Yellow Submarine

 

RINGO :

 Woe... is Me.

Liverpool can be a lonely place 

on a Saturday night.

And this is only 

Thursday morning.

(Thinks) Compared with my life, 

Eleanor Rigby's was a gay, mad whirl.

Nothing ever happens to me.

(Thinks) I feel like an old, splintered drumstick.

I'd jump into the River Mersey, but it looks like rain.

Nothing ever happens to me.

(Engine whirring)

LIVERPUDLIAN POLICEMAN: 

Puss, puss-puss. Puss, puss, puss. Here, pussy.

Here, pussy, pussy, pussy. Here, pussy, pussy.

Ahem, er... (Cat meows)

RINGO :

Would you believe me if I told you 

I was being followed by 

A Yellow Submarine?

LIVERPUDLIAN POLICEMAN: 

No, I would not.

RINGO :

Oh yeah, I didn't think you would.

(Engine whirring)

I could have sworn there 

was a Yellow Submarine.

But that isn't logical, is it?

It must have been one of them 

unidentified flying cupcakes

or a figment of my imagination.

(Thinks) But I don't have an imagination.

(Engine whirring)

(Knocking)

Old Fred, Lord Admiral 

of Pepperland :

Help, help, help!

RINGO: 

Thanks, I don't need any.

Old Fred, Lord Admiral 

of Pepperland :

Help! Won't you please, 

please Help Me?

RINGO: 

Be specific.

Old Fred, Lord Admiral 

of Pepperland :

(Talking gibberish)

...Blue Meanies!

What you need is...

Old Fred, Lord Admiral 

of Pepperland :

'H' for Hurry, 

'E' for Urgent,

'L' for love me and 

'P' for p-p-please help.

(Door creaks open)

(Door slams loudly)

(Slamming doors and strange noises)

Hiya, baby!

♪♪

(Screeching halt)

Your story has touched my heart.

Jump in, we'll get my friends.

Old Fred, Lord Admiral 

of Pepperland :

 Bless you!

RINGO :

Did I sneeze? 

Go, Glove, lovely Glove.

You took the words

right out of my mouth, John.

Hey, wait, and watch.

It's all in the mind, you know.

♪ Love is all you need,

love is all you need... ♪

Hey, that's a funny place

to leave a goldfish bowl.

JOHN: In Pepperland,

all things are possible.

PAUL: It's not a goldfish bowl.

RINGO: Just a big glass bowl, then.

- It's blue glass.

- It must be from Kentucky.

RINGO: There's something inside.

JOHN: Four fellas.

GEORGE: What are they doing there?

PAUL: They're not having a ball,

that's for sure.

RINGO: It can't be.

GEORGE: It's us.

- But we're here.

- It's Sgt. Pepper's...

- Lonely...

- Hearts Club...

RINGO: Band.

GEORGE: The resemblance

is truly striking.

If I could come in here...

I think the theory put forward by Einstein

could well be applied here.

The people in the ball are obviously

extensions of our own personalities,

suspended, as it were, in time,

frozen in space, according to

the now famous Theory of Relativity,

which, briefly explained,

is simply a matter of taking two eggs...

GEORGE: John!

- ... beating lightly

and adding a little salt and pepper...

GEORGE: John!

- George?

- How do we get them out?

- Break the glass.

- We can't. It's Beatle-proof.

- Nothing is Beatle-proof.

Have you got your drumsticks with you?

A drum break might shatter it.

- No, I haven't.

- Have a look in your pocket.

I've got a hole in my pocket.

I wonder if...

Yeah, it still works.

Ringo, we take back all we said.

You're a genius, a sheer genius.

I know, I know, I know.

- Like coloured telly.

- Like crystal.

They're decanting.

PAUL: Hello, brother.

RINGO: Yeah, without a doubt.

- We're the spitting image of each other.

- Golly, yeah.

I'm led to believe that you're

an extension of my personality.

- Yes, I'm the alter-ego man.

- And I'm the ego man, goo goo, g'joob.

I'm glad you asked me that.

Because as a matter of fact

there's a war on.

Then, brothers in war,

to the skirmish must we hence.

Shall we hence?

Let's not waste time

sitting on the hence.

Beatles to battle. Charge!

(Trumpet)

(Shouting and screaming)

JOHN: We're surrounded.

RINGO: Nice dog, though.

(Barking and growling)

(THE BEATLES: "Hey Bulldog")

♪ Sheepdog... standing in the rain ♪

♪ Bullfrog... doing it again ♪

♪ Some kind of happiness

is measured out in miles ♪

♪ What makes you think you're

something special when you smile? ♪

♪ Child like... no-one understands ♪

♪ Jack knife... in your sweaty hands ♪

♪ Some kind of innocence

is measured out in years ♪

♪ You don't know what it's like

to listen to your fears ♪

♪ You can talk to me.

You can talk to me ♪

♪ You can talk to me...

if you're lonely you can talk to me ♪

♪ Big man... walking in the park ♪

♪ Wigwam... frightened of the dark ♪

♪ Some kind of solitude

is measured out in you ♪

♪ You think you know me

but you haven't got a clue ♪

♪ You can talk to me.

You can talk to me ♪

♪ You can talk to me...

if you're lonely you can talk to me ♪

♪ Hey... ♪

(Howling)

♪ Hey, bulldog ♪

♪ Hey, bulldog ♪

♪ Hey, bulldog ♪

♪ Hey, bulldog ♪

(Woof)

What do you say?

Sing it.

Do you know any more?

(Howling)

(Yelling)

Play it!

♪ Hey, bulldog ♪

RINGO :

Jeremy, can it be you?

Can it be Me? I think You'd better inquire of the guards,

for when I was captured, they took all my cards.

RINGO :

Shh, that's enough, Jeremy.

The Whole World's being attacked.

 What do you want me to do?

Do you recommend fisticuffs

versus the guard?

Oh, guard!

Blue Meanio!

Left to the nostril, right uppercut,

right to the eyebrow, left to the gut.

(Giggling)

Jeremy!

Come on, Ringo!

Get back! Get back!

Once more unto the breach,

dear Meanies!

You're advancing the wrong way!

Retreat backwards!

Get back there now!

My kingdom for a horse!

(Sobbing)

I think I'll tear him up

into little pieces.

He does, does he?

Yes, I think I'll make

a blueburger out of him.

Ha-ha, I don't care what you think.

You don't, eh?

We'll soon see about that.

He does in truth seem quite annoyed,

some reference material

before I'm destroyed.

Where ground is soft most often grows,

Arise, arise, arouse, a rose.

A rosy nose?

Speak your last piece!

Peace, peace,

supplant the doom and the gloom.

Turn off what is sour,

turn into a flower and bloom, bloom.

Ha-ha, bloom, ha-ha, bloom,

bloom, bloom...

(Screaming)

(Laughing)

First time I saw that Nowhere Man,

that nobody,

- I knew he was somebody.

- You're right.

Hello there, blue people.

Won't you join us?

Buck up, and otherwise go mingle.

- What do you say?

- Max?

Your Blue...

I mean, your Newness!

It's no longer a blue world, Max.

Where could we go?

Argentina?

Are you with us?

Will you join?

- Shall we?

- No!

(Shrieking)

Yes, your Newness!

- Yes, Max...

JEREMY: Yes.

Oh, yes is a word

with a glorious ring,

A true, universal, euphonious thing.

In genders embracing

and chasing of blues,

the very best word

for the whole world to use. Ha-ha!

Yes, let us mix, Max.

I've never admitted it before,

but my cousin

is the Bluebird of Happiness.

(Guitar feedback)

(THE BEATLES: "It's All Too Much")

♪ It's all too much ♪

♪ When I look into your eyes,

your love is there for me ♪

♪ And the more I go inside,

the more there is to see ♪

♪ It's all too much for me to take ♪

♪ The love that's shining

all around here ♪

♪ All the world is birthday cake.

So take a piece but not too much ♪

♪ Nice to have the time

to take this opportunity ♪

♪ Time for me to look at you,

and you to look at me ♪

♪ It's all too much for me to see ♪

♪ The love that's shining all around you ♪

♪ Everywhere, it's what you make ♪

♪ For us to take, it's all too much ♪

♪ It's too much ♪

- Catchy tune, that.

- I can't seem to get it out of my head.

- Then shake it.

- That's what we've been doing all night.

Yeah, it was a great party.

And we brought back

lots of lovely souvenirs.

- Here is The Motor.

And I've got a little Love.

RINGO :

And I've got a hole in my pocket.

A Hole?

Half a Hole, anyway.

I gave the rest to Jeremy.

What can he do with Half a Hole?

Fix it to keep his mind from wandering.

Hey. Look at John, will you?

What's the matter, John, love?

Blue Meanies?

John :

Newer and Bluer Meanies have been sighted

within the vicinity of this theatre.

There's only one way to go out.

How's that?

Singing.

One...two...three...four!