That is, they did things for her to help her to do things for them which they didn’t want done.

“Boy, boy, these wild courses of yours will break your mother’s heart.” 

That eminently Victorian appeal may often have been True. Affection was bitterly wounded when one member of the family fell from the homely ethos into something worse — gambling, drink, keeping an opera girl. 

Unfortunately it is almost equally possible to break your mother’s heart by rising above the homely ethos. The conservative tenacity of Affection works both ways. It can be a domestic counterpart to that nationally suicidal type of education which keeps back the promising child because the idlers and dunces might be “hurt” if it were undemocratically moved into a higher class than themselves.

All these perversions of Affection are mainly connected with Affection as a Need-love. 

But Affection as a Gift-love has its perversions "too.

I am thinking of Mrs. Fidget, who died a few months ago. It is really astonishing how her family have brightened up. 

The drawn look has gone from her husband’s face; he begins to be able to laugh. 

The Younger Boy, whom I had always thought an embittered, peevish little creature, turns out to be quite Human. 

The Elder, who was hardly ever at home except when he was in bed, is nearly always there now and has begun to reorganise The Garden. 

The Girl, who was always supposed to be “delicate” (though I never found out what exactly the trouble was), now has the riding lessons which were once out of the question, dances all night, and plays any amount of tennis. 

Even the dog who was never allowed out except on a lead is now a well-known member of the Lamp-post Club in their road.

Mrs. Fidget very often said that she lived for her family. 

And it was not untrue. Everyone in the neighbourhood knew it. 

“She lives for her family,” they said; “what a wife and mother!” 

She did all the washing; true, she did it badly, and they could have afforded to send it out to a laundry, and they frequently begged her not to do it. But she did. 

There was always a hot lunch for anyone who was at home and always a hot meal at night (even in midsummer). 

They implored her not to provide this. They protested almost with tears in their eyes (and with truth) that they liked cold meals. 

It made no difference. 

She was living for her family. 

She always sat up to “welcome” you home if you were out late at night; two or three in the morning, it made no odds; you would always find the frail, pale, weary face awaiting you, like a silent accusation. 

Which meant of course that you couldn’t with any decency go out very often. 

She was always making things too; being in her own estimation (I’m no judge myself) an excellent amateur dressmaker and a great knitter. 

And of course, unless you were a heartless brute, you had to wear the things. 

(The Vicar tells me that, since her death, the contributions of that family alone to “sales of work” outweigh those of all his other parishioners put together.) 

And then her care for their health! She bore the whole burden of that daughter’s “delicacy” alone. The Doctor — an old friend, and it was not being done on National Health — was never allowed to discuss matters with his patient. After the briefest examination of her, he was taken into another room by the mother. 

The girl was to have no worries, no responsibility for her own health. Only loving care; caresses, special foods, horrible tonic wines, and breakfast in bed.

 For Mrs. Fidget, as she so often said, would “work her fingers to the bone” for her family. 

They couldn’t stop her.

Nor could they — being decent people — quite sit still and watch her do it. They had to help. 

Indeed they were always having to help. 

That is, they did things for her to help her to do things for them which they didn’t want done. 

As for the dear dog, it was to her, she said, “Just like one of the children.” It was in fact, as like one of them as she could make it. But since it had no scruples it got on rather better than they, and though vetted, dieted and guarded within an inch of its life, contrived sometimes to reach the dustbin or the dog next door.

The Vicar says Mrs. Fidget is now at rest. Let us hope she is. What’s quite certain is that her family are.