Saturday 19 January 2019

If I'm Going to Have a Past, I Prefer it to be Multiple Choice




The Apprentice: 
Well, look. I read about something that's just happened; -

The next page says it didn't happen at all. 

Over the page says it DID happen, but many years ago. 

Teeth+Curls : 
Ah, yes. 

Well, I suppose it is a bit above your head. 

Mind you, they did say I had a very sophisticated prose style.

The Apprentice
As for your handwriting....

Teeth+Curls: 
Handwriting? 
What about my handwriting?

The Apprentice: 
It's marvellous

[ And it says DIG HOLE HERE” ]




"So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. 

I'm glad. I did so want you to be here. 

You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... 

Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my point. 

I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! 

All it takes is one bad day to reduce The Sanest Man Alive to lunacy. 

That's how far The World is from where I am. 

Just one bad day. 

You had a bad day once, am I right? 

I know I am. I can tell. 

You had a bad day and everything changed. 

Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? 

You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... 

Only you won't admit it! 

You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! 

God you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? 

What made you what you are? 

Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? 

Brother carved up by some mugger? 

Something like that, I bet. Something like that... 

Something like that happened to me, you know. 

I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. 

Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... 

If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! 

But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. 

When I saw what a black, awful joke The World was, I went crazy as a coot! 

I admit it! 

Why can't you? 

I mean, you're not unintelligent! 
You must see the reality of the situation. 

Do you know how many times we've come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? 

Do you know what triggered the last world war? 

An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed its war debt creditors! 

Telegraph poles! 

Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! 

Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! 

So why can't you see the funny side? 

Why aren't you laughing?"

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