Friday, 5 April 2024

Gerald



Gremlins - Deleted Scenes Part 2

Morning, Billy. 

Get in there and be quiet.

You just made it.

Again. 

Will you sign this petition?

Sure. What's it for? 

To declare Dorry's pub a landmark. 
Mrs. Deagle's trying to take his lease away. 

His too

Yeah, she says it's a dive, 
a public nuisance. 

That's where my dad 
proposed to My Mom. 

That's where everybody's dad 
proposed to their mom. 
Cross your "t." 

Thanks. 

Good morning, Mrs. Deagle. 
What's good about it? Klutz! 
Watch it, watch it!

Mrs. Deagle?

What? 

I just wanted you to know that 
Joe got another job. 
My husband, Joe Harris. 
And I've taken up some sewing. 

Ruby Deagle :
Mrs Harris, what are 
you trying to tell me?

Mrs. Joe Harris
I'm afraid none of us can pay for two weeks. Couldn't you just get Mr. Corben 
to just give us a little more time?


Ruby Deagle: 
Mrs Harris, The Bank and I have 
the same purpose in Life - 
to make money. 
Not to support a lot of... 
deadbeats!

Mrs. Joe Harris: 
Mrs Deagle! It's Christmas!

Ruby Deagle: 
Well, now you know what 
to ask Santa for, don't you?

Mommy, I'm hungry. Yes, honey. So am I. 

This is what's left of my imported Bavarian snowman. Your dog broke it this morning! 


I'm terribly sorry. Tell me 
how much I owe you -- 


Ruby Deagle: 
I don't want money — 
I want your dog.

Billy Peltzer: 
Barney?

Ruby Deagle: 
Give him to me. I'll take him to the kennel, 
they'll put him to sleep. It will be quick and 
painless compared to what I would do to him.

Billy Peltzer: 
What could you do?

Ruby Deagle: 
I'll catch the beast myself. 
He'll get what he deserves, 
a slow painful death....
Maybe I'll put him in my 
spin-drier on high heat.

Mr. Anderson: 
That would do it all right!

[Barney then jumps from the bank counter and smashes Mrs Deagle's snowman head and starts barking at her]

Barney, will you get off of her? 

My dear lady, are you all right? 

I have a very weak heart. 
I can't stand a shock like that! 

Mr. Corben: 
What is that dog doing in here?

Gerald Hopkins: 
Peltzer, this is a bank, 
not a pet-store.

Mr. Corben: 
Very good, Gerald.

Gerald Hopkins: 
Thank you, Mr. Corben.

He wouldn't hurt you. 

Excuses, excuses. You're just like your father. 
I've listened to his excuses for 10 years, the loser! 
As for you, you mangy cur... ...I'll get you... ...when you least expect it! 

Oh, my heart! 

I must apologise for this most unusual.... 


You putz. The old bat never looked better. 

It's great. You're doing fine. 
Thanks. Hello, Gerald. 

Gerald Hopkins: 
If it isn't Captain Clip-On. Guess who almost signed for unemployment today?

Billy Peltzer: 
I give up.

Gerald Hopkins: 
You... But Mr. Corben had second thoughts. 
He gets so sentimental around the holidays.

Billy Peltzer: 
Imagine that.

Gerald Hopkins: 
If it was up to me, I would have 
fired you in a second.

Billy Peltzer: 
Well, a Merry Christmas to you too.


Excuse me, Mr. Jones. 

Hey, Peltzer. Look, I'm a junior 
vice president at 23. 
By the time I'm 25, I'm gonna 
have Mr. Corben's job. 
By the time I'm 30, 
I'll be a millionaire — Look at you. 
You're practically supporting your whole family. 
The world's changing. You gotta change with it. 
You gotta be tough. 

Tough? And no one's tougher than you, Jack? 

Don't call me that. 
My Name's Gerald. 

Can I get you a drink? 

Give me a vodka martini. 
Shake, don't stir. 

You work here? 

Weeknights, so Dorry doesn't have 
to pay an extra waitress. 

That's great. 

Yeah, that's swell, if you 
like working for nothing. 


Two more rounds for 
the pool table, on the house. 

You haven't seen my new apartment. 

I haven't seen your old apartment. 

We're talking cable.
 Can we have dinner 
tomorrow night? 

I'm working. 

Why don't you tell Dorry you're sick? 
He can't dock your pay.




All I could get for it was $36! 
If there's anything I can do.... 

But it's completely out of 
my hands. I'll be delighted --

Hello, Gerald. 

I'm under such terrible pressure. 
Why don't you just speak to Mrs. Deagle about it? 

Speak to Mrs. Deagle? 
Mrs. Deagle!

Mrs. Deagle
Deposit this to my account. 
Where's that psychotic canine, 
still hiding under the counter?

Billy: 
No, I'm afraid he's on vacation.

Mrs. Deagle: 
You better keep him behind locked doors, 
because if I catch him, he's in for a slow death.


[deleted scene]

Kate Beringer: 
[whispers, from Corben's office
Billy! Billy, come here.
[Billy does so]

Kate Beringer: 
Close the door.

Billy Peltzer: [does so
Kate what are you doing?

Kate Beringer: 
[shows him a schematic map on Corben's desk
Look at this.

Billy Peltzer: [looks at it] 
Kingston Falls? Right, I've been there.
Kate Beringer: No, but look at the places in red.
Billy Peltzer: Yeah?

Kate Beringer: 
Those are homes of people 
who are out of work. 
Most of them lost their jobs 
because Mrs. Deagle closed 
down the factory. 
They can't afford to make their house payments, 
so Mrs. Deagle is taking advantage of that.

Billy Peltzer: What do you mean?
Kate Beringer: 
She's forcing the bank to foreclose 
in all of their mortgages.

Billy Peltzer: 
That's over half the town, Kate!
Kate Beringer: 
No kidding.

[Kate turns to another map showing 
many red X-marks on houses]

Kate Beringer
Look, your house is in red and 
so is mine. I heard them talking.
Mrs. Deagle had a meeting with 
the Hitox Chemical company. 
I think she's going to 
sell them the land.

Billy Peltzer: 
What are they going to do. 
Build a plant, a factory, or what?

Kate Beringer: 
I don't know, but we got to do something.







Ruby Deagle: [DELETED SCENE: Mrs. Deagle enters the bank and shoves her way through a long line to Kate's teller-cage] 
I want this check deposited immediately. 
Also, I know everything about that little 
petition you've been sending around town.

Kate Beringer: 
Mrs. Deagle, are you sure this is the time or the place for...?

Ruby Deagle: 
Of course it is. I always mix business with pleasure. 
And it gives me *great* pleasure to inform you 
that said petition has failed. Moreover, as a direct result 
of your efforts, I'm foreclosing your home as well. 
I'm sure that really shocks you doesn't it? Good.

Kate Beringer: 
On the contrary, Mrs. Deagle, it doesn't surprise me at all. Actually, it's just the sort of Christmas present 
I can see you giving.

Ruby Deagle: 
I'll thank you not to be impertinent, young lady.

Kate Beringer: 
And *I'll* thank YOU, in the name of the Holiday Season, 
to show an ounce of decency to these families you're ruining.
 Most of them can't afford to move, and even the ones who can really don't have anywhere to go. 
Isn't there anything at all I can say or do to change 
your mind about destroying all those good people?

Ruby Deagle: [smiling wickedly] You've got three chances of making me reconsider this Hitox deal: none, less than none, and much less than none. Now, if you'll kindly deposit this check, I'll be on my way.
Billy Peltzer: [Sickened by all of this, Billy produces a broom from underneath his own teller-cage. He passes it to the miserly lady] Merry Christmas, Mrs. Deagle.
Ruby Deagle: What's this?
Billy Peltzer: It's your Holiday present from me.
Ruby Deagle: 
This crummy old broom? 
What am I supposed to do with it?

Billy Peltzer: 
I thought you might need a ride home.

[Mrs. Deagle gasps in outrage, as the other customers behind her chuckle. She whirls and glares at them, then whirls back and glares at Billy again]

Billy Peltzer: 
We could have asked that you move to the back of the line 
and wait your turn like everyone else, 
but we didn't want to be rude...

[He glances at the other, relatively-patient 
clientele; his tone becomes surreptitious]

Billy Peltzer: 
... or worse.
Gerald: [rushing up with Mr. Corben close behind] 
What's going on here?
[doesn't wait for an answer]
Shut up, Peltzer; I'm asking her, not you. 
Is there a problem, Mrs. Deagle?

Ruby Deagle: 
This young man just asked that I move to the back of the line and wait my turn like everybody else! Of all the...!

Gerald: [Mr. Corben and Gerald both turn pale
Peltzer, how dare you! You're...!

Mr. Corben: 
Gerald! This is official.

Gerald: 
But I wanted to...!

Mr. Corben: [sternly cutting him off
Gerald. I'm not going to tell you again.

[turns back to Billy]

Mr. Corben: 
Peltzer, how dare you! 
You're fired!

Billy Peltzer: 
[removing his name tag
Thanks, Roland.

Mr. Corben: [furious] Roland?

Billy Peltzer: 
That's the best present you and Ger have ever given me.
[drops the name tag on the floor, then spins on his heel and walks out cheerfully]
Mr. Corben: ...Well, what are you standing around for? 
Pick that up!

Gerald: [to Kate] 
You heard him. Pick it up. Now.

[Instead, she removes her own name 
tag and drops it on the floor as well]

Kate Beringer: 
Pick them up yourself, Ger. I quit.

[walks out after Billy]

Mr. Corben: 
...You heard her, Hopkins. Pick those off the floor. Immediately.

Gerald: 
Me? Since when do I get 
other people's dirty work?

Mr. Corben: [cold and deadly] When nobody else is there to do the dirty work, as you call it, the JVP becomes JAL - that is, Just Another Lackey. Now start earning that salary I'm paying you, before I *really* blow my top and demonstrate just how rotten I *can* be. If you thought I was a schmuck with those other two...!
[Very unwillingly, Gerald picks both name tags off the floor. Then he goes to assist the long line of customers - all by himself - while Corben strolls whistling back to his office]




foreclose (v.)
late 13c., from Old French forclos, past participle of forclore "exclude, shut out; shun; drive away" (12c.), from fors "out" (Modern French hors; from Latin foris "outside;" see foreign) + clore "to shut" (see close (v.)). Senses in English influenced by words in for- (which is partly synonymous with the Latin word) and spelling by a mistaken association with native fore-. Specific mortgage law sense is first attested 1728. Other Middle English for- words in which the same prefix figures include forjuggen "condemn, convict, banish;" forloinen "forsake, stray from," and forfeit. Related: Foreclosed; foreclosing.


foreclosure (n.)
1728, from foreclose + -ure.

 
forfeit (n.)
late 14c., forfet, "misdeed, offense against established authority," also "something to which the right is lost through a misdeed," from Old French forfet, forfait "crime, punishable offense" (12c.), originally past participle of forfaire "transgress," from for- "outside, beyond" (from Latin foris; see foreign) + faire "to do" (from Latin facere "to make, do," from PIE root *dhe- "to set, put"). A French version of Medieval Latin foris factum; the notion perhaps is to "do too much, go beyond (what is right)." As an adjective from late 14c., from Old French forfait. Compare foreclose.

 
*dhwer- 
Proto-Indo-European root meaning "door, doorway." The base form is frequently in dual or plural, leading to speculation that houses of the original Indo-Europeans had doors with two swinging halves.

It forms all or part of: afforest; deforest; door; faubourg; foreclose; foreign; forensic; forest; forfeit; forum; hors d'oeuvre; thyroid.

It is the hypothetical source of/evidence for its existence is provided by: Sanskrit duárah "door, gate;" Old Persian duvara- "door;" Lithuanian dùrys (plural); Greek thyra "door;" Latin foris "out-of-doors, outside;" Gaulish doro "mouth;" Old Prussian dwaris "gate;" Russian dver' "a door;" Old English dor, German Tür "door," Gothic dauro "gate."

 
*klau- 
also *kleu-, klēu-, Proto-Indo-European root meaning "hook, crook," also "crooked or forked branch" (used as a bar or bolt in primitive structures). 

It forms all or part of: anschluss; autoclave; clause;  claustrophobia; claves; clavichord; clavicle; clavier; claviger; clechy; clef; cloison; cloisonne; cloister; close (v.); close (adj.); closet; closure; cloture; clove (n.1) "dried flowerbud of a certain tropical tree, used as a spice;" cloy; conclave; conclude; disclose; enclave; enclose; exclude; foreclose; include; occlude; preclude; recluse; seclude; slot (n.2) "bar or bolt used to fasten a door, window, etc." 

It is the hypothetical source of/evidence for its existence is provided by: Greek kleis "bar, bolt, key; collarbone," klobos "cage;" Latin clavis "key," clavus "nail," claudere "to shut, close;" Lithuanian kliūti "to catch, be caught on," kliaudžiu, kliausti "to check, hinder," kliūvu, kliūti "to clasp, hang;" Old Church Slavonic ključi "hook, key," ključiti "shut;" Old Irish clo "nail," Middle Irish clithar "hedge, fence;" Old High German sliozan "shut," German schließen "to shut," Schlüssel "key." 


Rip

 


Cover

This Edition is
limited to
Two Hundred and
Fifty Copies
for the
United Kingdom.

No. 141


RIP VAN WINKLE.


Washington Irving.

Title page

Rip Van Winkle
By Washington Irving.
Illustrated by Frank T. Merrill.
Boston. U. S. A.
S. E. Cassino.
MDCCCLXXXVIII.

Copyright by
Samuel E. Cassino,
1887.

Typography by J. S. Cushing & Co., Boston. U. S. A.


Presswork by Berwick & Smith, Boston. U. S. A.


LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.

 PAGE
Portrait4
Illustrated Title-Page5
List of Illustrations7
Diedrich Knickerbocker9
Up the Hudson11
“He was a descendant of the Van Winkles”12
“He assisted at their sports”facing 12
“A termagant wife”13
“Fish all day without a murmur”14
“Used to employ him to run their errands”15
“He would carry a fowling-piece”17
“His cow among the cabbages”18
“Trooping like a colt at its mother’s heels”18
“How solemnly they would listen”facing 18
“He shrugged his shoulders, shook his head, and cast up his eyes”19
“Yelping precipitation”20
“He would share the contents of his wallet”facing 20
Nicholas Vedder21
“The brow of a precipice”23
“He heard a voice”26
“A strange figure”27
“Rip and his companion labored on in silence”29
“A company of odd-looking personages”facing 29
“One who seemed to be the commander”30
“They quaffed the liquor in profound silence”facing 30
“I have not slept here all night”31
“Wanting in his usual activity”32
“He called again and whistled after his dog”facing 32
“Stroked their chins”33
“A troop of strange children ran at his heels”facing 34
“He found the house gone to decay”35
“He recognized on the sign”37
“They crowded round him”facing 38
“A lean, bilious-looking fellow”39
“He was killed at the storming of Stony Point”41
“A great militia-general”42
“That is Rip Van Winkle, yonder”43
“A fresh, comely woman”44
“What is your name, my good woman?”facing 44
Peter Vanderdonk45
“Friends among the rising generation”46
“Once more on the bench at the inn door”facing 46
“He used to tell his story to every stranger”48

RIP VAN WINKLE.

A POSTHUMOUS WRITING OF DIEDRICH KNICKERBOCKER.

By Woden, God of Saxons,
From whence comes Wensday, that is Wodensday.
Truth is a thing that ever I will keep
Unto thylke day in which I creep into
My sepulchre—— Cartwright.
Diedrich Knickerbocker

[The following Tale was found among the papers of the late Diedrich Knickerbocker, an old gentleman of New York, who was very curious in the Dutch history of the province, and the manners of the descendants from its primitive settlers. His historical researches, however, did not lie so much10 among books as among men; for the former are lamentably scanty on his favorite topics; whereas he found the old burghers, and still more their wives, rich in that legendary lore so invaluable to true history. Whenever, therefore, he happened upon a genuine Dutch family, snugly shut up in its low-roofed farmhouse, under a spreading sycamore, he looked upon it as a little clasped volume of black-letter, and studied it with the zeal of a book-worm.

The result of all these researches was a history of the province during the reign of the Dutch governors, which he published some years since. There have been various opinions as to the literary character of his work, and, to tell the truth, it is not a whit better than it should be. Its chief merit is its scrupulous accuracy, which indeed was a little questioned on its first appearance, but has since been completely established; and it is now admitted into all historical collections as a book of unquestionable authority.

The old gentleman died shortly after the publication of his work; and now that he is dead and gone, it cannot do much harm to his memory to say that his time might have been much better employed in weightier labors. He, however, was apt to ride his hobby his own way; and though it did now and then kick up the dust a little in the eyes of his neighbors, and grieve the spirit of some friends, for whom he felt the truest deference and affection, yet his errors and follies are remembered “more in sorrow than in anger,” and it begins to be suspected that he never intended to injure or offend. But however his memory may be appreciated by critics, it is still held dear by many folk whose good opinion is well worth having; particularly by certain biscuit-bakers, who have gone so far as to imprint his likeness on their New-Year cakes; and have thus given him a chance for immortality, almost equal to the being stamped on a Waterloo Medal, or a Queen Anne’s Farthing.]

Up the Hudson

WHOEVER has made a voyage up the Hudson must remember the Kaatskill mountains. They are a dismembered branch of the great Appalachian family, and are seen away to the west of the river, swelling up to a noble height, and lording it over the surrounding country. Every change of season, every change of weather, indeed, every hour of the day, produces some change in the magical hues and shapes of these mountains, and they are regarded by all the good wives, far and near, as perfect barometers. When the weather is fair and settled, they are clothed in blue and purple, and print their bold outlines on the clear evening sky; but sometimes, when the rest of the landscape is cloudless, they will gather a hood of gray vapors about their summits, which, in the last rays of the setting sun, will glow and light up like a crown of glory.

12At the foot of these fairy mountains, the voyager may have descried the light smoke curling up from a village, whose shingle roofs gleam among the trees, just where the blue tints of the upland melt away into the fresh green of the nearer landscape. It is a little village of great antiquity, having been founded by some of the Dutch colonists in the early times of the province, just about the beginning of the government of the good Peter Stuyvesant (may he rest in peace!) and there were some of the houses of the original settlers standing within a few years, built of small yellow bricks brought from Holland, having latticed windows and gable fronts, surmounted with weathercocks.

“He was a descendant of the Van Winkles”

In that same village, and in one of these very houses (which, to tell the precise truth, was sadly time-worn and weather-beaten), there lived many years since, while the country was yet a province of Great Britain, a simple, good-natured fellow, of the name of Rip Van Winkle. He was a descendant of the Van Winkles who figured so gallantly in the chivalrous days of Peter Stuyvesant, and accompanied him to the siege of Fort Christina. He inherited, however, but little of the martial 13character of his ancestors. I have observed that he was a simple, good-natured man; he was, moreover, a kind neighbor, and an obedient, hen-pecked husband. Indeed, to the latter circumstance might be owing that meekness of spirit which gained him such universal popularity; for those men are most apt to be obsequious and conciliating abroad who are under the discipline of shrews at home. Their tempers, doubtless, are rendered pliant and malleable in the fiery furnace of domestic tribulation, and a curtain-lecture is worth all the sermons in the world for teaching the virtues of patience and long-suffering. A termagant wife may, therefore, in some respects, be considered a tolerable blessing; and if so, Rip Van Winkle was thrice blessed.

“He assisted at their sports”
“A termagant wife”

Certain it is, that he was a great favorite among all the good wives of the village, who, as usual with the amiable sex, took his part in all family squabbles, and never failed, whenever they talked those matters over in their evening gossipings, to lay all the blame on Dame Van Winkle. The children of the village, too, would shout with joy whenever he approached. He assisted at their sports, made their playthings, taught them to fly kites and shoot marbles, and told14 them long stories of ghosts, witches, and Indians. Whenever he went dodging about the village, he was surrounded by a troop of them, hanging on his skirts, clambering on his back, and playing a thousand tricks on him with impunity; and not a dog would bark at him throughout the neighborhood.

“Fish all day without a murmur”

15The great error in Rip’s composition was an insuperable aversion to all kinds of profitable labor. It could not be from the want of assiduity or perseverance; for he would sit on a wet rock, with a rod as long and heavy as a Tartar’s lance, and fish all day without a murmur, even though he should not be encouraged by a single nibble. He would carry a fowling-piece on his shoulder for hours together, trudging through woods and swamps, and up hill and down dale, to shoot a few squirrels or wild pigeons. He would never refuse to assist a neighbor even in the roughest toil, and was a foremost man at all country frolics for husking Indian corn, or building stone fences; the women of the village, too, used to employ him to run their errands, and to do such little odd jobs as their less obliging husbands would not do for them. In a word, Rip was ready to attend to anybody’s 16business but his own; but as to doing family duty, and keeping his farm in order, he found it impossible.

In fact, he declared it was of no use to work on his farm; it was the most pestilent little piece of ground in the whole country; everything about it went wrong, and would go wrong in spite of him. His fences were continually falling to pieces; his cow would either go astray, or get among the cabbages; weeds were sure to grow quicker in his fields than anywhere else; the rain always made a point of setting in just as he had some out-door work to do; so that though his patrimonial estate had dwindled away under his management, acre by acre, until there was little more left than a mere patch of Indian corn and potatoes, yet it was the worst conditioned farm in the neighborhood.

“He would carry a fowling-piece”

His children, too, were as ragged and wild as if they belonged to nobody. His son Rip, an urchin begotten in his own likeness, promised to inherit the habits, with the old clothes of his father. He was generally seen trooping like a colt at his mother’s heels, equipped in a pair of his father’s18 cast-off galligaskins, which he had much ado to hold up with one hand, as a fine lady does her train in bad weather.

“Trooping like a colt at its mother’s heels”

Rip Van Winkle, however, was one of those happy mortals, of foolish, well-oiled dispositions, who take the world easy, eat white bread or brown, whichever can be got with least thought or trouble, and would rather starve on a penny than work for a pound. If left to himself, he would have whistled life away, in perfect contentment; but his wife kept continually dinning in his ears about his idleness, his carelessness, and the ruin he was bringing on his family.

“His cow among the cabbages”

Morning, noon, and night, her tongue was incessantly going, and everything he said or did was sure to produce a torrent of household eloquence. Rip had but one way of replying to all lectures of the kind, and that, by frequent use, had grown into a habit. He shrugged his shoulders, shook his head, cast up his eyes, but said nothing. This, however, always provoked a fresh volley from his wife, so that 19he was fain to draw off his forces, and take to the outside of the house—the only side which, in truth, belongs to a hen-pecked husband.

“How solemnly they would listen”

Rip’s sole domestic adherent was his dog Wolf, who was as much henpecked as his master; for Dame Van Winkle regarded them as companions in idleness, and even looked upon Wolf with an evil eye, as the cause of his master’s going so often astray. True it is, in all points of spirit befitting an honorable dog, he was as courageous an animal as ever scoured the woods—but what courage can withstand the ever-during and all-besetting terrors of a woman’s tongue? The moment Wolf entered the house, his crest fell, his tail drooped to the ground, or curled between his legs, he sneaked about with a gallows air, casting many a sidelong glance at Dame Van Winkle, and at the least flourish of a broomstick or ladle, he would fly to the door with yelping precipitation.

“He shrugged his shoulders, shook his head, and cast up his eyes”

Times grew worse and worse with Rip Van Winkle as years of matrimony rolled on: a tart temper never mellows with age, and a sharp tongue is the only edge tool that grows keener with constant use. For a long while he used to console himself, when driven from home, by frequenting a kind of perpetual club of the sages, philosophers, and other idle personages of the village, which held its sessions on a bench before a small inn, designated by a rubicund portrait of his majesty George the Third. Here they used to sit in the20 shade of a long lazy summer’s day, talking listlessly over village gossip, or telling endless sleepy stories about nothing. But it would have been worth any statesman’s money to have heard the profound discussions which sometimes took place, when by chance an old newspaper fell into their hands, from some passing traveller. How solemnly they would listen to the contents, as drawled out by Derrick Van Bummel, the schoolmaster, a dapper learned little man, who was not to be daunted by the most gigantic word in the dictionary; and how sagely they would deliberate upon public events some months after they had taken place.

“Yelping precipitation”

The opinions of this junto were completely controlled by Nicholas Vedder, a patriarch of the village, and landlord of the inn, at the door of which he took his seat from morning till night, just moving sufficiently to avoid the sun, and keep in the shade of a large tree; so that the neighbors could tell the hour by his movements, as accurately as by a sun-dial. It is true, he was rarely heard to speak, but smoked his pipe incessantly. His adherents, however (for every great man has his adherents), perfectly understood him, and knew how to gather his opinions. When anything that was read 21or related displeased him, he was observed to smoke his pipe vehemently, and to send forth short, frequent, and angry puffs; but when pleased, he would inhale the smoke slowly and tranquilly, and emit it in light and placid clouds, and sometimes taking the pipe from his mouth, and letting the fragrant vapor curl about his nose, would gravely nod his head in token of perfect approbation.

“He would share the contents of his wallet”
Nicholas Vedder

From even this stronghold the unlucky Rip was at length routed by his termagant wife, who would suddenly break in upon the tranquillity of the assemblage, and call the members all to nought; nor was that august personage, Nicholas Vedder himself, sacred from the daring tongue of this terrible virago, who charged him outright with encouraging her husband in habits of idleness.

Poor Rip was at last reduced almost to despair, and his only alternative to escape from the labor of the farm and the clamor of his wife, was to take gun in hand, and stroll away into the woods. Here he would sometimes seat himself at the foot of a tree, and share the contents of his wallet with Wolf, with whom he sympathized as a fellow-sufferer in persecution. “Poor Wolf,” he would say, “thy mistress leads thee a dog’s life of it; but never mind, my lad, whilst I live thou shalt never want a friend to stand by thee!” Wolf would22 wag his tail, look wistfully in his master’s face, and if dogs can feel pity, I verily believe he reciprocated the sentiment with all his heart.

In a long ramble of the kind, on a fine autumnal day, Rip had unconsciously scrambled to one of the highest parts of the Kaatskill mountains. He was after his favorite sport of squirrel-shooting, and the still solitudes had echoed and re-echoed with the reports of his gun. Panting and fatigued, he threw himself, late in the afternoon, on a green knoll covered with mountain herbage, that crowned the brow of a precipice. From an opening between the trees, he could overlook all the lower country for many a mile of rich woodland. He saw at a distance the lordly Hudson, far, far below him, moving on its silent but majestic course, with the reflection of a purple cloud, or the sail of a lagging bark, here and there sleeping on its glassy bosom, and at last losing itself in the blue highlands.

On the other side he looked down into a deep mountain glen, wild, lonely, and shagged, the bottom filled with fragments from the impending cliffs, and scarcely lighted by the reflected rays of the setting sun. For some time Rip lay musing on this scene; evening was gradually advancing; the mountains began to throw their long blue shadows over the valleys; he saw that it would be dark long before he could reach the village; and he heaved a heavy sigh when he thought of encountering the terrors of Dame Van Winkle.

23As he was about to descend he heard a voice from a distance hallooing, “Rip Van Winkle! Rip Van Winkle!” He looked around, but could see nothing but a crow winging its solitary flight across the mountain. He thought his fancy 24must have deceived him, and turned again to descend, when he heard the same cry ring through the still evening air, “Rip Van Winkle! Rip Van Winkle!”—at the same time Wolf bristled up his back, and giving a low growl, skulked to his master’s side, looking fearfully down into the glen. Rip now felt a vague apprehension stealing over him; he looked anxiously in the same direction, and perceived a strange figure slowly toiling up the rocks, and bending under the weight of something he carried on his back. He was surprised to see any human being in this lonely and unfrequented place, but supposing it to be some one of the neighborhood in need of his assistance, he hastened down to yield it.

On nearer approach, he was still more surprised at the singularity of the stranger’s appearance. He was a short, square-built old fellow, with thick bushy hair, and a grizzled beard. His dress was of the antique Dutch fashion—a cloth jerkin strapped round the waist—several pair of breeches, the outer one of ample volume, decorated with rows of buttons down the sides, and bunches at the knees. He bore on his shoulders a stout keg, that seemed full of liquor, and made signs for Rip to approach and assist him with the load. Though rather shy and distrustful of this new acquaintance, Rip complied with his usual alacrity, and mutually relieving each other, they clambered up a narrow gully, apparently the dry bed of a mountain torrent. As they ascended, Rip every now and then heard long rolling peals, like distant thunder, that seemed to issue out of a deep ravine, or rather cleft between lofty rocks, toward which their rugged path conducted. He paused for an instant, but supposing it to be the muttering of one of those transient thunder-showers which often take place in the26 mountain heights, he proceeded. Passing through the ravine, they came to a hollow, like a small amphitheatre, surrounded by perpendicular precipices, over the brinks of which, impending trees shot their branches, so that you only caught glimpses of the azure sky and the bright evening cloud. During the whole time, Rip and his companion had labored on in silence; for though the former marvelled greatly what could be the object of carrying a keg of liquor up this wild mountain, yet there was something strange and incomprehensible about the unknown, that inspired awe, and checked familiarity.

“He heard a voice”

27On entering the amphitheatre, new objects of wonder presented themselves. On a level spot in the centre was a company of odd-looking personages playing at nine-pins. They were dressed in a quaint outlandish fashion: some wore short doublets, others jerkins, with long knives in their belts, and most of them had enormous breeches, of similar style with that of the guide’s. Their visages too, were peculiar: one had a large head, broad face, and small piggish eyes; the face of another seemed to consist entirely of nose, and was surmounted by a white sugar-loaf hat, set off with a little red cock’s tail. They all had beards, of various shapes and colors. There was one who 28seemed to be the commander. He was a stout old gentleman, with a weather-beaten countenance; he wore a laced doublet, broad belt and hanger, high-crowned hat and feather, red stockings, and high-heeled shoes, with roses in them. The whole group reminded Rip of the figures in an old Flemish painting, in the parlor of Domine Van Schaick, the village parson, and which had been brought over from Holland at the time of the settlement.

“Rip and his companion labored on in silence”
“A company of odd-looking personages”

What seemed particularly odd to Rip was, that though these folks were evidently amusing themselves, yet they maintained the gravest faces, the most mysterious silence, and were, withal, the most melancholy party of pleasure he had ever witnessed. Nothing interrupted the stillness of the scene but the noise of the balls, which, whenever they were rolled, echoed along the mountains like rumbling peals of thunder.

As Rip and his companion approached them, they suddenly desisted from their play, and stared at him with such a fixed statue-like gaze, and such strange, uncouth, lack-lustre countenances, that his heart turned within him, and his knees smote together. His companion now emptied the contents of the30 keg into large flagons, and made signs to him to wait upon the company. He obeyed with fear and trembling; they quaffed the liquor in profound silence, and then returned to their game.

By degrees, Rip’s awe and apprehension subsided. He even ventured, when no eye was fixed upon him, to taste the beverage, which he found had much of the flavor of excellent Hollands. He was naturally a thirsty soul, and was soon tempted to repeat the draught. One taste provoked another, and he reiterated his visits to the flagon so often, that at length his senses were overpowered, his eyes swam in his head, his head gradually declined, and he fell into a deep sleep.

“One who seemed to be the commander”

On waking, he found himself on the green knoll from whence he had first seen the old man of the glen. He rubbed 31his eyes—it was a bright sunny morning. The birds were hopping and twittering among the bushes, and the eagle was wheeling aloft, and breasting the pure mountain breeze. “Surely,” thought Rip, “I have not slept here all night.” He recalled the occurrences before he fell asleep. The strange man with the keg of liquor—the mountain ravine—the wild retreat among the rocks—the woe-begone party at nine-pins—the flagon—“Oh! that wicked flagon!” thought Rip—“what excuse shall I make to Dame Van Winkle?”

“They quaffed the liquor in profound silence”
“I have not slept here all night”

He looked round for his gun, but in place of the clean well-oiled fowling-piece, he found an old firelock lying by him, the barrel encrusted with rust, the lock falling off, and the stock worm-eaten. He now suspected that the grave roysters of the mountain had put a trick upon him, and having dosed him with liquor, had robbed him of his gun. Wolf, too, had disappeared, but he might have strayed away after a squirrel or partridge. He whistled after him and shouted his name, but32 all in vain; the echoes repeated his whistle and shout, but no dog was to be seen.

He determined to revisit the scene of the last evening’s gambol, and if he met with any of the party, to demand his dog and gun. As he rose to walk, he found himself stiff in the joints, and wanting in his usual activity. “These mountain beds do not agree with me,” thought Rip, “and if this frolic should lay me up with a fit of the rheumatism, I shall have a blessed time with Dame Van Winkle.” With some difficulty he got down into the glen; he found the gully up which he and his companion had ascended the preceding evening; but to his astonishment a mountain stream was now foaming down it, leaping from rock to rock, and filling the glen with babbling murmurs. He, however, made shift to scramble up its sides, working his toilsome way through thickets of birch, sassafras, and witch-hazel; and sometimes tripped up or entangled by the wild grape vines that twisted their coils and tendrils from tree to tree, and spread a kind of network in his path.

“Wanting in his usual activity”

At length he reached to where the ravine had opened through the cliffs to the amphitheatre; but no traces of such opening remained. The rocks presented a high impenetrable wall, over which the torrent came tumbling in a sheet of feathery 33foam, and fell into a broad deep basin, black from the shadows of the surrounding forest. Here, then, poor Rip was brought to a stand. He again called and whistled after his dog; he was only answered by the cawing of a flock of idle crows, sporting high in the air about a dry tree that overhung a sunny precipice; and who, secure in their elevation, seemed to look down and scoff at the poor man’s perplexities. What was to be done? The morning was passing away, and Rip felt famished for want of his breakfast. He grieved to give up his dog and gun; he dreaded to meet his wife; but it would not do to starve among the mountains. He shook his head, shouldered the rusty firelock, and, with a heart full of trouble and anxiety, turned his steps homeward.

“He called again and whistled after his dog”
“Stroked their chins”

As he approached the village, he met a number of people, but none whom he knew, which somewhat surprised him, for he had thought himself acquainted with every one in the country round. Their dress, too, was of a different fashion from that to which he was accustomed. They all stared at him with equal marks of surprise, and whenever they cast eyes upon him, invariably stroked their chins. The constant recurrence34 of this gesture induced Rip, involuntarily, to do the same, when, to his astonishment, he found his beard had grown a foot long!

He had now entered the skirts of the village. A troop of strange children ran at his heels, hooting after him, and pointing at his gray beard. The dogs, too, not one of which he recognized for an old acquaintance, barked at him as he passed. The very village was altered: it was larger and more populous. There were rows of houses which he had never seen before, and those which had been his familiar haunts had disappeared. Strange names were over the doors—strange faces at the windows—everything was strange. His mind now misgave him; he began to doubt whether both he and the world around him were not bewitched. Surely this was his native village, which he had left but a day before. There stood the Kaatskill mountains—there ran the silver Hudson at a distance—there was every hill and dale precisely as it had always been—Rip was sorely perplexed—“That flagon last night,” thought he, “has addled my poor head sadly!”

It was with some difficulty that he found the way to his own house, which he approached with silent awe, expecting every moment to hear the shrill voice of Dame Van Winkle. He found the house gone to decay—the roof fallen in, the windows shattered, and the doors off the hinges. A half-starved dog, that looked like Wolf, was skulking about it. Rip called him by name, but the cur snarled, showed his teeth, and passed on. This was an unkind cut indeed.—“My very dog,” sighed poor Rip, “has forgotten me!”

35He entered the house, which, to tell the truth, Dame Van Winkle had always kept in neat order. It was empty, forlorn, and apparently abandoned. This desolateness overcame all his connubial fears—he called loudly for his wife and children—the lonely chambers rang for a moment with his voice, and then all again was silence.

“He recognized on the sign”

He now hurried forth, and hastened to his old resort, the village inn—but it too was gone. A large rickety wooden building stood in its place, with great gaping windows, some of them broken, and mended with old hats and petticoats, and over the door was painted, “The Union Hotel, by Jonathan Doolittle.” Instead of the great tree that used to shelter the quiet little Dutch inn of yore, there now was reared a tall naked pole, with something on the top that looked like a red38 night-cap, and from it was fluttering a flag, on which was a singular assemblage of stars and stripes—all this was strange and incomprehensible. He recognized on the sign, however, the ruby face of King George, under which he had smoked so many a peaceful pipe, but even this was singularly metamorphosed. The red coat was changed for one of blue and buff, a sword was held in the hand instead of a sceptre, the head was decorated with a cocked hat, and underneath was painted in large characters, General Washington.

“They crowded round him”

There was, as usual, a crowd of folk about the door, but none that Rip recollected. The very character of the people seemed changed. There was a busy, bustling, disputatious tone about it, instead of the accustomed phlegm and drowsy tranquillity. He looked in vain for the sage Nicholas Vedder, with his broad face, double chin, and fair long pipe, uttering clouds of tobacco smoke, instead of idle speeches; or Van Bummel, the schoolmaster, doling forth the contents of an ancient newspaper. In place of these, a lean bilious-looking fellow, with his pockets full of handbills, was haranguing vehemently about rights of citizens—election—members of Congress—liberty—Bunker’s hill—heroes of seventy-six—and other words, that were a perfect Babylonish jargon to the bewildered Van Winkle.

“A lean, bilious-looking fellow”

39The appearance of Rip, with his long, grizzled beard, his rusty fowling-piece, his uncouth dress, and the army of women and children that had gathered at his heels, soon attracted the attention of the tavern politicians. They crowded round him, eyeing him from head to foot, with great curiosity. The orator bustled up to him, and drawing him partly aside, inquired, “on which side he voted?” Rip stared in vacant stupidity. Another short but busy little fellow pulled him by the arm, and rising on tiptoe, inquired in his ear, “whether he was Federal or Democrat.” Rip was equally at a loss to comprehend the question; when a knowing, self-important old gentleman, in a sharp cocked hat, made his way through the crowd, putting them to the right and left with his elbows as he passed, and planting himself before Van Winkle, with one arm a-kimbo, the other resting on his cane, his keen eyes and sharp hat penetrating, as it were, into his very soul, demanded in an austere tone, “what brought him to the election with a gun on his shoulder, and a mob at his heels, and whether he meant to breed a riot in the village?”

41“Alas! gentlemen,” cried Rip, somewhat dismayed, “I am a poor, quiet man, a native of the place, and a loyal subject of the King, God bless him!”

Here a general shout burst from the bystanders—“a tory! a tory! a spy! a refugee! hustle him! away with him!”

It was with great difficulty that the self-important man in the cocked hat restored order; and having assumed a tenfold austerity of brow, demanded again of the unknown culprit, what he came there for, and whom he was seeking. The poor man humbly assured him that he meant no harm, but42 merely came there in search of some of his neighbors, who used to keep about the tavern.

“Well—who are they?—name them.”

Rip bethought himself a moment, and inquired, “Where’s Nicholas Vedder?”

“A great militia-general”

There was a silence for a little while, when an old man replied, in a thin, piping voice, “Nicholas Vedder? why, he is dead and gone these eighteen years! There was a wooden tomb-stone in the church-yard that used to tell all about him, but that’s rotten and gone too.”

“Where’s Brom Dutcher?”

“Oh, he went off to the army in the beginning of the war; some say he was killed at the storming of Stony-Point—others say he was drowned in the squall, at the foot of Antony’s Nose. I don’t know—he never came back again.”

“Where’s Van Bummel, the schoolmaster?”

“He went off to the wars, too; was a great militia general, and is now in Congress.”

Rip’s heart died away, at hearing of these sad changes in his home and friends, and finding himself thus alone in the world. Every answer puzzled him, too, by treating of such43 enormous lapses of time, and of matters which he could not understand: war—Congress—Stony-Point!—he had no courage to ask after any more friends, but cried out in despair, “Does nobody here know Rip Van Winkle?”

“Oh, Rip Van Winkle!” exclaimed two or three. “Oh, to be sure! that’s Rip Van Winkle yonder, leaning against the tree.”

Rip looked, and beheld a precise counterpart of himself as he went up the mountain; apparently as lazy, and certainly as ragged. The poor fellow was now completely confounded. He doubted his own identity, and whether he was himself or another man. In the midst of his bewilderment, the man in the cocked hat demanded who he was, and what was his name?

“That is Rip Van Winkle, yonder”

“God knows,” exclaimed he at his wit’s end; “I’m not myself—I’m somebody else—that’s me yonder—no—that’s somebody else, got into my shoes—I was myself last night, but I fell asleep on the mountain, and they’ve changed my gun, and everything’s changed, and I’m changed, and I can’t tell what’s my name, or who I am!”

The by-standers began now to look at each other, nod, wink significantly, and tap their fingers against their foreheads.44 There was a whisper, also, about securing the gun, and keeping the old fellow from doing mischief; at the very suggestion of which, the self-important man with the cocked hat retired with some precipitation. At this critical moment a fresh comely woman passed through the throng to get a peep at the gray-bearded man. She had a chubby child in her arms, which, frightened at his looks, began to cry. “Hush, Rip,” cried she, “hush, you little fool; the old man won’t hurt you.” The name of the child, the air of the mother, the tone of her voice, all awakened a train of recollections in his mind.

“A fresh, comely woman”

“What is your name, my good woman?” asked he.

“Judith Gardenier.”

“And your father’s name?”

“Ah, poor man, his name was Rip Van Winkle; it’s twenty years since he went away from home with his gun, and never has been heard of since—his dog came home without him; but whether he shot himself, or was carried away by the Indians, nobody can tell. I was then but a little girl.”

Rip had but one question more to ask; but he put it with a faltering voice:

“Where’s your mother?”

“What is your name, my good woman?”

45Oh, she too had died but a short time since: she broke a blood-vessel in a fit of passion at a New-England pedler.

There was a drop of comfort, at least, in this intelligence. The honest man could contain himself no longer. He caught his daughter and her child in his arms. “I am your father!” cried he—“Young Rip Van Winkle once—old Rip Van Winkle now—Does nobody know poor Rip Van Winkle!”

All stood amazed, until an old woman, tottering out from among the crowd, put her hand to her brow, and peering under it in his face for a moment, exclaimed, “Sure enough! it is Rip Van Winkle—it is himself. Welcome home again, old neighbor—Why, where have you been these twenty long years?”

Peter Vanderdonk

Rip’s story was soon told, for the whole twenty years had been to him but as one night. The neighbors stared when they heard it; some were seen to wink at each other, and put their tongues in their cheeks; and the self-important man in the cocked hat, who, when the alarm was over, had returned to the field, screwed down the corners of his mouth, and shook his head—upon which there was a general shaking of the head throughout the assemblage.

“Friends among the rising generation”

It was determined, however, to take the opinion of old Peter Vanderdonk, who was seen slowly advancing up the road. He was a descendant of the historian of that name, who46 wrote one of the earliest accounts of the province. Peter was the most ancient inhabitant of the village, and well versed in all the wonderful events and traditions of the neighborhood. He recollected Rip at once, and corroborated his story in the most satisfactory manner. He assured the company that it was a fact, handed down from his ancestor the historian, that the Kaatskill mountains had always been haunted by strange beings. That it was affirmed that the great Hendrick Hudson, the first discoverer of the river and country, kept a kind of vigil there every twenty years, with his crew of the Halfmoon, being permitted in this way to revisit the scenes of his enterprise, and keep a guardian eye upon the river and the great city called by his name. That his father had once seen them in their old Dutch dresses playing at nine-pins in the 47hollow of the mountain; and that he himself had heard, one summer afternoon, the sound of their balls, like distant peals of thunder.

“Once more on the bench at the inn door”

To make a long story short, the company broke up, and returned to the more important concerns of the election. Rip’s daughter took him home to live with her; she had a snug, well-furnished house, and a stout cheery farmer for a husband, whom Rip recollected for one of the urchins that used to climb upon his back. As to Rip’s son and heir, who was the ditto of himself, seen leaning against the tree, he was employed to work on the farm; but evinced a hereditary disposition to attend to anything else but his business.

Rip now resumed his old walks and habits; he soon found many of his former cronies, though all rather the worse for the wear and tear of time; and preferred making friends among the rising generation, with whom he soon grew into great favor.

Having nothing to do at home, and being arrived at that happy age when a man can do nothing with impunity, he took his place once more on the bench, at the inn door, and was reverenced as one of the patriarchs of the village, and a chronicle of the old times “before the war.” It was some time before he could get into the regular track of gossip, or could be made to comprehend the strange events that had taken place during his torpor. How that there had been a revolutionary war—that the country had thrown off the yoke of old England—and that, instead of being a subject of his majesty George the Third, he was now a free citizen of the United States. Rip, in fact, was no politician; the changes of states and empires made but little impression on48 him; but there was one species of despotism under which he had long groaned, and that was—petticoat government. Happily, that was at an end; he had got his neck out of the yoke of matrimony, and could go in and out whenever he pleased, without dreading the tyranny of Dame Van Winkle. Whenever her name was mentioned, however, he shook his head, shrugged his shoulders, and cast up his eyes; which might pass either for an expression of resignation to his fate, or joy at his deliverance.

“He used to tell his story to every stranger”

He used to tell his story to every stranger that arrived at Mr. Doolittle’s hotel. He was observed, at first, to vary on some points every time he told it, which was doubtless owing to his having so recently awaked. It at last settled down precisely to the tale I have related, and not a man, woman, or child in the neighborhood, but knew it by heart. Some49 always pretended to doubt the reality of it, and insisted that Rip had been out of his head, and that this was one point on which he always remained flighty. The old Dutch inhabitants, however, almost universally gave it full credit. Even to this day, they never hear a thunder-storm of a summer afternoon about the Kaatskill, but they say Hendrick Hudson and his crew are at their game of nine-pins; and it is a common wish of all henpecked husbands in the neighborhood, when life hangs heavy on their hands, that they might have a quieting draught out of Rip Van Winkle’s flagon.

Note.—The foregoing tale, one would suspect, had been suggested to Mr. Knickerbocker by a little German superstition about the Emperor Frederick der Rothbart and the Kypphauser mountain; the subjoined note, however, which he had appended to the tale, shows that it is an absolute fact, narrated with his usual fidelity.

“The story of Rip Van Winkle may seem incredible to many, but nevertheless I give it my full belief, for I know the vicinity of our old Dutch settlements to have been very subject to marvellous events and appearances. Indeed, I have heard many stranger stories than this, in the villages along the Hudson; all of which were too well authenticated to admit of a doubt. I have even talked with Rip Van Winkle myself, who, when last I saw him, was a very venerable old man, and so perfectly rational and consistent on every other point, that I think no conscientious person could refuse to take this into the bargain; nay, I have seen a certificate on the subject taken before a country justice, and signed with a cross, in the justice’s own handwriting. The story, therefore, is beyond the possibility of doubt.”


Transcriber’s Note:

The order of illustrations has been retained as published in the original publication.

The following changes were made:

  • On the title page
    S. E Cassino changed to
    S. E. Cassino
  • In the List of Illustrations
    personages” facing 26 changed to facing 29
  • Page 38
    intead of the changed to
    instead of the