Ferenghi Television

This is like a holo-novel,

but way sleazier. 

Mister Neelix: 

Take a Look at this :

It's a form of entertainment 

called a ‘soap opera’. 

The exploration of 

human relationships 

is fascinating. 


Ensign Kim: 

I can't imagine just 

watching The Story 

and not being 

a part of it. 


Kes : 

That's because you've been 

spoiled by The HoloDeck. 

There's something to be said for 

non-interactive stories like this, 

being swept away in The Narrative. 


Lt. J.G Boimler :

All right. 

Dropping bags off 

in hotel room

is off the list. 

We got the for-profit minibar,

the for-profit toilet, 

the machine that

charges you to pay, 

for the toilet and the minibar. 

View screen works. 

That's everything. 

I give this hotel

a nine out of ten. 

Now, off to The Museum

of Bribery. 

Oh, weird. A what-you-call-it... 

a "commer-seal"?  Ooh. 

Ferenghi Hunk :

Aah!

Semi-Clothed Ferenghi Female :

(kicking him in The Pool) 

You're fired. 

Slug-O Cola. This happens

to everyone who drinks it. 

Lt. J.G Boimler :

They just lie to you?  Hilarious.

Well, time to head out. 

And now,

Pog & Dar : Cop Landlords. 

Lt. J.G Boimler :

Huh? Mm. This is like a holo-novel,

but way sleazier. 

Det. Pog :

You're making my partner mad. 

Det. Dar :

Just sign the lease, dirtbag.

Lobleless Ferenghi Tenant :

No.  (Pulls out a disruptor and shoots Dar!)

Det. Dar :

Aah!

(Pog shoots him in return)

Det. Dar :

Aah! 

Det. Pog :

You just surrendered 

your deposit 

and your life. 

I'm not gonna make it, partner. 

Det. Pog :

Hey, you hang on

one second, buddy :

I just need to enjoy

the crisp, refreshing taste 

of a Slug-O Cola. 

Lt. Jnr. Grade Boimler :

Oh, they put commercials

in the shows? 

It's like Mind Control. 

(The Ferenghi Thought-Maker installed 

above his hotel bed twinkles behind him.)

Det. Pog :

Transfer your latinum to me, 

or I'll tell everyone you 

supported tenants' rights. 

Det. Dar :

I'm proud to be scammed 

by a landlord cop as conniving

as you, partner. 

Lt. Jnr. Grade Boimler :

Okay, I guess I should finally do my... 

Up next...

Will They, Won't They? 

The workplace sitcom

where everyone 

is secretly in love

with each other. 

Lt. Jnr. Grade Boimler :

I'm sorry, what? 

Oh, Blongo,

I don't know what to do. 

I'm secretly in love with Nilm, 

but she's engaged to Bok, 

who's always extremely... 

Lt. Jnr. Grade Boimler :

This kind of hacky, lowest-common-denominator  schlock won't work on me. 

her flirtations with Kret. 

Lt. Jnr. Grade Boimler :

But I better watch 

so officers who aren't

as resilient as I am 

will know what to avoid. 

But you should go for it. 

Even though I'm secretly

in love with you. 

Mr. Boimler, did you do

too many locations? 

Are you in need of aid?

Lt. Jnr. Grade Boimler :

Uh, no.  I watched eight hours straight

of Ferengi programming. 

I'm sorry I let you down, sir. 

Honestly, I'm proud of you.

Lt. Jnr. Grade Boimler :

Really? 

You've always had a problem

going with the flow, 

but today it looks like you 

got out of your own way. 

Lt. Jnr. Grade Boimler :

Thank you, sir. 

I've authorised the local authorities 

to drag you out of there. 

Just go limp, don't fight them. 

Lt. J.G Boimler :

Get out of here! 

I really like that lieutenant. 

Lt. Jnr. Grade Boimler :

Oh! Aah! 

Oh! Oh, no. Oh, oh, no, no,

no, no, no, no!