Rasputin

 

UC Sunnydale classroom. 

Buffy is sitting among The Students, 

yawning while The Professor lectures. 

PROFESSOR: 

Now, Rasputin was associated 

with a certain obscure religious sect. 

(Buffy taps her pencil on her desk. 

The girl next to her glares. 

Buffy sees her and stops tapping the pencil 

but continues fidgeting) 

PROFESSOR:

They held the tenet that 

in order to be forgiven, 

one first had to sin. 

Rasputin embraced this doctrine 

and proceeded to sin impressively 

and repeatedly.

 

The notion that he was in fact evil 

gained strength years later, 

(Buffy fiddles with her pencil, drops it, 

shrugs and doesn't pick it up) 

when The Conspirators who set out to Kill Him 

found it nearly impossible to do so. 

BUFFY: (to herself) 

Nearly impossible? 

PROFESSOR: 

I'm sorry, there's A Question?

 

The Students look at Buffy. 

PROFESSOR: (sighing) 

Miss Summers, of course. 

Buffy makes a pained face, stands up as The Professor gives her a disapproving look. 

BUFFY: 

I, uh, about, you know, 

killing him ... 

You know, they, they poisoned him and, 

and they beat him and they shot him, 

and he didn't die. 

PROFESSOR: 

.....until They rolled 

His Body in a carpet and 

drowned him in a canal. 

BUFFY: 

But there are reported sightings of him as

 late as the 1930s, aren't there? 

PROFESSOR: 

I can assure you there is near-consensus in 

the academic community regarding 

The Death of Rasputin. 

BUFFY: 

There was also near-consensus 

about Columbus, you know, until someone 

asked The Vikings what they were up to in 

the 1400s, and they're like, "Discovering this America-shaped continent." 

(Professor looks annoyed) 

I just ... I'm only saying, you know, 

it might be interesting, 

if we ... came at it from,

 you know, a different perspective, that's all. 

PROFESSOR: 

Well, I'm sorry if you 

find these facts 

so boring, Miss Summers. 

Maybe you'd prefer I step aside, 

so that you can teach 

Your Own Course : 

Speculation 101 perhaps? 

(The other students laugh) 

Intro to Flights of Fancy? 

(The students laugh more) 

BUFFY: 

I only meant- 

PROFESSOR: 

What was it you were going on about last week? The Mysterious Sleeping Patterns 

of The Prussian generals? 

(Buffy looks annoyed)

 

Now, some of Us 

are here to learn. 

Believe it or Not, 

We're interested in finding out 

What Actually Happened. 

It's called 'Studying History'.

 

You can sit down now. 

Unless you have something else 

to add, Professor? 

Buffy scowls, sits.