The Secrets of The Universe

The Original Secret of The 

Universe is that The Fall of Man 

came as a direct consequence of 

Eve’s low self-esteem

Because Adam lacked the basic 

Human Knowledge to think 

to tell her that she was pretty.

Because they were 

the only two people 

in The World, and 

it was pretty obvious, so he 

didn’t think he had to.

“You look really nice Today, Dear”

…..that’s all it would have took.

 

…..I should go call My Mother —

LUTHOR'S LAIR - DAY

CAMERA CLOSE UP on the front of a newspaper held by EVE and OTIS, who read it intently. The banner headline is clearly visible : I SPENT THE NIGHT WITH SUPERMAN - An Exclusive Interview by Lois Lane.

CAMERA PANS to the library. LUTHOR is sitting in his chair, working on a slide rule and the CAMERA ANGLE goes WIDER as LUTHOR talks.

LUTHOR

Now then, given the exact location of The Galaxy that he mentions, and the proximity to our own solar system...it's amazing.

(bolts up)

AMAZING! Too good to be true.

(goes to stand on his library sliding ladder)

EVE

(to OTIS)

He's too Good to be True! He's six foot four, has black hair, blue eyes, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and tells The Truth!

LUTHOR

(turns, standing on his library sliding ladder)

Miss Teschmacher, some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story. Others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of The Universe.

EVE

(insulted, huffs)

Lex, what has chewing gum got to do with The Secrets of The Universe?

LUTHOR

(sighs, turns away)

Right, right Miss Teschmacher.

Hesitating, Eve decides to go for it and kisses Superman passionately on the mouth — like Salome, on the dead lips of The Head of John The Baptist — then removes The Kryptonite Necklace and tosses it, where it slides down a drain, into The Sewer-proper, outside of The House of Luthor deep beneath Grand Central Station —

Superman (still semi-conscious, 

totally depleted, very disoriented) :

Whu -- Why did you do that…?

She is very embarrassed, 

ashamed of herself for exploiting 

His Weakness, but : She Tells Truth 

Eve :

Well, I… I didn’t think 

you’d let me, later —

(So He flies off to Save Her Mother in 

Hackensack, New Jersey from 

ThermoNuclear Annihilation.)