Man Bites God

A Guy walks into 

The Doctor's office --

The Doctor tells him, 

"You need An Operation." 

The Guy says, 

"I want A Second Opinion." 

The Doctor said,

"Okay, You're Ugly, too." 

Ba-boom boom. 

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021) - Pranking Gozer Scene (8/10) | Movieclips

Ivo Shandor (Deceased) :

Your Eminence.

Goddess of Gods.

I have built this temple for you, 

so that you might return to Earth… 

and together… We…

(smiles)

We can Rule The World.

That is NOT Funny.

She rips him in half on The Spot --

She is NOT Amused.

[GROWLING CONTENTEDLY]

[GIBBERING]

PHOEBE SPENGLER :

Excuse me. Uh…

P-pardon me.

Yeah, hi. Uh… Uh…

Q. :

…..What do you call 

a fish with no eyes?

A. : 

A fssssh…

[CHUCKLES]

Uh…

A whale…

There’s two whales in a bar. 

One of Them goes :

[IMITATING WHALE]

And then The Other One goes: 

“Go home — You’re drunk.”

Uh…

Okay.

Uh…

So, A Grasshopper 

walks into A Bar… 

and The Bartender’s like: 

“We have a drink 

named after you…!”

Then the grasshopper’s like: “You have a drink named Steve?”

HAVE YOU COME 

TO OFFER YOURSELF 

IN SACRIFICE?

What?

ARE YOU PREPARED TO DIE..?

No —I’m 12…!

….are you?

[BEEPS]

Mom!

[SIREN WAILING]

Wait, wait. What’s going on?

Hey!

What’s happening? Where am I?

It’s okay.

You were possessed.

Possessed?

Then you turned into a dog.

Then you got humpy.

Humpy?

TREVOR: Hold on!

Oh, Phoebe. Phoebe. There’s this secret basement…

We know.

…with computers and equipment.

Isn’t that place insane?

Yes!

And it seemed like he had a plan.

We’re aware.

Oh. Oh.

And there were all these photos of me.

Like he was tracking my entire life.

How rewarding.

Super news.

We wanna hear about it.

Yeah, but we’re trying to save the world.

Okay. Cool. I’m in. Uh, how can I help?

No!

What the hell was that?

That was your boyfriend Gary.

Boyfriend?

Inside that trap is the Gatekeeper.

Gatekeeper?

If the Gatekeeper and the Keymaster reunite…

Keymaster?

One second.

Phoebe.

You’re… You’re…

I’m a scientist.

Oh. We got her!

Yes!

This was Grandpa’s plan.

Coming in hot!

[ALL SCREAM]

Mom, come on!

Oh, my God.

[♪♪♪]

Get back. Get back.

Mom.

What’s up?

Hey.

No, no, no.

Pull the lever.

Pull…?

[GASPS]

Aah!

Hey!

Come on, what are you waiting for?

I’m waiting for this thing to work!

It’s not working!

Uh…

[CHITTERING]

[SCREAMING]

Mom, hit the pedal!

Pedal?

Lucky!

Podcast, what are you doing?

I’ve got my own problems!

[SCREAMING]

[♪♪♪]

Oh, no.

No.

Venkman : 

Hey, Flattop!

Have you missed us?

Gozer, The Gozerian —

In The Name of 

The County of Summerville, 

State of Oklahoma, 

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, 

All The Members of Ducks Unlimited, 

The Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons, 

I Command You, under 

The National Invasive Species Act 

to Depart This World immediately.

Venkman :

Bravo.

[SNARLS]

[SNARLS]

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

I think she remembers us.

Gozer, The Gozarian :

ARE YOU… 

A GOD…?

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

….Ray?

Venkman :

Oh, come on, Ray.

Dr. Raymond Stanz,

The Heart of The Ghostbusters :

…..Yes.

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

Yeah, We’re ALL Gods.

Venkman :

Yeah, I mean, we’re all pretty dang special down here.

On a personal note: I thought that we had busted up for good.

It wasn’t working for me.

My friends didn’t think so. 

I know yours didn’t.

Okay, playtime’s over. 

Let’s toast this muffin.

Light them up.

[WHIRRING]

[GIGGLES]

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

Man, I love that sound.

Venkman : 

On the count of three, Go on “two.” 

One. Two.

Yeah, nothing stings like a billion electron volts!

Yes!

Do you feel that?

Yeah.

Uh-oh.

She’s uncrossing the streams!

No!

Oh!

Are they dead?

[ALL GROANING]

I don’t remember this job being so painful.

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

I do.

You got a lot of nerve.

[GROWLS]

Coming back here, 

crawling back to me.

We could’ve been the most spectacular power couple.

You know, my sense of fun and your personality.

But, no, you always had to vanquish and conquer.

Always had to maim somebody.

And that’s probably the number one reason why…

Good try, anyway.

Now we’re finished, babe.

We’re finished.

No.

[♪♪♪]

Come on, Phoebe.

[♪♪♪]

[MOUTHS] Holy shit.

[ALL SCREAMING]

[YELLING]

We’re on!

[POWERING UP]

[THUNDER CRASHES]

[SCREAMING]

[POWERING DOWN]

[♪♪♪]

I thought you might turn up.

I’m sorry…

I didn’t believe you.

I should’ve called.

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

I miss you, my friend.

[ZAPS]

[GASPS]

Are you okay?

You scared the shit out of me.

Mom.

I can’t breathe.

Okay.

Hi there.

Pete Venkman from the home office.

Thanks for pitching in.

You’re welcome.

I like your style.

Who’s that one?

Callie.

Callie Spengler.

Spengler?

Mm. Weird name. 

Try to make the best of that.

All right. We’re gonna have cocoa inside.

And some of us will have rum with it.

TREVOR: 

Lucky!

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

Oh.

God. Hey. Hey, man.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I… Yeah.

My hands hurt from galloping.

Oh, my God.

I totally thought I lost you.

Sorry about that.

Well, that was weird.

Mm-hm. Yeah.

I’m bleeding. Why am I bleeding?

You headbutted a park bench.

Oh, right. Yeah.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

Um, back there, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, before we became dogs and opened the gates of hell, I think that maybe we, uh…

Yeah. Yeah, I think so too.

But then we saved the world, so…

That’s true.

Are you all right, son?

You just singlehandedly defeated a manifestation of Gozer.

You gotta be on my podcast.

Sure. What’s it called?

Mystical Tales of the Unknown Universe.

M.T.U.U., that’s you?

Wait.

You’re my subscriber?!

Really found its voice in the 46th episode.

Winston Zeddemore,

The Winston :

( To Ecto-1 )

What did they do to you?

Don’t worry.

I’ll take you Home, 

get you all cleaned up.

Go.

Hey.

Peace in Our Time

"That DEFEATIST RESPONSE 

has become part of a new 

System of Political CONTROL -- 

and to understand 

HOW this is happening : 

You Have to Look to Russia.

And to a man called 

Vladislav Serkov, 

who is a 

Hero of Our Time.

Serkov is one of President Putin's advisors, 

and has helped him maintain his Power for 15 YEARS -- 

but he has done it in a very new way.

He came originally from the avant-garde art world -- 

and those who have studied his career say 

that what Serkov has DONE 

is to import ideas from The World of Conceptual Art 

into the very heart of Politics.

His aim is to undermine 

People's PERCEPTION of The World, 

so they never know 

What is REALLY Happening.

Serkov turned Russian Politics 

into a bewildering, constantly changing piece of Theatre -- 

he sponsored all kinds of organisations, 

from Neo-Nazi Skinheads, 

to Liberal Human Rights Groups..... 

He even backed parties 

that were OPPOSED to President Putin.

But The Key Thing IS 

that Serkov then 

let it be KNOWN 

that this is 

What He Was Doing -- 

which meant that 

no-one was SURE 

what was Real, 

and what was Fake.

As one journalist put it : 

"It's a Strategy of Power 

that keeps ANY opposition 

CONSTANTLY CONFUSED -- 

a ceaseless shape-shifting,

that is UNSTOPPABLE 

because it is INDEFINABLE."

Void-Collapse

Nature Abhors a 

Positive Void Coefficient.

Two Truths

“Because A Lie, Mr. Mulder, is most convincingly concealed between Two Truths.”

“Mister Mulder —

If A Shark stops swimming, it will DIE —

D.T. turns and fixes Mulder with a grave stare —

Don’t Stop Swimming.”

“You’re very quiet, Mr. Mulder —”

….I’m wondering which lie to believe.

“Very Good — There may be Hope for you, yet, Mr. Mulder….”

String Theory

 

“So I began to think more 

and more about The Individual, 

and I looked into 

what that actually meant. 

And what it was, 

was a structure that was 

pretty much created… 

The Ego-Structure was created 

out of what Julian Jaynes calls 

the “bicameral mind” 

becoming ONE mind.
And apparently – according to him – 

he says that back in the old days 

of the Greeks, 

and the earliest writing of the world, 

people didn’t have self-consciousness 

in the way that we have. 

They didn’t have egos. 

They didn’t understand themselves 

as “I” in the same way that we do. 

Because the corpus callosum – 

that connects the two hemispheres 

of the brain 

– WASN’T CONNECTED.

So if you heard A Voice, 

that voice was God. 

And Homer, and all those guys, 

you’ve got plenty of examples 

of people hearing 

the voice of God, 

and acting on that. 

Alexander constantly acted 

on the voice of God.

Julian Jaynes suggests that 

it wasn’t the voice of God – 

it was the voice of the left hemisphere of the brain communicating with the right hemisphere of the brain, 

interpreted AS a god.

So okay: now we’ve got the two things joined together. 

We’ve got this beautiful bridge in the middle that links the two. 
But we have the ego structure – which was created when those things linked.”

The Observer :

Bad enough I have to give Dick-and-Jane explanations to The President.

I've gotta give you one too. All right.

One end of this string represents Your Birth.

The other end, Your Death. 

You tie the ends together, 

and your life is a loop.

Ball The Loop...

and the days of your life 

touch each other 

out of sequence.

Therefore, leaping from one point 

of the string to another...

Would move you backward or forward 

within your own lifetime.

Which is Our Project :

Quantum Leap!

Future Boy :

Moe?

Sorry. I... I... I knocked.

I guess you didn't hear me.

Captain Galaxy :

I was in The Basement.

It's underneath The House.

Future Boy :

....Yeah.

Captain Galaxy :

Did Irene send you,

or is she lurking somewhere outside?

Future Boy :

No, no, no, I came alone.

She's worried about you, though.

She told me about the hearing tomorrow.

I guess this is the summons.

Captain Galaxy :

You know, a lot of people thought 

Einstein was crazy,

but they didn't try to lock him up.

Future Boy :

Listen, Moe, I KNOW You're Not Crazy,

but why don't you just meet with this Dr. Sandler guy so he knows it, too?

Captain Galaxy :

I don't need to meet a Doctor.

All I need is another 24 hours.

Future Boy :

Why do you keep saying that?

Don't you understand 

I'm here to help you?

Sooner or later you're gonna 

have to face this thing.

Time is NOT going to stand still.

Captain Galaxy :

I want to show you something.

When I was young, my, uh, 

passion was trains.

I couldn't get enough of them.

I even memorized their timetables.

Future Boy :

I did the same thing.

Captain Galaxy :

And whenever anything would go bad,

I would just imagine that 

I could just jump on A Train

and go anywhere I wanted to, 

to any time I wanted to.

But now I've got something 

better than A Train.

I've got a Time-o-nometer.

Future Boy :

What is it?

Captain Galaxy :

It's A Time Machine.

The Observer :

You sure it doesn't make cappuccino?

Captain Galaxy :

When I first started 

playing Captain Galaxy,

I became fascinated with 

the thought of actually 

being able to travel in time,

and I began to read 

everything I could about it.

Heisenberg's Theory of Indeterminacy,

Planck's Hypothesis of Discreet Units,

Einstein's Theory of Relativity.

Future Boy :

Yeah, but when you say "Time Machine",

you mean a time machine like, 

like on Your Show, right?

Captain Galaxy :

The Show? The Show?

No, no, no.

That's Fantasy. This is REAL.

Look -- Time is like A Piece of String.

One End of The String is Birth,

The Other is Death.

You put them together,

and Your LIFE, is A LOOP.

The Observer :

Sam, that's YOUR Theory (!!!!)

Captain Galaxy :

If I can travel fast enough 

ALONG The Loop,

I will eventually end up back

at The Beginning of MY Life.

The Observer :

He's ALMOST got it..!!

Future Boy :

Uh, well, let me ask you,

What Would Happen, 

if, uh, you would 

BALL The String, 

right, and then 

Each Day of Your Life

would touch 

ANOTHER Day.

And then you could travel

from one place on The String

to another, thus enabling

you to move back and forth

within Your Own Lifetime, maybe.

Captain Galaxy :

That's it. That's it.

Then I could actually...

Future Boy :

Quantum Leap?

Captain Galaxy :

Quantum Leap.

I Like that.

I Like that a lot.

Captain Galaxy :

Well, I see that we're 

just about out of time.

But before we sign off today, 

I'd like to make an announcement.

Captain Galaxy 

is going away 

for a while.

He's going back to see 

if he can find something

he lost a long time ago.

But before we sign off, 

we have time for one last letter.

The Observer :

How come you're not out there?

Future Boy :

Oh, I figured that he deserved 

to answer the last letter by himself.

I guess I was here to 

get them together, huh?

The Observer :

Yeah, well, Ziggy had 

a sloppy floppy on this one.

But it all worked out, right, didn't it?

Future Boy :

What Happens to him?

The Observer :

Well, he goes to live with Irene 

and spends the rest of his life

entertaining the kids in the neighborhood 

with Tales of The Future.

Captain Galaxy :

Today's letter is from 

little Sam Beckett 

in Elk Ridge, Indiana.

Sam writes:

"Dear Captain Galaxy,

Could you please explain Your Theory of Time Travel to Us?"

Well, Sam, our lifetimes 

are like A Piece of String.

But if you roll the string up into A Ball,

ALL The Days of Your Life...

Mutants

 

"The more I looked into it, 

the more I began to see that 

we have these Mutants 

living among us, right now. 

The People from The 21st Century; 

from The END of The 21st Century are Here.

 

But there is no CONTEXT for them.

[ Context is For Kings. ] 

In The Same Way That – y’know, 

if you lived in… 

Tunguska two hundred years ago, 

and you were an Epileptic, 

you would be A Shaman. 

There was A Context for you.

 

In This Society, You’re an Epileptic. 

It’s Quite Simple : 

"It’s a Disease, and 

Nothing You Say is of ANY Worth."

because it’s considered Pathology.

If, on the other hand, you look 

at these people, 

who are The Mutants… 

and what do They call it?

Multiple Personality Disorder.

This is what lies Beyond The Personality; 

The “I”; The Bullshit.

Because if you take 

“I” to The Limit – 

-- and like I said, I’m sure 

a lot of us here have done this – 

-- it becomes… 

All that happens is that 

Self Questions Self. 

Endlessly; repetitively. 

“Am I doing This Right?" 

"Is this The Right Way?" 

"Should I think about 

These People like This?"

"Should I approach Them This Way; Should I involve Them This Way?” 

Self Questions Self, endlessly, 

and it reaches a peak… 

It Goes NOWHERE.

On The National Scale, that same thing – 

Self Questions Self; 

Self encounters Not-Self -- 

Equals Borders, War, Destruction.. 

That’s Where it Goes. 

That’s Where it Ends. 

That Thing ends in Disaster.

It ends in Neurosis on a Personal Level. 

And it ends in War on The National Level.

So I began to think: 

“What Could We Replace That With?” 

And I was looking at these poor MPD fuckers. 

And I realised, They just 

Don’t Have a Context.

They Had ROM!

Picard :

We cannot live in 

This [Hell] Reality. 

If we want to Save The Future, 

then we have to repair The Past.

SEVEN OF NINE: 

I'm afraid my cursory review of Confederation briefs 

made no mention of any time travel capabilities. 

Dr. Agnes Jurati : 

The Tech here seems similar to our own, 

albeit with a slightly more 

"Boy, that torture device 

really looks like it's gonna hurt"

kind of look. 

So, what do we do? 

Picard :

Well, there are cruder methods of time travel : 

A Star's gravitational pull. 

A slingshot maneuver at high warp to generate a temporal fissure — 

Kirk's Enterprise did it on 

more than one occasion. 

Dr. Agnes Jurati : 

But for that, you need 

an intelligence that can isolate the divergence 

and micro-shift for any chronitonic radiation —

They had Spock!

Picard :

And We have Her. 

[Points towards The Goddess-in-a-jar] 

The Princess Energy

 

[Sanctuary District Street]

(A manhole cover lifts, and Dax climbs out. She is followed by a dim.)

[Processing Centre]

SISKO: 

Try opening that menu.

BASHIR: 

It just brings me back to the same screen. 

There doesn't seem to be any way 

of getting past the lockout and logging onto the Net.

SISKO: 

There has to be.

BASHIR: 

How can you be certain?

SISKO: 

Because according to History, 

the residents were able to get onto the Net 

and tell their side of the story. 

Millions of people watched.

BASHIR: 

Well no one here's been able to get past the lockout.

SISKO: 

Maybe it was Bell. 

And if HE did it, WE have to also.

BC: 

Listen up, everybody. 

A couple of dims just brought us a little present.

(Dax is brought in, minus comm. badge)

BC: 

I don't know about you fellas, 

but I'm in love.

BASHIR: 

Jadzia.

BC: 

You know her?

DAX: 

Julian.

BC: 

Can you believe it? 

It's The Story of My Life -- 

All The Good Ones are taken.

BASHIR: 

You remember my friend Gabe?

SISKO: 

Gabriel Bell. 

It's good to see you again.

DAX: 

Good to see you.

BC: 

Allow me to introduce myself :

Biddle Coleridge.

[ He has The Heart of a Poet. ]

VIN: 

Biddle?

Coleridge: 

Hey.

VIN: 

I didn't say a word.

DAX: 

I've been looking all over for you.

WEBB: 

Excuse me. 

You obviously don't live here, 

so how did you get in?

DAX: 

I managed to recode my ID card 

so that I could get past 

the Sanitation Department checkpoint.

Coleridge:

(very impressed) 

You crawled IN through The Sewers? 

You must really like these guys.

BASHIR: 

You should sit down. You must be exhausted.

Coleridge: 

It's too bad. 

I really think me and her 

could've had something special.

[Processing Centre - Lee's cubicle]

DAX: 

So what you're saying is that 

even if I could get you out, you wouldn't leave.

SISKO: 

Those hostages have to be protected whatever the cost.

BASHIR: 

You said that one of the men who brought you here took your comm. badge.

DAX: 

That's right. 

And it's set to emit a subspace distress signal.

SISKO: 

Julian, I want you to help Dax find 

the men who took her comm. badge 

and then I want you both 

to get away from this place.

DAX: 

But if the Defiant locks on to my distress signal 

and we're not together...

SISKO: 

As soon as the hostages are in police custody, 

I'll try to make it back to the beam-in site. 

If for some reason I can't make it, 

you'll have to leave without me.

BASHIR: 

Sir, obviously Jadzia has got to leave -- 

If something were to happen to her, 

it wouldn't take a doctor long 

to figure out she wasn't human. 

But you're still going to need help 

to keep those hostages alive, 

and if it's all the same to you, I'll stay.

SISKO: 

All right. See if you can get 

her comm. badge back. 

I'll keep trying to log onto the Net.

BASHIR: 

The Police cut off our access.

DAX: 

That's one problem 

I might be able to help you with.

[Sanctuary District Street]

BASHIR: 

Do you really think you can 

convince your friend 

to put us on the Net?

DAX: 

It'll take some persuading 

but I think he'll do what's right. 

This is it. The men who took 

my comm. badge brought me here 

before they took me to the Processing Centre.

[Sanctuary District Building]

BASHIR: 

Hello? Hello?

GRADY [OC]: 

There's nobody here.

BASHIR: 

We just want to talk.

GRADY:

(waves his hand in front of his face) 

Woosh! I'm invisible (!)

DAX: 

If you say so.

GRADY: 

You can see me?

BASHIR: 

....Just barely.

GRADY: 

That's okay. 

As long as THEY can't see me.

DAX: 

Who?

GRADY: 

The aliens. They'll suck your brains out 

right through your ears.

DAX: 

I know. You see, 

I'm an alien.

GRADY: 

...I thought so. 

But You're A Good Alien.

DAX: 

Right. I'm here to protect 

The Earth from its enemies. 

But I need that piece of jewellry 

you're holding to do it.

GRADY: 

....I understand. 

Here, You take it. 

Good Luck.

DAX: 

Thank you. Shh. 

Don't tell anyone.

GRADY: 

I won't. I won't.

Garak’s Cave

[Internment centre]

(It's another match, another opponent for Worf. He snaps the Jem'Hadar's neck and howls in victory.) 


MARTOK: 

Five matches and five victories. 

You truly have the spirit of Kahless within you. 


IKAT'IKA: 

Until tomorrow. 


WORF: 

I'll be waiting!

[Barracks]

BASHIR: 

You've got three broken ribs, 

maybe four. 


WORF: 

They will heal. 


BASHIR: 

Not if you keep fighting, they won't. 

You're lucky you didn't 

puncture a lung. 

A body, even a Klingon body, 

can only take so much punishment. 


WORF: 

I will fight. 


MARTOK: 

It is the only honourable thing to do. 


BASHIR: 

He'll lose. 

And in this condition, 

he might even die. 


WORF: 

Then I will die. 

But I will not yield. 


MARTOK: 

You heard him. 

Bandage his ribs.

[Crawlspace]

(The fibreoptic strands Garak is using as a light source are flickering.) 


GARAK: 

I'm sorry, but that's absolutely unacceptable. 

I'm under enough strain as it is, 

I can't have you quitting on me.

 

Get a hold of yourself, Garak. 

After all, you haven't had one of these attacks in years. 

Yes, this is a tight enclosed space. 

Yes, there's not a lot of room to move. 

But a disciplined mind does not allow itself to be sidetracked 

by niggling psychological disorders like claustrophobia. 

Besides, this isn't like Tzenketh. 

The Walls won't collapse in on you. 

Your friends are near by, 

there's plenty of air, 

so there's nothing to be concerned about. 

Focus on The Job. 

You're the only person who can contact the runabout. 

People are depending on you. 

Ziyal is depending on you.

 

You promised her you'd come back, 

and that young lady 

has had quite enough disappointments in her life 

without you adding to them, 

so control yourself. 

You're stronger than this. 

A disciplined mind —


(And the light goes out)

[Barracks]

MARTOK: 

Seven battles and seven victories! 

What Hero of Legend 

could have done as well? 


WORF: 

Heroes of Legends 

don't ache so much.

 
MARTOK: 

Your Federation friends 

have taught you modesty, 

but this is no time for modesty. 

When we return to 

The Klingon Empire, 

I will seek out Keedera himself 

and tell him of your glorious tale. 

He will write a song worthy of you. 


BASHIR: 

Well, be sure to send me a copy. 


MARTOK: 

I'll do better than that —

I can make sure that he mentions you, 

The Healer who bound The Warrior's wounds 

so he could fight again. 


WORF: 

Right now, the only part of The Song 

that I wish to hear is 

the verse that tells of 

our escape. 

What good is defeating every Jem'Hadar soldier in this compound

 if it does not bring us 

closer to our freedom? 


BASHIR: 

We have to come up with 

a new escape plan. 


GARAK: 

That won't be necessary. 

The original one will work. 

I just have to finish what I started. 

After all, a verse about the Cardassian 

who panicked in the face of danger 

would ruin General Martok's song. 


MARTOK: 

And would be unfortunate. 


GARAK: 

Now, if you'll excuse me, 

my dungeon awaits. 


MARTOK: 

There is no greater enemy 

than one's own fears. 


WORF: 

It takes a brave man to face them.