Wednesday, 3 April 2019

The Fives are Always Outliers









FADE IN: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - NIGHT

Opening shot of a clock on the wall: 7:05. The camera pans down to Donna

and Josh walking through.


DONNA

They got to start the poll, Josh. It's 7:05.


JOSH

It's ten to seven.


DONNA

No, it's really not.


JOSH

It's 7:05?


DONNA

Yeah.


JOSH

That's ridiculous.


DONNA

I'm not making it up.


JOSH

My watch says ten to seven.


DONNA

That's 'cause your watch sucks.


JOSH

My watch is fine.


DONNA

Your watch says ten to seven.


JOSH

How do I know it isn't ten to seven?


DONNA

'Cause those large clocks on the wall that are run by the U.S. Navy, say your watch sucks. In fact, they say your watch sucks in four different time zones.


Josh and Donna pass by C.J.'S OFFICE. 

Toby is razzing C.J.


TOBY

Question six is asymmetrical.


C.J.

Question six is fine.


TOBY

"Would you say things in this country are going in the right direction or do you think they've gotten off on the wrong track?"


Josh and Donna double back to C.J.'S office and stand at the door.


JOSH

He's got a good point about this.


C.J.

No, he doesn't.


DONNA

Guys, you know it's five after seven.


TOBY

Should be right direction or wrong direction.


C.J.

Toby.


TOBY

Direction and track are two different words!


C.J.

Thank you, Funk and Wagnall's.


They all leave C.J.'s office. 

Bonnie and Ginger are with them.


TOBY

What'd she call me?


GINGER

Funk and Wagnall's. 

They make the dictionary.


TOBY

I know who Funk and Wagnall's are.


BONNIE

They why'd you ask her?


Everyone starts heading out into the HALLWAY.


DONNA

Guys, it's five after seven.


TOBY

The question is asymmetrical.


C.J.

That may be so, but the question originated 2 decades ago and has proven to

be a consistent predictor of a voter's potential behavior. So it stays the way

it is.


JOSH

I have a problem with fourteen.


C.J.

What's your problem?


JOSH

"When making policy decisions, do you think that President Bartlet puts the needs of average people first?" 


"Average people" is a pejorative phrase and occurs about six times in the polling model.


C.J.

This may come as a shock to you, but 80% of the people in this country would use the word "average" to describe themselves. 

They do not find the term deprecating. 

Indeed, being considered an "average American" is something they find to be positive and comforting.


They all walk into THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. Leo, Larry, Ed and several other staffers are inside. Leo is reading a piece of paper. Toby sits next to him.


LEO

C.J.


C.J.

Yes.


LEO

[reads] 

"Jed Bartlet cares about people like me."


C.J.

Leo, we went over this.


TOBY

We need to talk about the asymmetry of question six.


C.J.

We really don't.


TOBY

Since when are you an expert on language?


C.J.

In polling models?


TOBY

Okay.


C.J.

1993. Since when are you an uptight pain in the ass?


TOBY

Since long before that.


LEO

"Jed Bartlet cares about people like me. Agree or disagree?"


C.J.

Again, we went over this.


LEO

Can't "people like me", when read off the script, be taken to mean people

like the

interviewer?


ED

When we ask that question, we usually say, "People like yourself."


LARRY

Or "people like you."


ED

I've seen it both ways.


LEO

Fellas.


LARRY

"Yourself" is a little softer.


ED

And softer is bad?


LARRY

Softer is better.


LEO

But the point is....


C.J.

The respondent isn't confused by the question and separating the respondent

from the

interviewer with "people like yourself" is pejorative. So, Ed, Larry, you

can take this

up with Josh. Leo, Eastern Standard Time is sitting down to dinner. The poll

is fine.


JOSH

It's an important poll, C.J.


C.J.

I'm aware of its importance. I'm also aware that if we don't start the phone

banks

right now, I might not have enough time to leak the internals to media

outlets before

we hit the weekend.


TOBY

There's still the matter...


C.J.

So, it turns out that over the last 3 weeks we managed to climb out of the

hole, only

we can't tell anybody about it 'til Monday, cause we stood here all night

arguing about

asymmetry! [sighs] It's time.


LEO

Anybody want to make a prediction?


ED

We'll hold at 42% job approval.


LARRY

We'll hold steady.


JOSH

I'll be happy if we hold steady.


TOBY

We'll drop a few points, but it'll be inside the plus or minus.


LEO

C.J.?


C.J.

We're going to go up five points.


LEO

The President thinks we're going to hold steady.


C.J.

The President is wrong.


LEO

You think?


C.J.

Yes.


LEO

Let's find out. Toby, tell Sam to start the banks.


Toby picks up the phone and pushes a button.


CUT TO: INT. PHONE BANKS - NIGHT

Sam and Mandy are standing wait. Sam's cell phone rings.


SAM

[into phone] Sam Seaborn... Okay. [to Mandy] Let's get our report card.


Mandy walks inside the phone bank area.


MANDY

Okay! Here we go!


SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.

END TEASER

* * *



CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT

Leo is on his couch working. Margaret enters and shuts the door.


MARGARET

Leo.


LEO

Yeah?


MARGARET

C.J.'s here.


LEO

Okay.


MARGARET

Want to hear a joke?


LEO

[looks up] Uh... Okay.


MARGARET

You know why they only eat one egg for breakfast in France?


LEO

Why?


MARGARET

'Cause in France, one egg is an 'oeuf.' 

[beat] 

Okay, C.J.'s here.


LEO

Okay.


Leo looks warily puzzled at Margaret as she leaves. C.J. comes in.


C.J.

Hi.


LEO

Hey.


C.J.

The lid is on.


LEO

You told me.


C.J.

Hmm?


LEO

You called me an hour ago and told me it was a full lid.


C.J.

Yeah... I'm going to the phone banks to check in with the poll.


LEO

Okay.


C.J.

Leo, this is a small thing and I hate to bring it up.


LEO

What?


C.J.

I was in with the President this morning, AND he mentioned that you told him that when you asked for predictions, everyone said we'd hold steady at 42.


LEO

Yeah?


C.J.

But, I didn't say that. 

I said we'd go up five points.


LEO

I meant in general, on average.


C.J.

Yeah.


LEO

C.J., like lopping off the score from the East German judge.


C.J.

Leo, it wasn't woman's intuition. 

I think it's strange....


LEO

Don't read too much into it.


C.J.

I'm saying its strange my take wasn't...


LEO

I'm saying don't read too much into it.


[beat] 


All right?


C.J.

Okay.


LEO

Anything else?


C.J.

No, I'm going to check the phone banks


***


Another long silence.


BARTLET

What kind of briefcase did you get her, Sam?


SAM

Sir?


BARTLET

What kind of briefcase?


SAM

Coach Beekman in British tan with brass hardware.


BARTLET

That's nice.


SAM

Yes, sir.


BARTLET

Andare makes a nice model. 

Comes in black or brown, hand stained, fit a laptop, notebooks, the works.


TOBY

This conversation is surreal.


BARTLET

Trieste in Milan makes a nice briefcase.


C.J. quietly enters with an envelope in her hands and makes her way across the room to

Bartlet.


C.J.

Good evening, Mr. President. The full polling book is 400 pages long and it's still being put together. I have the top sheet results.


LEO

What does it say?


C.J.

I was wrong. 

We went up nine points.


C.J. smiles. Leo smiles and starts to laugh, but catches himself. There are

smiles all around.


BARTLET

Okay, what's next?

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