James Has Always Been Cool

I better Do that.

What'd you want me

to Do with The Crates?

Just leave them.

I'll throw The Linens

on them in the morning.

It's easier for them that way.

There you go.

Take it easy.

We're cool.

Okay, Jimmy.

We got one more delivery,

and then it's hit The Roadhouse.

Who's playing?

[ Z.Z. Top ] 

Don't know.

You want to see

if Renee will be there.

Yeah, maybe.

But she's married.

I know.

How old are you, Freddie?

Going on 23.

I remember Being 23.

It's My Birthday today.

Is that right?

Well, Happy Birthday, Jimmy.

This is a real occasion.

So you really can't

take that thing off, huh?

Nah, I can't.

I don't understand.

It's, uh,

Part of Me.

Doctor tried to 

take it off once, and...

I started bleeding.

Where'd you get it?

I'm, uh, not supposed to tell.

It's my birthday, Freddie.

You gotta tell me.

Come on, I'm not

gonna tell anybody.

Eh, you ain't

gonna believe me anyway.

So you may as well tell me.

Freddie, come on,

tell me the story.

Come on.

Well...

I told the doctor.

I, uh... I guess

I can tell you.

And seeing as

how it's your birthday.

I was still living at home, see?

Where was that?

That would be London Town,

East End.

About six months ago,

after a night down at the pub

with me mates,

I'm walking home alone.

I get this peculiar feeling

as I turn into this alley

I use as a shortcut.

It strikes me that

I'm wasting me life, Jimmy.

Hanging about,

hitting the pub every night,

drinking,

when I should be helping people.

With this feeling in me

on this particular night,

I see in the alleyway

a high stack of boxes,

and I jumped,

you know, like, for fun.

I jumped onto this

high stack of boxes.

And all of a sudden,

I was sucked up into the vortex

of this massive tunnel

in the air.

Next thing you know,

I'm floating in thin air,

way up somewhere,

like a void.

And this bloke's there.

The Fireman's what

he's called himself.

And he says to me,

"Go to the hardware store

near your flat."

And there you will find

a rack of green

rubber gardening gloves.

One package will

already be open,

with only a right-handed glove

inside.

Purchase that package

and place the glove

on your right hand.

Your right hand will then

possess the power

of an enormous pile driver."

Poof. And I'm back in me room,

waking up the next morning.

I got up, got out of bed.

Dragged a comb across me head.

And I went downstairs

and had a cup — No.

Just kidding about that part.

So I pop round the corner

to the hardware store,

find the rack of gloves.

And, sure enough,

there's the open package

with the one right hand.

Off I go to the counter,

lay down the package

for the clerk, and he says,

"I can't sell you that one.

You have to buy one

that hasn't been opened."

So I say, "That's aright.

I want this one."

He says, "I can't

sell you that one."

I says, "Listen, mate."

I want to buy just the one glove,

and I will pay you full price."

"No, it's already been opened.

I can't sell it to ya."

Now, where I come from,

we call a bloke like this

a "jobsworth."

That is a person

who delights in acting

in an obstructive or otherwise 

unhelpful manner, as in, 

"I can't do that — It's 

more than my job's worth."

So I says to Mr. Jobsworth,

"Listen, I'm buying this glove."

And I put me bees on the counter

and walk towards the door.

Well, Jobsworth leaps after me

like a possessed puma,

screaming that I can't have

the glove from the package

which has already been opened.

I bolt out the door,

hit the cobbles,

hoping to leave Mr. Jobsworth

in the dust slipping the glove on

while I go.

Then he slows me down a mite.

And before you know it,

Jobsworth puts a tackle on me

worthy of a red card

and sends me skidding

on the field.

On instinct, to defend myself,

I popped Jobsworth one in

the loaf with me green glove.

I hear a crack, and...

by the way his head's tilting

and him trying to talk...

I fear I've snapped his Gregory.

And then,

in that moment,

I remember something else that

bloke up in the sky told me.

"Once you've got the glove on,

go to Twin Peaks, Washington,

United States of America.

And there,

You will find Your Destiny."

So here I am, Jimmy,

on your birthday.

Many happy returns.

Wow.

Thank you, Freddie.

That's a great story.

The pleasure's all mine, sir.

Why you?

I mean, why do you think

The Fireman picked you?

Well, that's a good question.

I asked him myself, I said,

"Why me?"

And he said,

"Why not you?"

And when I went to buy me ticket

to fly over here, they told me

I already had a ticket.

—  Don't forget.

We're supposed

to check The Furnace.

Yeah.

You wait for The Delivery.

Don't forget to sign The Invoice.

I'm gonna go check The Furnaces.