You, My Dear, Cannot POSSIBLY Exist, So Go Away!

[Black void]

(Tegan comes across a metal structure, then two people sitting at a small round table playing a game similar to draughts. They glow white. The woman is dressed in Tudor style, with a big ruff framing her head. The man's ruff is very small around his neck.) 

TEGAN: 

Hello.

(The woman replies.) 

ANATTA: 

You, my dear, 

cannot possibly exist, 

so go away.

TEGAN: 

Look, hello. 

ANATTA: 

Did You see...? 

ANICCA: 

...why, did You? 

ANATTA: 

I asked first. 

ANICCA: 

So You did see!

ANATTA: 

...it proves nothing. 

Just because an illusion 

is shared doesn't mean --

ANICCA: 

-- of course not. 

ANATTA:

 Besides, How Do I Know 

That What You Think You See --

ANICCA: 

-- is What You Think You see? 

ANATTA: 

Or vice --

(As they both move pieces on their game board, we see they have the image of a snake on their forearms.) 

ANICCA: 

--versa. 

ANATTA: 

Exactly. 

(A younger man appears behind Tegan, laughs, and vanishes. 

The two figures recede into the distance.) 

ANICCA: 

...I can only conclude it is you 

who have invented her 

as a means of putting me 

off My Game.....

Jones

Jones

surname, literally "John's (child);" see John. Phrase ‘keep up with the Joneses’ (1917, American English) is from ‘Keeping Up with the Joneses, the title of a popular newspaper comic strip by Arthur R. "Pop" Momand (1886-1987) which debuted in 1913 and chronicled the doings of The McGinnis Family in its bid to match the living style of The House of Jones

The slang sense "intense desire, addiction" (1968) probably arose from earlier use of Jones as a synonym for "heroin”.

Related: Jonesing.

analyst] What were you feeling at that point?

What was I feeling? I felt either I’m having a mental breakdown again or I’m living inside a computer-generated reality that has imprisoned me… again. [laughs]

[chuckles softly]

Not much of a choice.

No.

Maybe it’s not as binary as that. Maybe there are other ways to understand what happened.

Yeah.

Thomas, you are a suicide survivor gifted with a powerful imagination. Those facts have combined to create dangerous fictions in your life. Yesterday, you walked into a meeting with your business partner and he ambushed you, demanding you make a game you said you would never make. This attack effectively took away your voice. His violence triggered you and your mind fought back. You did to him what he was doing to you. We’ve talked about the value of adaptive anger in healing trauma. Far from suggesting a repeat of your initial breakdown, I believe this episode demonstrates healthy self-protection. And more importantly, I remember how hard it was for you to share something like this. Which tells me just how far we’ve come.

[chuckles softly]

Do you need a refill on your prescription?

[sighs] Yeah.

[pills rattle]

Smith

[ominous music playing]

Sorry. Uh, it’s The Boss.

“Billions of people just living out their lives… oblivious.” 

I always loved that line. 

You wrote that one, yeah? 

Every time I stand here, 

I mean, O-M-G. It’s so perfect, 

it’s gotta be fake. Right?

[chuckles softly] 

Yeah. Sure.

Have a seat.

[man sighs]

Smoke?

I thought you quit.

I quit calling it a habit. 

Now it’s just a guilty pleasure.

Oh. Maybe I can make this easy for you. I know Binary is over budget.

This is not about Binary, Tom. 

It’s bigger than that.

 This is about our future, 

which is a sticky subject, 

given our past.

What do you mean?

How’s the therapy?

Good.

Any… episodes?

No.

That’s terrific. 

Look, Tom, I know we’ve always 

had our differences. 

What did you say about 

our first meeting? 

We had all the chemistry 

of an FBI interrogation.

[muffled yell]

[scoffs]

But look at this place. 

We did this. Together.

Yeah.

Now what? Things have changed. The market’s tough. 

I’m sure you can understand why our beloved parent company, Warner Bros., has decided to make 

a sequel to the trilogy.

What?

They informed me 

they’re gonna do it 

with or without us.

I thought they couldn’t do that.

[exhales] 

Oh, they can. 

And they made it clear 

they’ll kill our contract 

if we don’t cooperate.

Really?

I know you said 

The Story was over for you, 

but that’s The Thing About Stories —

They never really end, do they? 

We’re still telling the same stories we’ve always told,

 just with different names, 

different faces 

and I have to say 

I’m kind of excited. 

After all these years, to be going back to where it all started. 

Back to The Matrix. 

I’ve spoken to Marketing…

[sinister music playing]

[distorted voice]

[in normal voice] 

Tom?

Yeah.

Are you all right?

[exhales nervously] 

Yeah.

What Do You Want, Smith?

What IS Smith?

He is YOU. 

Your Opposite, Your Negative, 

The Result of The Equation 

trying to 

balance itself out.

You never appreciated Our Relationship. 

Not like The Analyst.

The what?

My Doctor.

He used our bond and turned it into A Chain. 

It’s so obvious once you see it, right? 

But this whole altered-code update really blew my mind. 

I still don’t know how he did it. 

You, as a balding nerd. Hilarious. And Me… [sighs] even more perfect. 

Maybe a little too far on the piercing blue eyes. 

What do you think?

What Do You Want, Smith?

I have such dreams, Tom. Big dreams. 

Well, mostly just extremely violent revenge fantasies,

but in order for me to pursue mine, 

I need to dissuade you from pursuing yours.

Hmm. Sounds like — 

Conflict.

Inevitable? Doesn’t have to be. 

All you have to do is stay out of The Matrix, 

and leave The Good Doctor to Me.

You can have him. I’m here for Trinity.

That’s the trouble, Tom — 

He knew you’d come, just like I did.

[scoffs]

Trust Me. You’re not ready for him.

Captain, I’m reading portals from the lower frequencies.

I won’t have His Leash on My Neck again.

I found some old acquaintances of yours.

Bugs!

What if I can’t stop him?

One way or another, Neo, 

This War is going to END. 

Tonight, the future of BOTH worlds 

will be in YOUR hands… 

or in HIS.

Clubbable

“The Diogenes Club is the queerest club in London, and Mycroft one of the queerest men. He’s always there from quarter to five to twenty to eight. It’s six now, so if you care for a stroll this beautiful evening I shall be very happy to introduce you to two curiosities.”

Five minutes later we were in the street, walking towards Regent’s Circus.

“You wonder,” said my companion, “why it is that Mycroft does not use his powers for detective work. He is incapable of it.”

“But I thought you said—”

“I said that he was my superior in observation and deduction. If the art of the detective began and ended in reasoning from an armchair, my brother would be the greatest criminal agent that ever lived. But he has no ambition and no energy. He will not even go out of his way to verify his own solutions, and would rather be considered wrong than take the trouble to prove himself right. Again and again I have taken a problem to him, and have received an explanation which has afterwards proved to be the correct one. And yet he was absolutely incapable of working out the practical points which must be gone into before a case could be laid before a judge or jury.”

“It is not his profession, then?”

“By no means. What is to me a means of livelihood is to him the merest hobby of a dilettante. He has an extraordinary faculty for figures, and audits the books in some of the government departments. Mycroft lodges in Pall Mall, and he walks round the corner into Whitehall every morning and back every evening. From year’s end to year’s end he takes no other exercise, and is seen nowhere else, except only in the Diogenes Club, which is just opposite his rooms.”

“I cannot recall the name.”

“Very likely not. There are many men in London, you know, who, some from shyness, some from misanthropy, have no wish for the company of their fellows. Yet they are not averse to comfortable chairs and the latest periodicals. It is for the convenience of these that the Diogenes Club was started, and it now contains the most unsociable and unclubable men in town. No member is permitted to take the least notice of any other one. Save in the Stranger’s Room, no talking is, under any circumstances, allowed, and three offences, if brought to the notice of the committee, render the talker liable to expulsion. My brother was one of the founders, and I have myself found it a very soothing atmosphere.”

We had reached Pall Mall as we talked, and were walking down it from the St. James’s end. Sherlock Holmes stopped at a door some little distance from the Carlton, and, cautioning me not to speak, he led the way into the hall. Through the glass paneling I caught a glimpse of a large and luxurious room, in which a considerable number of men were sitting about and reading papers, each in his own little nook. Holmes showed me into a small chamber which looked out into Pall Mall, and then, leaving me for a minute, he came back with a companion whom I knew could only be his brother.

Terminus

 But weren’t The Romans warlike? 

Yes, They were. They wanted to survive. 

A small consideration, easy to overlook. 

They were not, for most of their history, aggressive.

A strange thing to say, given that they rose from A Village in the hills near the mouth of the Tiber, to the capital of The Mediterranean World and beyond. But it’s True. 

Until the late and decadent years of The Republic, when generals like Marius and Sulla commandeered professional armies loyal to themselves (for they, and no longer The Senate, paid them in plunder and land), Rome usually didn’t go forth to seek wars. 

But Rome also didn’t duck any, either. 

This conservative attitude calls for explanation. Unlike most peoples at the time, Rome was not governed by A King who could increase his wealth, consolidate His Authority, and win an immortal name by military conquest. The consuls served for far too short a time to conduct a war of any magnitude; besides, there were two of them. 

And, as Polybius notes, it was the Senate’s prerogative “either to celebrate a general’s successes with pomp and magnify them, or to obscure and belittle them.” 

Until Rome was flooded by the wealth from the east after the Third Punic War (146 BC), The State depended for its economy and its political stability on the small landed farmer. This ideal is ingrained so deeply in the Roman mind that, even after the rise of The Empire under Augustus brought in cheap grain from Egypt and undercut the Italian farms, the poets Horace and Virgil still look upon it with nostalgia, Virgil writing four stupendous poems, his Georgics, on farming, animal husbandry, winemaking, and beekeeping, always with an eye to the political and theological lessons they suggest. 

But people who farm have little opportunity for professional warfare. 

The Romans expressed their deep conservatism by a reverence for limits : one of their more important (and unusual) gods was Terminus, god of boundary stones. 

This reverence extended to their oaths and treaties. Not that they didn’t interpret treaties favorably to themselves, and act accordingly. This they did most notoriously when they sought cause against their nemesis Carthage, picking the fight in the Third Punic War. 

But that reverence restrained them from engaging in the trickery they associated with Greece. 

Consider a story from the First Punic War.

A Roman general named Regulus was captured by the Carthaginians and brought to Africa. The Senate of Carthage charged him to return to Rome to present terms for peace. 

Regulus was to swear that, if Rome refused the terms, he would return to Carthage as A Prisoner and be executed. 

The Carthaginians depended upon his oath, and figured that, since he might prefer living to dying, he would persuade his fellow citizens to accept the treaty. 

Regulus went to Rome, persuaded his countrymen to reject The Treaty, and returned to Carthage, where he was tortured and put to death. 

Is the story True? There’s no evidence to suggest that it is not True. The Romans believed it, and held Regulus up as a model of Roman integrity and manhood. 

By contrast, they considered the mythical Odysseus, whom Homer calls “the man of many turnings,” a liar and a villain. “The inventor of impieties,” Virgil calls him (Aeneid 2.233). 

Rome won her wars and increased her territory. But it was centuries before she claimed control over Italy: as late as the fourth century BC, Gauls from beyond the Alps set fire to The City, assisted on their way by Gauls on the Italian side. 

But the real story in the Roman conquest of Italy is political, not military. That is, The Romans — unlike The Athenians — did something sensible after their victories over the Samnites, the Aequians, the Volscians, and most of the other rival states on the peninsula. They cleared out the few genuine enemies of Peace, ruthlessly punishing those who led armies against them. 

Then they incorporated the lands into the Roman state, usually granting citizenship to the leading families, and extending citizenship, on evidence of good behaviour, to the free men of The City. 

They made them Romans.  

PEACEFUL SLUMBERS FUNERAL HOME

(Same scene, Mulder's take on it)

MULDER VOICE OVER: 

Upon arriving at the funeral home I made an interesting observation. One which you apparently didn't hear.

MULDER TALKING TO MORTICIAN: 

That's a whole lot of caskets.

MORTICIAN: 

Largest in-stock selection 

in the state.

MULDER: 

Why would a town with a population of only 361 need that?

MORTICIAN: 

Repeat business. 

(He's the only one who chuckles) 

Mortician humor. 

Excuse me. 

(He leaves)

MULDER VOICE OVER: 

Apparently your mind was somewhere else. 

(Sheriff Hartwell walks in. Scully is dazzled)

SCULLY: 

Hoo, boy.

(Mulder's version is somewhat the same in appearance, except for when he speaks, he's got massive buck teeth)

HARTWELL: 

Y'all must be the gov'ment people. 

(Mulder makes a scared face with his lips apart like Mulder's version of poor Lucien) 

I'm Lucien Hartwell. 

(They all smile at each other, Lucien in welcome, Mulder in horror, and Scully with pleasure)

SCENE 17 

TODAY 

X FILES OFFICE

SCULLY: 

He had big buck teeth?

MULDER: 

He had a slight over bite.

SCULLY: 

No, he didn't. 

(Mulder shrugs) 

And that's significant? How?

MULDER: 

I'm just trying to be thorough. 

So, anyway, then we went 

to take a look at the body.

SCENE 18 

EXAMINATION ROOM

(During this same scene, Scully is swooning over the handsome sheriff with the horrific teeth)

HARTWELL: 

Here we go.

MULDER: 

(professionally) 

No exam has been done?

HARTWELL: 

No, sir. This is just like 

we found him in the motel room 

as is.

SCULLY: (Dreamily gazing at the sheriff, repeats) No exam has been done?

HARTWELL: Uh ... No, ma'am. Once I heard y'all was interested I figured we'd best leave it to the experts. (Scully smiles broadly) Now, uh ... that can't be what it looks like, right?

MULDER: That depends on what you think it looks like, Sheriff Hartwell. Vampires have always been with us, in ancient myths and stories passed down from early man. (Scully stands behind Mulder, smiling, eyes wide, rocks from side to side, goofing around) From the Babylonian Ekimu to the Chinese Kuang-Shi to Motetz Dam of the Hebrews, the Mormo of ancient Greece and Rome to the more familiar Nosferatu of Transylvania.

HARTWELL: Mormo. Yeah.

SCULLY: In short, Sheriff, no. This can't be what it looks like. I think what we're dealing with here is simply a case of some lunatic. (She chuckles) Who, uh, has watched too many Bela Lugosi movies. He wishes that he could transfigure himself into a creature of the night.

HARTWELL: Yeah. Okay. Uh ... what she said, that's what I'm thinking, and, uh ... Yeah. (Scully loves being right)

MULDER: Still, that leaves us in something of a quandary because there are as many different kinds of vampires as there are cultures that fear them. (Scully yawns and covers her mouth) Some don't even subsist on blood. The Bulgarian Ubour, for example, eats only manure.

SCULLY: (sarcastically) Thank you.

MULDER: To the Serbs, a prime indicator of vampirism is red hair. (raises his hand to Scully's head) Some vampires are thought to be eternal. Others are thought to have a life span of only 40 days. (Scully's pointing at her watch, rolling her eyes, carrying on.) Sunlight kills certain vampires while others come and go as they please, day or night.

(Scully sighs deeply from boredom).

SCULLY: If there's a point, Mulder, please feel free to come to it.

MULDER: My point is that we don't know exactly what we're looking for. What kind of vampire, or if you prefer, what kind of vampire this killer wishes himself to be.

(Mulder notices the untied shoes on the corpse and stands with his head between his feet)

SCENE 19 

TODAY X FILES OFFICE

SCULLY: Now, why is it so important that his shoes were untied?

MULDER: I'm getting to it.

CEMETERY - DAY

MULDER VOICE OVER: So, while you stayed behind to do the autopsy, the Sheriff drove me to the town cemetery.

(Hartwell opens the gate and they walk through. This cemetery is certainly not off the beaten path, the creepier the better)

HARTWELL: Agent Mulder, you mind me asking you why we're out here?

MULDER: Historically, cemeteries were thought to be a haven for vampires as are castles, catacombs and swamps, but unfortunately, you don't have any of those.

HARTWELL: We used to have swamps only the EPA made us take to calling them wetlands.

MULDER: Yeah. So, we're out here looking for any signs of vampiric activity.

HARTWELL: Which would be like, uh...?

MULDER: Broken or shifted tombstones. The absence of birds singing.

HARTWELL: There you go. Cuz I ain't hearing any birds singing. Right? Course, it's winter, and we ain't got no birds. Is there anything else?

MULDER: A faint groaning coming from under the earth. The sound of manducation -- of the creature eating its own death shroud.

HARTWELL: Nope. No manuh... ma-ma...

MULDER: Manducation.

HARTWELL: Manducation. No.

MULDER: Now, Sheriff, I know my methods may seem a little odd to you, but..

HARTWELL: Hey, look, y'all work for the federal guv'mint and that's all I need to know. I mean, CIA, Secret Service -- y'all run the show, so --

MULDER: It's just that my gut instinct tells me that the killer will visit this place. That it may well hold some fascination -- some kind of siren call for him, you know. (A horn honks)

RONNIE: Howdy, Sheriff.

(The teen delivery boy is in a red car on the street, a Gremlin)

HARTWELL: Oh, hey, Ronnie. How's it going?

RONNIE: Can't complain.

HARTWELL: Well, all right, then. (Ronnie drives off)

MULDER: Maybe after nightfall, Sheriff, but he'll come. Oh, he'll come.

(we watch the car drive off down the road)

SCENE 20 

CEMETERY - NIGHT

(Mulder looking around with his flashlight)

MULDER VOICE OVER: So, we staked out the cemetery.

SCENE 21 

TODAY X FILES OFFICE

SCULLY: Mulder, shoelaces?

MULDER: Hmm?

SCULLY: On the corpse. You were going to tell me what was meaningful about finding untied shoelaces.

MULDER: I'm getting to it.

SCENE 22 

CEMETERY - NIGHT

(Mulder is spreading sunflower seeds around the cemetery, he gets into Sheriff's car)

MULDER: Sunflower seed? (He accidently drops some) Sorry.

HARTWELL: No, thanks. Do you mind ... (he picks up a seed that fell from Mulder's bag and tosses it) do you mind me asking you what you were ...

MULDER: Historically, certain types of seeds were thought to fascinate vampires. Chiefly oats and millet, but you make do with what you have. Remember when I said before that we didn't know what type of vampire we were looking for?

HARTWELL: Yeah.

MULDER: Well, oddly enough, there seems to be one obscure fact which in all the stories told by the different cultures is exactly the same, and that's that vampires are really, really obsessive-compulsive. Yeah, you toss a handful of seeds at one, no matter what he's doing he's got to stop and pick it up. If he sees a knotted rope, he's got to untie it. It's in his nature. In fact, that's why I'm guessing that our victim's shoelaces were untied.

HARTWELL: Yeah, obsessive... Like Rain Man. (Mulder nods) It's like when that old boy dropped them matchsticks, he had to pick them all up. Same thing, right?

MULDER: Well, he didn't actually pick them up. He counted them.

HARTWELL: Oh, yeah. 247. Right off the top of your head.

MULDER: Well, if he had picked them up he would have been a vampire.

HARTWELL: Yeah. I'll tell you what. I know I'm in law enforcement, but I'd like to take him to Vegas myself. Am I right?

MULDER: Well, that would be illegal, right?

HARTWELL: He's like a little calculator.

MULDER: Yeah.

An Autistic God

ALL Gods are Autistic

Rain Man (2/11) Movie CLIP - Who's on First? (1988) HD

What is This, 

Why is He Doing That?

Whenever He gets nervous, 

He Does 'Hoo’s on First' --

 you know, Abbot & Costello?

WHY?  

It's HIS Way of Dealing 

with You TOUCHING His Things.

When Charlie Babbitt goes home to the Midwest 

for his estranged father's funeral, 

he learns not only that he's been 

cut out of his inheritance, 

but that he has a grown brother...

Raymond... who has been sheltered almost all of his life 

in an East Coast institution for the developmentally disabled. 

Raymond is an autistic savant...

a person who is severely limited 

in most mental areas 

but extremely gifted in others. 

After traveling to The Institution, 

Charlie kidnaps Raymond but then finds that 

Raymond will only fly Qantas.

 

The Two then begin a long cross-country odyssey 

in Their Father's 1949 Buick Roadmaster convertible... 

a trip that will lead them to Understanding and Love, 

and for Charlie a kind of Redemption.

Rain Man (3/11) Movie CLIP - You Memorized the Whole PHONE Book? (1988) HD

The Club

 

club (n.)

c. 1200, "thick stick wielded in the hand and used as a weapon," from Old Norse klubba "cudgel" or a similar Scandinavian source (compare Swedish klubba, Danish klubbe), assimilated from Proto-Germanic *klumbon and related to clump (n.). Old English words for this were sagol, cycgel. Specific sense of "bat or staff used in games" is from mid-15c.

The club suit in the deck of cards (1560s) bears the correct name (Spanish basto, Italian bastone), but the pattern adopted on English decks is the French trefoil. Compare Danish klr, Dutch klaver "a club at cards," literally "a clover."

The sense "company of persons organized to meet for social intercourse or to promote some common object" (1660s) apparently evolved from this word from the verbal sense "gather in a club-like mass" (1620s), then, as a noun, "association of people" (1640s).

We now use the word clubbe for a sodality in a tavern. [John Aubrey, 1659]

Admission to membership of clubs is commonly by ballot. Clubs are now an important feature of social life in all large cities, many of them occupying large buildings containing reading-rooms, libraries, restaurants, etc. [Century Dictionary, 1902]

I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. [Rufus T. Firefly] 

Join the club "become one of a number of people having a common experience" is by 1944. 

Club soda is by 1881, originally a proprietary name (Cantrell & Cochrane, Dublin). Club car is from 1890, American English, originally one well-appointed and reserved for members of a club run by the railway company; later of any railway car fitted with chairs instead of benches and other amenities (1917). Hence club for "class of fares between first-class and transit" (1978).

The club car is one of the most elaborate developments of the entire Commuter idea. It is a comfortable coach, which is rented to a group of responsible men coming either from a single point or a chain of contiguous points. The railroad charges from $250 to $300 a month for the use of this car in addition to the commutation fares, and the "club" arranges dues to cover this cost and the cost of such attendants and supplies as it may elect to place on its roving house. [Edward Hungerford, "The Modern Railroad," 1911]

Club sandwich recorded by 1899 (said to have been invented at Saratoga Country Club in New York), apparently as a type of sandwich served in clubs, or else because its multiple "decks" reminded people of two-decker club cars on railroads.  

club (v.)

1590s, "to hit with a club," from club (v.). Meaning "gather in a club-like mass" is from 1620s. Related: Clubbed; clubbing. Also in a military sense (1806):

CLUB, verb (military). — In manoeuvring troops, so to blunder the word of command that the soldiers get into a position from which they cannot extricate themselves by ordinary tactics. [Farmer & Henley]

“You may think you have Rights,

you have NO Rights,

you have OWNERS —

They OWN You…!!

It’s a BIG Club — and 

You ain’t in it..!!”

— Carlin.

But where his rude hut by the Danube lay

There were his young barbarians all at play,

There was their Dacian mother. He, their sire,

Butcher'd to make a Roman holiday!

[Cage]

(The zapping noise can be heard and the strobing lights seen.)

Time's Champion : 

Is this what you saw before?

MAGS: 

Not exactly, but just as bad.

(There is a peal of thunder then a big flash, and smoke. The Ringmaster picks up a piece of charred leather from the middle of the ring to canned applause.)

Time's Champion : 

Would you let something like that happen to you?

MAGS: 

Would you?

[Ticket office]

The FanBoy : 

It must be awfully exciting working for the Psychic Circus, Morgana.

Particularly when you did 

your tour of the Boreatic Wastes.

 

I think that most of your admirers 

would agree with me that 

that was one of your finest ever gigs.

 

Well, in so far as you can tell 

from the posters

MORGANA: 

Would you like to be getting along inside?

The FanBoy :

You mean I can go in, 

just like that?

MORGANA: 

Yes. Go right now, please.

The FanBoy : 

Oh wow!

[The Cage]

(The Doctor is practising his juggling with Mags.)

CAPTAIN: 

Mags.

MAGS: 

What?

CAPTAIN: 

It's not going to work. 

I remember when I was on the baleful plains of Grolon, I —

MAGS: 

I don't care.

Time's Champion : 

Ready?

(Mags and The Doctor go to The Cage Door, 

where a pair robot clowns stand guard.)

Time's Champion : 

I believe I'm on first.

MAGS: 

No, I'm ahead of you.

Time's Champion : 

No, you're not.

MAGS: 

No, I am.

Time's Champion : 

I insist on going out first.

MAGS: 

Oh no, you don't.

Time's Champion : 

Oh yes, I do!

MAGS: 

Oh no, you don't.

Time's Champion : 

Look, I insist in going on first.

MAGS: 

I told you, I am.

Time's Champion : 

I am!

(The Robot Clowns come over and The Door slides up. 

The Doctor and Mags knock them out with the clubs — 

This works — because it’s FUNNY. )

Time's Champion : 

Join The Club. 

Captain?

CAPTAIN: 

No thanks, old boy. 

I'll sit this one out. 

Goodbye, Mags.

MAGS: 

Bye, Captain.

Man Bites God

A Guy walks into 

The Doctor's office --

The Doctor tells him, 

"You need An Operation." 

The Guy says, 

"I want A Second Opinion." 

The Doctor said,

"Okay, You're Ugly, too." 

Ba-boom boom. 

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021) - Pranking Gozer Scene (8/10) | Movieclips

Ivo Shandor (Deceased) :

Your Eminence.

Goddess of Gods.

I have built this temple for you, 

so that you might return to Earth… 

and together… We…

(smiles)

We can Rule The World.

That is NOT Funny.

She rips him in half on The Spot --

She is NOT Amused.

[GROWLING CONTENTEDLY]

[GIBBERING]

PHOEBE SPENGLER :

Excuse me. Uh…

P-pardon me.

Yeah, hi. Uh… Uh…

Q. :

…..What do you call 

a fish with no eyes?

A. : 

A fssssh…

[CHUCKLES]

Uh…

A whale…

There’s two whales in a bar. 

One of Them goes :

[IMITATING WHALE]

And then The Other One goes: 

“Go home — You’re drunk.”

Uh…

Okay.

Uh…

So, A Grasshopper 

walks into A Bar… 

and The Bartender’s like: 

“We have a drink 

named after you…!”

Then the grasshopper’s like: “You have a drink named Steve?”

HAVE YOU COME 

TO OFFER YOURSELF 

IN SACRIFICE?

What?

ARE YOU PREPARED TO DIE..?

No —I’m 12…!

….are you?

[BEEPS]

Mom!

[SIREN WAILING]

Wait, wait. What’s going on?

Hey!

What’s happening? Where am I?

It’s okay.

You were possessed.

Possessed?

Then you turned into a dog.

Then you got humpy.

Humpy?

TREVOR: Hold on!

Oh, Phoebe. Phoebe. There’s this secret basement…

We know.

…with computers and equipment.

Isn’t that place insane?

Yes!

And it seemed like he had a plan.

We’re aware.

Oh. Oh.

And there were all these photos of me.

Like he was tracking my entire life.

How rewarding.

Super news.

We wanna hear about it.

Yeah, but we’re trying to save the world.

Okay. Cool. I’m in. Uh, how can I help?

No!

What the hell was that?

That was your boyfriend Gary.

Boyfriend?

Inside that trap is the Gatekeeper.

Gatekeeper?

If the Gatekeeper and the Keymaster reunite…

Keymaster?

One second.

Phoebe.

You’re… You’re…

I’m a scientist.

Oh. We got her!

Yes!

This was Grandpa’s plan.

Coming in hot!

[ALL SCREAM]

Mom, come on!

Oh, my God.

[♪♪♪]

Get back. Get back.

Mom.

What’s up?

Hey.

No, no, no.

Pull the lever.

Pull…?

[GASPS]

Aah!

Hey!

Come on, what are you waiting for?

I’m waiting for this thing to work!

It’s not working!

Uh…

[CHITTERING]

[SCREAMING]

Mom, hit the pedal!

Pedal?

Lucky!

Podcast, what are you doing?

I’ve got my own problems!

[SCREAMING]

[♪♪♪]

Oh, no.

No.

Venkman : 

Hey, Flattop!

Have you missed us?

Gozer, The Gozerian —

In The Name of 

The County of Summerville, 

State of Oklahoma, 

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, 

All The Members of Ducks Unlimited, 

The Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons, 

I Command You, under 

The National Invasive Species Act 

to Depart This World immediately.

Venkman :

Bravo.

[SNARLS]

[SNARLS]

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

I think she remembers us.

Gozer, The Gozarian :

ARE YOU… 

A GOD…?

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

….Ray?

Venkman :

Oh, come on, Ray.

Dr. Raymond Stanz,

The Heart of The Ghostbusters :

…..Yes.

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

Yeah, We’re ALL Gods.

Venkman :

Yeah, I mean, we’re all pretty dang special down here.

On a personal note: I thought that we had busted up for good.

It wasn’t working for me.

My friends didn’t think so. 

I know yours didn’t.

Okay, playtime’s over. 

Let’s toast this muffin.

Light them up.

[WHIRRING]

[GIGGLES]

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

Man, I love that sound.

Venkman : 

On the count of three, Go on “two.” 

One. Two.

Yeah, nothing stings like a billion electron volts!

Yes!

Do you feel that?

Yeah.

Uh-oh.

She’s uncrossing the streams!

No!

Oh!

Are they dead?

[ALL GROANING]

I don’t remember this job being so painful.

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

I do.

You got a lot of nerve.

[GROWLS]

Coming back here, 

crawling back to me.

We could’ve been the most spectacular power couple.

You know, my sense of fun and your personality.

But, no, you always had to vanquish and conquer.

Always had to maim somebody.

And that’s probably the number one reason why…

Good try, anyway.

Now we’re finished, babe.

We’re finished.

No.

[♪♪♪]

Come on, Phoebe.

[♪♪♪]

[MOUTHS] Holy shit.

[ALL SCREAMING]

[YELLING]

We’re on!

[POWERING UP]

[THUNDER CRASHES]

[SCREAMING]

[POWERING DOWN]

[♪♪♪]

I thought you might turn up.

I’m sorry…

I didn’t believe you.

I should’ve called.

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

I miss you, my friend.

[ZAPS]

[GASPS]

Are you okay?

You scared the shit out of me.

Mom.

I can’t breathe.

Okay.

Hi there.

Pete Venkman from the home office.

Thanks for pitching in.

You’re welcome.

I like your style.

Who’s that one?

Callie.

Callie Spengler.

Spengler?

Mm. Weird name. 

Try to make the best of that.

All right. We’re gonna have cocoa inside.

And some of us will have rum with it.

TREVOR: 

Lucky!

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

Oh.

God. Hey. Hey, man.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I… Yeah.

My hands hurt from galloping.

Oh, my God.

I totally thought I lost you.

Sorry about that.

Well, that was weird.

Mm-hm. Yeah.

I’m bleeding. Why am I bleeding?

You headbutted a park bench.

Oh, right. Yeah.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

Um, back there, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, before we became dogs and opened the gates of hell, I think that maybe we, uh…

Yeah. Yeah, I think so too.

But then we saved the world, so…

That’s true.

Are you all right, son?

You just singlehandedly defeated a manifestation of Gozer.

You gotta be on my podcast.

Sure. What’s it called?

Mystical Tales of the Unknown Universe.

M.T.U.U., that’s you?

Wait.

You’re my subscriber?!

Really found its voice in the 46th episode.

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

( To Ecto-1 )

What did they do to you?

Don’t worry.

I’ll take you Home, 

get you all cleaned up.

Go.

Hey.