Lord — These Affairs are Hard on The Heart

“Yes, You Buy Me Many Things.  Thank You.”

The evening before the test, someone recalled “the frogs had gathered in a little pond by the camp and copulated and squawked all night long.” 

Oppenheimer chain smoked nervously and sat quietly reading the French poet Baudelaire:

Seductive twilight, the criminal’s friend Silent like a wolf

The sky is closing down

A dark cloth drawn across an alcove

Where the impatient man changes into a beast of prey

At 5:10, the countdown began at zero minus twenty minutes. 

As loudspeakers ticked off the time at five minute intervals, Oppenheimer wandered in and out of the control bunker, glancing up at the sky. 

At the two minute mark, he was heard to say to himself,

“Lord, these affairs are hard on the heart.” 

Minus one minute... Minus fifty-five seconds...

Ella Oppenheimer was “very delicate,” a friend remembered, with an air of sadness about her. 

Robert was precociously brilliant, and both parents were protective of his uncommon gifts. 

Frail, frequently sick, 

he was attended to by servants, driven everywhere. 

He rarely played with other children.

Priscilla McMillan, writer: 

He wasn’t mischievous. 

He was too brilliant to be just one of the children. 

But his parents treasured him; 

treated him like a little jewel. 

And he just skipped Being a Boy.

“My childhood did not prepare me for the fact that The World

 is full of cruel and bitter things,”

 Oppenheimer said. 

“It gave me no normal, healthy way to be a bastard.” 

Sometime around the age of five, Robert’s grandfather gave him a small collection of minerals. 

“From then on,” he said, 

“I became, in a completely childish way, an ardent mineral collector. 

But it began to be also a bit of a Scientist’s interest, a fascination with crystals.”

Martin Sherwin,

Historian: 

He wrote to the New York Mineralogical Society on a typewriter. 

They were so impressed with what he had to say that, of course, thinking he was an adult, they invited him to give a lecture, and little Robert, at age 10 or 11, shows up at the New York Mineralogical Society, and has to stand on a box in order to see over the lectern to give this lecture. 

That is NOT a normal, 

average childhood.

Narrator: 

Eight years separated Robert from his brother Frank, 

too many for companionship. 

Robert was a loner. 

And at New York’s Ethical Culture school, he inhabited his own rarefied world, more comfortable with his teachers than with the other students, who nicknamed him “Booby” Oppenheimer. 

To protect himself, he relied on his preternatural brilliance and grew aloof and arrogant.

 Priscilla McMillan, writer: He didn’t grow up. He studied a great deal, which shielded him from the world. 

And the emotional side of him didn’t catch up until much later.

Narrator: 

Oppenheimer graduated high school valedictorian 

and then conquered Harvard. 

He studied chemistry, physics, calculus; English and French literature; Western, Chinese and Hindu philosophy; 

He even found time to write stories and poems.

Richard Rhodes, writer: 

He described it as being like The Huns invading Rome, 

by which he meant he was going to swallow up 

Every bit of Culture and Art and Science 

that he could possibly do.

Martin Sherwin, Historian: 

Harvard’s an environment in which 

The Intellectual Life is a rich feast, 

But the Social Life is a desert.

Narrator: 

In all his years at Harvard, 

he never had a date. 

He remained immature, uncertain, 

easily bewildered in social situations. 

One friend remembered 

“bouts of melancholy, 

and deep, deep depressions.” 

"In the days of my almost infinitely prolonged adolescence," he said later, 

“I hardly took an action, hardly did anything that did not arouse in me a very great sense of revulsion and of wrong. 

My feeling about myself was always one of extreme discontent.” 

His doubts about himself came clear in his poems:

The dawn invests our substance

With desire

And the slow light betrays us,

And our wistfulness...

We find ourselves again 

Each in his separate prison 

Ready, hopeless

For negotiation 

With other men.