Genetic Entropy

Jurassic Park - Reflection shot

The lineage of The Patriarchs, 

not only defines The Structure of 

The Tree-of-Life, but 

delineates a cleansing

process, whereby
The Holy Sparks of Life
were separated from
the inherent evil inclinations with each generation. 

Ishmael was born first 

and received the brunt of any negativity Abraham 

had to pass on. 

Esau was born first and 

likewise received most of 

the negativity that Isaac 

had to pass on, which set up 

the dynamic of Good vs. Evil 

between the two brothers 

Jacob and Esau.

20 And Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah to wife, the daughter of Bethuel the Syrian of Padanaram, the sister to Laban the Syrian.

21 And Isaac intreated the LORD for his wife, because she was barren: and the LORD was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived.

22 And the children struggled together within her; and she said, 

If it be so, why am I thus? And she went to enquire of the LORD.

23 And the LORD said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.

24 And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb.

25 And the first came out red, all over like an hairy garment; and they called his name Esau.

26 And after that came his brother out, and his hand took hold on Esau's heel; and his name was called Jacob: and Isaac was threescore years old when she bare them.

27 And the boys grew: and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field; and Jacob was a plain man, dwelling in tents.

28 And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob.

29 And Jacob sod pottage: and Esau came from the field, and he was faint:

30 And Esau said to Jacob, Feed me, I pray thee, with that same red pottage; for I am faint: therefore was his name called Edom.

31 And Jacob said, Sell me this day thy birthright.

32 And Esau said, Behold, I am at the point to die: and what profit shall this birthright do to me?

33 And Jacob said, Swear to me this day; and he sware unto him: and he sold his birthright unto Jacob.

34 Then Jacob gave Esau bread and pottage of lentiles; and he did eat and drink, and rose up, and went his way: thus Esau despised his birthright.

OF THE DARKENING OF VALINOR 

When Manwë heard of the ways that Melkor had taken, it seemed plain to him that he purposed to escape to his old strongholds in the north of Middle-earth; and Oromë and Tulkas went with all speed northward, seeking to overtake him if they might, but they found no trace or rumour of him beyond the shores of the Teleri, in the unpeopled wastes that drew near to The Ice. 

Thereafter the watch was redoubled along the northern fences of Aman; but to no purpose, for ere ever the pursuit set out Melkor had turned back, and in secrecy passed away far to the south. For he was yet as one of The Valar, and could change his form, or walk unclad, as could his brethren; though that power he was soon to lose for ever. 

Thus unseen he came at last to the dark region of Avathar. That narrow land lay south of the Bay of Eldamar, beneath the eastern feet of the Pelóri, and its long and mournful shores stretched away into the south, lightless and unexplored. There, beneath the sheer walls of the mountains and the cold dark sea, the shadows were deepest and thickest in the world; and there in Avathar, secret and unknown, Ungoliant had made her abode. 

The Eldar knew not whence she came; but some have said that in ages long before she descended from the darkness that lies about Arda, when Melkor first looked down in envy upon the Kingdom of Manwë, and that in the beginning she was one of those that he corrupted to his service. 

But she had disowned her Master, desiring to be mistress of her own lust, taking all things to herself to feed her emptiness; and she fled to the south, escaping the assaults of the Valar and the hunters of Oromë, for their vigilance had ever been to the north, and the south was long unheeded. 

Thence she had crept towards the light of the Blessed Realm; for she hungered for light and hated it. In a ravine she lived, and took shape as a spider of monstrous form, weaving her black webs in a cleft of the mountains. There she sucked up all light that she could find, and spun it forth again in dark nets of strangling gloom, until no light more could come to her abode; and she was famished. 

Now Melkor came to Avathar and sought her out; and he put on again the form that he had worn as the tyrant of Utumno: a dark Lord, tall and terrible. In that form he remained ever after. There in the black shadows, beyond the sight even of Manwë in his highest halls, Melkor with Ungoliant plotted his revenge. But when Ungoliant understood the purpose of Melkor, she was torn between lust and great fear; for she was loath to dare the perils of Aman and the power of the dreadful Lords, and she would not stir from her hiding. Therefore Melkor said to her: ‘Do as I bid; and if thou hunger still when all is done, then I will give thee whatsoever thy lust may demand. Yea, with both hands.’ Lightly he made this vow, as he ever did; and he laughed in his heart. Thus did the great thief set his lure for the lesser. A cloak of darkness she wove about them when Melkor and Ungoliant set forth: an Unlight, in which things seemed to be no more, and which eyes could not pierce, for it was void. Then slowly she wrought her webs: rope by rope from cleft to cleft, from jutting rock to pinnacle of stone, ever climbing upwards, crawling and clinging, until at last she reached the very summit of Hyarmentir, the highest mountain in that region of the world, far south of great Taniquetil. There the Valar were not vigilant; for west of the Pelóri was an empty land in twilight, and eastward the mountains looked out, save for forgotten Avathar, only upon the dim waters of the pathless sea. But now upon the mountain-top dark Ungoliant lay; and she made a ladder of woven ropes and cast it down, and Melkor climbed upon it and came to that high place, and stood beside her, looking down upon the Guarded Realm. Below them lay the woods of Oromë, and westward shimmered the fields and pastures of Yavanna, gold beneath the tall wheat of the gods. But Melkor looked north, and saw afar the shining plain, and the silver domes of Valmar gleaming in the mingling of the lights of Telperion and Laurelin. Then Melkor laughed aloud, and leapt swiftly down the long western slopes; and Ungoliant was at his side, and her darkness covered them. Now it was a time of festival, as Melkor knew well. Though all tides and seasons were at the will of the Valar, and in Valinor there was no winter of death, nonetheless they dwelt then in the Kingdom of Arda, and that was but a small realm in the halls of Eä, whose life is Time, which flows ever from the first note to the last chord of Eru. And even as it was then the delight of the Valar (as is told in the Ainulindalë) to clothe themselves as in a vesture in the forms of the Children of Ilúvatar, so also did they eat and drink, and gather the fruits of Yavanna from the Earth, which under Eru they had made. Therefore Yavanna set times for the flowering and the ripening of all things that grew in Valinor; and at each first gathering of fruits Manwë made a high feast for the praising of Eru, when all the peoples of Valinor poured forth their joy in music and song upon Taniquetil. This now was the hour, and Manwë decreed a feast more glorious than any that had been held since the coming of the Eldar to Aman. For though the escape of Melkor portended toils and sorrows to come, and indeed none could tell what further hurts would be done to Arda ere he could be subdued again, at this time Manwë designed to heal the evil that had arisen among the Noldor; and all were bidden to come to his halls upon Taniquetil, there to put aside the griefs that lay between their princes, and forget utterly the lies of their Enemy. There came the Vanyar, and there came the Noldor of Tirion, and the Maiar were gathered together, and the Valar were arrayed in their beauty and majesty; and they sang before Manwë and Varda in their lofty halls, or danced upon the green slopes of the Mountain that looked west towards the Trees. In that day the streets of Valmar were empty, and the stairs of Tirion were silent; and all the land lay sleeping in peace. Only the Teleri beyond the mountains still sang upon the shores of the sea; for they recked little of seasons or times, and gave no thought to the cares of the Rulers of Arda, or the shadow that had fallen on Valinor, for it had not touched them, as yet. One thing only marred the design of Manwë. Fëanor came indeed, for him alone Manwë had commanded to come; but Finwë came not, nor any others of the Noldor of Formenos. For said Finwë: ‘While the ban lasts upon Fëanor my son, that he may not go to Tirion, I hold myself unkinged, and I will not meet my people.’ And Fëanor came not in raiment of festival, and he wore no ornament, neither silver nor gold nor any gem; and he denied the sight of the Silmarils to the Valar and the Eldar, and left them locked in Formenos in their chamber of iron. Nevertheless he met Fingolfin before the throne of Manwë, and was reconciled, in word; and Fingolfin set at naught the unsheathing of the sword. For Fingolfin held forth his hand, saying: ‘As I promised, I do now. I release thee, and remember no grievance.’ Then Fëanor took his hand in silence; but Fingolfin said: ‘Half-brother in blood, full brother in heart will I be. Thou shalt lead and I will follow. May no new grief divide us.’ ‘I hear thee,’ said Fëanor. ‘So be it.’ But they did not know the meaning that their words would bear. It is told that even as Fëanor and Fingolfin stood before Manwë there came the mingling of the lights, when both Trees were shining, and the silent city of Valmar was filled with a radiance of silver and gold. And in that very hour Melkor and Ungoliant came hastening over the fields of Valinor, as the shadow of a black cloud upon the wind fleets over the sunlit earth; and they came before the green mound Ezellohar. Then the Unlight of Ungoliant rose up even to the roots of the Trees, and Melkor sprang upon the mound; and with his black spear he smote each Tree to its core, wounded them deep, and their sap poured forth as it were their blood, and was spilled upon the ground. But Ungoliant sucked it up, and going then from Tree to Tree she set her black beak to their wounds, till they were drained; and the poison of Death that was in her went into their tissues and withered them, root, branch, and leaf; and they died. 

And still she thirsted, and going to The Wells of Varda she drank them dry; but Ungoliant belched forth black vapours as she drank, and swelled to a shape so vast and hideous that Melkor was afraid. 

So the great darkness fell upon Valinor. Of the deeds of that day much is told in the Aldudénië, that Elemmírë of the Vanyar made and is known to all the Eldar. Yet no song or tale could contain all the grief and terror that then befell. The Light failed; but The Darkness that followed was more than loss of light. 

In that hour was made A Darkness that seemed not lack but a thing with being of its own : for it was indeed made by malice out of Light, and it had power to pierce the eye, and to enter heart and mind, and strangle the very will. Varda looked down from Taniquetil, and beheld the Shadow soaring up in sudden towers of gloom; Valmar had foundered in a deep sea of night. Soon the Holy Mountain stood alone, a last island in a world that was drowned. All song ceased. There was silence in Valinor, and no sound could be heard, save only from afar there came on the wind through the pass of the mountains the wailing of the Teleri like the cold cry of gulls. For it blew chill from the East in that hour, and the vast shadows of the sea were rolled against the walls of the shore. But Manwë from his high seat looked out, and his eyes alone pierced through the night, until they saw a Darkness beyond dark which they could not penetrate, huge but far away, moving now northward with great speed; and he knew that Melkor had come and gone. Then the pursuit was begun; and the earth shook beneath the horses of the host of Oromë, and the fire that was stricken from the hooves of Nahar was the first light that returned to Valinor. But so soon as any came up with the Cloud of Ungoliant the riders of the Valar were blinded and dismayed, and they were scattered, and went they knew not whither; and the sound of the Valaróma faltered and failed. And Tulkas was as one caught in a black net at night, and he stood powerless and beat the air in vain. But when the Darkness had passed, it was too late : Melkor had gone whither he would, and his vengeance was achieved."

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - LOBBY - DAY (1970)

The SEAL of the CIA:  
"You shall know The Truth 

and The Truth shall 

make you free." 
 We CRANE BACK, revealing that the seal is on the floor of the LOBBY as NIXON strides in with his ENTOURAGE.

LT. GENERAL ROBERT CUSHMAN hurries out, ruffled, to meet NIXON.

 CUSHMAN 
Mr. President, I don't know what to say. 
As soon as we learned from the Secret Service you were en route, the Director was notified. 
He should be here any minute.

 NIXON 
Where the hell is he?

 CUSHMAN 
Uh, he's rushing back from his tennis game, sir ...

 NIXON (impatient) 
So ... let's go ...

 CUSHMAN (walking with Nixon) 
He told me to take you to his conference room.

 NIXON 
No. His office. (aside) 
I want a very private conversation. 

I don't want to be bugged.

 CUSHMAN 

Then his office will be fine.

INT. OPERATIONS CENTER & HELM'S OFFICE - DAY

They walk past ANALYSTS laboring in isolation behind Plexiglass walls; the hum of computers, a dark austerity to the place. 
They all glance up as NIXON strides past.

 NIXON 
How's the job coming, Bob?

 CUSHMAN 
Frankly, sir, it stinks. I have no access. 

I'm lucky Helms lets me have a staff.

 NIXON (ominous) 
We'll see about that ...

 CUSHMAN (sensing change) 
He's nervous, sir. 

He's heard you're looking 

for a new director.

 NIXON 
Well, he certainly isn't acting like it.

 CUSHMAN 
That's Helms. He's "sang-froid," 

a world-class poker player.

 NIXON (under his breath) 
Yeah? Well, I own the fucking casino.

INT. HELMS OFFICE - DAY

A DUTY OFFICER opens the door 

of The Director's office with a flourish. 

NIXON catches RICHARD HELMS throwing 

his trench coat and tennis racket 

on a chair, obviously hurrying in 

from a secret door. 

Helms spots Nixon, extends his hand 

with a reptilian smile.

 HELMS 
I'm honored, Dick, that you've come 

all this way out here to Virginia 

to visit us at last.

 NIXON 
My friends call me "Mister President."

 HELMS 
And so shall I. 
(to Cushman) 
Arrange some coffee, would you General Cushman?

Cushman stares back a beat, bitterly. 
Nixon signals to Haldeman and Ehrlichman that he, too, wants to be alone. The door closes.

 NIXON 
Robert Cushman is a lieutenant general in the Marine Corps, the Deputy Director of the CIA ... and this is what you use him for?

 HELMS 
I didn't choose him as my deputy, Mr. President. You did.

Nixon paces the office, which is festooned with photos, awards and an abundance of flowers, particularly orchids. A collector.

 NIXON 
You live pretty well out here. Now I understand why you want to keep your budget classified.

Helms sits on a settee, a hard-to-read man.

 HELMS 
I suppose, "Mister President," you're unhappy that we have not implemented your Domestic Intelligence plan, but ...

NIXON 

You're correct. 

I'm concerned these students are being funded by foreign interests, whether they know it or not. 

The FBI is worthless in this area. 

I want your full concentration on this matter ...

HELMS 

Of course we've tried, but so far we've come up with nothing that ...

 NIXON (stern) 

Then find something. And I want these leaks stopped. 

 Jack Anderson, the New York Times, the State Department -- 
I want to know who's talking to them.

 HELMS 
I'm sure you realize this is a very tricky area, Mr. President, given our charter and the congressional oversight committees ...

NIXON 

Screw congressional oversight. I know damn well, going back to the '50's, this agency reports what it wants, and buries what it doesn't want Congress to know. 
I pay close attention to this.

Nixon fixes him with his stare. 
Helms clears his throat.

 HELMS 

Is there something else that's bothering you, Mr. President?

 NIXON 

Yes ... It involves some old and forgotten papers. 

Things I signed as Vice President. 

I want the originals in my office and I don't want copies anywhere else.

Now knowing Nixon's cards, Helms relaxes -- about an inch.

 HELMS 
You're referring, of course, to chairing the Special Operations Group as Vice President.

 NIXON 
Yes ...

Helms wanders over to his prize orchids, fingers them.

HELMS 
As you know ... that was unique. Not so much an operation as much as ... an organic phenomenon. 

It grew, it changed shape, it developed ... appetites. 

(then) It's not uncommon in such cases that things are not committed to paper. 

That could be very ... embarrassing.

Nixon is embarrassed, and does not like it. 

Suddenly, The Beast is in the room.

 HELMS (CONT'D) (reminding him) 

I, for one, saw to it that my name was never connected to any of those operations.

On Nixon, waiting.

 HELMS (CONT'D) (fishing) 
Diem? Trujillo? Lumumba? Guatemala? Cuba? 
... It's a shame you didn't take similar precautions, Dick.

 NIXON (very uncomfortable) 
I'm interested in the documents that put your people together with 
... the others. All of them ...

A beat. This is the fastball. Helms pours himself a coffee.

 HELMS 
President Kennedy threatened to smash the CIA into a thousand pieces. 
You could do the same ...

 NIXON 
I'm not Jack Kennedy. 
Your agency is secure.

 HELMS (stirs the coffee) 
Not if I give you all the cards ...

 NIXON 
I promised the American people peace with honor in Southeast Asia. 
That could take time -- two, maybe three years 
... In the meantime, your agency will continue at current levels of funding.

 HELMS (sips his coffee) 
Current levels may not be sufficient.

 NIXON 
The President would support a reasonable request for an increase.

Helms smiles.

 HELMS 
And me? ...

 NIXON

Of course you'll continue as DCI, Dick -. 
You're doing a magnificent job.

 HELMS 
And of course I accept. I'm flattered. 
And I want you to know, I work for only one president at a time.

 NIXON 
Yes. And you will give General Cushman full access.

 HELMS (grudgingly accepts that) 
It will take a little time, but I'll order a search for your papers. 
Though it does raise a disturbing issue.

 NIXON 
What?

 HELMS 
Mr. Castro.

 NIXON (tense) 
Yes.

 HELMS 
We have recent intelligence that a Soviet nuclear submarine has docked at Cienfuegos.

 NIXON 
Well, we'll lodge a formal protest.

 HELMS
I don't think we can treat this as a formality. Mr. Kennedy made a verbal promise to the Russians not to invade Cuba. But you authorized Dr. Kissinger to put this in writing.

Nixon is taken aback by Helms's inside knowledge.

 NIXON 
Are you tapping Kissinger...?

 HELMS 

My job, unpleasant sometimes, is to know what others don't want me to know.

 NIXON (cold) 

Not if you have spies in the White House, it isn't your job.

 HELMS 

It is not my practice to spy on The President. Doctor Kissinger manages to convey his innermost secrets to the world at large on his own.

 NIXON (absorbs this) 
We’ve  lived with Communism in Cuba for ten years ...

 HELMS 
... But it has never been the policy of this government to accept that. 

And it is certainly not CIA policy.

 NIXON 

CIA policy? The CIA has no policy, Mr. Helms. 
Except what I dictate to you ... (beat, they stare at each other) 
I try to adjust to the world as it is today, not as you or I wanted it to be ten years ago.

HELMS 

Is that why you and Kissinger are negotiating with the Chinese?

A beat. Nixon stares.

 HELMS (CONT'D) 

This is an extremely dangerous direction, Mr. President. 

Terrible consequences can result from 

such enormous errors in judgement.

 NIXON 
But ... if we were able to separate China 

from Russia once and for all, we can -- 
we could create a balance of power 

that would secure the peace 

into the next century.

 HELMS 
By offering Cuba to the Russians as a consolation prize?

 NIXON 
Cuba would be a small price to pay.

 HELMS 
So President Kennedy thought.

A disturbing image suddenly appears in Nixon's mind -- KENNEDY with his head blown off in Dallas. 

Followed by an IMAGE of his own death. In a coffin.

The smell of the orchids in 

the room is overwhelming. 

Nixon feels himself dizzy.

NIXON 

I never thought Jack was ready for the presidency. 

But I would never, never consider ... (then) 

His death was awful, an awful thing for this country. 

(then) Do you ever think of Death, Dick?

HELMS 

Flowers are continual 

reminders of our mortality. 

Do you appreciate flowers?

 NIXON 
No. They make me sick. 
They smell like Death ... 

I had two brothers die young. 

But let me tell you, 

there are worse 

things than Death. 

There is such a thing as Evil.

 HELMS 
You must be familiar with my favorite poem 

by Yeats? "The Second Coming"?

 NIXON 
....No --

 HELMS 
Black Irishman. Very moving. 

"Turning and turning in the widening gyre,

The falcon cannot hear the falconer,

Things fall apart, 

The Centre cannot hold,

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

And everywhere, the ceremony 

of innocence is drowned,

The best lack all conviction, 

while the worst are full 

of passionate intensity" ... 

But it ends so beautifully ominous -- 

"What rough beast, its hour come round at last,

Slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?" ... 

Yes -- This Country stands 

at such a juncture. 

Walk-Through

The Quest is The Quest

The Wasting, is.... 

The Wasting.

CONTACT had 

been MADE

Eldrad must 

LIVE --

Recite, then, as 

much of The Koran 

as may be easy to you -- 

God knoweth that there be some among you, 

sick -- while others travel through The Earth 

in quest for The Bounties of God; 

others Do Battle in His Cause. 

Recite, therefore, 

as much as may be easy. 

And observe The Prayers. 

This will be Best, and 

Richest in The Recompense. 

Seek Ye, the forgiveness of God. 

Verily, God is Forgiving, Merciful... 

And now, Selim, 

"The Brightness." 

"By the noonday Brightness,

and by The Night when it darkeneth;

Thy Lord hath not forsaken thee;

neither hath He been displeased. 

And surely The Future shall 

be better for Thee than The Past;

And in The End, shall Your Lord 

be bounteous to Thee... 

...and Thou be satisfied."

NO Other CHOICE

So, Gandalf, you tried to 

lead them over Caradhras. 

And if that fails, 

where then will you go? 

If The Mountain defeats 

you, will you risk a more 

dangerous road? 

Moria. You fear to 

go into those mines. 

The Dwarves delved

 too greedily and too deep. 

You know what they awoke in 

The Darkness of Khazad-dûm

Shadow and Flame. 

Pushback

Master Sol :

Why risk Discovery...?

The Stranger :

.....well, I -- 

(gives The People's Eyebrow)

I Did wear a Mask --

Star Wars The Acolyte Episode 5 Sith Lord 

Qimir Reveals Himself Scene 1080p

Neil's Parents

Neil's Parents

DAMAGE: 

I was walking a dog, and this bloke, he comes to me and says, "Nice day, innit?" But it wasn't. It wasn't a nice day. It was a little bit cloudy. Which makes him very sar-carstic. So acting as if nothing would happen, I took his head, right, put it in me mouth, right, acting dead casual-like, clamped me teeth, and BIT HIS HEAD OFF!! Cause I hate people being sar-carstic.

NEIL: 

I wasn't, you know, being sar-castic.

DAMAGE: Weren't ya? Well, forget everything I just said then, all right?

VYVYAN: What? Everything from when you first came in?

DAMAGE: Now, if you don't get up against that wall by the time I count three, I'm gonna blow your heads off one by one, all right?! Ah-one. Ah-two...

[A lady runs in. She is wearing a leopard skirt and cheap fur coat. Her hair is dyed a shade of pink. She's pushing a shopping cart full of junk.]

VYVYAN'S MUM: Yoo-hoo! Hello!

DAMAGE: Oh, God!!

VYVYAN'S MUM: Sorry I didn't knock, but some joker's impaled a head on the front door. Hello, Vyvyan. [pinches Vyvyan's cheek]

VYVYAN: Piss off.

VYVYAN'S MUM: That's no way to talk to your mother, Vyvyan!

VYVYAN: All right, then. Piss off, mum.

VYVYAN'S MUM: That's better.

VYVYAN: What do you want?

VYVYAN'S MUM: Well, what're moms for?

VYVYAN: I dunno. Having babies?

VYVYAN'S MUM: Don't be so sexist, Vyvyan.

[squeezes him hard in the crotch]

VYVYAN: [in great pain, slumped over] I'm sorry, Mum.

VYVYAN'S MUM: No. I heard you was ill, so I brought you a present.

VYVYAN: The last present you gave me was a box of matches.

VYVYAN'S MUM: That was a joke!

VYVYAN: I was only eight weeks old.

DAMAGE: Here, excuse me, excuse me. But I'm not actually known for my patience.

RICK: Oh. Oh. Well, you're probably not Dr. Kildare then!

[Damage hits Rick with the butt of his shotgun and flattens him]

VYVYAN: Well, what've you brought me this time?

VYVYAN'S MUM: [removes a bottle from the cart] A bottle of vodka.

VYVYAN: 

Oh, brilliant! Thanks, Mum. [takes the bottle, removes the cap, tips it over] This is empty.

VYVYAN'S MUM: 

[flips him the two-fingered salute] 

Ha ha! Up yours, ugly!

[Runs out]

DAMAGE: 

God, what a nasty woman! [fires a shot in the air] All right, this has now gone on far too seriously long enough by half, OK?! I am now going to phone the authorities, right. And if they do not give me, within 20 minutes, a helicopter...100,000 pounds...a complete set of steak knives... in the presentation box... seven tickets to see the Brazilian National Mime Theatre at the Riverside Studios... a little can terrier named Bobby...one of them little black rubber things, you know them little black rubber things that go "nee nee nee nee", yeah, a big box full of them, right...the complete memoirs of Donald Sinden...

VYVYAN: Oh, very handy!

DAMAGE: Otherwise, I'm gonna blow your heads off, all right? Now, everybody up against that wall, now!!

[Pushes the four boys against the wall by the front door. The ceiling collapses in front of the door as they hit the wall.]

RICK: Oh!! Bloody lummy! All right, who's responsible?!

MIKE: I think I'm quite responsible, actually.

NEIL: 

Yeah, Mike is, yeah.

RICK: 

Listen, listen! Somebody has got to clean all this muck up, and I can tell you one thing, matey boy, it's not going to be me.

VYVYAN: What does a bit of mess matter? We're all going to be dead in twenty minutes anyway.

DAMAGE: Yeah. [Cocks gun, aims at them]

NEIL: [panics] 

Oh, no! Oh, wow! Oh, heavy heavy heavy!! Oooooohhh

MIKE: 

What're you upset for? You've always wanted to die.

NEIL: 

Who's talking about dying? I just remembered! My parents are coming round to tea!! [Rick and Vyvyan start screaming]

MIKE: Don't panic. Don't panic! Worse things happen at sea.

RICK: Like what, Mike? Like what?!

MIKE: Well, like, you could be on a nice cruise in the South China Sea, having a lovely time. There's terrible weather, a big storm, and the ship sinks. You fall overboard, you're drowning! This big shark swims up to you and says, "By the way, Neil's parents are coming to tea in 30 seconds." That's when you panic. Come on!

[Everybody runs around, cleaning up in super-speed motion. Damage polishes his rifle. Vyvyan throws some dirty dishes out the window. Mike hides the rubble from the collapsed ceiling under a rug in the hall. Rick and Vyvyan dump the garbage from the table into the sink, and Rick sits on it to pack it down. Neil replaces a "Smash the State" poster with one that reads "Keep London Tidy". Mike dusts the filth off the couch. Vyvyan removes the head of Damage's policeman friend off the front door. He takes it into a back room, where three old witches are stirring a big black kettle.]

WITCH #1: All hail McVyvyan, Thane of Corridor!

VYVYAN: Eh?

WITCH #2: All hail McVyvyan, Thane of the Outside Toilet, and that little gravelly patch next to the garden shed.

WITCH #3: All hail McVyvyan, that shall be king of the whole house here after!

VYVYAN: Are you suggesting that I murder Mike, Rick, and Neil, in order to have the whole house to myself?

WITCH #3: Yes!

VYVYAN: It's a thought, I suppose. Make a great play!

[drops the head into the pot, leaves]

[Mike is relaxing on the sofa, Rick is sweeping up, and Neil is just panicking]

MIKE: 27... 28... 29...

[A knock at the door. Neil answers it. His parents are well-dressed and well-groomed, in their late 50s. They look extremely out of place among all the fighting and the shabby house. Neil shows them in]

NEIL: [quietly, embarassed] Hello, Mummy. Hello, Daddy.

NEIL'S MUM: Hello.

[kisses him as if she doesn't want to touch him]

NEIL'S DAD: Hello. Take my coat, will you?

[Neil takes his coat, puts it in the hall closet]

NEIL: Come in. This is my house, where I live.

[They walk into the living room. Rick is at the kitchen table among a stack of books. Damage is sitting quietly in the corner]

These are my friends. This is Rick. [Rick stands] He's studying sociology.

RICK: Oh, hello! [runs over] Pleased to meet you! Sorry, so many essays to write! [laughs, snorts] I'm surprised my arms aren't falling off! Perhaps they are, look out, bonk! [flails his arms wildly] You'll have to watch out for me because I'm a bit nutty. Aren't I, everybody?! A bit nutty?

[sticks out his tongue and blows a raspberry]

MIKE: [walking to Neil's parents] Hello.

NEIL: This is Mike. He's studying, uh....er...

MIKE: Well, I'm in what you'd call the School of Life, Mrs. Pye.

[He pinches her bum and she screams]

NEIL'S MUM: Oh, dear me. What a ghastly smell.

NEIL: Yeah, er, that's Vyvyan, Mummy. He's going to be a doctor.

VYVYAN: [runs over] How do you do? [puts his face in hers]

NEIL'S MUM: How fascinating. I think I'm going to be sick. [turns away]

NEIL'S DAD: And is this fellow another one of your colleagues?

NEIL: No, that's the most violent and highly dangerous....

DAMAGE: [laughs] That's Neil's little joke, sir. Brian, Brian Damage. Currently working on my PhD in astrophysics, actually. But recently I did work on a degree in art history. But it was no use for a job.

NEIL'S DAD: What kind of job had you in mind?

DAMAGE: Maybe some kind of a bank job, you know.

NEIL'S DAD: Nice safe job?

DAMAGE: Yeah, possibly, possibly.

NEIL'S MUM: Did you make your bed?

NEIL: No, no, I bought it.

NEIL'S MUM: Exactly. [Wipes Neil's face with a hanky]

NEIL'S DAD: Now, your mother and I are very disappointed by all this, Neil.

NEIL'S MUM: You have brought shame on your family, Neil. I daren't show my face at Lady Fanshaw's bridge evenings, now that you've taken up with these television people. I mean, what kind of monsters are you?! I mean, The Young Ones. Well, it all sounds very good, doesn't it? But just look around you. There's trash!

[smashes a chair to splinters]

I mean, even, even Triangle has better furniture than you do!

MIKE: I think you'll find that was specially designed to fall apart like that, Mrs. Pye. Rick was going to get hit over the head with it in the next scene.

NEIL: [embarassed] I thought you'd be, you know, glad I was doing something worthwhile.

NEIL'S DAD: Worthwhile?! I mean, it's a bloody outrage! It's a waste of a licensing fee. Pardon my French, but why can't you be in one of those decent situation comedies that your mother likes? What's the thing called?

VYVYAN: Grange Hill!

NEIL'S DAD: That's the one!

[Two schoolboys in school uniforms come running wildly through the halls of their school]

SCHOOLBOY #1: So that's settled then! We organize a protest against school uniforms!

SCHOOLBOY #2: Great! We can use the banners left over from the last protest we organized, so that racism wouldn't be an issue in this school.

SCHOOLBOY #1: Good! Then that's what we'll do. I'll get Mucker, Trucker, Ducker, and Sucker. You get Spaz!

SCHOOLBOY #2: But I am Spaz!

SCHOOLBOY #1: Oh. Well, I'd better get Spaz as well then. But we've got to hurry. [They start running, but bump into a stern-looking man in a 3-piece suit]

SCHOOLBOY #2: Sorry, Mr. Liberal. We were in a hurry.

MR. LIBERAL: Hang on, you pair of young scruffy tearaways. Don't you realize the way you act is influencing millions of children to talk Cockney and be insubordinate?!

SCHOOLBOY #1: Come on, sir. Don't be silly! We're the only kidds in Britain who never say fu....

[Back to the house]

NEIL'S MUM: You must be talking nonsense! I don't watch that ghastly program!

NEIL'S DAD: I'm sorry, my dear. It was my mistake. I meant The Good Life.

NEIL'S MUM: Oh, yes. That's the one.

[The cartoon and theme music for The Good Life appear, but Vyvyan tears it down.]

VYVYAN: NO!! No! We're not watching the bloody Good Life!! Bloody bloody bloody!! I hate it!! It's so bloody nice! Felicity 'Treacle' Kendall and Richard 'Sugar-Flavored-Snot' Briars!! What do they do now?! Chocolate bloody Button ads, that's what!! They're just a couple of reactionary stereotypes, confirming the myth that everyone in Britain is a lovable, middle-class eccentric - and I - HATE - THEM!!

[collapses on the couch, exhuasted]

MIKE: That was a highly articulate outburst, Vyvyan. I only hope they're not watching.

RICK: Well, you can just shut up, Vyvyan. You can just about bloomin' well shut up! Cause if you've got anything horrid to say about Felicity Kendall, you can just about bloomin' well say it to me first!! All right?!

VYVYAN: Rick, I just did.

RICK: Oh! Oh!! You did, did you?! Well, I've got a good mind to give you a ruddy good punch on the bottom for what you just said! You're talking about the woman I love!

NEIL: Yeah, and me! I love her too.

NEIL'S DAD: yes, well, I agree with the spotty twerps on that one. Felicity Kendall is sweetly pretty, and just what a real girlie should be. Why, speaking as a feminist myself, I can safely say this: that Felicity Kendall is a wonderful woman, and I want to protect her.

VYVYAN: [sarcastic] Well, it's the first time I've ever heard it called that!

NEIL'S MUM: Neil! Say something!

NEIL: [quietly, knowing what Vyvyan can do to him] 

Shut up, Vyvyan, that's my dad you're talking to.

VYVYAN: Did you see that episode where the pig was going to have a baby? Now, that was quite a promising idea. But it was all done so bloody nicely! We didn't see anything! Even the policeman was nice.

[A policeman comes in (different than the earlier one), smashing a lamp with his nightstick]

POLICEMAN: All right! Why shouldn't the police be portrayed as nice occasionally?!

[threatens Neil's Dad with his stick]

You trendy students are always giving us a bad name!

VYVYAN: Oh, do you mean like 'Big Jobbies'?

POLICEMAN: All right, now you've really asked for it!

[Picks up a chair, smashes Rick over the head. But it doesn't collapse like it should and he is knocked out.]

Now, let me assure you that I would not have done that to you if you had been Felicity Kendall. [pause] God, are you all right?

MIKE: No. It was that silly cow. [points to Neil's Mom] She smashed the special balsa wood chair earlier on.

NEIL'S MUM: Well, none of this would have happened if you'd been doing a nice program like The Good Life.

[The Good Life music leads into the next scene. The boys are in the back yard, planting a garden.]

MIKE: And that's where we'll put a row of cabbages.

VYVYAN: Okey-dokey, Mikey. We've got some of that!

[takes out a board with cabbages stuck to it, sets it down]

MIKE: And that's where we'll put the row of caulies.

VYVYAN: Ah-hah! Just wait one moment, Michael.

[takes out a board with small dogs attached, sings dramatically, laughs]

MIKE: Very funny, Vyvyan.

VYVYAN: Well, you might've laughed, Michael. It took me ages to raid the pet shop and nail 'em all to a plank.

RICK: [walking out from the house] A-ha! The timeless wonder of the English countryside.

[goes to Neil, who is hoeing]

Good grief, Christine, it'd be pretty bloody super to have a snog in a place like this! What do you think, Neil?

NEIL: I don't feel like it, actually, Rick. I've got a lot of work to do!

RICK: Not with you, you sick pervy. I meant with a pretty bloody super girlie who's on for an amazing bit of rumpo. and how's your father...

NEIL: [picks up a large bag of seed packets] OK, I've plowed this bit, right. And now I'm going to sow it. [throws packets of seed down] This self-sufficiency thing really is amazing. We sow the seed, right. Nature grows the seed, and then, we eat the seed. And then, after that, we sow the seed, nature grows the seed, and then, we eat the seed. And then, after that again, we sow the seed, nature grows the seed....

RICK: Oh, shut up, Neil! Shut up! Shut up. It's pathetic. I mean, what about radical magazines? What about Kicker boots?! Can we grow them? No, we can't, can we?! They beauty of your plan, Neil, seems to rest on everyone being really into seeds.

NEIL: No no no, Rick. You don't understand the timeless wonder of the whole thing. We. Sow the seed! Nature grows the seed. We eat the seed. And then....

[Rick clobbers Neil with a shovel. Neil collapses, unmoving.]

RICK: All right. Now, shut up. [pause] Come on, get up Neil, there's a lot of work to be done. Neil? Neil?! [bends over, feels the body] Oh, God! Oh, God, I've killed a hippie! I've killed a hippie, and now I'll have to pay. Oh, God. Vyvyan's bound to tell on me, and I'll get sent to prison and raped in the shower by Mr. Big who's in with the warders. Oh! Burn the corpse! Burn the corpse.

[tries to light Neil, but he won't catch fire]

Burn! Burn! Oh, trust Neil to be all soggy! Burn!

[Two men come up and watch Rick, who quickly stands]

MAN #1: Hello.

MAN #2: Hello.

RICK: Hello!

MAN #1: My name's Mick. This is Tess.

TESS: All right, are ya?

RICK: Tess?

MICK: We would've brought Harry, but we don't know anyone called Harry.

RICK: Um, excuse me. [laughs nervously] You're not policemen, are you?

TESS: No, we're not policemen.

[They leave, but return a second later]

MICK: Oh, yeah! I'm sorry. Look, we've come about the muck.

RICK: Muck?

MICK: Look, you know, manure.

RICK: Yes?

MICK: We've been told to drop a load in your garden.

RICK: Well, listen, absolutely nobody, I don't care who they are, is doing a two-ton pooh outside of my front door.

TESS: Just thought you might need it to cover up that dead hippie you just murdered, that's all.

RICK: Yes! Yes, bury him! Bury him. But it's not a hippie. It's just a garden gnome, that I accidentally cracked.

[A garden gnome is standing aside, watching]

GNOME: What a load of old crap! It's not a gnome! It's a hippie he's just killed. He's just killed a hippie, everybody!!

[Rick kicks it and it shatters][Good Life music again]

[Some time later, Rick is packing down the manure around Neil's body, not doing a very good job, since one of Neil's legs is sticking out. Mike and Vyvyan come out, carrying a row of cans on a board.]

MIKE: So, this is the row of mixed veg. Oh, nicely nicely, we progress. The grow-anything fertilizer has arrived. [Sets the board down]

VYVYAN: Brilliant. We are now completely self-sufficient in fertilizer. Speaking of which, where's Neil?

MIKE: Yeah! Where is he? I specifically told him that if we don't sow the seed, nature can't grow the seed, and we can't eat the seed. Eh?

RICK: Ah, er, he's [pause] emigrated. [filled with remorse] And he said to say that you'll never see him again.

VYVYAN: Well, he's left one of his shoes behind.

[takes Neil's shoe off, exposing his bare foot]

He's left one of his feet behind as well!

MIKE: Bloody idiot.

RICK: [laughs] Yes, I noticed he was hopping when he left.

MIKE: Hang on a minute. Did you say..? [the sky turns dark]

RICK: Oh, no. Night time.

MIKE: Good grief. Oh, well. Boing. [jumps up, motions to the others]

RICK & VYVYAN: [together, jumping] Boing!

MIKE: Time for bed, everyone.

[Mike leads them inside, to the sound of The Good Life music]

[Later on, Neil sits up out of the manure pile]

NEIL: Lucky Rick only stunned me, eh?

[On his right, another Neil sits up]

Oh, wow!

[checks to make sure he's OK]

Hello?

NEIL #2: Hello?

NEIL: Anybody watching that must've thought it was a negative reality inversion.

[A man and woman are making out in the shadows]

WOMAN: Cor, that looked just like a negative reality inversion, didn't it?

MAN: Yes, it did, a bit.

[They turn their attention back to each other]

NEIL: I was right! [another Neil sits up] Hello?

NEIL #2: Hello?

NEIL #3: Hello.

NEIL: Oh, wow. [notices the grow-anything fertilizer] Rick planted me. I was the seed. Rick sowed me. Nature grew me. Yeah!

[Rick is lying in bed, tossing and turning, clutching a handkerchief. His conscience calls to him.]

CONSCIENCE: Rick. Rick! This is the voice of your conscience speaking.

RICK: Shut up. Shut up!

CONSCIENCE: Don't tell me to shut up, you spotty little bastard. I'm your conscience. You killed Neil, didn't you?

RICK: No! No! It wasn't me. It was, uh, Vyvyan and Mike, and I'm going to tell on them as well!

CONSCIENCE: They didn't bloody well do it. It was you!

RICK: Oh, God! Whose side are you on?

CONSCIENCE: Not bloody yours, matey!

RICK: Then get out of my head, poo-hole!

CONSCIENCE: Try and make me, farty breath!

VYVYAN: Rick, will you tell your conscience to keep its voice down?! I'm trying to get some sleep!

[Rick is dreaming of a court scene. Vyvyan and Mike are wearing powdered wigs. Vyvyan is the prosecuting attorney, Mike the judge, with Rick off as the accused on one side.]

VYVYAN: Oh, come on, Judge Mike! He's obviously a complete bastard. Let's hang him!

RICK: But I'm the People's Poet! The spokesperson of a generation! Kids everywhere look to me for inspiration!

[A group of girls is watching the proceedings from the balcony]

GIRL: Oh, People's Poet. Don't die! We'll kill ourselves if you do!But first, we're going to take off all our clothes!

[The girls scream and start to strip]

CONSCIENCE: Stop having a wet dream, you little pervy! [wakes Rick up] You're supposed to be racked with remorse!

RICK: I am! I am.

[Gets up, goes downstairs. Kicks a stuffed panda bear sitting in the corner of the stairway.]

Oh, Neil! Neil! Orange peel! If only I could see you again.

NEIL #2: [sticks his head through the living room window] Hello, Rick.

[Rick screams]

NEIL #3: [sticks his head through the kitchen window] Hello, Rick.[Rick screams louder]

NEIL: [walking through the front door, puts his hand on Rick's shoulder] Hello, Rick.

[Rick goes nuts]

RICK: Help! Michael! Vyvyan! Neil's come back from the grave as zombies!

[Mike and Vyvyan run downstairs. The Young Ones set opens up to reveal a well-decorated show stage. Standing on a platform are Neil's parents and Damage. They are blowing kisses to the audience and waving.]

VYVYAN: [sarcastic] Well, it's the first time I've ever heard it called that!

NEIL'S MUM: Neil! Say something!

NEIL: [quietly, knowing what Vyvyan can do to him] Shut up, Vyvyan, that's my dad you're talking to.

VYVYAN: Did you see that episode where the pig was going to have a baby? Now, that was quite a promising idea. But it was all done so bloody nicely! We didn't see anything! Even the policeman was nice.

[A policeman comes in (different than the earlier one), smashing a lamp with his nightstick]

POLICEMAN: All right! Why shouldn't the police be portrayed as nice occasionally?!

[threatens Neil's Dad with his stick]

You trendy students are always giving us a bad name!

VYVYAN: Oh, do you mean like 'Big Jobbies'?

POLICEMAN: All right, now you've really asked for it!

[Picks up a chair, smashes Rick over the head. But it doesn't collapse like it should and he is knocked out.]

Now, let me assure you that I would not have done that to you if you had been Felicity Kendall. [pause] God, are you all right?

MIKE: No. It was that silly cow. [points to Neil's Mom] She smashed the special balsa wood chair earlier on.

NEIL'S MUM: Well, none of this would have happened if you'd been doing a nice program like The Good Life.

[The Good Life music leads into the next scene. The boys are in the back yard, planting a garden.]

MIKE: And that's where we'll put a row of cabbages.

VYVYAN: Okey-dokey, Mikey. We've got some of that!

[takes out a board with cabbages stuck to it, sets it down]

MIKE: And that's where we'll put the row of caulies.

VYVYAN: Ah-hah! Just wait one moment, Michael.

[takes out a board with small dogs attached, sings dramatically, laughs]

MIKE: Very funny, Vyvyan.

VYVYAN: Well, you might've laughed, Michael. It took me ages to raid the pet shop and nail 'em all to a plank.

RICK: [walking out from the house] A-ha! The timeless wonder of the English countryside.

[goes to Neil, who is hoeing]

Good grief, Christine, it'd be pretty bloody super to have a snog in a place like this! What do you think, Neil?

NEIL: I don't feel like it, actually, Rick. I've got a lot of work to do!

RICK: Not with you, you sick pervy. I meant with a pretty bloody super girlie who's on for an amazing bit of rumpo. and how's your father...

NEIL: [picks up a large bag of seed packets] OK, I've plowed this bit, right. And now I'm going to sow it. [throws packets of seed down] This self-sufficiency thing really is amazing. We sow the seed, right. Nature grows the seed, and then, we eat the seed. And then, after that, we sow the seed, nature grows the seed, and then, we eat the seed. And then, after that again, we sow the seed, nature grows the seed....

RICK: Oh, shut up, Neil! Shut up! Shut up. It's pathetic. I mean, what about radical magazines? What about Kicker boots?! Can we grow them? No, we can't, can we?! They beauty of your plan, Neil, seems to rest on everyone being really into seeds.

NEIL: No no no, Rick. You don't understand the timeless wonder of the whole thing. We. Sow the seed! Nature grows the seed. We eat the seed. And then....

[Rick clobbers Neil with a shovel. Neil collapses, unmoving.]

RICK: All right. Now, shut up. [pause] Come on, get up Neil, there's a lot of work to be done. Neil? Neil?! [bends over, feels the body] Oh, God! Oh, God, I've killed a hippie! I've killed a hippie, and now I'll have to pay. Oh, God. Vyvyan's bound to tell on me, and I'll get sent to prison and raped in the shower by Mr. Big who's in with the warders. Oh! Burn the corpse! Burn the corpse.

[tries to light Neil, but he won't catch fire]

Burn! Burn! Oh, trust Neil to be all soggy! Burn!

[Two men come up and watch Rick, who quickly stands]

MAN #1: Hello.

MAN #2: Hello.

RICK: Hello!

MAN #1: My name's Mick. This is Tess.

TESS: All right, are ya?

RICK: Tess?

MICK: We would've brought Harry, but we don't know anyone called Harry.

RICK: Um, excuse me. [laughs nervously] You're not policemen, are you?

TESS: No, we're not policemen.

[They leave, but return a second later]

MICK: Oh, yeah! I'm sorry. Look, we've come about the muck.

RICK: Muck?

MICK: Look, you know, manure.

RICK: Yes?

MICK: We've been told to drop a load in your garden.

RICK: Well, listen, absolutely nobody, I don't care who they are, is doing a two-ton pooh outside of my front door.

TESS: Just thought you might need it to cover up that dead hippie you just murdered, that's all.

RICK: Yes! Yes, bury him! Bury him. But it's not a hippie. It's just a garden gnome, that I accidentally cracked.

[A garden gnome is standing aside, watching]

GNOME: What a load of old crap! It's not a gnome! It's a hippie he's just killed. He's just killed a hippie, everybody!!

[Rick kicks it and it shatters][Good Life music again]

[Some time later, Rick is packing down the manure around Neil's body, not doing a very good job, since one of Neil's legs is sticking out. Mike and Vyvyan come out, carrying a row of cans on a board.]

MIKE: So, this is the row of mixed veg. Oh, nicely nicely, we progress. The grow-anything fertilizer has arrived. [Sets the board down]

VYVYAN: Brilliant. We are now completely self-sufficient in fertilizer. Speaking of which, where's Neil?

MIKE: Yeah! Where is he? I specifically told him that if we don't sow the seed, nature can't grow the seed, and we can't eat the seed. Eh?

RICK: Ah, er, he's [pause] emigrated. [filled with remorse] And he said to say that you'll never see him again.

VYVYAN: Well, he's left one of his shoes behind.

[takes Neil's shoe off, exposing his bare foot]

He's left one of his feet behind as well!

MIKE: Bloody idiot.

RICK: [laughs] Yes, I noticed he was hopping when he left.

MIKE: Hang on a minute. Did you say..? [the sky turns dark]

RICK: Oh, no. Night time.

MIKE: Good grief. Oh, well. Boing. [jumps up, motions to the others]

RICK & VYVYAN: [together, jumping] Boing!

MIKE: Time for bed, everyone.

[Mike leads them inside, to the sound of The Good Life music]

[Later on, Neil sits up out of the manure pile]

NEIL: Lucky Rick only stunned me, eh?

[On his right, another Neil sits up]

Oh, wow!

[checks to make sure he's OK]

Hello?

NEIL #2: Hello?

NEIL: Anybody watching that must've thought it was a negative reality inversion.

[A man and woman are making out in the shadows]

WOMAN: Cor, that looked just like a negative reality inversion, didn't it?

MAN: Yes, it did, a bit.

[They turn their attention back to each other]

NEIL: I was right! [another Neil sits up] Hello?

NEIL #2: Hello?

NEIL #3: Hello.

NEIL: Oh, wow. [notices the grow-anything fertilizer] Rick planted me. I was the seed. Rick sowed me. Nature grew me. Yeah!

[Rick is lying in bed, tossing and turning, clutching a handkerchief. His conscience calls to him.]

CONSCIENCE: Rick. Rick! This is the voice of your conscience speaking.

RICK: Shut up. Shut up!

CONSCIENCE: Don't tell me to shut up, you spotty little bastard. I'm your conscience. You killed Neil, didn't you?

RICK: No! No! It wasn't me. It was, uh, Vyvyan and Mike, and I'm going to tell on them as well!

CONSCIENCE: They didn't bloody well do it. It was you!

RICK: Oh, God! Whose side are you on?

CONSCIENCE: Not bloody yours, matey!

RICK: Then get out of my head, poo-hole!

CONSCIENCE: Try and make me, farty breath!

VYVYAN: Rick, will you tell your conscience to keep its voice down?! I'm trying to get some sleep!

[Rick is dreaming of a court scene. Vyvyan and Mike are wearing powdered wigs. Vyvyan is the prosecuting attorney, Mike the judge, with Rick off as the accused on one side.]

VYVYAN: Oh, come on, Judge Mike! He's obviously a complete bastard. Let's hang him!

RICK: But I'm the People's Poet! The spokesperson of a generation! Kids everywhere look to me for inspiration!

[A group of girls is watching the proceedings from the balcony]

GIRL: Oh, People's Poet. Don't die! We'll kill ourselves if you do!But first, we're going to take off all our clothes!

[The girls scream and start to strip]

CONSCIENCE: Stop having a wet dream, you little pervy! [wakes Rick up] You're supposed to be racked with remorse!

RICK: I am! I am.

[Gets up, goes downstairs. Kicks a stuffed panda bear sitting in the corner of the stairway.]

Oh, Neil! Neil! Orange peel! If only I could see you again.

NEIL #2: [sticks his head through the living room window] Hello, Rick.

[Rick screams]

NEIL #3: [sticks his head through the kitchen window] Hello, Rick.[Rick screams louder]

NEIL: [walking through the front door, puts his hand on Rick's shoulder] Hello, Rick.

[Rick goes nuts]

RICK: Help! Michael! Vyvyan! Neil's come back from the grave as zombies!

[Mike and Vyvyan run downstairs. The Young Ones set opens up to reveal a well-decorated show stage. Standing on a platform are Neil's parents and Damage. They are blowing kisses to the audience and waving.]