Kal'Hya

WORF: 

By Tradition, The Klingon Man spends 

the four nights before his wedding 

on a mental and spiritual journey. 

It is called Kal'Hyah, 

The Path of Clarity. 

And he is accompanied 

by his closest male friends.

MARTOK: 

You cannot imagine the experience that awaits us —

Four long nights filled with 

song and fellowship. 

A time of unbridled pleasures.

O'BRIEN: 

Are we talking about A Bachelor Party?

WORF: 

It is a similar ritual.

BASHIR: 

That's good enough for me.

O'BRIEN: 

Me too.

SISKO: 

Count me in.

WORF: 

We will meet in the holosuite tomorrow night at twenty one hundred hours.

MARTOK: 

I advise you all to get plenty of rest.

BASHIR: 

Four nights at a Klingon bachelor party. 

Just think of the possibilities.

O'BRIEN: 

Thank God Keiko's not here.

(O'Brien and Bashir leave.)

SISKO: 

I wonder what Dax will be doing while we're travelling down Kal'Hyah?

MARTOK: 

She will be taking a different journey  — 

with My Wife.

SISKO: 

Your Wife?

[Holosuite cave]

(Dark, with a central fire and lit by flaming torches.)

BASHIR: 

I could do without the heat. 

I can't say much for the decor either.

O'BRIEN: 

Well, it can't be all fun and games. 

I'm sure there has to be some sort of ritual 

we have to go through before The Party begins. 

…there is going to be A Party, isn't there?

ALEXANDER: 

You're asking me? 

I can barely Say My Name 

in Klingon.

MARTOK: 

Prepare yourselves, my friends, for a journey you won't soon forget.

WORF: 

These are Ma'Stakas.

(Worf hands out staves with big balls on the end.)

BASHIR: 

What do we do with them?

MARTOK: 

At the conclusion of the wedding ceremony, you will use them to attack Worf and Dax.

O'BRIEN: 

Obviously. Don't you know anything?

WORF: 

The Tradition dates back to the wedding of Kahless and Lukara, 

who were nearly killed by Molor's troops moments after they were married.
Until the ceremony, you should keep them with you at all times.

SISKO: 

I Trust that this combat is non-lethal?

MARTOK: 

It is a symbolic attack only.

(Alexander has found the buffet table.)

WORF: 

The Food is not to be eaten.

ALEXANDER: 

Then what is it for?

WORF: 

It is here to tempt us into breaking our fast.

SISKO: 

Fast?

WORF: 

There are Six Trials we must face on the path to Kal'Hyah. 

This is the first, Deprivation. 

We now begin A Fast 

that will continue until 

the day of the wedding.

BASHIR: 

That's four days away.

MARTOK: 

It is a short time, I know, 

but we must make the best of it.

SISKO: 

What are the other five trials?

WORF: 

Blood, Pain, Sacrifice, 

Anguish and Death.

BASHIR: 

Sounds like Marriage all right.

O'BRIEN: 

How would you know?

WORF: 

It is time to begin.

• • • • • • •

(Alexander has passed out.)

BASHIR: 

Alexander?

ALEXANDER: 

Grandma?

BASHIR: 

Guess again.

ALEXANDER: 

We're still on the —

BASHIR: 

The Road to Kal'Hyah, 

Day Five-Hundred.

O'BRIEN: 

Maybe we should turn down The Heat, 

you know, for Alexander's sake.

ALEXANDER: 

No, it's okay. 

I just need some water.

BASHIR: 

Now you don't want to push yourself too hard. 

You know, turning down The Heat might be a good idea.

MARTOK: 

The whole point is to push yourself 

to the limits of your endurance.

ALEXANDER: 

I Will. I want to Travel 

The Entire Path to Kal'Hyah. 

Stoke The Fire again!

WORF: 

As you wish.

MARTOK: 

Of course, we cannot expect 

you non-Klingons to have the same stamina as we do. 

If you wish to quit, 

no one will think any less of you.

BASHIR: 

Who said anything about quitting?

SISKO: 

Not me.

O'BRIEN: 

I like the heat.

MARTOK: 

That's The Spirit! 

(sings) 

Kavek ko lee ko

MARTOK + WORF: 

Eh to che mah lo Tah oo-wah kah esh to pah deh ah re! 

Yah bosh-ah! Yah bosh-ah!, Yah bosh tomah!

(Bashir and O'Brien are hanging in manacles from a rope stretched across the cave.)

BASHIR: 

Miles?

O'BRIEN: 

Yeah?

BASHIR: 

It's working. 

I've had a vision about the future. 

I can see it so clearly.

O'BRIEN: 

What is it?

BASHIR: 

I'm going to Kill Worf. 

I'm going to Kill Worf. 

That's What I'm Going to Do. 

I can see it clearly now. 

I'm going to Kill him. Kill him.

O'BRIEN: 

Kill Worf. 

Kill Worf.

[Quark's]

(Dinner is served.)

QUARK: 

One steak with mushrooms, baked potato, sour cream and chives.

O'BRIEN: 

I should've had that.

QUARK: 

One double Altair sandwich, no mustard, two bowls of linguini, Bajoran shrimp and extra cheese. 

One loaf of mapa bread.

BASHIR: 

Quark, where's the kava juice?

QUARK: 

They're still squeezing the roots. Unless you want replicated?

BASHIR: 

We'll wait.

SISKO: 

What do you think you're doing?

O'BRIEN: 

The wedding's been called off.

SISKO: 

It's back on.

MARTOK: 

Worf is apologising to Jadzia at this very moment.

SISKO: 

Quark, take it all away. 

No food for those on the path to Kal'Hyah!

QUARK: 

No refunds for those on the path to Kal'Hyah as well. Sorry.

(Worf enters.)

ALEXANDER: 

Father, what happened?

WORF: 

She refused to not Change Her Mind. 

The Wedding is still off.

(The decorations start to come down again.)

SISKO: 

Where is she?

WORF: 

In her quarters.

SISKO: 

I'll go talk to her. 

Just keep them away from The Food.