There's a bit more to modern soldiering than just shooting people.
I like to think there's a moral dimension.
CLARA:
Ah, you shoot people then cry about it afterwards?
QUINTUS = ‘FIVE’ = GRACE
GRACE :
A People Should Know When They’re Conquered.
Maximus Decimus Meridius
The Pink Soldier :
Would You, Quintus?
Would I?
Soil?
The Elder :
No, I’m fine, Ta.
Maximus Decimus Meridius
The Pink Soldier :
Strength+Honour
SECRETARY:
So, Mister Pink, did you have a good weekend?
DANNY
The Pink Soldier :
Yeah, I did, thanks.
SECRETARY:
Yeah, I'll bet you did.
What did you get up to?
DANNY
The Pink Soldier :
Er, you know.
A bit of reading.
SECRETARY:
Oh, I bet you were reading.
DANNY
The Pink Soldier :
I was, yeah.
SECRETARY:
Yeah, I bet you were.
DANNY
The Pink Soldier :
Well, yeah, I was.
SECRETARY:
I knowyour type.
(A schoolgirl, The Damsel, is listening at the public counter.)
COURTNEY,
The Damsel :
She wishes.
SECRETARY:
Be quiet, you.
[Maths classroom]
DANNY:
So that's all the questions on page 32, except the last one, and then everything on page 33.
All that in for Thursday. Any questions?
FLEMING:
Sir? Have you ever killed a man?
(Groans from the rest of the class.)
DANNY: I was a soldier. There were other soldiers and some of them weren't on our side. I shall leave the rest to your imagination. And, please, think of another question?
FLEMING: Okay. Have you ever killed anyone who wasn't a soldier?
DANNY:
Just to repeat, that's all the questions on page 32, except the last one, and then everything on page 33. All that in for Thursday. Is everyone clear?
CLASS:
Yes, sir.
(The class watch a lone tear roll down Danny's cheek.)
[Staff room]
(The staff are putting on their coats to leave. Clara is discussing timetables with the headmaster.)
CLARA:
Fine, I'll take that class and then, they can do some of the test.
ARMITAGE:
I know. Oh, Clara, you've not met Danny Pink yet?
New fella, maths. Danny?
Clara Oswald.
CLARA:
Hey.
ARMITAGE:
English.
DANNY:
Hey, nice to meet you.
CLARA:
You too.
ARMITAGE:
Want to watch yourself around him.
Bit of a lady-killer, but always denies it.
DANNY:
I am not a lady-killer.
ARMITAGE:
See what I mean?
Oh, Beth, can I have a word?
BETH [OC]:
Yeah, yeah, sure.
CLARA:
Er, was it you that I saw outside doing the soldiery thing?
DANNY:
Ah yeah, probably.
The Coal Hill Cadets. Just a bit of fun.
CLARA:
What, teaching them how to shoot people?
DANNY:
There's a bit more to modern soldiering than just shooting people.
I like to think there's a moral dimension.
CLARA:
Ah, you shoot people then cry about it afterwards?
DANNY:
Ah.
CLARA:
Something wrong?
DANNY:
Nothing, no. Sorry, no, nothing.
I just. I didn't think they'd say anything, that's all.
CLARA:
Sorry?
DANNY:
Have they told everyone?
CLARA:
No, no, no.
As far as I know, nobody has told anybody anything.
What are you talking about?
DANNY:
Why did you just say the crying thing?
CLARA:
I was being funny.
DANNY:
Why?
CLARA:
I just do that.
DANNY:
Why?
CLARA:
I don't know.
DANNY:
Anyway I, er, I've left some stuff in my class.
CLARA: Okay, see you.
DANNY:
See you.
CLARA:
Er, are you going to the, er, leaving thing tonight for Cathy?
DANNY:
Um.
[Maths classroom]
DANNY:
Yeah. I wasn't going, but I am now, because you're going to be there, and suddenly it seems like the best idea ever.
[Staff room]
DANNY:
No, I'm not.
CLARA:
Oh, okay, never mind.
DANNY:
Good night.
CLARA:
Change your mind.
DANNY:
Excuse me?
CLARA:
I'm going. Er, I'll give you a lift.
Why not?
[Maths classroom]
DANNY:
Actually, now that you mention it, seems like the best plan ever.
Thank you.
[Staff room]
DANNY:
No, I've got some reading.
CLARA:
Ah, okay. Maybe some other time, then?
[Maths classroom]
DANNY:
Thank you!
(He bangs his forehead on his desk.)
CLARA:
Ahem.
Is the wooden sound you or or the desk?
DANNY:
How long have you been there?
CLARA:
Longer than you would like.
DANNY:
Okay.
CLARA:
Are you going to look that terrified when you take me out for a drink?
DANNY:
I, I absolutely promise I won't.
CLARA:
Play your cards right and you might. Soldiers! Don't give yourselves to brutes — men who despise you — enslave you — who regiment your lives — tell you what to do — what to think or what to feel! Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men — machine-men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate! Only the unloved hate — The unloved and the unnatural! Soldiers! Don't fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! In the 17th Chapter of St. Luke it is written: "the Kingdom of God is within Man" — not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power — The power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.
The winter here's cold and bitter It's chilled us to the bone We haven't seen the sun for weeks To long too far from home I feel just like I'm sinking And I claw for solid ground I'm pulled down by the undertow I never thought I could feel so low Oh darkness I feel like letting go If all of the strength and all of the courage Come and lift me from this place I know I could love you much better than this Full of grace Full of grace My love So it's better this way, I said Having seen this place before Where everything we said and did Hurts us all the more Its just that we stayed, too long In the same old sickly skin I'm pulled down by the undertow I never thought I could feel so low Oh darkness I feel like letting go If all of the strength And all of the courage Come and lift me from this place I know I could love you much better than this Full of grace Full of grace My love
Gunn: “What if I told you it doesn't help? What would you do if you found out that none of it matters? That it's all controlled by forces more powerful and uncaring than we can conceive, and they will never let it get better down here. What would you do?”
(Long, Meaningful Pause)
Anne: “I'd get this truck packed before the new stuff gets here.”
“Since this is The Generations Award, I'm going to cut to The Chase and I am going to speak to you, The Next Generation.
I Accept The Responsibility as Your Elder.
So, listen up.
1.
"Breathe.
If you don't, you will suffocate."
2.
"You have a soul.
Be careful with it."
3.
"Don't be a Turd.
If you are Strong, be a Protector.
If you are Smart, be a HumbleInfluencer.
Strength and Intelligence can be weapons, so do not wield them against The Weak.
That makes you a bully.
Be bigger than that."
4.
"When giving a dog medicine, put the medicine in a little piece of hamburger and they won't even know they're eating medicine."
5.
"It doesn't matter what it is.
Earn it.
A good deed.
Reach out to someone in pain.
Be of service.
It feels good and it's good for your soul."
6.
"God is Real.
God Loves You, God Wants The Best for You.
Believe that, I do."
7.
"If you have to poop at a party, but you're embarrassed because you're going to stink up the bathroom, just do what I do.
Lock the door, sit down, get all of the pee out first.
And then, once all the pee is done, poop, flush, boom!
You minimize the amount of time that the poop's touching the air.
Because if you poop first, it takes you longer to pee and then you're peeing on top of it, stirring up the poop particles, create a cloud, goes out, then everyone at the party will know that you pooped.
Just Trust Me, it's Science."
8.
"Learn to Pray.
It's easy, and it is so good for your soul."
9.
"Nobody is Perfect.
People will tell you that you are perfect just the way that you are, YOU ARE NOT!
You are Imperfect.
You always will be, but there is a Powerful Force that designed you that way, and if you are willing to accept that, you will have Grace.
And Grace is a Gift.
Like the freedom that we enjoy in this country, that grace was paid for with Somebody Else's Blood.
DOCTOR: Daleks don't turn good. It was just radiation affecting its brain chemistry, nothing more than that. No miracle.
JOURNEY: Let me get this straight. We had a good Dalek, and we made it bad again? That's all we've done?
DOCTOR: There was never a good Dalek. There was a broken Dalek and we repaired it.
JOURNEY: You were supposed to be helping us.
DOCTOR:
I gave it a shot. MIt didn't work out. It was a Dalek, what did you expect?
JOURNEY:
No more talking. You are done! Okay, new objective. We are taking this Dalek down.
RUSTY [OC]:
Exterminate. Exterminate.
DOCTOR: What's that look for?
CLARA:
It's the look you get when I'm about to slap you.
(And she does. Hard.)
DOCTOR:
Ow. Clara.
CLARA: Are we going to die in here? I mean, there's a little bit of you that's pleased. The Daleks are evil after all. Everything makes sense. The Doctor is right.
DOCTOR: Daleks are evil. Irreversibly so. That's what we just learned.
CLARA: No, Doctor, that is not what we just learned.
One question.
JOURNEY,
The Blue Soldier :
No time.
(Journey and Gretchen place grenades on handy surfaces.)
CLARA:
Why did we come here today? What was the point?
You. You thought there was a good Dalek. What difference would one good Dalek make?
DOCTOR: All the difference in the universe, but it's impossible.
CLARA: Is that a fact? Is that really what we've learned today? Think about it. Is that what we've learned?
MORGAN:
Journey, You're the Aristotle's Only Hope.
DOCTOR:
Clara Oswald, do I really not pay you?
CLARA:
You couldn't afford me.
DOCTOR:
Whatever you're going to do, don't do it
This Dalek must not be destroyed.
We can do better.
JOURNEY:
Are you out of your mind?
DOCTOR:
No, I'm inside a Dalek.
I'm standing where I've never been. We cannot waste this chance.
It won't come again.
JOURNEY: What chance? I have my orders.
DOCTOR: Soldiers take orders.
JOURNEY: And I'm a soldier.
DOCTOR: A Dalek is a better soldier than you will ever be. You can't win this way.
(Journey holds up a grenade to pull the pin, then puts it down again.)
JOURNEY: Bah! So what do we do?
DOCTOR: Something better.
(They climb up to a recess.)
DOCTOR: The Dalek isn't just some angry blob in a Dalekanium tank. If it was, the radiation would have turned it into a raging lunatic.
JOURNEY: It is a raging lunatic, it's a Dalek.
DOCTOR: But for a moment, it wasn't. The radiation allowed it to expand its consciousness, to consider things beyond its natural terms of reference. It became good. That means a good Dalek is possible. That's what we learned today. Am I right, teach?
CLARA: Top of the class.
Attack Eyebrows :
There's no such thing.
CLARA:
That's a bit inflexible.
Not like you.
I'd almost say prejudiced.
Attack Eyebrows : (sigh)
Do I pay you?
I should give you a raise.
CLARA:
You're not My Boss,
you're one of my hobbies.
Attack Eyebrows :
Come on.
JOURNEY,
The Blue Soldier :
That was quick.
DOCTOR:
This is Gun Girl.
She's got a gun, and she's a girl.
This is a sort of Boss-one.
Are you the same one as before?
MORGAN:
Yes.
DOCTOR:
I think he's probably her uncle, but I may have made that up to pass the time while they were talking.
(The Doctor and K-9 are playing chess, with Leela helping K-9.)
K9:
Queen to knight six.
(Leela moves the black Queen.)
LEELA:
There?
K9:
Affirmative.
(The Doctor takes one of her bishops with one of his.)
DOCTOR:
Even simple one-dimensional chess exposes the limitations of The Machine Mind.
K9:
Bishop to Queen six.
Mistress!
LEELA:
There?
K-9 :
Affirmative.
Check, Master.
DOCTOR:
What?
K-9:
Machine mind computes mate in six moves.
DOCTOR:
Rubbish!
LEELA:
Doctor!
DOCTOR:
Leela, keep still.
LEELA:
But Doctor, the -
DOCTOR:
And shut up.
I'm trying to concentrate.
K9:
Your move, master.
DOCTOR:
I know it's my move.
Don't flash your eyes at me.
(The Doctor moves his King.)
K9:
Wrong square.
DOCTOR:
What?
K9:
Your King, master.
Wrong square.
DOCTOR:
Really?
Are you sure?
K9:
Affirmative.
LEELA:
Doctor, can I speak now?
DOCTOR:
What?
All right, if you must. What is it?
LEELA:
Well, the column's stopped moving.
DOCTOR:
So?
LEELA:
It is not important?
DOCTOR:
What?!
(The Doctor leaps to the console.)
DOCTOR:
We might have gone right through the time spiral!
Why didn't you tell me?
LEELA:
I tried to but you wouldn't let me.
DOCTOR:
You didn't.
LEELA:
I did.
DOCTOR:
You didn't.
LEELA:
I did!
DOCTOR:
You didn't.
LEELA:
I did!
DOCTOR:
It's that confounded paint.
It's always jamming things up.
Stay calm.
I'm going to materialise and take a reading.
LEELA:
Where are we?
DOCTOR:
We're still in the Solar System.
Pluto?
LEELA:
Pluto?
DOCTOR:
Yes, Pluto.
K9:
Ninth planet.
Was until the discovery of Cassius believed to be the outermost body in the system.
It has a diameter of three thousand -
DOCTOR:
Leela, tell your tin friend to shut up.
LEELA:
K9, you can tell me later.
K9:
Affirmative.
It's distance from the Sun is -
LEELA:
Shush.
DOCTOR:
Breathable atmosphere.
That's wrong.
LEELA:
There are buildings.
DOCTOR:
Pluto's a lifeless rock.
Leela? I think you and I should take a W A L K.
LEELA:
W A L K?
DOCTOR:
W-a-l-k.
K9:
Walk, mistress.
LEELA:
I know.
K9:
Ready, master.
DOCTOR:
No, no, no. You're not coming. You stay here.
K9:
Entreat, master.
DOCTOR:
No.
K9:
I'll be good.
DOCTOR:
No! Pluto's no place for a -
LEELA:
I'm sorry, K9.
We won't be long.
(As the time rotor goes gently up and down, the Doctor is lying on the floor playing chess with K9.)
DOCTOR:
Rook to bishop's four.
(He stops his clock and starts K9's.)
DOCTOR:
I saw Capablanca make that move against Alekhine in 1927.
K9:
He lost, master.
DOCTOR:
Who?
K9:
Capablanca.
DOCTOR:
Are you sure?
K9:
Master, I have been programmed with all the Championship games since 1866.
Capablanca lost.
DOCTOR:
I must have been called away.
Are you really sure?
K9:
King to knight's two.
(The Doctor moves the white King for him.)
DOCTOR:
King to knight's two. King?
That's a terrible move.
You've weakened the king's side.
K9:
Clock, master.
DOCTOR:
I know, I know. I'll check your programming sometime. We're not supposed to be playing draughts, you know.
K9:
Master.
(Romana enters, wearing her original long white gown.)
ROMANA:
What are you doing, Doctor?
DOCTOR:
Shush. We're playing chess.
ROMANA:
Yes, I can see that, but aren't you forgetting something?
DOCTOR:
I don't think so.
ROMANA: What about our task? The Key to Time, remember?
DOCTOR: Oh, that old thing.
ROMANA: Yes, that old thing. The Guardian did stress the need for urgency, didn't he?
DOCTOR: Shush.
ROMANA: I'll do it.
DOCTOR: If you must.
(Romana puts the tracer into the hole in the console.)
DOCTOR: I just feel I deserve a little break. After all, we've got half the segments. I prefer to play chess.
ROMANA:
Really. Materialisation in fifteen seconds. Mate in twelve.
K9:
Correction, mistress. Eleven.
ROMANA:
Eleven? Oh yes. Sorry, K9.
K9:
Apologies are unnecessary, mistress.
DOCTOR:
Mate in eleven?
Oh yes, oh yes.
Well, that's the trouble with chess, isn't it. It's all so predictable.
Women are More Concerned w. People,
Men are More Interested in Things.
Or Lady Dinosaurs.
(The balloon and its gondola float over Saint Pauls Cathedral, the Masonic Edifice to Male Power and Rule by Straight-Lines, Right-Angles, Counting and Measuring, built over The Temple of Diana)
Attack Eyebrows :
What do you think of the view?
HALF-FACE MAN:
I do not think of it.
Attack Eyebrows :
‘I don't think of it.’
‘I don't.’
Droids and apostrophes, I could write a book.
Except you are barely a droid any more.
There's more human in you than machine.
So tell me, what do you think of the view?
(The Half-Face Man gets up and draws back the net curtain. They are heading towards Westminster.)
HALF-FACE MAN:
It is beautiful.
Attack Eyebrows:
No, it isn't.
It's just far away.
Everything looks too small.
I prefer it down there.
Everything is huge.
Everything is so important.
Every detail, every moment, every life clung to.
HALF-FACE MAN: How could you kill me?
DOCTOR: For the same reason that you're asking me that question, because you don't really want to carry on. What'll happen to the other droids when you die? You're the control node, aren't you? Presumably they'll deactivate.
HALF-FACE MAN:
I will not die. I will reach the promised land.
DOCTOR:
There isn't any promised land. This is just.
It's a superstition that you have picked up from all the humanity you've stuffed inside yourself.
HALF-FACE MAN: I am not dead.
DOCTOR: You are a broom. Question. You take a broom, you replace the handle, and then later you replace the brush, and you do that over and over again. Is it still the same broom? Answer? No, of course it isn't. But you can still sweep the floor. Which is not strictly relevant, skip that last part. You have replaced every piece of yourself, mechanical and organic, time and time again. There's not a trace of the original you left. You probably can't even remember where you got that face from.
(The Doctor holds up a silver plate between himself and the Half-Face Man. The droid takes it, looks carefully, then drops it.)
HALF-FACE MAN: It cannot end.
DOCTOR: It has to. You know it does. And there's only one way out.
(The Doctor opens the doors.)
HALF-FACE MAN: Self-destruction is against my basic programme.
DOCTOR: And murder is against mine.
(They struggle in the doorway.)
[Spaceship]
(The women's arms are held firmly by the droids, and Vastra's sword is forced from her hands.)
VASTRA: Jenny!
(Sword points are at everyone's throats.)
CLARA: Hold your breath. They're stupid. Everybody hold their breath.
(They do. The droids pause then lower their weapons. Clara picks up the sonic screwdriver and crawls through the droid's legs on her hands and knees.)
VASTRA [OC]: Be brave, my love. I can store oxygen in my lungs. Share with me.
(Vastra and Jenny lock lips. Clara sonicks the door.)
[Mancini's]
HALF-FACE MAN: You are stronger than you look.
DOCTOR: And I'm hoping you are too. This is over. Are you capable of admitting that?
HALF-FACE MAN: Do you have it in you to murder me?
DOCTOR: Those people down there. They're never small to me. Don't make assumptions about how far I will go to protect them, because I've already come a very long way. And unlike you, I don't expect to reach the promised land.
(The Half-Face Man turns off his flame thrower. They release each other.)
DOCTOR: You realise, of course, one of us is lying about our basic programming.
HALF-FACE MAN: Yes.
DOCTOR: And I think we both know who that is.
[Spaceship]
(Strax is about to fire his weapon before he passes out.)
VASTRA: Stop.
(They all breath. Clara can't get the screwdriver to work for her. As the sword tips are about to pierce their skin, the droids suddenly bend forward at the waist, deactivated. Clara and Jenny faint. A top hat falls past a giant clock face at twenty five past one. A droid is impaled on the cross at the top of the tower. The Doctor looks straight at us.)
[Courtyard]
(Strax drives the women home in the carriage.)
STRAX: Whoa.
JENNY: You're sure he'd come back here?
VASTRA: There's no trace of him in the wreckage. They searched all Parliament Hill. Where else would he go?
(There is a square space in the straw where the Tardis had been stood.)
VASTRA: I fear we have missed him.
[Vastra's chamber]
VASTRA: Please come in.
(Clara is back in her mini-kilt.)
CLARA: I'm not interrupting?
VASTRA: I should be glad of your company. What can I do for you?
CLARA: Ah, well, that's exactly what I was going to ask you. Seems like I'm stuck here now. Got a vacancy?
VASTRA: You would be very welcome to join our little household, but I have it on the highest authority that the Doctor will be returning for you very soon.
CLARA: Whose authority?
VASTRA: Well, the person who knows him best in all the universe.
CLARA: And who's that?
VASTRA: Miss Clara Oswald. Who perhaps has, by instinct, already dressed to leave.
CLARA: I just wanted a change of clothes. I don't think I know who the Doctor is any more.
(They hear the sound of an ancient set of time rotors outside.)
VASTRA: It would seem, my dear, you are very wrong about that. Clara? Give him hell. He'll always need it.
[Tardis]
(The dinosaur sputum has gone from the outside.)
CLARA: You've redecorated.
DOCTOR: Yes.
CLARA: I don't like it.
(The spirit of Patrick Troughton lives on. I like it. Nice straight-forward console, a frieze of roundels on the wall and a high-backed chair for the Doctor. There is even a bookcase.)
DOCTOR: Not completely entirely convinced myself. I think there should be more round things on the walls. I used to have lots of round things. I wonder where I put them? I'm the Doctor. I've lived for over two thousand years, and not all of them were good. I've made many mistakes, and it's about time that I did something about that. Clara, I'm not your boyfriend.
CLARA: I never thought you were.
DOCTOR: I never said it was your mistake.
(He sets the Tardis flying then shows off the red silk lining of his dark blue Crombie coat. Those trousers are a tad too skinny for my taste, especially with the chunky Doc Marten shoes.)
DOCTOR: What do you think?
CLARA: Who put that advert in the paper?
DOCTOR: Who gave you my number? A long time ago, remember? You were given the number of a computer helpline, and you ended up phoning the Tardis. Who gave you that number?
CLARA: The woman. The woman in the shop.
DOCTOR: Then there's a woman out there who's very keen that we stay together.
(The Tardis lands. Sadly, the time rotor does not go up and down.)
DOCTOR: How do you feel on the subject?
CLARA: Am I home?
DOCTOR: If you want to be.
CLARA: I'm sorry. I'm, I'm so, so sorry. But I don't think I know who you are any more.
(Her mobile phone rings.)
DOCTOR: You'd better get that. It might be your boyfriend.
CLARA: Shut up. I don't have a boyfriend.
(Clara goes outside to answer the call.)
[City street]
CLARA: Hello? Hello?
DOCTOR 11 [OC]: It's me.
CLARA: Yes, it's you. Who's this?
DOCTOR 11 [OC]: It's me, Clara. The Doctor.
CLARA: What do you mean, the Doctor?
[Trenzalore / City street]
DOCTOR 11: I'm phoning you from Trenzalore.
CLARA: I don't
DOCTOR 11: From before I changed. I mean it's all still to happen for me. It's coming. Oh, it's a-coming.
(Back then, Clara replaced the Tardis police phone back on its hook.)
DOCTOR 11: Not long now. I can feel it.
CLARA: Why? Why would you do this?
DOCTOR 11: Because I think it's going to be a whopper, and I think you might be scared. And however scared you are, Clara, the man you are with right now, the man I hope you are with, believe me, he is more scared than anything you can imagine right now and he, he needs you.
DOCTOR: So who is it?
DOCTOR 11: Is that the Doctor?
DOCTOR: Is that the Doctor?
CLARA: Yes.
DOCTOR 11: He sounds old. Please tell me I didn't get old. Anything but old. I was young. Oh, is he grey?
CLARA: Yes.
DOCTOR 11: Clara, please, hey, for me, help him. Go on. And don't be afraid. Goodbye, Clara. Miss ya.
[City street]
(Clara is sniffling.)
DOCTOR: Well?
CLARA: Well what?
DOCTOR: He asked you a question. Will you help me?
CLARA: You shouldn't have been listening.
DOCTOR: I wasn't. I didn't need to. That was me talking. You can't see me, can you? You look at me, and you can't see me. Have you any idea what that's like? I'm not on the phone, I'm right here, standing in front of you. Please, just, just see me.
(Clara walks forward and studies his face carefully. Then she smiles a little.)
CLARA: Thank you.
DOCTOR: For what?
CLARA: Phoning.
(She throws her arms around his neck.)
DOCTOR: I, I don't think that I'm a hugging person now.
CLARA: I'm not sure you get a vote.
DOCTOR: Whatever you say.
CLARA: This isn't my home, by the way.
(She lets go.)
DOCTOR: Sorry. I'm sorry about that. I missed.
CLARA: Where are we?
DOCTOR: Glasgow, I think.
CLARA: Ah. You'll fit right in. (Scots) Scottish.
DOCTOR: Right. Shall we, er. Do you want to go and get some coffee, or chips, or something? Or chips and coffee?
CLARA: Coffee. Coffee would be great. You're buying.
DOCTOR: I don't have any money.
CLARA: You're fetching, then.
DOCTOR: I'm not sure that I'm the fetching sort.
CLARA: Yeah, still not sure you get a vote.
[Garden]
(The Half-Face man wakes in a place looking very like the Pompeian Garden at Dyffren House, also used in the Sarah Jane Adventure, The Eternity Trap. The wisteria is in full bloom. He puts on his top hat. A woman in Edwardian costume is sitting on the edge of the fountain. She is the Gatekeeper of the Nethersphere, according to the BBC's own Doctor Who Blog.)
MISSY: Hello. I'm Missy. You made it. I hope my boyfriend wasn't too mean to you.
HALF-FACE MAN: Boy friend?
MISSY: Now, did he push you out of that thing, or did you fall? Couldn't really tell. He can be very mean sometimes. Except to me, of course, because he loves me so much. I do like his new accent, though. Think I might keep it.
HALF-FACE MAN: Where am I?
MISSY: Where do you think you are? Look around you. You made it. The promised land. Paradise. Welcome to heaven.
(She snaps her teeth together and dances around the water feature.)
