So, after I vanquished Captain America and Iron Man,
I claimed my prize,
all six Infinity Stones.
ALLIGATOR LOKI :
(GROWLS)
CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI :
That’s alligator for growling and saying “liar” at the same time.
BOASTFUL LOKI :
At least my nexus event wasn’t eating the wrong neighbor’s cat.
(SNARLS)
(GROANING)
Alligator Loki ATTACKS..!!
BOASTFUL LOKI :
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Hey, hey, hey.
KID LOKI :
Tell them Your Story, Loki.
CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI :
Me?Nobody wants to hear about that.
Loki :
Er, I would, actually.
CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI :
Um…
Loki :
It’s just I’ve been wondering, because I’m…
Well, we’re supposed to die, right?
Thanos kills us after Ragnarok.
CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI :
Thanos…. (drinks bitter dregs)
In my timeline, everything proceeded correctly, my entire life,
until Thanos attacked our ship.
Loki :
So, you didn’t try to stab him, then?
CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI :
(CHUCKLES)
Certainly not.
Take no offense, my friends,
but blades are worthless in the face of a Loki’s sorcery.
They stunt our magical potential.
KID LOKI :
But they LOOK awesome.
CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI :
Oh, yes. Especially when they clatter to the ground
just before your neck is snapped.
I cast a projection of myself so real, even The Mad Titan believed it.
Then hid as inanimate debris.
After I faked my death, I simply drifted in space.
Away from Thor, away from everything.
Thought about The Universe and my place in it,
and it occurred to me that
everywhere I went,
only Pain followed.
So I removed myself from The Equation,
landed on a remote planet
and stayed there in isolation,
in solitude for a long, long time.
Loki :
How did the TVA find you?
CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI :
I got lonely.
(CHUCKLES)
To tell you The Truth,
I missed My Brother,
and I wondered if he missed me,
if anybody else did.
But as soon as I took my first steps
to getting off The Planet, the TVA arrived.
Because we, my friends,
have but one part to play :
The God of Outcasts.
Nothing more.
ALL TOAST :
The God of Outcasts.
Loki :
I’m going.
KID LOKI :
Going where?
Loki :
Out of this place, out of The Void, back to the TVA.
We’re as good at escaping as we are at surviving.
That gives me a decent chance.
CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI :
You won’t do either,
you’ll be murdered.
Loki :
Well, so be it.
That was My Destiny to begin with.
KID LOKI :
You’re different.
Why?
Loki :
No, I’m not, you see?
I’m the same, really.
I’m the same as all of you.
Have any of you met a woman Variant of us?
CLASSIC, UGLY LOKI :
Sounds terrifying.
Loki :
Oh, she is.
But that’s kind of what’s great about her.
She’s different.
She’s not trying to take over the TVA, she’s trying to take it down.
And She Needs Me.
Now, you said Alioth is what keeps Us here.
You said it’s a living thing.
You said it’s a shark.
Well, if it lives, it dies.
So I’m gonna kill The Shark.
I’m gonna kill Alioth, and I could use all the help I can get.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(LAUGHING)
BOASTFUL LOKI :
Yeah, baby. Yeah.
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
Loki :
Monsters…..
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