FLOORBOARDS CREAK
Woman of The House :
Ohh. When did you get in?
I didn't hear you.
SHE GROANS
Woman of The House :
Close the curtains, would you, love?
FLOORBOARDS CREAK
SHE GASPS
Woman of The House :
Who are you?
DRACULA :
Er...S-sorry.
I didn't mean to disturb you.
Woman of The House :
What are you doing here?
Who are you?
DRACULA :
Um...
Woman of The House :
Are you a friend of Bob's?
Oh, God, did you have to
bring him home? Sorry.
DRACULA :
He invited me in.
Woman of The House :
SHE SIGHS
What's the state of him?
DRACULA :
He's downstairs.
Woman of The House :
Drunk?
DRACULA :
Well, that's certainly
one way of putting it.
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
Woman of The House :
What the bloody hell is going on?
DRACULA :
Shh...
Woman of The House :
Bob? Where's Bob?
Wh...?
What have you done to me fridge?
DRACULA :
Is the fridge the white box?
Woman of The House :
Yeah.
DRACULA :
Bob's in the fridge.
Took a bit of...of folding.
HE SIGHS
Look at her.
HE CHUCKLES
So, so beautiful.
HE SIGHS
HE CHUCKLES
SHE GASPS
Woman of The House :
He's alive.
DRACULA :
Oh, please, you mustn't worry.
He definitely isn't.
Just a bit restless.
HELICOPTER BUZZES OVERHEAD
Van Helsing :
Welcome to England,
Count Dracula.
What kept you?
Are you hungry?
DRACULA :
Agatha!
Van Helsing :
No...
DRACULA :
How long?
Van Helsing :
Do you need to feed now?
DRACULA :
How long was I in the water?
Van Helsing :
123 years.
DRACULA :
HE LAUGHS
Is that all?
Van Helsing :
I'm sorry?
DRACULA :
HE LAUGHS
Ah! You've been busy.
I like the flying thing.
What about this one over here?
Does that fly, too?
Van Helsing :
No, that doesn't fly.
OK, I think we've got this.
You can head back.
PILOT ON RADIO:
Roger that.
DRACULA :
You're not her, are you?
But it's the same bloodline.
Unmistakable.
HE SIGHS
May I see that?
Van Helsing :
Stand your ground, soldier!
It's not a weapon.
DRACULA :
No, of course not.
It's a camera. May I see it?
Van Helsing :
Give it to him.
Yep.
DRACULA :
Boo!
Van Helsing :
How did you recognise it?
Can't look like any camera
you've ever seen.
DRACULA :
I've been around since
the 15th century.
Things Change.
You get used to it.
HE LAUGHS
You do seem to be
accelerating, though.
Very good.
Smile.
HE SIGHS
Please.I'm sure you have a very
pretty smile. May I see it?
Want to do it together?
Hmm?
Yeah?
Ah. Smile.
There. Smile.
Drop your weapon!
Drop yours!
Drop it!
DRACULA :
Drop yours!
Now, please, have mercy and smile.
I've been sleeping underwater
for more than a century.
There are many advantages
to being a vampire,
but it does make it hard
to be a morning person.
There. That's better.
You see? I'm not so bad after all.
Man down!
DRACULA :
Smile.
Drop that weapon!
Van Helsing :
Don't shoot him!
Do not shoot him!
I said drop it!
DRACULA :
Smile.
Drop it now!
DRACULA :
No. I can hear your pulse.
HE CHUCKLES
It's very lively now.
HE CHUCKLES
Van Helsing.
HE SIGHS
Descendent, I assume?
Van Helsing :
Sister Agatha Van Helsing
was my great-great-aunt
on my father's side.
DRACULA :
I really liked her.
Van Helsing :
By my understanding,
you killed her.
DRACULA :
Killing is Healthy Competition.
Mercy is Disrespect.
Oh! Oh!
SOLDIER:
Go, go! Follow your orders!
DRACULA :
FLICKS LIGHT SWITCH
I like the noise it makes.
That's a nice touch.
SHE WHIMPERS
DRACULA :
Listen...he's really not
worth your Sympathy.
He enjoyed hitting you,
you know.
I've acquired some of
your husband's memories.
I think you would say that
I've downloaded them.
Woman of The House :
How?
DRACULA :
Orally. May I?
FRIDGE RATTLES
SLICING
SHE GASPS —
SQUIRTING
DRACULA :
Kathleen, isn't it?
WATER RUNS
Woman of The House :
Yeah.
DRACULA :
What's wrong with
Your Servants, Kathleen?
Is it their day off?
I'm assuming you have Staff.
You're clearly very wealthy.
Woman of The House :
Wealthy?
DRACULA :
HE LAUGHS
Yes! Well, look at all this stuff.
All this food.
The moving picture box.
Um, and that thing outside.
Bob calls it, um... a car.
Is that yours?
Woman of The House :
Yeah.
DRACULA :
And this... Treasure-Trove
is Your House.
Woman of The House :
It's a dump.
DRACULA :
It's amazing.
Kathleen, I've been a
nobleman for 400 years.
I've lived in castles and palaces among
the richest people of any age.
Never, never have I stood
in greater luxury than
surrounds me now.
This is a Chamber
of Marvels!
There isn't a King or Queen or Emperor that I have ever known, or eaten, who would step into this room and ever agree to leave it again.
I knew The Future
would bring Wonders.
I did NOT know it would make them ordinary.
Woman of The House :
400 years?
DRACULA :
Oh, sorry. Uh, 500, actually.
I slept in.
Woman of The House :
Who are you?
DRACULA :
I'm a vampire.
No, no, don't be silly, Kathleen.
You know it's True.
People always know.
Trust the hairs on the back of your neck.
I'm The Reason you have them.
Now...There usually are questions.
Woman of The House :
Um...
Do you have a reflection?
DRACULA :
I'm sorry?
Woman of The House :
In The Mirror.
They don't have reflections in the films, vampires.
DRACULA :
Do I look like someone who can't
see himself in the mirror? Hmm?
Woman of The House :
Er...
DRACULA :
Most of the vampire legends
are wrong...or misunderstood.
But mirrors...
I don't see any less in a mirror
than you do.
I see more.
Ah!
MUSIC:
Intro to Beethoven's 5th Symphony
Ah, no!
HE LAUGHS
Do you have an orchestra?
PHONE BEEPS
Hello?
Oh.
HE BURPS
Telephone.
Thank you, Bob.
FLOORBOARDS CREAK
BANGING AND SCRAPING
Who else is up there?
FOOTSTEPS
Argh!
HE SIGHS
PHONE RINGS
PHONE RINGS
Van Helsing :
Get in The Box.
Funny little things like tiny toadstools are sometimes
to be found on dead board or on decaying leaves.
These little growths are called Mixys. Part of their life they are vegetables
and part of their life they are animals and probably
they will be minerals too if they could.
As you see them now they are vegetable — each tiny toadstool
becomes covered with little cells and these are blown away by the wind.
If they fall into water they turn into animals —
tiny water creatures with a little tail to help them swim about.
To get some idea of how tiny they are, look at this picture :
the thing like a bargepole in the front is a human hair and yet
even at this magnification, the mixys are those tiny specks
moving about in the background almost too small to see.
The only things tiny enough for the mixys to eat are bacteria,
and as these are usually found near decaying meat.
The mixys gather round any floating rubbish.
While it is in this form each mixy has the power of splitting in half
and becoming true mixes and at this rate they mounted by rapidly suddenly the mixer draws in its tail and changes into quite a different form it is still an animal but has no fixed shape and eats by surrounding its food it continues to like bacteria but now however it does not take the meat but ends a drop of water as an aid to digestion the mixers now begin to join together first into pairs and then into parties only pairs are eligible for joining a group Sarah if a mixie has been so bad-tempered that it has failed to find a partner it is not allowed to become one of the party but is eaten up this is a far greater encouragement to matrimony than any texts are bachelors when the party of the mixes is large enough it decides to leave the water and adventure onto dry land the mixer now turns back from being an animal into being a plan together it is a most peculiar creature for his body has absolutely no support such as skin or burns it is quite fluid and the shape is always changing as it flows along in the moving shape however our channels whose contents flow forwards stop and then flow backwards to see this movement follow the course of one black speck this couple in the middle are a good example this a being and flowing cause the mixer to advance like the sea in waves when two mixes meet they immediately join forces and flow away together the mixi has now eyes yet it can detect light which it dislikes for it withdraws immediately in the same way the mixer has no sense of smell yet it can find out it's food usually an decaying leaf or piece of wood for the mixes are first-class scavengers notice how it Quivers with delight over a good meal one branch of the mixi family dines exclusively on dirt stores when for an experiment adapt of arsenic was put in front of a mixer it failed to detect the poison flowed right over it and was obviously taken very ill on the other hand another mixer faced with the drop of epsom salts immediately retreated leaving behind in its hair a lot of good food that it had already swallowed mix is like moisture and in summer when there is none to be had they dry up into a hard brittle mess which is dark in color they can remain in the state of suspended life for years if necessary but usually in the autumn rains they come to life again more full of vitality than ever the goal of winter has no fears for them they may be frozen solid for weeks but at the first four they are active and alive again naturally they are now very hungry and the ravenous group of mixes on the right balanced its way over a single thread of cobweb to get at the delicious mushroom on the left suddenly the group of mixes begins at our dining hillocks which proved to be supported on stems and which are like tiny toadstools these are the fruit of the mixes as they ripen they grow darker soon they are covered with tiny cells some mixes trust the wind to scatter these cells abroad but others have a kind of spring in the stock which Chuck's the ripe cells far and wired many of these cells will die but many live as vegetables and animals to make again some of nature's loveliest atoms the magic mixes
