HARMONY

Now this Traken Web of Harmony is broken. 

I am Free!

Dr. Disco : 

(to The Master) 

The last time I saw you, 

you were on your way to Gallifrey.

MASTER: 

Well, I didn't stay. 

Why would I stay?

Dr. Disco : 

So they cured your little condition and kicked you out.

MASTER: 

It was a mutual kicking-me-out.

(Bored Missy is repairing her lip gloss.)

Dr. Disco : 

Somehow you ended up in this dump. 

You never could drive.

MASTER: 

Meh. You wouldn't understand.

Dr. Disco :

Well, let's see how I do :-

Your TARDIS got stuck. 

You killed a lot of people, 

took over The City, 

lived like A King until 

They rebelled against 

Your Cruelty. 

And ever since then 

You've been hiding out, 

probably in disguise, 

because everybody knows 

your stupid round face.

MASTER: 

Round?

MISSY: 

It's a little bit.

MASTER: 

Shut up! Do you want to see My City, Doctor? 

Do you want to see what happens when you're too late to save your little friend and everybody else?

(He wheels the Doctor to the parapet to watch the columns of people being escorted by patients.)

MASTER: 

See? This used to be just a hospital. 

Now it's mass production. 

The Cyber Foundries.

MISSY: 

The whole City is a Machine 

to turn people into Cybermen. 

What do you think? Exciting, isn't it? 

Watching the Cybermen getting started.

Dr. Disco : 

They always get started. 

They happen everywhere there's people. 

Mondas, Telos, Earth, 

Planet 14, Marinus. 

Like sewage and smartphones 

and Donald Trump, 

some things are 

just inevitable.

(Missy notices an aerial is pulsing out a signal.)

MISSY: 

Doctor. Doctor, have you done something? 

What's happening?

Dr. Disco : 

People get the Cybermen wrong. 

There's no evil plan, no evil genius.

Just parallel evolution.

MASTER: 

Doctor, what have you done?

Dr. Disco : 

(People + Technology) — Humanity. 

The Internet, Cyberspace, Cybermen. 

Always read the comments, 

because one day, They'll be an army.

MISSY: 

Look, they're coming. 

They're coming for us!

MASTER: 

This doesn't make any sense!

Dr. Disco : 

Doesn't it?

MASTER: 

These Cybermen are primitive. 

They're programmed to 

track human beings and convert them. 

They home in on human life signs only.

Dr. Disco :

You two, you should know by now. 

When you're winning, 

and I'm in the room, 

you're missing something.

MASTER: 

What have we missed?

Dr. Disco :

You shouldn't have hit me, Missy. 

I was waiting for my chance. 

Computer, containing the algorithm defining human life signs. 

I only had time to change one detail. 

A single number. 

One to a two. 

One heart to two hearts. 

I expanded the definition of Humanity. 

Took 'em a while to update the net, but here we go. 

Welcome to the menu!

(Cybermen are stomping up the stairs to the now floodlit roof.)

Dr. Disco : 

Now they think that we count as humans, 

and they're going to fix that in a hurry!

(Missy sonicks the doors shut. The Master sonicks a Cyberman that has come up the fire escape and sets its chest unit on fire.)

MASTER: 

There must be other ways up here. 

We can't cover them all.

Dr. Disco :

You can't fight a whole city. 

You know the stories. 

There's only ever been one way 

to stop that many Cybermen. Me!

(The Master sonicks another Cyberman then goes to the Doctor.)

MASTER: 

Then do it. 

Stop them!

Dr. Disco : 

Begging for your life already? 

That's a new record.

MASTER: 

I'm not begging you. 

I'd rather die than beg

you

Dr. Disco : 

Lucky day, then.

MASTER: 

I can do this. 

They're not difficult. 

They're Cybermen.

Dr. Disco :

Knock yourself out.

(Missy pirouettes and KO's the Master with her parasol.)

MISSY: 

Your wish is my command.

(She unties the Doctor.)

MISSY: 

I was secretly on your side 

all along, you silly sausage.

Dr. Disco :

Is that True?

MISSY: 

Don't spoil the moment.

Dr. Disco :

Seriously, I need to know. Is that True?

(He holds Missy's hand.)

MISSY: 

It's hard to say. 

I, I'm in two minds. 

Fortunately, the other one's unconscious.

MASTER: 

I landed here. 

I had trouble taking off.

MISSY: 

The black hole?

MASTER: 

Too close to the event horizon.

MISSY: 

And you screwed up. 

You went too fast.

MASTER: 

I blew the dematerialisation circuit.

MISSY: 

Which reminds me. 

A funny thing happened to me once.

MASTER: 

What?

(She grabs his lapels and pushes him against a pillar.)

MISSY: 

A very long time ago, a very scary lady threw me against a wall and made me promise to always, always carry a spare dematerialisation circuit. 

I don't remember much about her now but, she must have made quite an impression.

(And takes a dematerialisation circuit out of her jacket pocket.)

MASTER: 

You know you basically have me to thank for this.

MISSY: 

You're welcome.

MASTER: 

By the way, is it wrong that I er —

(They both glance down.)

MISSY: 

Yes. Very.