Tuesday 12 July 2022

The Duellists












The Duellists (Dir. Ridley Scott, 1977) | Interview with actor Keith Car...



Surely you will not turn down
the opportunity of a brigade.
The Emperor is Our Hope and Strength.
We belong to him.

D'Hubert :
I have entertained the notion that...
I may belong to myself.

It has been said that you 
Do Not Love The Emperor.

D'Hubert :
By whom?


By General Feraud.
He knows you well, I believe.

D'Hubert :
General Feraud has made
occasional attempts to kill me.
That does not give him the right
to claim my acquaintance.

And it is also said that he fought you...
in defence of The Emperor's Honour.

D'Hubert :
That is impertinent trash!
You have My Answer to Marshall Grouchy.
I shall write to confirm it at once. Good Day.

Colonel, do you sometimes
meet with General Feraud?

Now and again.

D'Hubert :
Ask him what The Honor of The Emperor
has to do with Madame de Lionne?

Madame de Lionne?

D'Hubert :
I think that was The Lady's name.
He should remember better than I.


*****

Feraud :
Damn his impudence.


That was The Lady's name, sir.

Feraud :
Madame de Lionne. Yes.
Get your backside off that table.
Fine woman. A cultivated woman.
She had nothing to do with The Emperor.


I do not believe that The General 
was suggesting an ilIicit acquaintance 
between The Emperor and this woman.

Feraud :
Then what was he suggesting?
What? Out with it.

Sir, I took him rather to imply that this lady...
not The Emperor, was the prime cause 
of your quarrel.

Feraud :
I have called him out near
to half a dozen times.
The Cavalry knows. Would I have
done that for some petty nonsense?

She was a lady I held in high esteem.
Her salon was very well known in...

Strasbourg.

Yes, now I recall something else.
He said to me in a public street--

I have it burnt in my mind.
He said to me...

"For all that I care, They can
spit upon Napoleon Bonaparte."

Who were 'They'?

Feraud :
They, They!

When did The Emperor
not have enemies?

D'Hubert is a turncoat!
That is a fact!

I say more. I say he never loved
The Emperor! Never!

He saw a fair deal of campaigning....

Feraud :
When you meet him again, tell him
I will prove The Truth of it
at the first opportunity.

To The Emperor -- Good Luck to him
and to those that love him.

But in less than 100 days,
Napoleon was defeated,

And I offer you another toast.
Let us give thanks for the safe return...
of His Sacred Majesty, Louis XVIII.
God Save The King.

And Devil take The Ogre...
to St. Helena.
This side of The Grave, it seems
a fit and proper place for him.

Come, sir --
You're A Royalist now...
Like the rest of us.
Where else would 
you wish him to be?

One celebration at a time, sir.
Don't you think?

No, I Do Not.
The Boy's A Royalist.
And I can give you more good news.

He has been summoned to attend
upon Marshall St. Cyr in Paris.

He will have a command
in The King's Army.

So Tell Us
What Fate would 
you choose 
for The Ogre?

D'Hubert :
I believe The Emperor
chose His Own Fate :
It was his habit to do so.

I learned My Trade in His Service,
as did MarshaIl St. Cyr.

The King's Army will have
more Realists than Royalists.

I have just agreed to terms
with this lady...
and I'm much too tired
for further questioning.

Well done.



Good Day, Colonel.
D'Hubert, isn't it?

D'Hubert :
That's right.

You took care to play safe, eh?
Very spruce you look too.
Very tame and spruce.

Found a nice place with His Majesty, have you?
Now, Gabriel Feraud was right.
Poor devil. He always said 
you were a slippery fellow.

D'Hubert :
How is General Feraud?


You don't know?

D'Hubert :
It interests me very little.
In fact, I do not know.


Feraud was arrested.
They have him on 
The Butcher's list.

D'Hubert :
He's to go before 
The Commission?


Yes. Now, there was a man
who would ride straight at anything.
He ends up at the mercy
of that sewer rat. Fouche.
He's as good as dead.

Joseph Fouche :
Come a little closer, please.
I'm all attention.

D'Hubert :
I believe Your Excellency
has chosen a list of officers...
to be tried for Treason
by the special court.

Joseph Fouche :
I... am The President 
of The Commission
that chose them, yes.

D'Hubert :
I've come to petition that the name
of General Gabriel Feraud
be removed from that list.
I have letters of introduction --
Marshalls St. Cyr and MacDonald.

Joseph Fouche :
Have you indeed?
By all accounts, he is 
rabid Bonapartist.

D'Hubert :
So is every Trooper and 
Grenadier in The Army...
as Your Excellency knows.

General Feraud hasn't the brains
to make himself dangerous to anyone.
Rather, he could not conceivably 
Hurt The State.

Joseph Fouche :
He has a busy tongue.
He talked himself on to our list.
we could not keep him off it.

I am something of 
A Virtuoso in Survival.

You will be aware 
of that, I think.
Besides, I despise these nobodies...
who offer their neck to The Block.

At least this is in My Control,
because if it were not...
My Own Name would 
most certainly be on it.

Our New Masters 
and Their Ladies
bless them, are out for 
a Deal of Blood.

Please be seated.

You have an honest 
Soldier's Face, General...
but you have come here
to intrigue with me.

Is that not so?
Have you not come here
to intrigue with me?
Is this fellow a relation of yours?

D'Hubert :
No.

Joseph Fouche :
Intimate friend?

D'Hubert :
No, not exactIy.
We've had a... 
long association.

Joseph Fouche :
MysteriousStill, you have 
two marshals at your back.

Yes, there's your man.
Feraud, Gabriel Florian.

He will live in the provinces
under police supervision.
You realise that, of course --

But he will live.

Take a pen, my dear fellow,
and cross out The Name.
I can't do everything for you.

D'Hubert :
Your Excellency, I must beg you
to keep my interference a secret.
Most particularly from 
General Feraud.

Joseph Fouche :
General Feraud, Alive or Dead,
is not worth a moment's gossip.

Android Dennis







THE INQUISITOR
Well, Kryten —  
Justify Yourself.

KRYTEN
I'm not sure I can.

INQUISITOR
But surely Your Life 
is replete with Good Works.  
There can be few individuals 
who have lived 
a more selfless life.

KRYTEN
But I am programmed 
to Live unselfishly.  

And therefore, any good works I do 
come not out of fine motives, 
but as a result of a series 
of binary commands 
I am compelled to obey.

INQUISITOR
Well then, how can any 
mechanical Justify Himself?


KRYTEN
Perhaps only if he attempted to 
break his programming 
and conduct His Life 
according to a set of values 
he arrived at independently.

INQUISITOR
Your Argument invites deletion.

KRYTEN
(with only mild smugness)
The Rules are yours, not mine.

INQUISITOR
Do you wish to be erased?

KRYTEN
Well, I am programmed not 
to wish for anything :
I Serve.

INQUISITOR
In a Human, this behaviour 
might be considered stubborn.

KRYTEN
But I am not Human.
And neither are you.  

And it is not Our Place 
to Judge Them.  

….I wonder why you do.

The INQUISITOR 
closes His Mask.

INQUISITOR
(In The INQUISITOR Voice)
 Enough!



Death :
Let's Rock!

Android Dennis :
It was cool when you said, 
"Let's Rock,"
because it made me 
want to Rock.

Death :
Uh-huhYou don't just get to Rock.
You got to earn 
The Right to Rock.


Android Dennis :
Freeze, Preston/Logan. 

Bill :
Oh, this is exactly what 
we don't need right now. 

Ted :
We can't. We gotta get back 
to The Present, like, now. 

Bill :
Yeah. Look, we know you were 
sent here to Kill Us 
if we didn't have The Song. 
But we actually do have 
The Song now, so... 

Android Dennis :
Wait. You have The Song? Oh... 
Uh... Mistakes were made
Apologies are given. 

Ted :
You're forgiven. 
No problem. 

Bill :
But we gotta go, robot dude. 

Android Dennis :
Wait! No, must expiate guilt. 

Bill :
For what? We're fine, dude. 

Ted :
Let us go! 

Android Dennis :
For... murdering Family. 

Ted :
Wait. What

Bill :
What are you talking about? 

Android Dennis :
I lasered your daughters. 

Ted :
You lasered them? 

Bill :
You lasered our daughters
Where are they? 

Android Dennis :
Daughters are... in Hell. 

Ted :
You sent our daughters to Hell? 

Bill :
We have to go get them. Shoot us. 

Android Dennis :
I can't shoot you. 
You have the song. 

Bill :
Well, guess what? 
**snap!**
Now there's no song. 

Ted :
Now you got no choice, Robot.
You gotta kill us! 

Android Dennis :
Can no longer take life. 

Bill :
What? 

Android Dennis :
Failure. Failure. 
Failure. Failure. 

Ted :
Dude, we need This Guy to laser us 
but he appears to be having some kind 
of nervous breakdown

Bill :
Shoot us, Robot! 

Android Dennis :
I can't. I'm A Failure. 
I don't even deserve 
to live, you know? 

Ted :
Shoot us! 

Android Dennis :
Can't do it. 
Shoot myself. 

Ted :
Wait, don't!

Bill
You can't! We gotta go 
save Billie and Thea. 

Ted :
Let's do it!

Bill :
 Yeah. 

Android Dennis :
I'm so sorry! 
Goodbye, cruel world! 

Bill and Ted Return to Hell

Ted :
It worked! 

Bill :
Yeah! 

Behind them
Android Dennis falls 
into Hell with them

Android Dennis :
...world! 

Bill :
That is unexpected

Ted :
Yeah. How can A Robot 
even die

Bill :
Let's find the girls. 

Android Dennis :
Can I come with you? 

Ted :
He did kill us. 

Bill :
Come on, Robot! 

Android Dennis :
Wait. I have A Name. 
It's Dennis. Dennis McCoy. 

Ted :
Okay. Let's go, Dennis McCoy. 

Thea! 

Billie! 

Android Dennis :
Dennis Caleb McCoy. 
That's the full name. 

Let's go, dude! 

Android Dennis :
I feel gratitude. 
Gratitude. 

Okay, we get it :
You're a grateful, 
totally insecure
somehow-dead robot named 
Dennis Caleb McCoy. 

Thea! - Billie! How're we gonna find them, dude? I don't know, dude. Yeah, I don't even know, dude. Thea! Billie!


Hellion #1 :
 Oh... They were very nice. 

Hellion #2 :
Very nice. Good group. 


Group? 

Yeah. They went that way. 

Thanks, Demons. 

You betcha.

Enjoy Hell, y'all. 

Thanks, demons. 

Have a good time, boys. 
I know that's strange. 


....what is that, A Robot? 

Yeah, that's A Robot in Hell. 

Thea? 

Billie? - Thea? - Billie! 

Kelly, Daughter of Rufus :
No! Apology not accepted, Mother.

Bill
Kelly? 

Kelly, Daughter of Rufus :
Ah! Bill and Ted are here. 
Did it work, Mom? 
Yeah. That's what I thought

Where are they? 

Kelly, Daughter of Rufus :
They're that way. 

Android Dennis :
I'm Dennis Caleb McCoy. 

Kelly, Daughter of Rufus :
I am so... No! No. 
Oh, yeah. This is way worse than 
The Christmas incident. 
And you named him ‘Dennis’? 
After my ex
Get outta here! 


Thea! Billie!

Billie! Thea! 


Dads! 

Dads! 

How're you doin'? 

Well, you know, 
We're Dead. 

And We're in Hell. 
But how're you doin'? 

We're good! 
Yeah. Look who we found. 

Dad? 

Ted’s Father :
Hi, Ted. I was Wrong
I mean, You're here. 

Which implies that you also 
travelled through time
 and that your wives 
actually are Princesses. 

All of which proves that 
it is imperative that 
You write The Song that will 
unite The Entire World. 

Ted :
And Save Reality. 

Thea :
Wait, is that new

Ted :
Yeah. 

Ted’s Father :
Well, then, I should Help You instead of criticising you. 
And I am very, very
very sorry. 

Ted :
Thanks, Dad! 

Bill :
Yeah, Thanks, 
Chief Logan! 

Ted’s Father :
I wasn't talking to you, Bill. 

Bill :
Oh. Cool. 


Well, Dads, this is The Band 
we put together for you. 

This is Jimi Hendrix, Louis Armstrong... 
And Mozart, and Ling Lun
and Grom

Louis Armstrong,
(Aged 25) :
A pleasure, gentlemen. 
You raised two fine 
young girls. 

Ted :
Thank you. 

And this is Kid Cudi 
who's not technically 
a historical figure.

Kid Cudi :
Kinda am now, I think. 

Yeah. It's a great honour 
to meet you all. 

Yeah. Welcome toand 
we’re sorry about, Hell

Android Dennis :
My bad. 

Oh. That's Dennis Caleb McCoy. 

We've met. He killed us. 

Android Dennis :
I'm really sorry that I lasered you all. 
And... I just need to tell you... 
My name is 
Dennis Caleb McCoy, and... 

Thank you, Dennis. 

Well, thanks for coming to get us. 

How're we gonna get outta here? 
We're gonna go talk to Death. 

Oh. Well, isn't he still 
mad at you guys? 

Oh, yeah.

And we're still 
mad at him.

Yeah. 

Oh. Nineteen minutes

Everyone, Follow Us.

Sun




The Colonel :
One night, I happened 
to see to him -- 
apart.... Lost.

A Showman is only as Good...
as his attraction --
It was ALL or 
NOTHING --

(He traps Elvis inside a Labyrinth of Mirrors, after first having moved around The Walls to cut him off and separate him from His Friends)

The Colonel :
Lost, My Boy?
The Roar of The Crowd;
The Life on The Road --
Coming home to your loved ones, 
pretending that nothing 
has changed --when 
everything has.

Yeah -- Lost.

I saw you -- apart from 
all the others.... Burdened.
Like you don't know 
how to get out of this....
But I Do -- Allow Me 
to Show You : 

(A Carny Stage-Hand cranks a lever for The Colonel — He opens The Back Door, exits The Labyrinth of Mirrors and walks behind The Walls)

Creatures of The Carnival -- 
and I am one myself.
Where I learned The Art 
of The Snow-Job.

Elvis :
Snow-Job?

The Colonel :
Yes! Like The Trick you do 
with The Wiggling -- 
geting all the girls het-up, 
empty their wallets and 
leave them with nothing 
but the smiles on their faces?

Elvis :
I'm no Trickster.

The Colonel :
OH Yes, you are..! 
All Showmen, Mr. Presley...

Your Future, Mr. Presley -- 
Blazing before you :
Recording contracts, 
Television, even 
HOLLYWOOD...

Baseball!


“What you fail to understand 
in your joyless myopia is that 
Baseball is The Key to Life -- 
The Rosetta Stone, if you will. 

If you just understood Baseball better 
all your other questions your, your... 
the, uh... the aliens, the conspiracies 
they would all, in their way 
be answered by The Baseball Gods.










SCENE 2 
FBI HEADQUARTERS
(Basement corridor for the X-Files office. There is baseball game on a small TV which is sitting on a cleaning cart in the hall. Vin Scully is announcing for the LA team.)
VIN SCULLY: It's a gorgeous day for baseball here in the City of Angels and I'm told it is a gorgeous day all over our republic today-- from Bangor to Bellflower, from Amarillo to Anchorage the sun is shining and it's a perfect day to play baseball... That ball is ripped... and it's going, going, gone...
JANITOR: Morning.
(SCULLY, carrying a heavy load of large files, comes down the stairs, acknowledges the JANITOR at the TV and [for lack of a better word -sorry SCULLY] waddles into the office and drops the large books onto MULDER's desk. MULDER looks up at her over the top of the record book he is reading. She goes over to the back wall, steps up on the boxes there and gazes wistfully out the window.)
SCULLY: Mulder, it is such a gorgeous day outside. Have you ever entertained the idea of trying to find life on this planet?
MULDER: (still looking at the record book) I have seen the life on this planet, Scully and that is exactly why I am looking elsewhere.
(SCULLY opens a paper bag she is carrying and removes a paper-wrapped frozen dessert. This gets MULDER's attention.)
MULDER: Did you bring enough ice cream to share with the rest of the class?
SCULLY: (smugly, beginning to eat) It's not ice cream. It's a nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicle.
MULDER: (returning to his book) Ugh. Bet the air in my mouth tastes better than that. You sure know how to live it up, Scully.
SCULLY: (stepping down and continuing to eat) Oh, you're Mr. Live-it-up. Mulder, you're really Mr. Squeeze-every-last-drop-out-of-this-sweet-life aren't you? On this precious Saturday you've got us grabbing life by the testes stealing reference books from the FBI library in order to go through New Mexico newspaper obituaries for the years 1940 to 1949 and for what joyful purpose?
MULDER: Looking for anomalies, Scully. Do you know how many so-called "flying disc" reports there were in New Mexico in the 1940s?
SCULLY: I don't care. Mulder, this is a needle in a haystack. These poor souls have been dead for 50 years. Let them rest in peace. Let sleeping dogs lie.
MULDER: No, I won't sit idly by as you hurl cliches at me. Preparation is the father of inspiration.
SCULLY: Necessity is the mother of invention.
MULDER: The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.
SCULLY: (taking another bite) Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we may die.
MULDER: I scream, you scream, we all scream for nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicles.
(MULDER sets the book down and lunges for SCULLY. He grabs her arm and takes a bite of the dreamsicle. The cone breaks and pieces of the dessert splatter down on the book.)
SCULLY: No-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! (delightful laugh) Mulder!
(She looks closely at the dairy-product-smeared page.)
SCULLY: (accusing) Mulder!? You cheat. I can't believe that you've been reading about baseball this whole time.
MULDER: Reading the box scores, Scully. You'd like it. It's like the Pythagorean Theorem for jocks. It distills all the chaos and action of any game in the history of all baseball games into one tiny, perfect, rectangular sequence of numbers. I can look at this box and I can recreate exactly what happened on some sunny summer day back in 1947. It's like the numbers talk to me, they comfort me. They tell me that even though lots of things can change some things do remain the same. It's...
SCULLY: (interrupting) Boring. Mulder, can I ask you a personal question?
MULDER: Of course not.
SCULLY: Did your mother ever tell you to go outside and play? Mulder?
(MULDER is looking intently at a picture in the book. He wipes away the ice cream. It is a picture of two white men and one black man in a baseball jersey. They are standing in front of an old bus with "Roswell Grays" on the side. One of the white men is the ALIEN BOUNTY HUNTER. Headline is "Local Roswell police officer Arthur Dales chats with Diamond Star Josh Exley.")
MULDER: (to himself) Is that …Arthur... Dales...
SCULLY: Mulder?
MULDER: (fake) Ah... Choo!
(As MULDER pretends to sneeze, he rips the page out of the book. SCULLY stares at him in disbelief.)
SCULLY: You just defaced property of the U.S. Government.
(Carrying the torn page, MULDER gets his leather jacket and runs out of the office. SCULLY watches him go. If anything, she has a slight smile.)
SCULLY: 
You rebel.



SCENE 3 
WASHINGTON, DC
(MULDER is walking down the hall of a dilapidated old apartment building which we have seen before in an episode in late fifth season that involved Travelers, flashbacks, crab-things crawling down people's throats, and wedding rings. Sorry, this transcriber has blocked out that episode. He steps over an unconscious drunk and knocks at one of the doors. An OLD MAN answers, opening door a crack.)
OLD MAN: What in hell took you so long?
MULDER: I'm-I'm sorry, sir, I'm-I'm looking for Arthur Dales.
ARTHUR DALES: I'm Arthur Dales.
MULDER: No, you're not.
ARTHUR DALES: Don't be a wiseass, son.
MULDER: No, I-I'm sorry, sir, I know Arthur Dales and you're not Arthur Dales.
ARTHUR DALES: Arthur Dales is my brother. My name also happens to be Arthur Dales. It's the same name, different guy. The other Arthur, he moved to Florida the lucky bastard. Now, our parents weren't exactly big in the imagination department when it came to names. If it would help you wrapping your little head around this stupefying mystery, Agent Mulder we had a sister named Arthur, too and a goldfish.
MULDER: How do you know my name?
ARTHUR DALES: My brother told me all about you. He said you were the biggest jackass in the Bureau since he retired. Yeah, we're big fans. Sometimes we'd stay awake hours at night just talking about you. Just fascinating. Now, unless you're hiding some Chinese food let's call it a day.
(ARTHUR DALES shuts the door in MULDER's face. MULDER waits a moment, then unfolds the paper he took from the office and speaks through the door.)
MULDER: Mr. Dales, I have a, uh... I have a photo here of your brother. Maybe it's you. It's from many years ago and you're, you're standing in Roswell, New Mexico.
ARTHUR DALES: (from inside) Roswell. That's me. I was a cop once in Roswell.
MULDER: Okay, and you're standing with Negro League legend Josh Exley who disappeared without a trace during a season in which he reportedly hit 60 home runs.
ARTHUR DALES: Sixty-one.
MULDER: 61 home runs in 1948.
ARTHUR DALES: Forty-seven.
MULDER: '47, whatever. I don't really care about the baseball, so much, sir. What I care about is this man in the picture with you. I believe to be an alien bounty hunter.
ARTHUR DALES: (opening the door a crack) Of course you don't care about the baseball, Mr. Mulder. You only bothered my brother about the important things like government conspiracies and alien bounty hunters and the truth with a capital "T."
MULDER: Wait a minute. I like baseball.
ARTHUR DALES: You like baseball, huh?
MULDER: Yeah.
ARTHUR DALES: How many home runs did Mickey Mantle hit?
MULDER: (thinks) A hundred and sixty-three.
(Disappointed, ARTHUR DALES begins to close the door. MULDER pushes it back open.)
MULDER: Righty. 373 lefty. 536 total.
(ARTHUR DALES nods, impressed. And opens the door all the way. Later, MULDER is sitting on the couch in ARTHUR DALES' cluttered apartment. ARTHUR DALES is looking through drawers and boxes.)
ARTHUR DALES: What you fail to understand in your joyless myopia is that baseball is the key to life-- the Rosetta Stone, if you will. If you just understood baseball better all your other questions your, your... the, uh... the aliens, the conspiracies they would all, in their way be answered by the baseball gods.
MULDER: Yes, sir, that may be true. I'm thinking that your experience in Roswell could be germane to a conspiracy between men in our government and these shape-shifting alien beings.
ARTHUR DALES: Oh, don't bore me, son. My brother Arthur started the X-Files with the Federal Bureau of Obfuscation before you were born. He was working for the FBI hunting for aliens when you were watching My Best Friend's Martians. You say "shape-shifting." Agent Mulder, do you believe that love can make a man shape-shift?
MULDER: (soft laugh) I guess... women change men all the time.
ARTHUR DALES: I'm not talking about women. I'm talking about love. Passion. Like the passion you have for proving extra-terrestrial life. Do you believe that that passion can change your very nature? Can make you shape-shift from a man into something other than a man?
MULDER: What exactly has your brother told you about me?
(ARTHUR DALES doesn't answer, keeps searching.)
MULDER: Mr. Dales, if you and your brother have really known about this bounty hunter and plans for colonization for the last 50 years why the hell wouldn't you have told anybody?
ARTHUR DALES: Nobody'd believe me.
MULDER: I would have believed you.
ARTHUR DALES: You weren't... ripe.
MULDER: (standing) Not ripe? LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING: I have been ripe for years. I am way past ripe. I'm so ripe I'm rotten. This cuts to the very heart of the mystery of what I've been doing with my life for the past ten years.
ARTHUR DALES: Oh, the heart of the mystery, the heart of the mystery. Ah, there you are.
(ARTHUR DALES has found and holds up a model of a kneeling baseball player. It is a child's toy bank.)
ARTHUR DALES: Mr. Mulder-- maybe you'd better start paying a little less attention to the heart of the mystery and a little more attention to the mystery of the heart. You got a dime?
MULDER: What is this?
ARTHUR DALES: This little fellow goes by the name of Pete Rosebud. If you keep pumping coffee money into him he'll tell you a story about baseball and aliens and bounty hunters.
MULDER: (putting a dime in the toy) You're making me feel like a child.
ARTHUR DALES: Perfect. That's exactly the right place to start from, then, isn't it? Now, the first thing you got to know about baseball is... it keeps you forever young.
(Camera is close on ARTHUR DALES profile. Scene fades to …)



SCENE 4 
ROSWELL MUNICIPAL BALLPARK