FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - DAY
JOSH [VO]
It's a good speech.
LEO [VO]
The Andrew Jackson speech?
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
JOSH
Yeah.
LEO
It is a good speech.
JOSH
And it gets better every year. But...
LEO
What?
JOSH
You're not going to give it, right?
LEO
Sure.
JOSH
Why?
LEO
Because it's Big Block of Cheese Day, Josh.
They exit office, walk through JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA.
JOSH
Yeah, see, but we know it's Big Block of Cheese Day.
And we know why it's called Big Block of Cheese Day.
So, there's really no need for the speech.
LEO
Except it wouldn't be Big Block of Cheese Day without the speech, now, would it?
JOSH
Well, let's find out. Maybe it would.
LEO
How did you get to work this morning?
JOSH
I walked.
LEO
Ah.
JOSH
Yeah.
LEO
How is it out there?
JOSH
Uh, it's pretty loud.
LEO
World Policy Studies is holding a forum this morning.
I'm going to send Toby.
JOSH
That's a good idea.
LEO
Why?
JOSH
Well, 'cause you're not sending me.
LEO
Look, I...
JOSH
Leo, the World Bank and the WTO are international organizations of which the U.S. is one member.
Why isn't Switzerland the one?
LEO
'Cause they're not protesting in Switzerland...
they're protesting on 18th street, and
I don't want to be asked how come no one from the White House ever met with them.
JOSH
Well, that seems reasonable.
LEO
I can't tell you how relieved I am to have your approval on that.
JOSH
But you're still going to do the speech.
They stop outside the Roosevelt Room.
LEO
Got to. Little thing called team morale, Josh.
You gotta make people feel good about themselves.
Leo and Josh enter THE ROOSEVELT ROOM.
Approximately 35 staffers are standing or sitting at the table.
LEO
All right, shut the hell up, everybody.
I've fired more people than you before breakfast.
Complete silence ensues. Leo goes to stand at the head of the table.
LEO
Andrew Jackson,...
[staffers groan]
...in the main foyer of the White House had a Big Block of Cheese.
The block of cheese was huge...
C.J.
Leo, who made these assignments?
LEO
I think this will go faster if I'm not interrupted, don't you?
C.J.
I'm meeting with the Organization of Cartographers for Social Equality?
MARGARET
Yes.
C.J.
What do mapmakers have to do with social equality?
LEO
I guess you're about to find out.
C.J.
Well, probably not, because I won't really be listening to them.
LEO
The block of cheese was huge...
LARRY
Excuse me, Leo. C.J., I got NIH research funding for cancer treatment using shark cartilage, if you want to trade.
ED
I'll take that.
LARRY
What do you got?
ED
Citizens for D.C. Statehood.
LARRY
Forget it.
DONNA
I've got the Kemp's Ridley Sea Turtle Society, but I'm keeping it.
LEO
You're all keeping it. I'm sure Margaret worked long and hard to make sure that the appropriate petitioner went to the appropriate staffer.
Margaret shakes head 'no', Leo turns to look at her and she nods 'yes'.
LEO
The block of cheese was two-tons, and was there for any and all who might be hungry...
TOBY
[enters]
Excuse me. I was waylaid.
C.J.
By what?
TOBY
30,000 tourists.
LARRY
You know, the protesters.
TOBY
No, don't call them protesters, I've seen better organized crowds at the DMV.
LEO
Two tons this block of cheese weighed...
TOBY
[still muttering]
In my day, we knew how to protest.
C.J.
What day was that?
TOBY
1968.
JOSH
How the hell old were you when you were protesting?
TOBY
My sisters took me. [staffers chuckle] Anybody have a problem with that?
LEO
No one has a problem with that.
TOBY
The police are always seven steps ahead of them.
The cops know exactly where they're going to be and what's going to happen.
You know how they know?
By logging onto their website.
We had the underground. We had rapid response.
C.J.
And by God, you were home by supper on a school night.
TOBY
These people are amateurs. What's my assignment?
LEO
Meeting with the amateurs.
TOBY
Huh?
LEO
World Policy Studies is having a forum... there'll be about a hundred of them.
TOBY
Doing what?
LEO
Listening to you conduct a free exchange of ideas.
TOBY
Really?
LEO
Josh thinks it's a good idea.
TOBY
Oh well, if Josh thinks it's a good idea, then you bet, I'll do it.
LEO
Look...
TOBY
What else is there?
C.J.
I've got Cartographers for Social Equality.
JOSH
So, now you have two choices... meeting with an unruly mob or meeting with lunatic mapmakers.
TOBY
Or getting paid a lot more money working almost anywhere else I want.
LEO
Seriously, Toby, there'll be security there. But still...
TOBY
What about press?
C.J.
Just wires.
TOBY
No, I mean TV.
C.J.
No cameras.
TOBY
You negotiated that?
C.J.
Yeah.
TOBY
They agreed to it?
C.J.
You want to make out with me right now, don't you?
TOBY
Well, when don't I? [to Margaret] Give me the thing.
LEO
Okay, then. Andrew Jackson in the main foyer of the White House had a two-ton block of cheese.
JOSH
And a wheat thin the size of Lake Tahoe.
The staffers giggle. An aide hands Donna a note.
LEO
It was there for any and all who were hungry.
It was there for the voiceless, the faceless...
Donna leaves.
CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Donna exits to the hallway, where STEPHANIE GAULT is waiting.
DONNA
Stephanie.
STEPHANIE GAULT
[whispering] Hi. You look great.
DONNA
Thank you. Why are you talking like that?
STEPHANIE
I don't want to shout.
DONNA
But we can use our normal voices though, right?
STEPHANIE
Never been in the White House.
DONNA
If you wait till later tonight, I'll give you a tour.
STEPHANIE
Did I get you out of something?
DONNA
No, I meant we're not allowed to give tours until after 10:00 when the
President's out
of the west wing.
STEPHANIE
Oh.
DONNA
Come with me.
STEPHANIE
The President works until 10:00?
DONNA
He usually works until after that, but he leaves the Oval at 10. We'll go
in Josh's office.
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
STEPHANIE
Donna, I am getting you out of something though, right?
DONNA
Nothing, you got me out of the Big Block of Cheese Day meeting.
STEPHANIE
What's...
DONNA
I had the worst feeling you were going to ask. Andrew Jackson, while he was
President,
had in the main foyer of the White House - I can't believe I'm giving this
speech -
a two-ton block of cheese. In that spirit, Leo McGarry designates one day
for certain
senior staff members to take appointments with people or groups that wouldn't
ordinarily
be able to get the ear of the White House.
STEPHANIE
Sounds amazing.
DONNA
We make a lot of fun of it but truth is, I think it is.
STEPHANIE
Um, I'm sorry to, uh...
DONNA
Oh, yeah.
Donna closes the door, comes back and sits across from Stephanie.
STEPHANIE
Were you able to mention me to Sam Seaborn?
DONNA
I wasn't... I haven't yet and I apologize.
STEPHANIE
No, that's okay.
DONNA
Sam's just... it's been a bad week for Sam.
STEPHANIE
It's just that from everything I've been told, the President listens to Sam
Seaborn when
it comes to...
DONNA
Yeah.
DONNA
I should have said this on the phone. I'm not that comfortable with...
STEPHANIE
That's....
DONNA
It puts him in an awkward position if he has to say "no," and something like
this, if it
seems like a favor.... [beat] Steph, is your dad dying?
Stephanie nods softly.
DONNA
Okay, listen. When we're in with Sam, mention what you've just said before,
that from
everything you've heard, he's the man. He'll want to impress you and show
you that he's
got access to the President.
STEPHANIE
Wait a minute. You're really getting me in to see him? It's really all right?
DONNA
Yeah, it's Big Block of Cheese Day. [picks up phone] It's me. I need some
time with Sam.
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