I CANNOT Believe I Just SAID That!

You make Love like a Japanese Meal —

Small portions, but so many courses!

Listen to me mister!

  Underneath all that neurotic mess 

is someone nice trying to get out.

  Someone who deserves a chance to grow.

So, you won't give up, OK?  OK?

LISTER: 

Why do I feel that somehow 

you've missed the point?  

I mean, whether you believe 

that stuff or not, it's about a dude 

who sacrifices his life for love.

RIMMER: 

Not realistic.  As if!

LISTER: 

You've got no soul, 

man. No soul.

Oh, my darling, don't!  This isn't  a time for sadness, 

it's a time for joy! For laughter!  Don't you see?  

Whatever this crazy old world throws at us now 

it doesn't matter -- none of it.

MAN: 

Marnie, we can never 

be together again.

WOMAN: 

Oh my darling, you're wrong!

We'll always be together.  

It's just... that we'll be apart.

Film music signals the end of the film.

KRYTEN: 

Wasn't that just beautiful?  

Oh! Well recommended, sir.  D'you think 

they ever get back together again?

LISTER: 

(In a weepy voice, with head in hands) 

I don't know.

KRYTEN: 

Pardon?

LISTER: 

(Even more distraught) 

I don't know.

Geronimo! | Red Dwarf | BBC Comedy Greats

#JaneHorrocks The most notable difference from the book is that the boy is restored to human form at the end of the story by The Grand High Witch's assistant (a character who does not appear in the book), who had renounced her former evil. Dahl regarded the film as "utterly appalling".

During the editing process, the editor Stephen Roxburgh told Dahl that he was concerned about misogyny in the book. However, he dismissed these concerns by explaining he was not afraid of offending women. The feminist critic Catherine Itzin claimed that the book 'is how Boys learn to become Men who HATE Women'.

Jemma Crew of the Newstatesman considers it an "unlikely source of inspiration for feminists". The Times article "Not in Front of the Censors" suggests that the LEAST interesting thing to a child about A Witch is that they APPEAR to look like A Woman, and even offers the perspective that a witch might be a VERY feminist role model to a young school girl.

Dahl based the novel on his OWN childhood experiences, with the character of the grandmother modelled on Sofie Dahl, the author’s mother. The Author was “well satisfied” by his work on The Witches, a sentiment which literary biographer Robert Carrick believes may have come from the fact that the novel was a departure from Dahl’s usual “all-problem-solving finish.” Dahl did not work on the novel alone; he was aided by editor Stephen Roxburgh, who helped rework The Witches. Roxburgh’s advice was very extensive and covered areas such as improving plots, tightening up Dahl’s writing, and re-inventing characters. Soon after its publication, the novel received compliments for its illustrations by Quentin Blake

Analysis : Due to the complexity of The Witches and its departure from a typical Dahl novel, several academics have analysed the work. One perspective offered by Castleton University professor James Curtis suggests that the REJECTION of the novel by PARENTS is caused by its focus on “CHILD-HATE” and Dahl’s reluctance to SHIELD children from such a reality. The scholar argues that the book showcases a treatment of children that is NOT ACTUALLY WORSE than historical and modern examples; however, Dahl’s determination to expose to his young readers The TRUTH can be controversial. 

Despite Society occasionally making progress in its treatment of children, Curtis argues that different aspects of Child-Hate displayed in Dahl’s work are based on REAL WORLD EXAMPLES. As the boy’s grandmother informs him, The Witches usually strike children when they are ALONE; Curtis uses this information from the novel to connect to the historical problem of child abandonment. As children have been maimed or KILLED due to abandonment, children are harmed by witches in the novel when they have been left ALONE. 

RIMMER: 

I would have done anything 

to get on this ship.  

Every time I look in the mirror, I see this.

(He points at his letter H.) 

Only to me it doesn't mean Hologram, it means 

half-wit, hopeless, hideous  failure.  

This was a chance to be somebody.

Somebody I liked.

CRANE: 

I've never met anyone 

like you before.

RIMMER: 

Everyone says that.

CRANE: 

(Taking hold of RIMMER by the cheeks) 

Listen to me mister!

  Underneath all that neurotic mess 

is someone nice trying to get out.

  Someone who deserves a chance to grow.

So, you won't give up, OK?  OK?

RIMMER: 

I cheated.

CRANE: 

You're going to win, Arnie.  

You're going to get your dream.  

I promise you.

RIMMER: 

You really think?

CRANE kisses her finger and touches 

RIMMER's lips.  The lift door opens.

CRANE: 

I really think.  (Leaves.)

27 Model shot.

Red Dwarf.

28 Int. Red Dwarf corridor.

RIMMER materialises on the Red Dwarf and walks down a corridor into the room where LISTER and CAT are.

RIMMER: (Seemingly dejected) I won.

LISTER: (Incredulous) What?

RIMMER: 

My opponent withdrew.  I won.  

I'm an officer.  I leave tonight.

  (Leaves.)

29 Int. Red Dwarf transmission room. That night.

RIMMER is saying goodbye to the other Dwarfers, rather falteringly.  

His letter H is now in a circle and he's dressed 

as a member of the Enlightenment's crew.

RIMMER: 

Look, I'm not much good at big speeches, 

and I know I haven't always been an easy guy to get on with.  

And I know that, given the choice, I probably wouldn't 

have chosen you as friends.  But, I just want to say ... 

that over the years, ... I have come to regard you ...

  as ... people ... I met.  I'd just better go, OK?

LISTER: 

See you smeghead.

RIMMER: 

Transfer.

KRYTEN: 

Transfer. 

(RIMMER disappears.)

30 Model shot.

The translucent holoship is drifting by 

when it turns into a blue comet

and flies away.

31 Int. Holoship room.

NUMBER TWO and RIMMER 

walk into a room.

NUMBER TWO: 

Here are your quarters, 

Mr. RIMMER.

RIMMER: 

There must be some mistake -- 

these are commander Crane's quarters.

NUMBER TWO: 

Oh, didn't you know?  She 

was your opponent.

Music starts playing, as from the film 

which was playing at the start of the episode.

RIMMER walks into the captain's room.

RIMMER: 

Navigation officer Rimmer reporting, sir.

The music starts fading out.

PLATINI: 

Arnold, welcome aboard.  (Salutes) 

I trust everything's to your

  sa--

RIMMER: 

Permission to speak, sir.  I wish to 

resign my commission, sir.

PLATINI: 

Resign.  Ah, may I ask 

your reasoning please?

RIMMER: 

Flight commander Crane has taken leave 

of her senses and fallen  in love with me, sir.

PLATINI: 

Love?  Surely not.  Commander Crane is 

far too intellectually advanced to submit 

to a mere short-term hormonal imbalance.

RIMMER: 

That's why she withdrew 

from the challenge and 

allowed me to win, sir.

PLATINI: 

Mr. Rimmer, what you are suggesting is that 

somehow she cared more for your happiness 

than she did for her own life.

RIMMER: 

Am I?  Yes sir, I suppose I am, sir.

PLATINI: 

And now you are doing something 

equally unfathomable -- resigning so that she 

can be reinstated, even though here you could 

have everything:  a position of command, 

an effective physical

  presence, everything.

RIMMER: 

Perhaps you'd be kind enough 

to pass this note on to her, sir.

He hands over an envelope as the music swells up again.

PLATINI: 

I understand your gesture, but really your resignation solves

  nothing.  After all, the two of you will still be... apart.

RIMMER: 

Permission to return 

to Red Dwarf, sir.

PLATINI: 

Granted.

RIMMER stands to attention and 

gives the Enlightened salute.  

He begins to leave, but stops 

and turns around.

RIMMER: 

Oh and sir, you're wrong.  

We won't be apart, we just ... 

won't be together.

A look of disgust comes over RIMMER's face.

RIMMER: 

I cannot believe I just said that!

RIMMER leaves.  While the music is coming to an end, 

the screen narrows to letterbox format and 

"The End" appears in a suitably tacky cursive script.