Monday 30 August 2021

The Kryptonite Condom





Mallrats (Superman)


T.S.
But they're engaged.

Brodie
Doesn't matter, it can't happen.

T.S.
Why not? It's bound to come up.

Brodie
It's impossible,
Lois could never have 
Superman's Baby. 

Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm
I guarantee you he blows a load 
just like a shotgun right through her back. 

What about her womb
Do you think it's strong enough to carry his child?

T.S.
Sure, why not?

Brodie
He's an alien, for Christ's sake, 
his Kryptonian biological makeup is enhanced 
by Earth's yellow sun -- 

If Lois gets a tan 
the kid could kick 
right through her stomach. 

Only someone like Wonder Woman
 has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. 

The only way he could bang regular chicks 
is with a Kryptonite condom -- 
That would kill him.


T.S.
How is it that I go from the verge of 
hot Floridian sex with Brandi 
to Man of Steel coital debates 
with you in the food court?

Brodie: 
The Cookie stand isn't 
part of the food court.

T.S.
Of course it is.

Brodie
The food court is downstairs
The cookie stand is upstairs. 

It not like we're talking 
Quantum Physics here.

T.S.
The cookie stands counts as an eatery, 
Eateries' are a part of the food court.

Brodie
Bullshit. 
Eateries that operate within 
The Designated Square downstairs 
count as The Food Court. 

Anything outside of said Designated Square 
counts as An Autonomous Unit for Mid-Mall Snacking.

Now, if you're going to wax intellectual about the subject -- 

[notices Rene at the clothing store] 
Holy shit!

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