A Wife

Perfect-10: 

And The Master - Oh, he just showed up again, same as ever. 

The Chorister : 

Oh no, really? Does he still have that rubbish beard? 

Perfect-10:  

No, no beard this time. 

Well, a wife. 

Captain Jack Harkness: 

[Introducing the team] 

Gwen Cooper, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, meet...

Captain John Hart: 

Captain John Hart.

Captain Jack Harkness: 

We go back.

Captain John Hart: 

Excuse me, we more than go back - we were partners.

Ianto Jones: 

[Softly] 

In what way?

Captain John Hart: 

In every way, and then some.

Captain Jack Harkness: 

It was two weeks.

Captain John Hart: 

Except that two weeks was trapped in a time loop, so we were together for five years. 

It was like having a wife.

Captain Jack Harkness: 

You were the wife.

Captain John Hart: 

You were the wife.

Captain Jack Harkness:

 No, you were the wife.

Captain John Hart: 

Oh, but I was a good wife!

*******

LISTER: 
Why are you here?  
Where's your wife?

RIMMER #2:
 Don't ask me.  He's nothing to do with me, anymore.  
Last time  I saw him, he was redoing my paint work. 
 Changing it from Military Gray back to Ocean Gray.
  
He's quite, quite mad!

RIMMER: 
(Walking in) 
Lister.  Cat.  
(Sits directly in front of RIMMER #2) 

RIMMER #2: 
(To RIMMER) 
Excuse me, I can't see.

RIMMER: 
(To RIMMER #2) 
Shhh.

RIMMER #2: 
(To RIMMER) 
Excuse me, I can't see through the back of your stupid, curly-haired, sticky-outy-eared head.

LISTER: 
I'm trying to watch the film!

CAT: 
Yeah!

RIMMER #2: 
(To RIMMER) 
Move!

RIMMER: 
Look, I just happened to choose a seat at random.  
If you're unhappy with your seat, I suggest you move.

RIMMER #2: 
Right.  

(Stands up.) 

Now, where shall I sit?  Over here or
  over there?  Ummmm... no, that's a nice seat!  

(Sits directly in front   of RIMMER #2.)