Liam Neeson's Wife

 

The Queen :

Have you seen how the hens in

the yard peck at each other?

Each choosing the one just weaker.

Why do the ladies peck at you?

Ophelia :

I'm not noble, My Lady.

The Queen :

Did you know I was not raised at court?

My sister and I were sent as girls to a convent in France.

But even there, there were hens and they pecked.

Ophelia :

Even the nuns?

The Queen :

But I had my sister to defend me.

Ophelia :

I didn't start it.

It wasn't my fault.

Mrs. Qui-Gonn Jinn :

Go out and close the door.

Ophelia :

But you asked to see me.

Mrs. Qui-Gonn Jinn :

Yes, well, you have to knock before you enter.

Ophelia :

I can't believe it.

This is all horse face's fault.

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK

Mrs. Qui-Gonn Jinn :

Who is it?

Ophelia :

Jesus Christ.

Mrs. Qui-Gonn Jinn :

Oh, dear. We were led to believe  you had a beard and sandals. 

Now, we'll have to change that stained-glass window in the school chapel.

Ophelia :

Look, I didn't start it, it wasn't my fault, and if this were America, I would sue.

That girl is a grade one a-hole with a severe attitudinal problem.

Mrs. Qui-Gonn Jinn :

I know perfectly well what happened, Poppy.

Ophelia :

Then why isn't Harriet here too?

Mrs. Qui-Gonn Jinn :

Because, unsurprisingly, it's you I want to talk to. 

Look, I know it's very difficult... being the only new girl in your year.

Ophelia :

You mean, the only normal girl.

Mrs. Qui-Gonn Jinn :

What do you like to read, Poppy?

Ophelia :

OK Magazine, People, Us Weekly.

Mrs. Qui-Gonn Jinn :

Well, might you be able to tackle such a thing as a book?

Ophelia :

I prefer movies.

Mrs. Qui-Gonn Jinn :

Well, my personal library seems to be missing the book version of ‘Freaky Friday’.

So, perhaps you might try this.

Ophelia :

Oh, my uncle's producing the film version.

Mrs. Qui-Gonn Jinn :

Alice in Wonderland was originally a book.

You might surprise yourself and actually enjoy it.

Ophelia :

This is my punishment?

This school is so weird.

Mrs. Qui-Gonn Jinn :

What do you want to get out of this

school, Poppy?

Ophelia :

To get out of this school.

Mrs. Qui-Gonn Jinn :

You know, this school has produced absolutely nobody of note.

Our leading light was the girl who was Princess Diana's foot doctor.

So, if your aim is to make the pages of Us Weekly, then this isn't The Place for you.

What we do produce are smart, independent, free-thinking, good-hearted girls, who remain friends for life.

The kind of girl that, behind all your wisecracks, I know that you are.