I think they need me to find them.

(sh*t of the digital alarm clock next to the bed, showing 7:30 AM.)

BUFFY: (upset) It's so late.

TARA: Oh ... that clock's completely wrong. Here.

(sh*t of Tara's hands holding out the Tarot card "Manus" (the hands). It has a picture of two hands crossed, one open, the other balled into a fist.)

BUFFY: I'm never gonna use those.

(Buffy's face in profile. Tara's face out of focus in background.)

TARA: You think you know ... what's to come ... what you are. You haven't even g*n.

(sh*t of the bed, now neatly made.)

(Buffy frowns.)

BUFFY: I think I need to go find the others.

(She leaves.)

TARA (softly) Be back before dawn.

(Fade to a school hallway. Can't tell if it's Sunnydale High or the college. It seems to have elements of both. Buffy walks through the halls wearing a flowered dress. She speaks to a random guy walking past.)

BUFFY: Have you seen my friends? (He shakes his head and walks on) They wouldn't just disappear.

(She looks around, walks down the halls. We see a row of lockers. Suddenly 

Buffy notices a hole in the wall. The plaster is torn back, revealing a layer of bricks with a face-sized hole. She walks over to it.)

BUFFY: Mom?

(Joyce's face appears in the hole.)

JOYCE: Oh, hi, honey.

BUFFY: Why are you living in the walls?

JOYCE: Oh, sweetie, no, I'm fine here. Don't worry about me.

(Buffy frowns, tries to see inside the hole.)

BUFFY: It looks dirty.

JOYCE: Well, it seems that way to you. (Smiling) I made some lemonade, and 

I'm learning how to play mah-jongg. You go find your friends.

BUFFY: I, I think they might be in danger.

(Joyce starts to laugh. Buffy looks confused.)

JOYCE: I-I'm sorry, dear. (Giggling) Um, a mouse is playing with my knees.

BUFFY: I, I really don't think you should live in there.

(Suddenly she looks over and sees Xander climbing up some stairs. Looks like the stairs leading to the library in UC Sunnydale.)

JOYCE: Well ... you could ... probably break through the wall. (Buffy walks toward stairs. Joyce watches her go)

(sh*t of Buffy's feet, wearing sandals, walking slowly down a hall.)

(sh*t of two men sitting at a conference table, facing each other, in a room with high ceilings and plain gray walls. On the left wall is a big map of the world. On the right, a row of cabinets. There are two empty chairs. 

In the foreground we still see Buffy's feet.)

(Man on the left speaks. It's Riley.)

RILEY: Hey there, k*ller.

BUFFY: (offscreen) Riley? You're back.

RILEY: I never left.

(Buffy's feet walk closer, as does the camera angle.)

BUFFY: (offscreen) But how did the debriefing go?

RILEY: I told you not to worry about that. It went great. They made me surgeon general.

(sh*t of Buffy looking surprised.)

BUFFY: Why didn't you come and tell me? We could have celebrated.

(sh*t of Riley sitting in the chair, wearing a suit.)

RILEY: Oh. (Looks at the other man ) We're drawing up a plan for world domination. (Looks back at Buffy, pleased.) The key element? Coffeemakers that think.

(Buffy frowns.)

BUFFY: World domination? I-is that a good?

RILEY: Baby, we're the government.

(He swings around in his chair to strike a James Bond-like pose. The camera sh**t him from below, through the glass tabletop. On the table we see a g*n.)

RILEY: It's what we do.

OTHER GUY: She's uncomfortable with certain concepts. (He's wearing a suit too, with no jacket.) It's understandable. Aggression is a natural human tendency. (Looks at Buffy) Though you and me come by it another way.

(sh*t of Buffy with the dark-haired creature behind her.)

BUFFY: We're not demons.

OTHER GUY: Is that a fact?

(sh*t of Buffy. The creature is gone.)

RILEY: 
Buffy, we've got important work here. 
(Same camera angle on Riley, 
the gun prominent in the foreground.
A lot of filing, giving things names.

BUFFY: (looks at other guy) 
What was yours?

OTHER GUY: 
Before Adam? (Shakes his head. 
Suddenly the lighting turns blue
Not A Man among us can remember.

(Buffy looks around at the blue lighting. In the background we see shadows moving; we hear noises like emergency doors slamming shut.)

COMPUTER VOICE: 
The Demons have escaped. 
Please run for your lives.

ADAM: 
This could be Trouble. (He and Riley stand)

RILEY: 
We better make A Fort.

ADAM: (nodding) 
I'll get some pillows. (Leaves)

(Buffy looks very nervous. Shadowy figures behind her seem to be moving closer. She looks down and sees her w*apon bag lying at her feet. Looks up.)

BUFFY: (gasping anxiously) Wait! I have weapons!

She sits on the floor and opens the bag. It's full of mud
Buffy frowns, putting her hands in the mud and moving them around. 
Lifts her hands, covered in mud. Brings them up and smears the mud on her face. Reaches in for more, rubs it all over her face as the colors invert again like a photo-negative.)

(Suddenly the color returns to normal and Buffy looks up 
with her "I'm gonna kick your ass" expression.)

RILEY: (offscreen) 
Thought you were looking for 
your friends. Okay, killer...

(shot of Riley wearing regular civilian clothes)

RILEY: ...if that's the way you want it. 
I guess you're on your own. (Walks off.)

(Buffy's still on the floor in the gray room surrounded by blue light. 
Suddenly a beam of sunshine lights her. She gets up and walks off.)

(Fade to Buffy's feet walking along a hallway, which turns to rippled sand like on a beach. She walks past a palm tree and is in the desert from before: rocks, scraggly bushes, sand. Again we hear the woman humming. 


Buffy walks down a hill. The camera zooms out and we can see more of the same landscape with mountains in the distance. A breeze ruffles her hair and dress.)

BUFFY
I'm never gonna find them here.

(She looks up and sees Tara far off, walking toward her. 
Tara has her hair up, wears a long pink skirt 
and matching top that exposes a lot of her stomach.)

TARA VOICEOVER
Of course not. That's the reason you came.

(Tara fades out and reappears closer, 
then this repeats. She stops walking.)

(shot of Buffy and Tara standing about thirty feet apart, facing each other with miles of desert stretching out behind them.)

BUFFY VOICEOVER
You're not in my dream.
TARA VOICEOVER
I was borrowed.

(shot of Tara standing with big rocks behind her. 
She wears a gold necklace.)

TARA
Someone has to speak for her.

(shot of Buffy standing with rocks, bushes and mountains behind.)

BUFFY
Let her speak for herself. 
(We see the dark-haired creature walking up behind her.
That's what's done in polite circles.
(The creature moves around to in front 
of Buffy and we finally get a good look at her. 
It's a dark-skinned woman with dreadlocks and long sharp fingernails.
Her face is painted with white or grayish paint, 
lines of black paint across her eyes, and she wears rags. 
She crouches low and walks around Buffy 
like a wild animal. She looks like a cavewoman.)

BUFFY
Why do you follow me?

(The woman shakes her head.)

TARA: (offscreen
I don't.

BUFFY
Where are my friends?

(Shot of the woman backing away from Buffy, 
still crouching down low.)

TARA: (offscreen) 
You're asking the 
wrong questions.

BUFFY: (firmly) 
Make her speak.

(The woman shakes her head again.)

TARA: (offscreen) I have no speech. No name.
I live in the action of death, the blood cry, the penetrating wound. (The woman straightens up and looks 

Buffy in the eye.)

TARA: 
I am Destruction
Absolute ... alone.

(Buffy frowns.)

BUFFY
The Slayer.

(The other woman looks at her.)

Tara: (offscreen) The first.

(sh*t of Buffy's hand, holding a bunch of Tarot-shaped cards. In the one on top we see a scene of Giles, Buffy, Willow, and Xander in Joyce's living room watching TV.)

(sh*t of Buffy looking at the card in her hand, with the mountains behind her.)

BUFFY
I am not alone.

(sh*t of Tara in the background, the First Slayer in the middle ground, and 

Buffy's back in the foreground.)

TARA: The Slayer does not walk in this world.

BUFFY: I walk.

(Side sh*t of the three of them.)

BUFFY: I talk. I shop, I sneeze. I'm gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back.

(sh*t of the First Slayer lifting her chin in anger.)

BUFFY: (offscreen) There's trees in the desert since you moved out. 
(The First Slayer shakes her head
And I don't sleep on 
a bed of bones.

(sh*t of Buffy's face.)

BUFFY: (firmly) Now give me back my friends.

(The First Slayer speaks in a very low, hoarse voice.)

FIRST SLAYER: No ... friends! Just the k*ll.

(sh*t of Buffy watching her.)

FIRST SLAYER: We ... are ... alone!

(The bald guy leans in between Buffy and the First Slayer, holding up two slices of cheese. He grins and shakes the cheese at Buffy, then retreats offscreen.)

BUFFY
That's it. I'm waking up.

(The First Slayer att*cks her, pushes her to the ground and tries to bash her head on it. African drum music begins.)

(Buffy rolls the First Slayer off her and kicks at her. They both get up. 

The First Slayer punches her.)

(Long sh*t of Buffy falling backward from the punch, slow-motion. No music.)

(Music resumes and the action returns to real-time. The First Slayer tries to punch down but Buffy rolls to her feet and kicks her in the back. She kicks again but the First Slayer ducks. Buffy punches.)

(Long sh*t of the First Slayer falling backward from the punch, slow-motion. No music. The first Slayer starts to get up.)

(One last drum-b*at as the action returns to real-time. The First Slayer gets up. Faceoff.)

(sh*t of Buffy shaking her head.)

BUFFY
It's over. (Woman humming begins again. First Slayer shakes her head
We don't do this any more.

(Drums begin again. The First Slayer grabs her again and they roll down a sandy hill, clutching each other and rolling over and over as the drums continue.)

BUFFY VOICEOVER
Enough!

(Cut to Buffy waking up on Joyce's floor. She lifts her head and looks around. Pan across Giles, Willow and Xander sleeping in their spots. Buffy groans and starts to get up.)

(Growl.)

(The First Slayer lands atop Buffy and starts stabbing repeatedly at the floor with her stake. sh*t of Buffy lying underneath the First Slayer, rolling her eyes.)

BUFFY
Are you quite finished?

(First Slayer pulls her stake out of the floor.)

BUFFY: 
It's over, okay? 
I'm going to ignore you, and 
you're going to go away.

(The First Slayer pulls back and Buffy sits up, then stands.)

BUFFY
You're really gonna have 
to get over the whole ... 
primal power thing. 
(walks toward the sofa)

(shot of the First Slayer 
staring at her.)

BUFFY: (over her shoulder
You're not The Source of Me.

(She picks up her blanket and sits back down on the sofa next to Willow. 

Another sh*t of the First Slayer staring at her.)

BUFFY
Also, in terms of hair-care, 
you really wanna say, 
what kind of impression 
am I making in 
The Workplace? '
Cause-


Sunday 24 September 2023

The Harsh Light of Day



“Parker’s problem 
with Intimacy
turns out to be, that 
He can’t get 
Enough of it…”




“Raising the drinking age in this country from 18 to 21 
has had a direct result in these disasters 
of binge drinking fraternity parties — 

Let college students, the way we could :
Go out as 26 Freshmen, Have a Beer
Sit in a protected Adult Environment, 
Learn How to Discourse with The Opposite Sex 
in a safe environment. 

And now Today, 
because of this stupid rule that
Young People can’t even buy a drink 
in a bar until they’re 21
We have these fraternity parties 
that are like it’s The Cave Man Era. 

Well of course in this Modern Age 
this advantages Men

Men want to hook up. Men want to have sex
Women don’t understand What Men Want

Women put out because they’re hoping 
The Man will continue to be interested in them;

The Man just wants experience

The hormones drive toward. . . 

To Me, I theorise that The Sex Drive in Men 
is intertwined with Hunt and Pursuit

This is what Women don’t understand.”

— Paglia







Cut to Buffy and Willow walking through the campus late at night.

Buffy : So what I'm wondering is, does this always happen
Sleep with a guy and he goes all evil. God, I'm such a Fool.

Willow : Well maybe you made a mistake. But that's okay. Next time - what?

Buffy : Parker said it's okay to make mistakes. It was sweet.

Willow : No it wasn't. He was saying that so you would 
take a chance and sleep with him. He's a poop head.

Buffy : You're right. He's manipulative and shallow

And why doesn't he want me. Am I repulsive? 
If there was something repulsive about me you would tell me, right?

Willow : I'm Your Friend. I would call You repulsive in a second.

Buffy : Maybe Parker and I could still work it out. Do you think we could still work it out?

Willow : I think you're missing something about this whole poop head principal.

Buffy : I think I'm gonna take a walk. You go on ahead.

Willow : You sure?

Buffy : Yeah. 

She heads off leaving Willow behind. She walks along alone, then we see both Anya and Harmony, all looking downtrodden walking along.

BLACK OUT

Friday 19 August 2022

The Tyrant and The Policeman




Turpin’s First Law :
You wanna Play in MY Backyard,
You Play by MY Rules.


Det. “Dangerous Dan Turpin :
GO ON, Ya Mangey Buzzards —
and DON’T COME BACK…!!

Darkseid
Savour Your Victory, Superman…
But remember
VICTORY, Has it’s PRICE…..


Darkseid Invades Earth

Cut to The Library after school. 

Giles
Alright, alright, I-I-I've got something. 
It's Latin, so bear with me. 

Uh, to revive The Vampire
they need His Bones
(uh... w-which they have), 
and, um, the blood... 
(this is very unclear), 
of the closest person... 
uh, someone connected 
to The Vampire. 

Buffy, The Vampire Slayer : 
That'd be Me

Giles : 
Perhaps

Buffy, The Vampire Slayer :  
We were close — We killed each other
It really promotes 
Togetherness. 

Saturday 18 June 2022

What Makes You Think….



It’s not her — 
it’s Vader.

He’ll Attack, Next.
He Doesn’t Have 
The Paitence for a Siege.

Joyce is serving dinner to Faith. 

Joyce
So you're A Slayer, too. 
Isn't that interesting! 

(smiles)
 Do you like it? 
(sets down the bowl) 

Faith: 
God, I love it! 

Buffy: 
(wants the bowl) 
Uh, Mom? 

Joyce: (waves her off) 
Uh, just a second, honey. 
(scoops broccoli onto Faith's plate) 
You know, Buffy never talks that way. Why do you love it? 
Buffy gives up and grabs a pair of tongs to take some fries for herself. 

Faith
Well, when I'm fighting, it's like 
The Whole World goes away and 
I only know one thing: 

That I'm gonna win 
and they're gonna lose. 

I like that feelin'. 

(digs into her food) 
Joyce smiles at that and takes her seat. 

Buffy: 
Well, sure. Really beats that dead feeling you get 
when they win and you lose. 

Faith: 
I don't let that kind 
of negative thinking in. 

Joyce
(points at Faith) 
Right. (shakes her finger) 
Right. That could get you hurt. 
Buffy can be awfully negative sometimes. (to Buffy) 
See, honey, you 
gotta fight that. 
(smiles) 

Buffy
(smiles back weakly) 
I'm workin’ on it. 

(keeps taking fries)







There's no way out, Master. ( Straining ) Admit you are beaten. Roken: What is it? What's wrong? It's over. I'm going back. You can't quit. I fought for too long. You can't just throw that away. It won't make a difference. They want all of us. Vader wants me. If you surrender, she died for nothing. He'll keep coming. That's why I have to stop him. You're going to fight him? He expects me to surrender. He knows I'll do everything I can to protect these people. You'll be on your own. No. Haja, look out for her, will you? You want to tell me how you're gonna fight without a weapon? There are other ways to fight. ( Grunting ) Stormtrooper: Seize him. Come on, where is it? 

Reva: 
Inform Lord Vader, 
Kenobi is ours
He's on his way. 
You're gonna die soon. 

Ben :
( Whispering ) 
You're not bringing him to me. 
I'm bringing him to you

This isn't over yet —
There are families back there. Children
Are you gonna let him do it again, 
what he did to you? 
We could end this together

What Makes You THINK 
He Won't SEE it Coming

Because ALL He’ll See is ME.

Monday 4 April 2022

Individuation and Isomorphism

It's not like it'd be cheating. 
They're both Xander. 


Dr Manhattan erotic sex scene. Laurie breaks up with Jon - Watchmen 2009


ScruffyXANDER
Let go! I have to kill the demon-bot! 

The g*n falls to the floor. 
SuaveXander grabs it. 

SuaveXANDER
Anya ... get out of the way. 

Anya is standing in front of ScruffyXander. 
Buffy and Riley rush in. 

BUFFY:
Xander! Riley closes the door. 

SuaveXANDER
(smiling) 
All right, Buffy. 
I have him. 

ScruffyXANDER
No! Buffy! I'm me! Help me! 

ANYA
My gun! He's got my gun! 
(Pointing to the gun in SuaveXander's hand) 

RILEY
You own a gun

BUFFY
Xander ... gun-holding Xander. 
(Walks quickly over to SuaveXander
Give me the gun. 

Both Xanders stare. 

Finally SuaveXander holds the gun up and gives it a quick twist with one hand so that the bullets fall out onto the floor. 
He flips it shut and hands it to Buffy, who looks impressed. 

ANYA: 
Buffy, which one's real? Buffy hands the g*n to Riley. 

ScruffyXANDER
I am. 

SuaveXANDER
No, I am. 
They try to attack each other but Buffy steps between them. 
She flings ScruffyXander across the room; he lands against the kitchen counter. 

SuaveXANDER
Thank you. 

Buffy grabs him and shoves him over 
next to ScruffyXander. 

SuaveXANDER
Ow! 

Anya, Riley, and Buffy come up to examine the two Xanders side-by-side. 

RILEY
Wild. 

BUFFY
Yeah. Okay, Xander ... Xa ... 
(sighs
You've been split in Two. 
But you're both Xander. 
And you can't kill each other. 

Um, well, you could
but it would be really bad. 

The Xanders look at each other. 

SuaveXANDER
No way.
 
ScruffyXANDER
He can't be me. 
He's all ... fancy

RILEY
We can prove that you're both Xander. 

BUFFY
Yeah! 
(to Riley) How? 

RILEY: 
Um... 

BUFFY: 
Um... 

RILEY
Well, there has to be a way. 

BUFFY
Ooh! What number am I thinking of? 

RILEY
I don't think that's gonna do it. 

XANDERS
(in unison) 
Eleven and a half. 

BUFFY
Wrong. Oh! But see? 

The Xanders frown. 

ScruffyXANDER
No. We're not the same. 
We're all different. 

RILEY
Different properties 
went into each of you, 
but you're both Xander. 

ANYA
Different properties? 

ScruffyXANDER
What different properties? 

BUFFY
Uh, uh, you know, uh, sense of direction. 
Good night vision, stuff like that. 

ScruffyXANDER
Oh, but he has a thingie! 
In his pocket! 
(pointing to SuaveXander's pocket
A shiny disk that stuns and disorients! 

SuaveXANDER
(reaching in pocket, taking out the thing
What disk? 

ScruffyXANDER
Cover your eyes! (covering eyes with hands) 

SuaveXANDER
This? 

ScruffyXANDER
It'll melt your brain! 


Buffy takes the thing from SuaveXander. 
Anya and Riley lean in to see. 

BUFFY
(to ScruffyXander) 
Look. 

SuaveXANDER
(tolerantly
It's a nickel someone flattened 
on the railroad track. 
I found it on the construction site 
and I thought it was cool. 
It's not magic. 

ScruffyXander uncovers his eyes to take the thing from Buffy. 

ScruffyXANDER
No, I ... huh. It is kinda cool. 
(SuaveXander nods tolerantly)
Washington's still there, 
but he's all smushy. 
(looks more closely
And he may be Jefferson. 

ANYA
Okay, isn't anyone gonna tell me 
why there are two Xanders?

BUFFY
I will on the way to Giles'. Let's go. 

They all turn to leave 
just as the door is smashed in. 
ScruffyXander and Anya hide behind SuaveXander, 
grabbing his shoulders. 
Toth strides in. 

BUFFY
Oh great. Rod boy. 

TOTH
I will not miss again, Slayer. 

ScruffyXANDER
(standing behind SuaveXander, 
clutching him around the shoulders
The gun! Pick up the little gun pieces! 

Toth raises his rod. 

Buffy and Riley dive away in opposite directions. 

Toth fires at Buffy and misses, 
tearing a big hole in the floor. 

SuaveXANDER
Hey, I just made a small cleaning deposit! 

Riley jumps on Toth from behind, making him drop the rod. 
He throws Riley off. 
Riley punches him a few times, 
then Toth head-butts him 
and flings him aside. 

Buffy comes up and kicks Toth a few times, 
punches him a few times, then he picks her up and body-slams her. 

She kicks up as he approaches, 
catching him on the chin. 
She gets up, lands a few more 
kicks and punches, 
and Toth goes down. 

BUFFY: 
Sword! 

Riley grabs the sword from 
the bag of weapons and throws it to her. 
She catches it and stabs Toth. 
He screams and dies. 
Buffy stands up, panting. 
Anya and ScruffyXander 
let go of SuaveXander. 
They all cluster around the corpse. 

SuaveXANDER:
Oh, yeah. That cleaning deposit's gone

ScruffyXANDER
(gasps) I was thinking the same thing! 
Hey, do you suppose we're both Xander? 

SuaveXander gives him a big grin. 
Anya stares at them. 

Cut to a shot of the two Xanders side-by-side. Now they're dressed the same, both in yellow T-shirts and identical Hawaiian shirts, 
but ScruffyXander's shirt is all dirty 
whereas SuaveXander's is clean, 
and ScruffyXander's hair is much messier. 

ScruffyXANDER
Look and admire, ladies. 

We see that they're in the magic shop. 
Willow, Buffy and Anya are in a row 
staring at the Xanders, fascinated. 
In the background we see Riley watching, 
and Giles on the floor making markings with chalk. 

BUFFY
(looking closely
Look, there's a scar there, 
(pointing at ScruffyXander's forehead
and there's the same one right there. 
(pointing at SuaveXander's forehead

WILLOW
It's all double
(pointing) 
This zit, and this ... 
kinda funny dippy thing. 
A-and this weird little hair 
that grows in the wrong way 
(pointing to ScruffyXander's nose

ScruffyXANDER
Okay! Back off, ladies. 

RILEY
Psychologically, this is fascinating
Doesn't it make everyone wanna 
lock them in separate rooms 
and do experiments on them? 

Everyone gives him an odd look. 

RILEY
Just me, then. 

ANYA
So ... you Xanders really do have 
all the same memories, all the same ... 
(looking downward
physical attributes?
(Laughs suggestively

SuaveXANDER
We're completely identical. 

ScruffyXANDER
Yeah, we checked out some stuff 
in the car on the way over. 
(Anya frowns in puzzlement
Fingerprints! 

ANYA
(turning to the others
Well, maybe we shouldn't do 
this reintegration thing right away. 
See, I can take the boys home, and ... 
we can all have sex together, and ... 
you know, just slap 'em back 
together in the morning. 

Giles tries not to look appalled. 

Buffy and Riley grin. 

SuaveXANDER
She's joking. 

ScruffyXANDER
No she's not! She entirely wants 
to have sex with us together. 
Which is ... wrong and, 
and it would be very confusing.
 
GILES: 
(getting up from the floor
Uh, uh, we just need to light the candles. 
Also, we should continue to pretend 
we heard none of the disturbing sex talk. 

WILLOW
Check. Candles and pretense. 

Everyone moves around getting stuff ready, except the Xanders. 

ANYA
It's not like it'd be cheating. 
They're both Xander. 

ScruffyXANDER
Now, hold on a sec --
If you weren't putting 
a whammy on people 
with the shiny thing, 
how'd you do it? 

How'd you get the promotion? 

SuaveXANDER
Well, I'm good at that stuff. 

ScruffyXANDER
I am? 

SuaveXANDER
Yeah. 

ScruffyXANDER
And hey, how 'bout that lady, huh? 
The apartment manager. 

SuaveXANDER: 
How weird was it when she called me "mister"? 

The Xanders grin goofily at each other. 

WILLOW
We're ready. We should do it now. 
(The Xanders turn their grins toward her


ANYA
What'll we do if this doesn't work? 

XANDERS: 
(unison
Kill us both, Spock! 

(They look at each other and laugh delightedly.

BUFFY
They're ... kinda the same now. 

GILES
Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself. 



ScruffyXANDER: 
Hey, summon The Goddess. 
Chant the chant. Let's do it. 

WILLOW: 
Actually, it's not that hard. 
Your natural state is to be together. 
Toth's spell is doing all the work 
of keeping you apart. 
I just have to break it. 

So you two ... 
(takes them both and positions 
them inside the chalk markings
stand right here. Side by side. 
We don't want you to end up 
with two fronts, now do we? 

ScruffyXANDER
Are you sure you know how to do this? 

WILLOW
(exhales
Here we go. Brace yourselves. 

The two Xanders 
close their eyes 
and prepare. 

WILLOW
Let the spell be ended.

 Closeup of a single Xander, 
still with eyes closed. 

XANDER
You gotta be kidding. 
"Let the spell be ended," 
that's not gonna work. 

He opens his eyes and sees 
there's only one of him. 

XANDER
Oh!