The Wolf, The Ram and The Hart

……I’m not sure The Priests 

can be Trusted.

—Wyndham-Pryce

“There's something magical for me 

about Literature and Fiction, and 

I Think it can Do Things, not only 

that pop culture can’t Do, 

but they're urgent, now — 

One is that, by creating 

A Character in a piece of Fiction, 

You can allow a Reader 

to leap over The Wall of Self  

and to imagine himself being 

not just somewhere else, 

but someone else, in a way 

the Television and Movies,

that no other form can do, 

because people, I think, 

are essentially lonely and alone 

and frightened of being alone”

— Foster

Megatron, aboard the 

Hijacked Shuttle —

His Fusion-cannon, 

building in charge;

His smile, bent

On the evening of their final night together, at The End of The Tour, 

The Davids are treating themselves (and each other) 

to a final, Last Supper-communion feast of 

McDonalds take-out ‘on Jann’, courtesy of the graces of

Young David’s Rolling Stone expense account —

Foster :

Uh, We'll take all of these.

David :

Please, Let Me.

Foster :

Oh, no, you don't have

to pay for my shit.

David :

No, no. It's not coming out of my pocket,

I have an expense account.

Foster :

If you insist, yeah.

Foster :

Mmm.

David :

If we ate like this all the time...

Foster :

Yeah.

David :

What would be wrong with that?

Foster :

(CHUCKLES) What would be wrong? 

Like, besides your teeth falling out 

and getting really fat?

It's got none of the 

nourishment

of real Food...

David :

No.

Foster :

...but it is real pleasurable, masticating 

and swallowing this stuff.

David :

Yes, it is. 

Foster :

It's like seductive commercial entertainment.

David :

Mmm. But What Saves Us is that

most entertainment is not very good.

Foster :

Yeah, but what about good seductive 

commercial entertainment, like, uh, 

Die Hard?

David :

That first Die Hard?

Foster :

The first Die Hard.

David :

Great film.

Foster :

No, it's a brilliant film.

David :

The Best.

Foster :

Absolutely.

David :

So good.

Foster :

I Think if The Book 

is about anything...

David :

Yeah.

Foster :

...it's about The Question of Why.

David :

Right.

Foster :

Why am I watching all this shit?

David :

Right. Right, yeah.

Foster :

It's not about the shit.

It's about Me.

David :

Okay.

Foster :

So, why am I Doing it?

And what's so American

about What I'm Doing?

….You know, the minute I start talking about this stuff,

it sounds, number one, very vague,

and number two, really reductive.

David :

No, no, no. I don't think you're 

being vague or reductive at all.

Foster :

Okay, because I don't have a diagnosis or a 

System of Prescription as to why We...

When I Say "We," I mean

people just like You and Me :

Mostly white, upper-middle class,

obscenely well-educated,

doing really interesting jobs,

sitting in really expensive chairs...

David :

Yeah.

Foster :

...watching the best, most sophisticated

electronic equipment Money can buy —

Why Do We Feel so empty and unhappy?

David :

Right. No. It's kind of like Hamlet,

except with channel surfing.

Foster :

I'm not saying that watching TV is bad

or a waste of your time, any more than 

masturbation is bad or 

a waste of your time —

It's a pleasurable way to 

spend a few minutes,

but if you're doing it 

20 times a day...

David :

Right.

Foster :

If your primary sexual relationship is

with your own hand, something is Wrong.

David :

Yeah, except, at least with masturbation, some 

action is being performed though, right?

Isn't that... That's better.

Foster :

…..okay, You can make Me look like

a real dick if You print this.

David :

(CHUCKLES) No, I'm not going to,

but if you can, Speak into The Mic.

Foster :

Yes, you're performing 

muscular movements

with your hand as you're jerking off,

but what you're really doing, 

I Think, is --

You're running A Movie 

in Your Head.

Yeah, I’ve seen This Bit before.

You said that sentence 

got away from you.

…It….  got away from me, yeah.

Next thing You’re Going to Say, 

is “Well, I can Hear You.”

Well, I can Hear You.

You're having A Fantasy-relationship

with somebody who is not real, strictly 

to stimulate a neurological response.

This is Impossible!

I know, it’s brilliant!




Foster :

So look, as The Internet grows 

in the next 10, 15 years and 

Virtual-Reality pornography

becomes a reality...

David :

Hmm.

Foster :

...we're gonna have to develop some 

real Machinery inside Our Guts to 

turn-off pure, unalloyed pleasure.

Or, I don't know about you,

I'm gonna have to Leave The Planet.

David :

Why?

Foster :

'Cause The Technology is just

gonna get better and better,

and it's gonna get easier and easier,

and more and more convenient,

and more and more pleasurable

to sit alone —

With images on a screen given to Us 

by People who Do Not Love Us,

but want Our Money.

And that's fine in low doses.

But if it's the basic main staple

of your diet, You're gonna Die.

David :

Well, come on.

Foster :

In a very Meaningful way,

You're Going to Die.

The Following Morning :

The Last Day.

(Foster puts a wad of chewing 

tobacco in his mouth — )

David :

Hey, can I try that, actually?

Foster :

Yeah, it takes some getting 

used-to. Go ahead.

David :

Thanks.

Foster :

(Points at his mouth) It goes 

right there.

David :

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, I know.

Mmm. Hmm.

That's, um... Mmm. 

Actually, can I use 

your bathroom

for a second?

Foster :

(quietly smirking) I believe 

it's unoccupied.

David :

Right. Hmm.

(WATER RUNNING)

- (FLIPS PAPER)