If I'm Going to Have a Past, I Prefer it to be Multiple Choice

The Apprentice: 

Well, look. I read about something that's just happened; -

The next page says it didn't happen at all. 

Over the page says it DID happen, but many years ago. 

Teeth+Curls : 

Ah, yes. 

Well, I suppose it is a bit above your head. 

Mind you, they did say I had a very sophisticated prose style.

The Apprentice: 

As for your handwriting....

Teeth+Curls: 

Handwriting? 

What about my handwriting?

The Apprentice: 

It's marvellous. 

[ And it says “DIG HOLE HERE” ]

"So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. 

I'm glad. I did so want you to be here. 

You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... 

Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my point. 

I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! 

All it takes is one bad day to reduce The Sanest Man Alive to lunacy. 

That's how far The World is from where I am. 

Just one bad day. 

You had a bad day once, am I right? 

I know I am. I can tell. 

You had a bad day and everything changed. 

Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? 

You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... 

Only you won't admit it! 

You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! 

God you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? 

What made you what you are? 

Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? 

Brother carved up by some mugger? 

Something like that, I bet. Something like that... 

Something like that happened to me, you know. 

I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. 

Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... 

If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! 

But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. 

When I saw what a black, awful joke The World was, I went crazy as a coot! 

I admit it! 

Why can't you? 

I mean, you're not unintelligent! 

You must see the reality of the situation. 

Do you know how many times we've come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? 

Do you know what triggered the last world war? 

An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed its war debt creditors! 

Telegraph poles! 

Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! 

Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! 

So why can't you see the funny side? 

Why aren't you laughing?"

The Mirror Trick

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.