E-Space is a Swamp

 

 

MONITOR:

From this point, the unravelling will spread out

until The Whole Universe is reduced to nothing.

 

The MASTER:

….so it's True.

 

(The Master walks away.)

 

MONITOR:

Yes, Doctor, You were right -- 

Our Numbers were holding

The Fabric of The Universe together.

 

NYSSA: 

But how? 

Surely in a closed system

like The Universe, entropy is

bound to increase?

 

MONITOR:

Certainly. The Universe long ago passed

The Point of TOTAL collapse.

 

Tom : 

….PASSED The Point?!

 

MONITOR:

….if it had remained closed.

But we had the means

to postpone The Time.

 

MASTER:

So that's why you adapted

The Pharos Project.

 

MONITOR:

Yes. We opened The System by creating

voids into other universes.

 

ADRIC:

Charged Vacuum Emboitments!

 

Tom: 

We passed through one of your voids, Monitor.

 

MONITOR: 

It all depended on our continued endeavours.

A temporary solution while the advanced research unit

worked on a more permanent plan.

But nothing will come of that now.

Our labours wasted.

The voids will be closing.

 

 

Tom : 

I take it you don't get many strangers here.

 

IVO: 

Strangers?

 

Tom : 

Yes, visitors. Foreign devils. 

You know, people you don't know.

 

IVO: 

Everyone here is known.

 

ROMANA: 

Well, what about people from 

The Next Village, or The Nearest Town?

 

IVO: 

There is only The Village and 

The Tower, nowhere else.

 

DOCTOR: 

Who lives in this Tower of your?

 

IVO: 

Why do you ask what everyone must know? 

Are you sent to test me? 

I am Ivo, Head Man of This Village 

like My Father before me 

and His Father before him. 

The Lords know I'm loyal.

 

DOCTOR: 

Please, don't shout. 

Splendid, I'm sure -- 

So you serve The Lords, but 

what do The Lords do for you?

 

IVO: 

They protect us from The Wasting.

 

 

DOCTOR: 

Surely you realise something here must be wrong?

 

ZARGO: 

Wrong?

 

Tom : 

Yes.

 

CAMILLA: 

What is, is.

 

Tom : 

No. What is, is wrong. 

Look, societies develop in varying ways. 

Yours just seems to be sinking back

into some sort of Primitivism,

wouldn't you say so?

 

ROMANA: 

Oh, yes — In terms of applied socioenergetics, 

it's losing its grip on level two development.

 

DOCTOR: 

On level two?

 

ROMANA: 

A Society that evolve backwards 

must be subject to some even MORE 

powerful force restraining it.

 

Tom: 

An even more powerful force?

 

ZARGO: 

How very mysterious.

 

Tom: 

Well, mysterious or not, those rebels seem 

to think The Power emanates from you.

 

CAMILLA: 

They flatter us.

 

ZARGO:

In any Society there is bound

to be a division between 

The Rulers and The Ruled.

 

Tom: 

A Division? 

Yawning chasm, I'd say. Wouldn't you?

 

ROMANA: 

No, I'd say a sociopathetic abscess.

 

Tom: 

Oh, I wish I'd thought of that. 

That's a good diagnosis. 

Yes, I've never seen such a State of Decay.

Weeding

Captain James Hook :

Thank you. 

Thank you. 

Thank you.

Well, my stupid, sorry, parasitic sacks of entrails.... 

Revenge is Mine.

Long live The Hook!

I baited that Hook 

and now I'm proud to announce...

We have his children.

Finally I'm going to 

kill Peter Pan,

that cocky boy who 

cut off my hand 

and fed it to 

The Crocodile!

And who killed that 

cunning Crocodile? 

HOOK!

Who stuffed him?

HOOK!

Who made him into 

a quiet clock? 

HOOK!

Who went to 

The Other World 

and stole 

Pan's children?

HOOK!

And who didn't believe 

I could DO it?

Who doubted me?

Who amongst Us 

Does not Belong?

Someone here does 

not belong --

Stranger amongst 

The Loyal,

I'll weed you out.

[Command ship]

(Skagra snaps his fingers and the sphere settles on a pillar.)

ROMANA: 

Why don't you tell me? 

Why won't you just say what 

you're trying to do? 

(Skagra looks out of a big window.)

SKAGRA: 

Tell me what you see. 

ROMANA: 

Stars. 

SKAGRA: 

What are they doing? 

ROMANA: 

Doing? 

SKAGRA: 

Yes. 

ROMANA: 

Well, they're just there. 

They're --

SKAGRA: 

Exactly. Spinning uselessly through The Void. 

And around them, billions of people 

spinning uselessly through their lives. 

ROMANA: 

Says who?

SKAGRA: 

I Say. 

ROMANA: 

And Who are You? 

SKAGRA: 

What I am now is Not Important. 

But what I, what We all shall become... 

ROMANA: 

What do you --

SKAGRA: 

Shush. Look. 

(He opens his hands.)

ROMANA: 

What? 

SKAGRA: 

What do you see? 

ROMANA: 

Nothing. 

SKAGRA: 

Billions of atoms spinning at random, 

expending energy, running down, 

achieving nothing. 

Entropy, like the stars. 

But what is the one thing that 

stands against Entropy, 

against random decay? Life. 

(indicating himself)

See how the atoms are arranged here? 

They have Meaning, Purpose. 

And what more Meaning and Purpose 

than in here. (his head) 

You do not understand Me. 

Your Mind is too limited.

 

My Krargs. They shall be The Servants 

of The New Generation. 

ROMANA: 

New Generation? New people?

SKAGRA: 

Not new people. 

A new Person.

[Krarg generator room]

(They enter a vapour-filled room.)

ROMANA: 

What? 

SKAGRA: 

Shush. 

(Skagra activates A Machine, and a new Krarg is created. Giant shaggy alien red yeti with post-it notes instead of fur, pretty much.) 

KRARG: 

What is Your Command, O Master?

Do.

Politicians like to panic. 

They need Activity; 

it's their substitute 

for Achievement.

ROMANA: 

The clipboard marks the spot. 

I'll stand guard.

(The Doctor climbs through 

the hole and up a ladder. 

When he's out of sight, Romana 

enters and heads for a staircase. 

The Doctor reaches the top of the ladder.)

RORVIK: 

Is this what you're looking for, Doctor?

(Rorvik drops the clipboard.)

Tom : 

Look here, Rorvik. 

You've got to stop this back-blast. 

You'll kill us all.

RORVIK: 

So you say, Doctor. 

I say it's the only 

way out of here.

(Rorvik stands on the Doctor's fingers.)

Tom : 

You can't blast through those mirrors. 

You must realise by now it just 

throws the energy straight back.

RORVIK: 

They've got to break. 

Everything breaks eventually.

(He kicks the Doctor back down the ladder, 

comes after him and starts 

to strangle him with his own scarf. 

Romana arrives and tries 

hitting Rorvik with the clipboard.)

Tom : 

Never mind the clipboard, 

short the cables.

(The Doctor gives Romana the manacles.)

Tom : 

Drain the main power line. 

Earth it to The Ladder.

ROMANA: 

I know. I've done it.

(Rorvik lets The Doctor go and heads 

for the ladder to undo the damage.)

Tom : 

Biroc? What are 

you doing here?

BIROC: 

Nothing.

Tom : 

It's all right for you.

BIROC: 

And for You, Too : 

Do Nothing.

Tom : 

Do Nothing?

ROMANA: 

Of course, Doctor. 

Don't you see?

Tom: 

Yes, that's right. 

Do Nothing.

....if it's the right 

sort of Nothing.

(They join hands with Biroc and fade away. 

Rorvik has removed the manacles 

from the cable.)

RORVIK: 

Run, Doctor. Scurry off 

back to your blue box. 

You're like all the rest. 

Lizards when there's 

a man's work to be done. 

I'm sick of your kind. 

Faint-hearted, do-nothing, 

lily-livered deadweights. 

This is The End for all of you! 

I'm finally getting 

something done! 

Bwahahahaha!

MacDonald :

No. Watch.

Do.

No, no, no. 

Clean. Clean.

The Governor :

It seems the little fella's

not so bright after all.

MacDonald :

No. But brightness has never

been encouraged amongst slaves.

The Governor :

Oh, don't be so touchy, Mr MacDonald.

All of us were slaves once,

in one sense of the word or another.

Kolp :

If you feel the ape's unsatisfactory,

we can have him reconditioned.

MacDonald :

That isn't necessary.

The Governor :

You're quite right, Mr MacDonald.

But not for any of your 

bleeding-heart reasons.

Reconditioning. That's all

any of you ever think of, isn't it?

Don't you realise, if we were to take

every ape who disobeyed an order

and sent him back for reconditioning, 

Ape Management would become overcrowded.

Kolp :

It's the only thing that has any effect.

MacDonald :

Just makes them worse.

The Governor :

Some of them couldn't be worse.

I've been having a comprehensive list compiled.

SHARKEY

(The Doctor tries Camilla's throne, then Zargo's.) 

DOCTOR: 

Oh yes, this is much more comfortable. 

What were those Hydrax officers called? 

ROMANA: 

Captain Miles Sharkey, 

Navigation Officer Lauren MacMillan, 

Science Officer Anthony O'Connor. 

DOCTOR: 

That's very good. 

Have you ever heard of the Brothers Grimm? 

ROMANA: 

This is no time for fairy tales. 

DOCTOR: 

They also discovered the Law of Consonantal Shift. 

How language changes over the years. 

ROMANA: 

You mean the hard sounds softening, 

B's becoming V's and so on?

DOCTOR: 

Hmm. 

ROMANA: 

Camilla, Aukon and Zargo. 

Wait a minute. 

Sharkey, 

Zharkey, 

Zarkey, 

Zar, 

Zargo. 

The same name passed down through generations. 

The Edge of The World

The Edge of The World Party was filmed on 

Sept. 11th 2001

Remember, Remember The 11th of September

Thermite, Treason and Plot

"It's not The Girl, Peter, it's The Building! Something Terrible is about to enter Our World, and This Building is obviously The Door. 

The architect's name was Ivo Shandor. 

I found it in Tobin's Spirit Guide. 

He was also a Doctor. 

Performed a lot of unnecessary surgery. 

And then in 1920, he founded a Secret Society...."

A Collapsing MicroUniverse of Continually Reducing Options Offers The Promise of Exponential Growth Increases in Certainty of Outcomes

Tom : 

I take it you don't get 

many Strangers here.

IVO: 

Strangers?

DOCTOR: 

Yes, Visitors. 

Foreign Devils. You know, 

people you don't know.

IVO: 

Everyone here is known.

ROMANA: 

Well, what about people 

from the next village, 

or the nearest town?

IVO: 

There is only The Village 

and The Tower, nowhere else.

DOCTOR: 

Who lives in this Tower of your?

IVO: 

Why do you ask what everyone must know? 

Are you sent to test me? 

I am Ivo, HeadMan of This Village 

like My Father before me 

and His Father before him. 

The Lords know I'm loyal.

DOCTOR: 

Please, don't shout. Splendid, I'm sure. 

So you Serve The Lords, but 

What Do The Lords Do for You?

IVO: 

They Protect Us from The Wasting.

DOCTOR: 

Did you say The Wasting?

IVO: 

I have work to do.

ROMANA: 

Come on, Doctor. This is silly.

(Ivo starts tidying up the chairs.)

DOCTOR: 

Oh, come on, Ivo. 

These Lords of yours, how long 

have they ruled over you?

IVO: 

Forever.

DOCTOR: 

Really. As long as that? 

Well, that's a long time.

(The Doctor and Romana leave. Ivo shuts the door behind them, goes to a box on the wall and takes out a walkie-talkie.)

IVO: Kalmar. Kalmar, can you hear me? (burble) Two strangers, here, in the village. (burble burble) That's right, strangers. They were asking about scientists.

KALMAR: We have a generator. It gives us power for air, light and heat, and the communicators.

TARAK: But no weapons, eh, Kalmar.

KALMAR: When we have rediscovered basic scientific principles, we shall be able to make weapons of our own. But it takes time.

TARAK: How many of us have lived and died because everything takes time.

ROMANA: How long have things been like this?

KALMAR: Forever. The Lords rule in the Tower, the peasants toil in the fields. Nothing has changed in a thousand years.

TARAK: But it will change when we overthrow the Lords.

DOCTOR: What? Isn't that a bit dangerous? I mean, a chap in the village told me the Lords protected you from the Wasting.

KALMAR: You know about the Wasting?

DOCTOR: Well, only by hearsay. What is the Wasting?

TARAK: The Wasting?

DOCTOR: Yes.

TARAK: The Wasting is --

(Kalmar stops him.)

TARAK: 

The Wasting.

DOCTOR: Ah.

Tom : 

Listen. I'm going to have to 

go to The Rebels for Help. 

But 'Will they HELP...?' I ask myself.

K9: 

Probability of indigenous dissident group 

rendering effective assistance, very low.

Tom :

Shush. I'm thinking --

I've got to make a very impressive entrance. 

Something that'll win them over entirely.... 

Got it! Right, K9, we need 

a slight spatial movement 

and no temporary displacement. 

Very tricky, these short hops.....

K9: 

Information, Master.

Tom : 

What? What is it?

K9: 

The relative smallness of E-Space 

should render fractional increments more stable.

Tom : 

But of course! Good boy, K9!

[Outside The TARDIS]

Tom :

There she blows. 

ADRIC: 

We found it. 

Tom :

Yes, well, that's one of the advantages of living 

in a rapidly shrinking micro-universe. 

ROMANA: 

What are the others? 

(The Doctor enters the TARDIS.) 

Tom :

Other what? 

ROMANA: 

Other advantages? 

Tom : 

Ah, well, it's difficult to say. 

[Outside the gate]

PACKARD: 

The Ship's moved!

 

(It is within sight of The Gate now.) 

RORVIK: 

Contracting continuum. 

PACKARD: Gobbledygook. 

RORVIK: Oh, you never learn anything, do you. There's only one thing for it. Right, everybody. The MZ. 

(The bridge crew re-enter the gate. Aldo holds Royce back.) 

ALDO: I'm not going near that thing. That's a dangerous weapon, that it. 

ROYCE: No, Rorvik knows what he's doing. He's seen us right up to now. Hasn't he? 

(There is the sound of the MZ powering up. The two men run for it. KaBOOM! and smoke and bits of masonry come flying out of the gate, followed by Rorvik and his crew.) 

RORVIK: Don't give up, lads. We'll go for the back blast. 

[Tardis]

ADRIC: Why don't we just dematerialise and go? 

DOCTOR + ROMANA: No. 

ROMANA: We can't just dematerialise and leave them. There are slaves on that ship. 

(The rumble of the warp motors knocks them off their feet. The spaceship lifts off.) 

ROMANA: What's happening? 

DOCTOR: Shush. Mass attraction. There's something moving out there. It's shaking the entire gateway. 

(The spaceship turns.) 

ADRIC: Look! 

ROMANA: What's he doing? He can't take off with his warp motors in that state. 

DOCTOR: Back blast. 

ROMANA: What? 

DOCTOR: Back blast. He's going to use the jets to try and smash through the mirrors. 

ROMANA: He's mad. The back blast backlash will bounce back and destroy everything. 

DOCTOR: Yes. 

ROMANA: It's bound to accelerate the collapse of space around here. 

DOCTOR: Yes. 

ADRIC: But surely that would flip you back into N-space if you dematerialised at the right moment? 

DOCTOR: Shush. 

ROMANA: We cannot even think of that with those slaves on board. We've got to do something. 

DOCTOR: I'm not hopeful. 

ROMANA: Neither am I. 

ADRIC: Wait a minute. There is that damaged area. 

DOCTOR: Yes. What damaged area? 

ROMANA: Of course. 

DOCTOR: What? 

ROMANA: By the warp motors. 

DOCTOR: Yes? 

ROMANA: The main cable insulation is exposed. We might be able to short out his power. 

DOCTOR: No. 

(The Doctor goes to the console and flicks a lever.) 

DOCTOR: Right. Stop! If I'm not back for whatever reason in thirteen and a half minutes, I want you to dematerialise. 

ADRIC: Without you? 

ROMANA: I am not letting you go alone. 

DOCTOR: That's an order. It's about time you started accepting orders. 

ROMANA: It is long past time, but how do you think you're going to find the cable? 

DOCTOR: With my eyes. 

ROMANA: Adric and I have seen it. 

DOCTOR: Good. Come on. 

ADRIC: I'm coming too. 

ROMANA: You are not. It's long past time you learnt to obey orders. Now stay here, and if we are not back for whatever reason in thirteen and a half minutes, I want you to dematerialise. Do you understand? 

DOCTOR: I like that. I think you're improving. 

ROMANA: It's a matter of complete indifference to me. 

DOCTOR: Indifference? Thirteen and a half minutes. 

ADRIC: I'm sure you will. 

[Bridge]

RORVIK: Steady now. I want a landing that wouldn't ripple the skin on a custard. 

(The spaceship touches down with its engines pointing at the Tardis, which is very close by.) 

RORVIK: Good lads. Who's got control of the overload power? 

MAN [OC]: I think it's me. 

RORVIK: You think? Listen, everyone. This isn't the MZ we're messing around with here, it's a full blown back blast. I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your eye on the controls. 

PACKARD: Back blast activated, and building. 

RORVIK: How long till full power? 

PACKARD: It's hard to tell with the motors in this state. About ten minutes. 

RORVIK: Revivals. Break out the cargo. 

PACKARD: What, now? 

RORVIK: Well, if this works, we'll need to see where we're going. 

PACKARD: You can't do a proper revival in ten minutes! 

RORVIK: We'll revive them all. One of them might come through. Well, try it. Let's do something round here for a change. 

[Cargo hold]

ROYCE: Don't switch the light on. 

ALDO: Why not? 

ROYCE: Well, it's bad for them. 

ALDO: What, you think this is going to do them any good? 

(They wheel out the first Tharil.) 

ALDO: I don't know. Ten minutes to plug them all up. Rush, rush, rush. 

SAGAN: Ready? 

ROYCE: Yes, sir. Just as the Captain ordered. Meet the sardines. 

SAGAN: Prepare for revival. Switch on now. Well, what's the matter? 

ALDO: Er, I feel I'm coming over a bit nauseous, sir. I'll be all right with a breath of air. 

(Aldo leaves, and Royce tries to follow.) 

SAGAN: And where do you think you're going? 

ROYCE: Oh, I'll just go and make sure he's all right, sir. I'll be back in a minute. 

[Spaceship]

(Aldo has hidden in a store room, and brewed a couple of mugs of drink.) 

ALDO: Psst. 

(Royce enters and takes a mug. There is a scream from the cargo hold.) 

ALDO: I can't stand a lot of that. 

ROYCE: Funny you signed on with Rorvik. 

ALDO: Light duties is what he said. 

(Another, louder, scream.) 

ROYCE: It'll all end in tears, mark my words. 

(A third scream.) 

[Cargo hold]

(Rorvik and Lane enter.) 

SAGAN: Sorry, sir. It's no good. 

RORVIK: No good? What kind of report's that? 

SAGAN: Three tries, three rejects. 

LANE: Could be the power fluctuation where we had the damage. I'll go and look. 

RORVIK: Since when do you give yourself orders on my ship? I'll check the cable, you get back to the bridge. Well, break out some more. 

(Biroc and the other Tharil, who is apparently called Lazlo, are hiding by the main hatch when Rorvik leaves the spaceship. Lazlo enters.) 

[Outer skin breach]

ROMANA: The clipboard marks the spot. I'll stand guard. 

(The Doctor climbs through the hole and up a ladder. When he's out of sight, Romana enters and heads for a staircase. The Doctor reaches the top of the ladder.) 

RORVIK: Is this what you're looking for, Doctor? 

(Rorvik drops the clipboard.) 

DOCTOR: Look here, Rorvik. You've got to stop this back blast. You'll kill us all. 

RORVIK: So you say, Doctor. I say it's the only way out of here. 

(Rorvik stands on the Doctor's fingers.) 

DOCTOR: You can't blast through those mirrors. You must realise by now it just throws the energy straight back. 

RORVIK: They've got to break. Everything breaks eventually. 

(He kicks the Doctor back down the ladder, comes after him and starts to strangle him with his own scarf. Romana arrives and tries hitting Rorvik with the clipboard.) 

DOCTOR: Never mind the clipboard, short the cables. 

(The Doctor gives Romana the manacles.) 

DOCTOR: Drain the main power line. Earth it to the ladder. 

ROMANA: I know. I've done it. 

(Rorvik lets the Doctor go and heads for the ladder to undo the damage.) 

DOCTOR: Biroc? What are you doing here? 

BIROC: Nothing. 

DOCTOR: It's all right for you. 

BIROC: And for you, too. Do nothing. 

DOCTOR: Do nothing? 

ROMANA: Of course, Doctor. Don't you see? 

DOCTOR: Yes, that's right. Do nothing, if it's the right sort of nothing. 

(They join hands with Biroc and fade away. Rorvik has removed the manacles from the cable.) 

RORVIK: Run, Doctor. Scurry off back to your blue box. You're like all the rest. Lizards when there's a man's work to be done. I'm sick of your kind. Faint-hearted, do-nothing, lily-livered deadweights. This is the end for all of you! I'm finally getting something done! Bwahahahaha! 

[Cargo hold]

(Sagan rolls his latest failure off the gurney. Then Lazlo enters.) 

SAGAN: Here, where did you spring from? I haven't done you. Never mind, you're just what we need. 

(Sagan pulls his blaster, but Lazlo easily overpowers him and brings an exposed piece of cable towards his chest.) 

SAGAN: Just a minute! Argh! 

(Lazlo goes to the nearest Tharil and holds his paw out over his forehead. The Tharil wakes. He repeats the operation.) 

[Outside the Tardis]

DOCTOR: We've made it. Quick, quick, inside. What's the matter? 

ROMANA: I'm not coming with you. 

DOCTOR: Inside. That's an order. 

ROMANA: No more orders, Doctor. Goodbye. 

DOCTOR: What? What a moment to choose. 

ROMANA: But it is, isn't it? A moment to choose. I've got to be my own Romana. 

BIROC: And we need a Time Lord. 

ROMANA: Goodbye, Doctor. 

Tom : 

No, no, no. Wait, wait. There's something else. 

K9. He'll be all right with you behind the mirrors. 

ROMANA: 

I'll take care of him. 

Tom : 

I'll miss you. You were the noblest Romana of them all. 

(The Doctor enters the TARDIS. Romana carries K9 away, with Biroc. 

They return to The Gate and go through The Mirror. 

The TARDIS dematerialises, glowing red 

in the building back blast from the spaceship. 

The Gate explodes, then the spaceship goes boom and bursts into flames.) 

[Monochrome land]

(The TARDIS briefly appears in mid air by Powis Castle. 

Romana, Biroc and K9 watch from the terraced gardens.) 

ROMANA: 

The TARDIS. Gone. 

K9: 

TARDIS preserved in concept, Mistress. 

This unit contains all necessary schedules 

for duplication of The TARDIS, Mistress.

 

ROMANA: 

Exactly, K9. Biroc will help us use The Gateway 

to travel anywhere in E-space, 

and We can give him 

Time technology.

 

BIROC: 

You shall be Our Time Lord, and We will travel far. 

Our People are enslaved on many planets. 

ROMANA: 

And You and I, K9, are going to help Biroc free them. 

That's something we've got to do, don't you think?

K9: 

Affirmative, Mistress. 

(Time-shifted images of Tharils leave the smoking remains 

of the spaceship and enter The Gateway.) 

[TARDIS]

ADRIC: 

The Picture's fading.

 

Tom : 

Yes. 

ADRIC: 

It's gone. Nothing there. 

Tom : 

So it has. Nothing. 

Well, that's something. 

ADRIC: 

How can nothing be something? 

Tom :

Well, if the E-space image translator doesn't work, 

I'm hoping we're in N-Space.

 

ADRIC: 

Back in Your Own Universe....

Tom :

Yes. 

ADRIC: 

Can you be sure?

 

Tom : 

Did I say 'sure'? 

ADRIC: 

No. 

Tom :

Yes -- One Good, Solid Hope's 

worth a cartload of Certainties. 

ADRIC: 

Will Romana be alright? 

Tom :

Alright? She'll be superb.