He Who Laughs Last

“When I was Bruce Wayne, I thought that with enough preparation, I would always win. But I was WRONG. 

I was trapped in an unwinnable war, refusing to see the obvious answers right in front of me. 

The answers that are so clear to me now with victory right around the corner. 

To win, you need to adapt, and to adapt, you need to be able to laugh away all the restraints. 

Everything holding you back. 

You see... a Batman who laughs... is a Batman who ALWAYS wins. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

THE BATMAN WHO LAUGHS

I Need Something Meaningful to Heal My Crew.

Computer: 

The Crew would benefit from 

Exercise, 

Medication, 

Limited Dairy. 

Captain Saru :

Oh, uh, beyond the standard parameters. 

Computer: 

Yoga, Hyperbaric Chamber, 

Therapeutic Colouring Books, 

Interstellar Shopping. 

Captain Saru :

Uh, I do not need 

an endless list of activities. 

I... I... I need something meaningful 

to heal my crew. 

( Soft tone, chiming ) 

Captain Saru :

Computer? 

Computer: 

( Chuckles ) 

Hello. 

Captain Saru :

Hello…..?

Computer: 

Among many sentient beings, 

Laughter is both Healing and Meaningful. 

Twentieth-century Earth comedians such as 

Buster Keaton or Charlie Chaplin 

are communal unifiers 

without the burden of Language. 

Captain Saru :

Buster Keaton? 

Computer: 

Also known as 

"The Great Stone Face." 

Captain Saru :

Computer... 

run a level ten diagnostic. 

Computer: 

I'm Fully Operational, 

Thank You. 

Captain Saru :

These connections are beyond 

the algorithm I presumed... 

Computer: 

Your Crew requires what they used to call ‘R and R’, Captain. 

May I suggest switching the ship to auto-navigation 

and giving them The Night Off?

Captain Saru :

The Night Off? 

Computer: 

Say I also suggest Simple Gratitude? 

A Private Meal, perhaps, 

with your bridge crew, 

to demonstrate your appreciation. 

Your choice, Captain. 

USS Discovery is a MotherBox

Computer: 

All available crew, please report to shuttle bay for A Surprise. 

Hmm. ( Music playing ) 

( Laughter ) 

Yeah, okay. ♪ ♪ 

Captain Saru :

It fills The Room. 

Doctor :

Joy? Yeah. 

We all had to stop 

pretending we were Fine first. 

Captain Saru :

We are not, are we? 

Doctor :

How could we be? 

But we'll get there. 

And you pushed us closer. 

Captain Saru :

Yeah. It was not pretty. 

Doctor :

It never is. 

Captain Saru :

Hmm. 

( Laughter ) 

Doctor :

Good choice, Captain. 

Captain Saru :

No. I wish I could take credit, Doctor. 

Doctor :

This wasn't you? 

Captain Saru :

Mm-mm. I have A Theory. 

The sphere-data was transmitted here for us to protect it. 

It lives on within Discovery. 

As we are now inextricably connected, 

perhaps now it desires to protect us.

The Fight

Thank you for doing this, sir. 

I know it didn't go the way that you hoped. 

Sir. We made a decision together, 

and we are living with it together. 

The fact that you reminded us of that 

and reminded us who we are to each other, that — 

I think that's Leadership.

Skeletor :

"I am NOT Nice.

But, uh... uh, tell me more about 

this "Christmas" [of which You Speak]....

Little Boy :

Well... it's a WONDERFUL Time of The Year!

Everyone has LOTS of Fun..!!

Skeletor :

"You mean, they get 

in FIGHTS...?"

Children :

No..!! [ YES.] 

Skeletor :

Fights are Fun..!! 

I LIKE Fights!!

Little Girl :

....and you give each other presents...!!

Skeletor :

...and when you open them, 

they EXPLODE, right..??

[ Sometimes, yes…. The People, not The Gifts.]

Little Girl :

No!! They're NICE Gifts..!!

Skeletor :

"NICE!?! 

Doesn't sound like 

much FUN, to me....!"

Capt. Saru :

Uh, sit, please. 

I gave the rest of the crew the evening off to recuperate. 

But I asked all of you here 

because we work most closely 

and have not had a moment. 

In fact, we have lost quite a few. 

Almost every culture has a ritual 

that gathers its moments 

when it can, holds them dear. 

A time to take the measure of loved ones 

and what we have all accomplished together. 

( Silverware clanks ) 

Ah. Hmm. 

We made A Choice a millennium ago 

to follow Commander Burnham. 

I will never forget what I heard 

as I stood before each of you 

as you cast your vote. 

It was not unlike... 

A Small Prayer. 

I ask that we repeat that now. 

Evil Georgiou :

Must we really? 

Capt. Saru :

Yes, we must. 

Evil Georgiou :

( Scoffs ) 

Capt. Saru :

Lieutenant Detmer, 

Do you remember what you said? 

Lt. Detmer :

I said "Aye." 

I said, "Aye." 

Aye. 

Aye. 

Aye. 

Aye. 

Aye, sir. 

Aye. 

Aye. 

Aye. 

Evil Georgiou :

I never said "Aye." 

But... I'm here. 

Capt. Saru :

( Raise glass to propose a Toast — Clears throat ) 

Aye. 

All: 

Aye. 

Linus: 

Is that droog-beetle pie? 

( Sniffs ) 

Mmm. 

Dr. Culber: 

What is going on between you two? 

Stammets :

I don't know. Nothing. 

Capt. Saru :

This reminds me of 

Harvest on Kaminar. 

Siranna and I would work from sunup until after sun fall, 

gathering and drying 

our seasonal kelp crops. 

Our Family would then dine together under the full moon. 

Evil Georgiou :

Kelp dries in the sun. 

An existential crisis. 

Is there some dessert? 

Dr. Culber: 

Is that a haiku? 

Evil Georgiou :

(impressed)

…Yes. 

Dr. Culber: 

Emperor Georgiou. 

Feasting on the finest cuts. 

Snarfs cookies on the down-low —

I screwed up the last line. 

( All laugh ) 

Capt. Saru :

No matter. Hear! Hear! 

Haiku? Oh. 

I puked... upon... 

No. No. 

... the Tellarite ambassador 

once at Thanksgiving. 

( All groan ) 

Yeah. 

It was an actual diplomatic crisis. 

Okay, this is not 

what I want to hear at dinner. 

I mean, who raised you people? 

Get Detmer to do one. 

No. No, I don't want to... 

Come on. Try. Try. 

Detmer: 

No. Okay. 

( Clears throat ) 

( Detmer exhales ) 

The drones can't get Stamets' blood 

off the med bay floor... 

No. Wait. 

No one can clean Stamets' blood... 

( Laughing ) 

( Exhales ) 

Okay, I've got it. I've got it. 

No one can get Stamets' blood... 

Oh, shoot. No, wait. 

Wait, wait, wait. 

( Laughs ): 

Stamets' blood is so red. 

Lieutenant. 

No, I've got it now. I've got it. 

It's five, seven, five, right? 

I don't think this is... 

It's a poem. 

It's uncalled for. Officers. 

My life is not a joke for the dinner table. 

I wasn't trying to make a joke. 

I was back at work within a few hours of being injured.

 We wouldn't have gotten anywhere near Earth if it weren't for me. 

You're not the only one to move this ship. I'm The Pilot. 

We move it. 

I never said it was just me. 

Detmer: 

You think you're the only essential personnel on this vessel. 

Look at you. It's written all over you. 

Lieutenant. 

Detmer: 

You want to fly this monster? 

Actually be responsible for every single person every single day, 

or do you just want to be 

the when-he-feels-like-it superhero 

and have everybody kiss your ass? 

The reality is I'm the only one who can make the jumps. 

I flew us into the future. 

I landed this ship. 

I landed Discovery. 

Stamets: 

Yes, and we barely survived. 

Tilly: 

Oh, my God. Stop it! 

You guys are both acting 

like complete assholes. 

Ensign Tilly. 

Why don't we all just take a breath? 

Tilly :

You guys think you have 

the market cornered on pain? 

All of our sacrifices, 

all of our experiences 

and our work, 

it matters. 

The only way we're gonna through this is as a crew. 

Stamets :

I have work to do. 

( Door whooshes open ) 

You did land this monster. 

He should be thanking you. 

Keyla. Keyla? 

Uh... 

( Clears throat ) 

Evil Georgiou: 

Well, at least the wine was good. 

( She gets up, taking it with her, because she’s evil. )

( Door whooshes open )

Harold

"I think the thing that made me feel best was when we sort of got the stamp of approval from Psychologists and Educators in America, who felt that Ghostbusters was a GOOD THING for Kids to PLAY -- they found that this was Certified and Documented in a major article in The Chicago Tribune.

Teachers said that they liked kids playing Ghostbusters because it was NON-COMPETITIVE, there were NO "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys", it wasn't  a War Game, it wasn't Cowboys against Indians or Americans against Russians, it was PEOPLE, TOGETHER, against The Unknown.

Also, for little children, it seems to have a -- it gives them CONFIDENCE, right at the age when they're most afraid to The Supernatural, which is apparently from 5 to 7 -- along comes the cartoon show, and kids identifying with The Ghostbusters, feeling they can actually DEFEND THEMSELVES against The Supernatural, so --

I guess a lot of kids wrap themselves in their Ghostbuster toys and costumes at night, and go to sleep, and sleep WELL -- "

[ I know *I* did.]

-- Harold.

I Show You The Times.

I had A Friend. I don't talk about him. He was My Partner.

My Friend, His Name was Cain, 

Him and Lori…. They were together. They thought I was dead.

I know Judith isn't Mine. I know it. 

I love her. She's My Daughter, 

but she isn't mine.

I had to ACCEPT that. I did. 

So I could keep her ALIVE. 

I'll die before she does 

and I hope that's 

a long time from now, 

so I can raise her and protect her 

and teach her How to Survive. 

THIS is HOW We LIVE, now. 

I HAD to accept that, TOO,

 so I could keep everyone else ALIVE.

“It’s not Your Fault when people die.”

“SOMETIMES, it is — 

not always, but sometimes it is.”

YOU, Have to Accept This —

We, ALL Have to Accept it, 

or it WON’T WORK.”

Well, it won’t work anyway, will it? —

Not if it’s already mutated, which it has, and 

Not if The Tests don’t work, which they don’t —

Even I can see that….

Negan WANTS to Bully You, Hurt You, Take from You, 

Kill Your People and force them to Pay Tribute and 

Your Survival Strategy is to Say  “Yes, Thank You.”..?

Because Negan is just going to  kill whoever the hell he feels like — and you know that.

And because you know that, and letting him, when he does, then it really will be Your Fault.

This is why Darth Vader exists.

Darth Vader exists to keep His Children “Safe”.

By KILLING Other People’s Children.

In a World where for him, The Future, His Children, are DEAD.

carl judith the walking dead

Both of Rick's children, Carl and Judith. Gene Page/AMC

Rick's explanation to Michonne echoes what Lori said to Shane after he found out she was pregnant: that their child would always be Rick's.

"Even if it's yours, it's not gonna be yours," Lori told Shane in season two, episode seven. "It's never gonna be yours and there's nothing you can do to change that."

lori speaks to shane

AMC

Actor Andrew Lincoln, who plays Rick on "The Walking Dead," explained to Entertainment Weekly that it's a moment he has known but that he's finally voicing aloud. Showrunner Scott Gimple told him about the Judith reveal before he got the first script for season seven.

"It’s one of those watershed moments that happens, certainly between the two lovers, between Michonne and Rick, that brings them together," said Lincoln. "It’s a very important moment in understanding his psyche and going, 'This is what I’ve been doing for the last two years. I’ve accepted the situation and I will accept the situation if it’s going to save lives and if it’s going to protect the people I love. I will take it.' It’s another perfect kind of quiet heroism. You know, he’s a stepdad and it doesn’t stop him loving his child, but he kind of has accepted that it’s not his."

"The choice he [Rick] made with the Saviors, it was a very, very interesting and brilliant way of echoing that heroism that he'd shown with his own child — that he had sucked it up and he just said, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I love her. She's my daughter. Even if she's not mine, she's still my daughter," Lincoln said in a taped segment on Sunday's "Walking Dead" aftershow, "Talking Dead." "I thought that was a brilliant way of explaining what Rick was enduring and capable of enduring."

Executive producer David Alpert said for Rick, the decision to reveal Judith's paternity to Michonne is about showing her what the group's priorities are at the moment. Instead of being reckless and seeking vengeance right away, they need to be mindful of what's actually important.

"[Rick] comes out of the coma, he finds his wife, he finds his kid, he finds his friend and he comes to that place and he realizes, you know what, everything else has gone away and I've found them and that's what's important," said Alpert. "Whether or not this is or is not my biological daughter is not important. This is the thing that's important. What he's trying to communicate to Michonne is, 'Listen. We have to survive another day. If we don't survive another day, then nothing matters.' That's what he's trying to get out there."

Alpert added that he didn't think there would ever be a reason for Rick to ever tell Judith that he's not her father.

"Unless she grows up and she has that big shane beard," he joked.

Escape is Not His Plan.

The Lawyer, Johnathan Harker has fallen and lies prone, weak and enfeebled upon the ramparts of Castle Dracula, 

unable to move, and barely able to speak -- 

He is Dying.

HARKER :

Spare me. 

DRACULA :

How? 

LAUGHS

DRACULA :

Answer me. Johnny, "How?"

How do I spare you? 

[ Meanwhile, back in The Present -- ]

VAN HELSING :

How indeed, Mr Harker? 

Mr Harker? Mr Harker... 

...you were about to explain how you escaped from the castle. 

HARKER :

Yes. Y-you've read my account. 

VAN HELSING :

Yes. Perhaps it will help to refresh your memory. 

(She shows him the ledger, and he reads, with growing alarm.)

"Dracula will be served." 

What is this? "

Dracula is my master. 

Dracula will be obeyed. Dra... 

"Dracula is the beginning and the end. 

"Dracula is all things. Dracula is God." 

What? I-I didn't write this. 

VAN HELSING :

When you were first brought here, 

you asked for a pen and paper. 

You were up all day and all night, 

and this is what you wrote. 

HARKER :

No, no, no, no, no. 

I-I thought I'd... 

VAN HELSING :

You thought you'd written an account of your stay at Castle Dracula. 

The only account you've given is the account you're giving right now. 

It's time to finish your story. 

DRACULA: 

Johnny, how? 

How do I spare you? How? 

HARKER :

(weakly)

Let me go. 

DRACULA :

You know why I'm going to England. 

You know that I'm going to kill people. 

A lot of them. As many as I need -- 

And perhaps even more...

HARKER :

But... 

(COUGHS)

..I won't... 

DRACULA :

You won't what? 

Oh, you won't tell anyone about me? 

Or try to stop me? 

You'll just let me slaughter all those innocents, 

No Questions Asked? 

LAUGHS 

Some lawyer you turned out to be, Johnny! 

HARKER :

I promise. I...I swe... 

I...I swear. I... I... I swear. 

DRACULA :

All right, then. Do that. 

HARKER :

(gasping) 

What? 

DRACULA :

Swear. 

I'm going to England to destroy everything and everyone you love, 

but if you give me Your Word that you won't try to stop me... 

..I'll spare you. 

HARKER :

It's a trick. 

DRACULA :

Give me Your Word. 

HARKER :

SOBBING: 

No... You're going to kill me anyway. 

DRACULA :

Look me in the eye 

and give me Your Word. 

HARKER :

Count Dracula... 

..I give you My Word. 

If you let me out of this place... 

..if you let me live... ..then I... 

..then I will do everything in My Power to Stop You. 

DRACULA :

Quite right. 

That's My Johnny. 

Welcome to The Mountaintop. 

BONES CRUNCH 

Back in The Present :

HARKER :

I'm not breathing....

VAN HELSING : 

Sometimes you do, but I think it's mostly habit. 

You have no heartbeat, either. 

HARKER :

I'm Dead. 

VAN HELSING :

Undead. But apparently, not yet a vampire. 

One must cling on to any good news that there is. 

WOLF HOWLS IN THE DISTANCE 

HARKER :

I Do Not Serve Dracula. 

VAN HELSING :

No, but He's in Your Mind. 

The Question is, 

Why are you not 

in one of His Boxes? 

HARKER :

I Don't Know. 

VAN HELSING :

It's not something one ever anticipates asking, but 

What Happened AFTER You were Murdered? 

[ Back at Castle Dracula : ]

DRACULA :

Oh, my goodness, that was quick. 

WHEEZES AND GASPS 

DRACULA :

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny... 

Usually, people have a lie-down first. 

GASPS 

DRACULA CHUCKLES 

DRACULA :

You're going to be a lively one, aren't you? 

You came back so quickly. 

That was impressive. 

You even have the beginnings of 

a Will of Your Own. 

None of the others have much beyond Hunger, 

but look at you go! 

Well, don't you see? 

This changes everything. 

Stay. Stay! You could be 

My Finest Bride. 

The others just became beasts, 

but you've kept Your Spirit.

Johnny, You're Like Me. 

HARKER :

I am not Like You! 

PIERCING SCREAM SCREAMING CONTINUES SCREAMING ECHOES 

[ Back in The Present, again. ]

HARKER :

That's everything. 

That's... That's all I remember. 

VAN HELSING :

But why did he scream? 

What did you do? 

HARKER :

Nothing, I did nothing. 

I... I looked at him, 

and the next thing I remember 

was that I was here. 

VAN HELSING :

Oh, yes, yes, never mind that. 

We know what happened next. 

HARKER :

No, I... I don't... 

I don't remember. 

VAN HELSING :

The River bore you out to sea, 

and the fishermen found you, 

caught in their net.

A drowned man 

walking and talking 

arouses a certain amount of curiosity, 

and you were brought to me, 

babbling of a girl called Mina whose face you had forgotten 

and an evil count who had stolen your soul. 

HARKER :

Why was I brought to you? 

VAN HELSING :

I am known to have some expertise in the realm of witchcraft and the occult. 

HARKER :

You're a nun! 

VAN HELSING :

We can discuss my imperfectly-suppressed fascination with everything Dark and Evil another time. 

For now, we will focus on why Dracula screamed. 

HARKER SIGHS 

VAN HELSING :

You were facing The Sun! 

Yes. I have sought 

to find God all My Life, 

and never found 

A Sign of Him anywhere. 

Why now? 

Why you? Why him? 

HARKER :

I don't understand. 

VAN HELSING :

Then, think! 

Count Dracula fears The Cross. 

He fears The Symbol 

of Our Lord. 

HARKER :

The Girl didn't. 

VAN HELSING :

Never mind The Girl. 

She was nothing. 

Dracula, Prince among Vampires, fears The Cross. 

Do you understand what that means? 

HARKER :

No. Tell me. 

VAN HELSING :

God is Real. God is Real, 

and I've found him at last. 

HARKER :

You have found The Devil. 

VAN HELSING :

If it takes the Devil to bring me to My Lord, then I say, 

"Bring on the Devil!" 

HARKER :

(SCOFFS)

I don't! 

VAN HELSING :

And why not? 

God saved you for a reason, don't you think? 

HARKER :

I'm not Saved! I'm Nothing. 

VAN HELSING :

Would Mina think that? 

HARKER :

If she could see me, yes, she would. 

Look at me. I can't even remember Her Face. 

VAN HELSING :

Yes. I think you have proven that to our satisfaction. 

SISTER ANGELA 

WEEPS 

VAN HELSING :

Mr Harker, I apologise for the deception. 

It was necessary she heard the story from your own lips. 

You may have forgotten your fiancee's face... 

....but I have not lost you yet. 

The Kings Saul

Now the Philistines fought against Israel; and the men of Israel fled from before the Philistines, and fell slain on Mount Gilboa. Then the Philistines followed hard after Saul and his sons. And the Philistines killed Jonathan, Abinadab, and Malchishua, Saul’s sons. The battle became fierce against Saul. The archers hit him, and he was severely wounded by the archers.

Then Saul said to his armorbearer, “Draw your sword, and thrust me through with it, lest these uncircumcised men come and thrust me through and abuse me.”

But his armorbearer would not, for he was greatly afraid. Therefore Saul took a sword and fell on it. And when his armorbearer saw that Saul was dead, he also fell on his sword, and died with him.

— 

1 Samuel 31:1-5, NKJV2

One to One

SUTEKH: 

Any further insolence, Doctor, 

and I shall shred your nervous system into a million fibres. 

Is that understood? 

(The TARDIS Key and chain are lifted from the Doctor's waistcoat and hang in the air before Sutekh.) 

SUTEKH: 

Scarman. 

 [Study] 

 (Sarah is awake now.) 

SCARMAN: 

I hear you, Master. 

SUTEKH [OC]: 

My Enemies have brought the means of My Deliverance. 

(The Time-Space passage opens.) 

SARAH: 

The TARDIS Key! 

SUTEKH [OC]: 

This allows you entry into 

the Time Lord's space machine. 

Take one servicer and travel to The Pyramid of Mars. 

 [Sutekh's tomb]

Tom : 

He won't find that possible, Sutekh. 

SUTEKH: 

Scarman is My Puppet. 

My Mind is in His. 

Tom : 

The Controls of The TARDIS 

are isomorphic. 

SUTEKH: 

One to one. 

They answer to You alone. 

Tom : 

Yes. 

SUTEKH: 

Then I was wise to spare you. 

My Mind is in Yours! 

(The Doctor's face goes blank, and he stands up then crosses his arms over his chest.) 

Tom : 

Master.

 

SUTEKH: 

Scarman? 

[Study] 

 

SCARMAN: 

Master. 

SUTEKH [OC]: 

I send you the Time Lord. 

He will control The Machine. 

The human girl will accompany you. 

If the Time Lord shows the slightest sign of self-will, 

kill her immediately. 

SCARMAN: 

It is understood, Great One. 

(The Doctor enters through the passage.) 

SARAH: 

Doctor, what's happened? 

SCARMAN: 

Stand back. 

(A mummy puts its hand on Sarah's shoulder and she winces.) 

SCARMAN: 

He is possessed by The Great One. 

Whom do you serve, Time Lord? 

Tom : 

Sutekh. 

SCARMAN: 

Who holds all Life in His Hands? 

Tom : 

Sutekh. 

SCARMAN: 

Who is The Bringer of Death? 

Tom : 

Sutekh! 

SCARMAN: 

Venerate His Name and obey Him in all things. 

Tom : 

Sutekh is Supreme. 

SARAH: 

No. 

SCARMAN: 

Control is Established, Great One. 

SUTEKH [OC]: 

It is well. But the Time Lords are a perfidious species. 

Dispose of him when you reach The Pyramid of Mars. 

SCARMAN: 

It shall be done. Come.