Sunday, 22 January 2017

Trump Rally

Blessed Exchequer, forgive us. 
Your children have gone astray.


"You don't understand. 

Ferengi workers don't want to stop the exploitation. 

We want to find a way to become the exploiters."


- Future Grand Nagus Rom, responding to Bashir's suggestion that he form a union





(Brunt is giving Quark a pedicure.

QUARK
Financial advisor? I don't know. 

BRUNT
I do have lots of connections on Ferenginar. 

QUARK
I don't need your connections. As Nagus, people will be lining up to do business with me. You missed a spot. 

BRUNT
I'm sure there must be something I can do to change your mind. 

QUARK
Possibly. 

BRUNT
Would forty bricks of gold pressed latinum do the trick? 

QUARK
No. But seventy would. 

BRUNT
Fifty.

QUARK
Sixty. 

BRUNT
Done. If you'll sign this. 

QUARK
What is it? 

BRUNT
A receipt. 

QUARK
For a bribe? 

BRUNT
Surely you're aware of the new regulation making all bribes tax deductible. 

QUARK
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Did you just use the T word? 

BRUNT
You mean tax? 

QUARK
Are you telling me there are T's on Ferenginar? 

BRUNT
You haven't been keeping up with the latest reforms, have you? 
Zek instituted progressive income tax three months ago. 

QUARK
You call that a reform? Taxes go against the very spirit of free enterprise. That's why they call it free. 

BRUNT
The government needed revenues to fund the new social programmes. Wage subsidies for the poor, retirement benefits for the aged, health care for 

QUARK
Stop, stop, stop! I had no idea things had gotten so bad. This is all Moogie's fault. She's been polluting Zek's mind with notions of equality and compassion. Whatever happened to survival of the fittest? Whatever happened to the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer? Whatever happened to pure, unadulterated greed? 

BRUNT
Things change. 

QUARK
And they're going to change back. The first thing I'm going to do is eliminate these so called reforms, before Ferenginar ends up looking like a Federation planet. 

BRUNT
Oh, I'm not sure the Congress of Economic Advisors will approve. 

QUARK
I don't care who they are or what they are. As Nagus, I can do what I want. 

BRUNT
Not anymore. All regulations proposed by the Nagus have to be ratified by the Congress before they become law. You'll still be a powerful man. I wouldn't be sucking up to you otherwise. 

(Quark kneels in front of his idol.

QUARK: 
Blessed Exchequer, forgive us. 
Your children have gone astray.

(Coming up the stairs.) 

QUARK: 
Did you know this Congress of Economic Meddlers actually passed legislation making monopolies illegal? What's the point of being in business if you can't corner the market and gouge your customers? 

ROM: 
There's something to be said for keeping prices down by ensuring healthy competition. So what are you going to do with the bar? 

QUARK: 
You can't even dump industrial waste anymore because it might harm the natural habitat. I'm supposed to start worrying about animals now? Look how they live, wallowing in dirt, sleeping in trees. That's not natural. 

ROM: 
I suppose you could argue that Ferenginar's biodiversity is a precious resource that belongs to everyone. So, what are you going to do with the bar? 

QUARK: 
And don't even get me started about this whole labour rights thing. What have we come to if you can't demand sexual favors from people in your employ? 

ROM: 
Unharassed workers are productive workers. So, what are you going to do with the bar? 

QUARK: 
Sell it. What would I want with it anymore? 

ROM: 
I'll give you five thousand bars of latinum and not one slip more. 

QUARK: 
That's reasonable. 

ROM: 
It is? 

QUARK: 
I'm telling you, Rom, our people have lost their way. 

ROM: 
I just happen to have a contract right here. 

QUARK: 
I read a report that over forty percent of the population no longer believes that you have to buy your way into the Divine Treasury when you die. 

ROM: 
Can I have your thumbprint here, please? 

QUARK: 
They don't teach children the Rules of Acquisition anymore. 

(Quark imprints the PADD.

ROM: 
And another print here. 

QUARK: 
There's a disease spreading through Ferengi society. 
It's making us soft. 

(Print.) 

ROM: 
The five thousand has been transferred to your account. It was a pleasure doing business with you. 

QUARK: 
Five thousand? 

ROM: 
I thought you were going to hold me up for at least eight

QUARK: 
I didn't even haggle with you. 


ROM: 
I know. It really threw me off. 

QUARK: 
What's wrong with me? 

ROM: 
Don't worry, brother. You're going to be so rich, what's a few thousand bars of latinum? 

QUARK: 
I've been infected, too. I haven't raised prices in months. I've even been considering letting the dabo girls keep most of their tips. I've gone soft! 

ROM: 
I kind of like you better this way. 

QUARK: 
I don't. And I'm going to do something about it. This disease has got to be stopped before it destroys everything Ferenginar stands for. If Zek wants me to be Nagus, he's going to have to let me do things my way. Or else, I'll turn down the job! 

ROM: 
Are you serious? 

QUARK: 
You bet I am. 

ROM: 
But being Nagus will make you rich. 

QUARK: 
I don't care. 
I won't preside over the demise of Ferengi civilisation. 
Not me. 

The line has to be drawn here. 
This far and no further!


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